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Thursday, July 23, 2009

They Just don't Make Anything Like They Used To

Posts like this always make me feel old.

Reflecting on how much things have changed since I was romping around the playground in my pigtails and my Payless saddle shoes makes me realize that I've been me for like 30 years (a little more, but close enough).

While I still rock the pigtails from time to time (too scared to cut my hair, it's like my comfort object, ya know?!), I have long ago retired the saddle shoes (only b/c they apparently aren't available in size grown up), and reflecting on the way things were reminds me that I'm getting old.

So, when Mama Kat posted this week's assignment, I figured now is as good of a time as ever to blast to the past and reminiscence about the good (and not so good) 'ole days.

Top 5 Things they Don't Make Like They Used to:

1. Windows. Go ahead. Kick me. I finally caved to that pesky window guy (well, actually not that particular one, it was another, equally pesky company that won me over) and got my free-good-for-a-full-year-no-obligation-to-buy-but-you-will-so-want-to estimate. And, guess what? I'm getting new windows! Eleven fancy-schmansy-open-from-the-top-can-not-be-broken-no-need-to-be-cleaned-titanium-thick-and-don't-forget-energy-efficient windows! So. Freakin'. Excited! Because, we seriously need them. We live in an older (not super old, but like mid 90s old) house with wooden everything. It's some style thing with the neighborhood to keep a "natural look and feel". So, our windows are the cheapo, builder installed, entirely wooden dealys. And, when it gets hot, they fog up. When it gets cold, they fog up. When it rains, or snows, or gets foggy...that's right, they fog up. And, when it rains, it is so noisy in here you can barely watch television. So, when the silver tongued salesman came over with his sashes and his samples and his price comparisons, we were easily sold, and jumped on the estimate that was literally half of what it was 2 years ago. Hooray recession! So, out with the old, crappy, windows of the past, and in with the tax credit qualifying, energy saving, windows of today.

2. Fun sized candies. Not sure if I've just gotten so much larger or what, but these fun sized candies are anything but fun these days. They used to be big enough for a happy little treat if they somehow (thanks mom) got snuck into my lunch bag. Might even share a couple with the BFF. Nowadays, they are only enough to tick me off and make me want to grab at least 2 or 3 more packs. And, if the BFF even looks at my M&Ms she's getting kicked. That is not my idea of fun. Fun would be if they crammed about 15 more M&Ms in that little bag and somehow made them equal the same amount of calories. Now that would be fun!

3. Cartoons. This could be taken as a good change or a not so good change, I'll let you decide. But, does anyone recall that Bugs Bunny used to be a foul mouthed, racially insensitive, verbally abusive, jackrabbit with a nicotine addiction? But, he was funny, right?! And, it was cool back then. Smoking was cool. Saying nasty words was cool (still kinda is, I think). And, using some choice racial slurs, cool. Cartoon characters used to get away with all types of stuff that we would be appalled to see our kids watching today. Not sure why it changed so much, but it did. So, now we are stuck with crap shows like Oswald, the slowest moving octopus on the planet. Or, those weird foreign cartoons where the character have the really huge eyes and shout everything.

So, as annoying as these animated little bastards were (see video), I'd take them over the Wiggles any day!

4. Burger King Value Meals. WTH happened at Burger King? Am I the only one who is ticked off about their menu changes? Somewhere along the line, they decided to raise their prices on everything and give you super sized everything to justify it. Did they not see Supersize Me? Now when you go there and order the regular, medium sized, value meal they give you what used to be a large and charge you like $15 for it! Seriously, I don't need 900 calories worth of french fries, and I don't want to pay the same price for them as I would at TGI Fridays (where the food sucks too, but at least they have happy hour. Everything tastes better with a margarita chaser!). The last time the whole family went to that crap hole, it cost us $30! We are a family of four and a half. It shouldn't cost us $30 to eat at Burger King. And, it doesn't make me feel better that they gave me enough food to feed 8 people. In my opinion, they have always sucked, not they just suck WAY more.

