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Thursday, June 4, 2009

Dear Brat on the Bus,

Please do not immediately take offense with regards to the introduction. I thought of using another B word that was a little more harsh, but changed my mind in an effort to take a less abrasive, more child friendly approach.

I am done with that.

So, listen up, Toots.

I heard you have some beef with my boy.

With his man-stache in particular.

Let me state, for the record, that he has no control over the fact that he has unintentionally grown into a 7 year old with a mustache.

His pre-prepubescent facial hair growth is disturbing enough to his young psyche, and he does not need a fast little hood rat like yourself pointing out his "difference".

He was self conscious about his 'stache before, but now you have made him downright paranoid.

He is seriously contemplating asking for a razor to commemorate his 8th birthday!

And, that is just not fair.

He should not be concerned about his appearance at such a young age.

And, honestly, the fact that he could quite possibly have a full blown porn 'stache by the start of middle school will probably be enough to cause hussies like yourself to flock to him in bulk.

Besides, have you seen him? I'd venture to say that he is probably already quite the little heartbreak in the U8 set.

So, seriously, RELAX! It's just a mustache (actually, it's more like a really prominent five o'clock shadow on his upper lip).

It's not like it's a beard. I could see how a beard might insight ridicule; 'cause, you know, beards are just creepy.

But, the mustache is sorta cute. Dare I say sexy, even (or at least it will be one day when he is like 25 or something).

Either way, your incessant questioning, and backhanded teasing has stolen a bit of my baby's innocence, and frankly, you had no right!

He has never once made mention of the fact that you are a little less than normal for weighing 125lbs in the fourth grade.

Nor has he ever brought up the fact that, your parents had better get their checkbooks ready because they are going to single handedly purchase a car for a local orthodontist's son.

You know why? It's not because those things aren't obvious (because, let me tell you, they totally are), it's because he is a sweet, good, kindhearted, 7 year old who has no interest in hurting other people's feelings (that's what I'm for).

He simply wants people to like him (and his man-stache) and he does not need little trixies like yourself embarrassing him.

He is a nice, honest person, and he didn't deserve this.

So, if announces aloud, "Overweight Lover in da house," the next time you step on the bus, please know that it required hours of extensive training by his vengeful mother to get him to toss out a comment that evil.

And, you totally deserve it.

Tell your mama to call me.

29 comments:

Rocksee said...

Oh you go momma!

tracy said...

You go, girl.

sheeesh. what's wrong with kids


tracy

Tsquared417 said...

That's awesome! Don't you wish you could forward this to her and her parents??

Michelle Hoad said...

go Momma, go Momma, go, go Momma. Sorry, I watch too much yo gabba gabba. I am so ready for this school year to be over!

Dianne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TKW said...

I am SO feeling with you. My 7 year old girl? Half Indian (dots, not feathers). She got told 2 months ago that she had a "stache." And she does. But damn, I wish she'd been given a few more years grace before the ridicule started.

Tell Moby Dick on the bus to shut her piehole, Mama!

TubOfLard said...

"Overweight Lover in da house" Ha! Too funny!

Ah, and there goes Mimi gettin' all lifeguard...

Dianne said...

Did I raise you? Are you the same daughter who was determined to turn the other cheek, no matter how I protested? Are you the same daughter that after I told him to deliver an elbow or two of his own on the soccer field after being repeatedly kicked, stiff-armed, tripped, pushed from behind face first into the ground for a hearty taste of fois gras dirt, and basically pummeled (out of jealousy for his awsome skills), you told me that "we don't play rough like that, sweetie, and the other kids were just being mean and not playing fair, but we are not like that, right"?
Well, again, Mimi says next time you get on that bus and and she is "just being mean", give her the "you are no Heidi Klum" speech and tell her to BACK OFF.
If that doesn't work...call Mimi, I'm old, people always forgive things old people say and do.

Karin said...

Hope that the mother would call you. She might not even know how mean her kid is.

Man-stache will be in style in a few years. You got that right !

Karin said...

GO Mimi !!!!

