Where's the Beef?

I've got some fresh beef today.

I know, big surprise...Dumb Mom is ticked off about something. Big whoop!

But, I have to get it offa my chest.

It's the only thing I can do to prevent embarrassment for myself and my children.

I have to lodge a formal complaint against a couple of moms at my bus stop.

Micromanaging Mom. She is the one who is constantly ear hustling (aka eavesdropping) on her kids' conversations and interjecting herself into each of their interactions.

I'm sure we all know this person. She is the one who uses "actually" WAY too much and is constantly correcting every little detail my kid relates inaccurately, but somehow lets the fact that her kid just said the bus is 60 minutes late (I mean really? 60 minutes?) slip by unattacked.

Our resident version of this soothsayer is the worst when it comes to the games the kids play at the bus stop.

She's constantly with her directives and suggestions, "You can't stay on base the whole time, silly, that's a lot like cheating!" (only, it's not cheating and you're just ticked b/c my kid runs like a rocket and yours is slower than a bottle of frozen syrup), or "Why don't you all work together to tag him, so he doesn't have to do it alone?" (or, we could not do that since isn't that the very definition of being it? Sorta defeats the purpose if we do things your stupid head way), or my most favorite, "Jamie likes to be first, so why don't you let him go first today?" (and how is that different from every other day? Jamie is ALWAYS effing first).

I just think she's making things so much harder on her kid (and mine) than necessary.

And, the whole thing about it is that the kid seriously looks like Gene Wilder so the cards are stacked against him in the first place. He really needs to develop his personality and confidence if he's gonna get anywhere in this world and she is making it totally impossible for him to do that.

The other major bus stop baddie is Cootie Cat Shorts Mom.

This lady is an animal.

A trampy, hungover, do-you-honestly-not-even-own-a-pair-of-underwear, animal that trots her saggy booty to the bus each morning commando style in her too short shorts where she then proceeds to visually assaults us all.

I used to get all ticked because I thought she was lazy for driving to the stop (I mean, we live very near to each other and I walk, and I have two little ones to drag along with me, all she has is herself), now I just wish she would go back to her truck and stop this ickfest already.

Blech.

And, call me biased or whatever, but the worst part about it is that it's a rotten excuse for an a**.

I'm all for showing a bit of tail if it's any good. I mean, I think everyone here knows that if I were a little hottie with a sweet a** this would be a whole other kinda website (huge believer of the if you got it, flaunt it school of thought).

But, hers isn't.

Hers is loose.

Not really big.

Just loose.

And loose is not good.

I'd rather be big than loose any day because loose is so, well, loose.

It's all flippy and flappy and, and, and gross.

I know what you're thinking, "Just don't look, Dumb Mom", "Just turn your head, you don't have to be all up on her like that, Dumb Mom."

And, I completely agree, but I swear no matter how hard I try to leave the stop first and high tail it home, for some reason she gets just enough ahead of me each morning that I can't catch her to pass, and then, there I am, stuck looking at waggy booty, flap home, dancing to it's own really annoying dance-party-techno soundtrack.

And, then there's Flustered Mom.

Chronically late to the stop, hustling half way dressed kids up the street at top speed, shouting her goodbyes quickly before she chase-scream-bustles her smaller ones (that she didn't even bother to take outta their footie jammies before she let them walk to the stop) back down the street upsetting all of the neighborhood dogs and leaving a trail of Poptarts and chocolate milk in her wake...

Wait a minute.

This one's me!

Never mind.

How about we take a minute to focus on this weeks awesome, totally on top of it mom of the week: Mira from Triplet Crown.

And, why does Mira deserve this week's So Not Dumb mom title?

Because she is the only person who responded to the call this week (although quite a few responded last week and the weeks before) for entries into PBD's Happily (un)Haunted Halloween Photo Contest.

See...



She entered this little cutie for a chance to win not only two $25 gift cards, but also 100 custom postcards from UPrinting.

Not sure what the rest of you are waiting for.

But, you should really get on it otherwise you are gonna be Annoying Procrastinating Mom, and let me tell you, from experience, she's the worst one of all!

Teen Beef

So, I am all about beef.

I'm not talking about the USDA sort, I'm talking about the good old fashioned you-got-a-problem-punk-then-say-it-to-my-face kinda beef.

Currently my beef is with (among others) teenagers.

I've had beef with teenagers numerous times in the past for various reasons: movie talking, public cursing, bad driving, excessive giggling, excited screaming, roughhousing at the playground, dry humping behind the amusement park bathroom.