5. Playgrounds. I know they think that by removing the metal slides, merry go rounds, and teeter totters they have saved countless children from injury and/or death.

But, I'd like to posit that the new age plastic equipment is not as safe as they'd like to pretend it is. I have empirical evidence, first hand experience with these plastic play lands, and let me tell you, they can be every bit as dangerous as the fire hot, injury producing play grounds of the past (you may argue that my age and increased body mass is a contributing factor here, but I will say that it is not). I can not say enough, however, about the plastic mulch stuff they use. That stuff is what miracles are made of.

And, a bonus one, since we need to get to this week's Thursday Thank You, let's take a look at meat.

From what I hear, meat has changed dramatically, and there are people dying to come to my house, have a sit down with Hubby and me, and spend at least an hour telling me why.

I'm gonna go ahead and pass.

Thank you, and you're welcome (Today's card courtesy of Duck Duck Goose Designs and will be featured on Saturday, so check back for more then!).

Card Reads: Dear Door-to-door Meat Salesman, Thank you for calling my house at least 6 times this week. I was hoping that when I failed to return your calls, you would get the hint. Sadly, you did not, and now I am forced to spell it out for you: I am all caught up on meat. As a matter of fact, you could say I'm a semi-pro meat eater of sorts, as I've been trained by a master (Hubby). I know where it comes from (fat, smelly, slow looking creature), and I know where is goes (the toilet). I even know a bit about all the hormones beef gets, and that sometimes cows are born with like 6 heads, and what not. Got it. Guess, what. Don't care! I don't need you to bring a side of bloody beef to my house and wave it under my nose to convince me to go with your all natural, farm raised, highly expensive (checked your website), home delivered meats. I get that yours are better, but I'm not ready to invest in something like this. When I am, I'll let you know. Until then, Costco is fine for me. It's a recession, dude. Stop calling. XOXO, Dumb Mom

P.S. I actually do care about meat hormones, and I try to make healthy choice for the dudes and for me, but you know, sometimes I gotta get gangsta like this so they will back up off me. Those sales people are RELENTLESS!


Nori D said...

That was pretty friggin' funny! I agree, cartoons are no where close to what they used to be. Yea yea, cartoons today may be more educational and what not, but they can be boring, and not inspiring of memories, as lets say woody woodpecker and daffy duck were.

Debbie said...

Tell the meat man you are all vegetarians. It stops them in their tracks!
And I miss the old playgrounds too.

Tammy Howard said...

Okay, first - it didn't occur to me that the windows would be so much cheaper because of the current economic sitch - SO - while my windows are tolerable, maybe it's time to give the Bathfitter guy another shot...

I'll add to your cartoon rant (and DEFINITELY show my age while I'm at it, but y'know what? there's nothing wrong with me wanting those damn kids off m'lawn!) Cartoons used to be special because you could only watch them on Saturday morning. You looked forward to it. It was a treat. Now they're not only everywhere, all the time, but, as you pointed out (in not so many words) they also suck. Why back in my day...

And Burger King was never my fave, but they lost me completely when they introduced their scary scary King. *shudders*

parentingBYdummies said...

Really?! I think Burger King's king mascot dude is a pimp. Just sayin'. Proof:

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

OOOOOooooooOOOOOH..... I thought it was only me about the candies.

There is nothing fun about the fun sized candies.

Your so right. Who wants to eat a chocolate bar the size of a toe nail? not fun. Thank you


confused homemaker said...

yah it was the good old days back when bugs bunny was more like archie bunker. and the king over at BK freaks me out, it's the whole giant plastic head thing.

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Man, I need to write something like that to the fruit guy! There's this fruit salesman that persistently patrols through our 'hood. I'm a serious lover of fruit and all, but he wants us to buy it in bulk for a ridiculous price. And I'm all, dude - if I had such an exorbitant amount to spend on fruit, I totally would. But I don't. So take your apples and shove them.