Jennifer Juniper said...

There's no stoppin' mama bear!

KnitterMama said...

Mama Bear--I know those feelings well. ;)

Tammy said...

That's the way to stand up for your little guy. Hi from the SITStahood.

Yvonne said...

And so... the mama lion roars!
I understand. My Jeff was ALWAYS the shortest. About 4 inches shorter than the shortest girl. He hated to be called little. Well, all those kids who made fun of him stopped in the 10th grade. That's when he soared past them all to get to 6 feet.
Lots of them stopped at 5'9 so... guess who's smiling now?

parentingBYdummies said...

And, when #1 is at his first dance looking suspiciously like Tom Selleck the chicks are totally gonna dig him. You know that 80's look is gonna totally be back in style by then and all the kids will want a luxurious mustache only he will be the only 7th grader who can actually grow one. And you know what I'll say? In yo face, suckas:)

AB HOME INTERIORS said...

What a great post. Stopping by from SITS to leave some bloggy love!

Shannon said...

It gets me whenever kids tease each other for whatever reason! Children should be taught to celebrate differences. Let's face it, we ALL have something that we could be teased for - something that is DIFFERENT than the one standing next to you! Teach that handsome little man of yours to be proud of who he is - on the inside and out! (which I'm sure you are already doing) And he will overcome the stupid, mean things people say! I totally understand your desire to let that lil Brat have a taste of her own medicine! That's what mama's do - they protect their children from all the bad in the world!

Lisa said...

Perfectly said. And soo, soo true. My oldest (7) is reaching puberty at this point too...there's a need to use deoderant already and hair on his legs long enough to braid.

And kids can be so freaking cruel.

Kristin said...

Why are some kids such little jerks? Jerky parents?

Deb said...

This made my morning. I so hope the b's parents see this.

BusyDad said...

Hey, I'm STILL trying to grow a man-stache. Nothing but props to him.

supah ~d said...

That is freakin hilarious.. you have got to be the best momma.. i swear.

d

Working Mommy said...

LOVE IT!! Alas, this is probably something I would have said to the kid in person. Okay, so I have to work on my temper...meh!

~Working Mommy
Come on by, stay for a while, leave a comment or two and follow along!!

Kmama said...

OMG! Hilarious. So tell me, has she stopped harassing him?

One Cluttered Brain said...

HOLY NOOTANNANNY!!! Why didn't I know you exist before this???Maybe I live under a rock or something. I have seen this picture of your kid before..I think...
I watched your day with SUPAH...I'm still waitin to get on with her. How long did U have to wait.

Wait that sounded bad...I'm waiting to get it on with SUPAH...ahh well you and her will know what I mean....


I have to take the oldest to school for a field trip. Then I will find U on Twitter.

YOu are awesome girl. And I could see NO mustache here..
ANd BTW...I LOVE chocolate...I always have some on hand to keep me sane...Can't live without it...

I hope that doesn't keep me off of Supah...I know she is just BUSY with Jaden and stuff... I still heart her.

And U as well. U went to SITSIFICATION? That was practically in my backyard...I live in Mesquite NV...but that was before I actually knew about sitisfication.....of however U spell it...I'm a twitter girl..I don't really spell....

well oldest is banging on my door now. I'll talk at you later...

SEE YA! I am a follower now....Now I really won't be in the dark.

One Cluttered Brain said...

And now to actually comment on the post you just wrote...Stupid kids...so what if a seven year old has a little growth on his upper lip...everyone will think he so KEWL when he is older...

So hilarious, I can't even stop laughing....Wonder what his mom will say when she reads your note....(Not that U really wrote the kid.... but what if U did....? Funny....)

I am in with the KEWL kids now..U and Supah..maybe drop her a line and let her know she should SKYPE with me soooon before I get gray hair...I'm not getting any younger waiting....:)))


Trying to be funny here but my computer doesn't know sarcasm....ahh well....

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

You are sooooo my kinda chick......

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

You are sooooo my kinda chick......

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

You are sooooo my kinda chick......

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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