You know, standard, worthy of beef type behaviors that virtually every single teenager on the planet has been or is about to be guilty of.

But today's beef is of a much less innocuous sort.

It's not based on behaviors per se; it's more about preferences.

Specifically their preferences re: fashion.

Particularly boys' fashion, as I only have boys of my own, and am therefore most concerned with this and how it will affect my dudes in the future.

There are a few current trends that I would like to see disappear before my boys start to grow a personal preference when it comes to fashion.

At the moment, I could dress #1 in a monkey suit everyday and he'd probably be fine with that. #2 is oft concerned with if something "matches", though he has no idea what actually does or doesn't ('cause guess what, son, cowboy boots don't match with swimming trunks, I don't care what you say).

I've noticed in recent years that my tolerance for personal expression is dwindling. I don't want to see kids (or anyone, really) wearing whatever the hell they want.

I shouldn't have to be the victim of fashion assault, and at times I am downright offended by how horrible certain members of society choose to look.

My biggest teen inspired fashion "issue" at the moment is the wearing of skinny jeans.



More specifically the wearing of skinny jeans, by boys.

Sagging skinny jeans, no less.

This is wrong on so many levels.

For starters, boys/men should be prohibited from wearing skinny jeans at all. There is no reason why my entire afternoon at the park should have to be disrupted by the distracting and virtually unavoidable sight of your, for lack of a better word, camel balls.

Seriously.

I'm trying to enjoy a sunny afternoon with my children and all I can focus on is the teenage boy loitering on the corner with his man pack about to burst outta his jeans.

Ridiculous.

Furthermore, skinny jeans are not meant to be sagged.

Over sized, loose fitting jeans, yes.

Skinny, fitted, butt hugging, tapered leg jeans, no.

I don't know how you can even take a step with those tight pants wrapped around your thighs like a tourniquet, but it looks ridiculous.

So, skinny jeans=no.

My second beef is with over sized t-shirts.



(And, sorry Weezy, you were asking for it with this one.)
I think this is an urban inspired trend (meaning, they wear it in the hood) which is possibly also regional (never saw it on the West Coast), and not to offend Baltimoreans, but I hate this trend. I really, really do.

I guess I just don't get it. Why would a dude want to kick it in a nightgown all day.

I know that night shirts are comfortable and functional (no need to worry about owning separate attire for PJs), but it really distracts from your gangster look.

The one teen fashion trend that I am hoping will stick around for a bit is the long hair thing.

My guys have long hair.

It's sorta their thing.

Long, luxurious locks of curly beautiful hair.

Right now it's cool. All the guys have the long hair thing going on, so they don't have any reason to feel weird about it.

I'd hate for some silly style like this to make a comeback.



Do you remember the box?

I spent all of 7th grade desperately in love with a boy and his box. And, his was a spitting image of Kid's from Kid 'N Play! Sexy! Not

I mean, really, can you imagine my baby's face with that hair?



Ew. Shoot me now.

Openly Hating

Things I've decided to openly hate for the rest of the year, you know, because, as sad-bitter-psychotic-biotch as it sounds, hating stuff is sorta my thing (this list is subject to change without notice. Feel free to add your own.)

1. Costco milk jugs. Was there something wrong with the good old fashioned design? This new wave dealy they use at Costco is one thing and one thing only: crap. Every single time you open the thing and attempt to make your first pour it spills. Every. Single. Time. And, not just a little splash from over shooting the cup or lack of physical arm strength to hold the jug steady. It spills in the annoying way that causes it to drip down the side of the jug, splash all over and around the cup, and dribble onto the floor where it leaves that almost indiscernible spot that eventually turns into the sticky, dirt covered drop that requires you to mop your kitchen like four days earlier than originally planned. Even the designers knew something was wrong, because after about four months of torture, they mysteriously installed a lip at the opening of the jug to prevent the above from happening. Only thing. It DOESN'T work! Back to the drawing board, geniuses. How about you scrap this.



And go for something like, I don't know?...This!



2. My job. You all saw the post (if you didn't, here it is). The only thing I'll add is, this week I worked 4 hours. That's right, four hours. How's that for downsizing?!

3. McDonald's Location #25046. Here's the thing with McDonald's. I'm, normally, a HUGE fan. Mickey D's and I go way back. Way. Way. Back. I used to live in Barstow, Ca as a girl. Barstow is known (for very little since it is a dinky-run-over-about-to-disappear-altogether town in the middle of the Mojave desert) to many SoCalers as the half way point between L.A. and Las Vegas. It is also home to one of the very most awesomest McDonald's locales on the planet, affectionately known as Barstow Station (probably because it's made up of all these train cars stuck together and it's humongous). So, Mickey D's and me were like this (imagine Dumb Mom with fingers intertwined). But, I have had a number of "issues" with the McDonald's I am forced to frequent in this millennium, as it is the only one remotely conveniently located to my current (way less cool) home (plus, I hate BK so that's out). Let me lay 'em out for ya. First, they are ridiculously slow. As in, I have actually turned my engine off while waiting in the sit-and-wait drive thru. Second, they never, ever give you a receipt. NEVER. And, when you ask, they act all exasperated and put out because you had the audacity, the gall, to require them to give you an accounting of how you spent your Hamiltons. Third, they have a really nasty habit of dumping the fries into the bag upside down. Who does that? It completely pisses me off when I have to sit there and redivide the fries into five separate containers one by one so that they can effectively be distributed throughout the car. Freakin' hate that crap! And, should I wreck my car in the process of completing this unnecessary and avoidable task (just put the fries in the bag right side up and nobody gets hurt), they are so gonna hear about it (figure, it works for too hot coffee, so why not?) And last, but possibly most hate inspiring of all, they don't have McCafe's. As in they don't sell them. Ever. Why can't they sell them? Every other effing McDonald's from here to the Eastern Shore has them. So, why not mine? I swear, it causes me to peel out of that sit-and-wait, right across the street to Dunkin' Donuts where I can enjoy all of the caffeine laced goodness I want without all of the annoyance (for some reason, my Dunkin' Donuts never has a line).

4. The library. Although, the fact that I had to pay $15 in fines last time we went in that place may really not be the library's fault (but, I'm pretty committed to the deny, deny, deny philosophy on life, so library's fault it will be). I just can't seem to whip this beast. I tried not even taking them there because they are incapable of going in and coming out empty handed, but I started to feel bad (you know, denying them the pleasure of experiencing literature and all), so back we went. So then I tried keeping everything in a predesignated "library bag", but that didn't work because once they took the books out to read them, the books' bond with that bag was eternally broken, and the two were never to be reunited again. Hardest part is just remembering when the stupid things are required to be back. And, this is the library's fault, 100%. They started printing out a little receipt (unlike McDonald's) with a list of the books and their due dates on it when you check them out. What happened to just stamping the date in the back of the book (or on the little cards) like they used to do? That was brilliant. Then, the only way you could forget the due date was to lose the book. I can keep up with the books (generally), no problem. It's the tell all receipt I can't keep track of. See. Library's fault. Told ya so.

5. Stretch marks. I know, most of us have them (if you don't just shut it); it's part of life. But mine are bad. REALLY bad. So bad that the other day when I emerged from the bathroom searching for a shirt, #2 was there, and he had some concerns.

#2: Mom, are you sweating?
Me: No. I'm not even hot. Why?
#2: Well, it looks like it because you have water running down your tummy.
Me: (Looking down confused). Um, yeah, that's not water kiddo, that's stretch marks from when my tummy used to be all big from having you and the brothers inside.
#2: Silence followed by a series of blinks.

Uggh! Gross! Should not have to have a conversation with a wide-eyed-visibly-horrified four year old about why my stomach appears to be melting off my torso like hot wax.

Any plastic surgeons want to lend a hand? I will totally wear a midriff bearing top daily for at least 6 months of the year, for advertisement purposes only, of course.

But, In an effort to not be all negative and bad tempered. Let me tell you one thing I don't hate...




Shopping! Even if it is for school clothes. I still love it. Would be better if #3 would keep his hands in the stroller instead of trying to yank any and everything his open palm makes contact with off of the hanger onto his head, but sacrifices are like a huge part of getting what you want, right :).

PR Nightmare

As you all know, there are occasions in which me and the fam receive products from companies or PR people or wherever. I get numerous offers a week, but only accept the ones I think we are really interested in trying.

When this happens I generally designate a small amount of space on the blog to discuss my opinions regarding the particular product.

I make sure to include my personal opinions about it, and I always write these in my own words (as in they don't tell me what to say, if it's awesome I say so, and if it sucks, I say that too.)

On other occasions we (I guess, me really) are approached to write reviews (for cash) about various products and places.

Generally, in these instances the company usually includes blocks of words and/or links that they require you to use in your post. Sometimes, the chunks of required words are small, or consist of a couple of links. Other times they are essentially paragraphs that set the tone and (pretty much) opinion of the post and the item.

I DO NOT do these types of shameless product propaganda reviews.

I NEVER write reviews for items I haven't tried or places I haven't been.

And, I don't write reviews for companies that want to tell me what to say in my review. You know how I feel about bullies.


Not even for cash.

Some people do this.

I'm not one of those people.

Not because I can't use the cash; 'cause I totally can.

It's just something I'm not comfortable with.

It feels a lot like lying to me. They tell you what to say, and the tell you how to say it, and they give you the proof to support what they are telling you to say. And then, they tell you, "Oh, and we don't want you to say we gave you money to do this, 'cause, you know, that might make people not believe you."

I'm all for lying when necessary (ie. Hubby asks, Did you finish the cookies?". I say, "No, the kids did.". Or, kid asks, "Do you have any more cookies?". I say, "No, Daddy ate them.". See, necessary lying.).

This sort, that really doesn't benefit me at all, is just not necessary. I'm not even really a "review site" (although I'm not 100% sure what I'm considered).

I do reviews that fit into my overall theme (which, in case you didn't know is Awesomeness and how to be it) because I like the product (or thought I was gonna like it before I actually tried it).

I do reviews on items my family uses regularly, or places we go, or things we do.

And, I do these because I like to.

I like getting free crap (who doesn't it?).

And, since I generally only accept crap I know I'm (probably) gonna like or use, I don't mind writing about it.

Plus, I like to share things that I think you guys might be interested in.

Do I care if you buy it?

Nope. (PR suicide, perhaps.)

Do I get any benefit if you buy it?

Nope. 'Cause if I did, I might care, right?!

That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

And, I may be chocking on it soon since I inadvertently probably ticked off some other (way more popular) bloggers about this opinion.

Apparently, this topic is a source of major debate over on Mom Dot at the moment.

They (among others) are planning a full out PR Blackout (for various reasons that I won't get into here since I'm not sure I fully understand and I think I've done enough to make them hate me, so yeah. But if you wanna know, click on the link) sometime in August when they will not be talking to any PR people at all.

I got in on the debate (which I didn't realize was so heated since I didn't read the initial post, or the responses, or anything. Just did the whole speak before you think (or research) bit) and accidentally (on purpose) pitted myself (or at least my opinion) against the head honcho over there.

I'm not too concerned about that, since she probably won't even notice little ole me and my big mouthed, uninformed opinion, but I am concerned that this whole thing is such a huge issue.

I just don't understand why people are so up in arms about it.

I don't get why anyone cares if I want to spread my bloggy legs like a $2 hooker for PR reps and companies pushing their free stuff on me.

I'm not gonna go the route of the review-anything-for-a-buck-flashing-in-your-face-buy-me-buy-me-buy-me-ad blogs (sadly, no one wants to advertise here anyway), and I'm not gonna sell out to "the man" (always wanted to say that!).

But, if you want to do that, and it works for you, and your readers are down for it, rock on.

I don't think I'm awesome enough to have a blog focused entirely on myself, or what I buy, or like, or do, to garner any support from any where.

I'm pretty sure you all come here because you like to read about the dudes and sympathize with them for having such a underachieving-uncreative-largely-misguided-pig of a mom.

And, possibly to laugh at me having near death experiences with playground equipment.

But, I plan to continue doing the occasional review/giveaway (I know you guys like free stuff to, right?!). And by occasional I mean pretty much every Saturday. Some of them are of free stuff I got from companies, some of them will be stuff I bought (or want to buy like this cute bag)

So if you hate my reviews (and apparently, someone hates me for some reason b/c I lost a follower. Didn't know people ever actually quit following someone. I mean, if I got fed up, I would just not read anymore, but apparently, this person was so annoyed/irked/irritated/or possibly disgusted by me, that they went through the trouble of un-following me. Obviously this event has upset me because I really like to know why people hate me. Not so I can make improvements or anything, just so I can talk crap about it on my blog, encourage people to disagree with the Dumb Mom naysayer, and in turn, rebuild my confidence which is so easily bruised by the mean people of the world), do yourself a favor and don't visit on Saturday.

But, be sure to come back on Sunday (if you like pics of the dudes) b/c I'm gonna be doing Photo of the Day every Sunday, just 'cause I want to:)