PS - I also used to rock the saddle shoes. When I outgrew them, my mom would just take me to Payless and I'd get an identical pair in a bigger size. Sweet.

Orions Mom said...

Your cartoon post is so true. Just the other day my son was watching a Tom and Jerry cartoon where the black woman in the cartoon tells Tom he's "OWT out!" Well they dubbed over the "OWT" part with the correct spelling of the word and my son noticed the voice change lol He asked me if I knew how it was supposed to be and I told him the old version and he laughed. The old version was I know that black people are supposed to all be called African-American nowadays to be PC, but personally I always had a hard time changing it....not because I'm racist (far from it honestly) but it's mainly because I know not all black people come from that truly the only country where colored people come from? Anyway, my point is you're right the old cartoons are way more funny than they are today and personally, I don't mind letting my son watch the non-pc totally violent and racist cartoons of the old days...I can't help it I love to hear him laugh!

BTW congrats on your new windows they sound great! Be sure to post pictures when they actually ge installed :)

CaJoh said...

Stopping by from Mamma Kat's,

I must admit that all of those things I agree with. I too must be getting old.

Yes, I even remember my favorite cartoon Speed Racer who from what I understand had many scenes cut from it because it was too violent (who cares if the guy got killed— he was bad).

At least we know that Fritz the Cat is an X rated cartoon.

Keyona said...

Merry-go-rounds rocked! My daughter has no idea what a REAL playground is!

Jamie said...

I am going to have to WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE that cartoons are just not the same!!

lov said...

i totally lost all burger king love when they changed their french fries (back in the late 90's) to taste more "potato" like.

everyone i mention that to, finds it way funny, but i feel like fast food french fries should not taste like potatoes...they should taste like pure goodness in a oily fried little wrapper!

and that king...he scares me!

Jennifer said...

I love that video, and I have to say that I think Scrappy Doo was THE most annoying ever. He totally ruined a perfectly good cartoon.

And the merry go round makes me barf. Always has.

Jenners said...

I agree with so many of your choices -- the Fun Size are miniscule. I have to have at least 5 to have anything I would call fun! And playgounds ... they are so boring now! No spinning, no teeter-totters (of course, the addition of mulch underneath rather than concrete is a good thing!) And cartoons ... I'm horrified what kids watch for cartoons these days. So loud and annoying and with few good stories. Noise, noise, noise! (Or am I getting old and cranky?)

The Main Ladybug said...

I've always had a problem with a "meat man" anyways . . . who rides around in a truck hacking meat?? Now a milk man, that's useful and acceptable!!

Love your new windows - hate foggy windows!!

Mira is triplet crown said...

Just hafta say in defense of the creatures you're eating. They wouldn't smell if they didn't put like 100 of them in a 8x8 foot space. They wouldn't smell any more than your average dog. Not talking about stinky dogs. Just sayin'.

I have the Omaha steaks people calling me all the time because I made an order once a year ago. I also do not need a fuller freezer, thanks. Back off dudes!

Bridgett said...

Over here from your mr linky...

My goodness, you are so right about cartoons and windows and playgrounds. I hate the McPlaygrounds that have sprouted up all over instead of having all sorts of different ones all over.

And cartoons. Oy. I can't even watch them. Not that all of the ones from my time were good (didn't Strawberry Shortcake have her own??), but the good ones were really good..

Aleta said...

We just had new windows put in too. It sounds funny how little things like that make me happy, but it's true!

Lol about the candies. I know what you mean.

BUGS BUNNY!!!! Will ALWAYS be my favorite. My Dad used to sit and watch Bugs with me when I was a little kid. Good Memories and lots of laughs!

Shannon said...

There is STILL a merry-go-round at the park in the small town where my sis lives! We make sure to visit and take a ride each and every time! AS do my kids! As for the meat... I SO know what you mean!

I'm Just Sayin' - Kerri said...

New to the Writing Challenges, but I loved your blog, and your other posts too!

I totally agree that playgrounds aren't what they used to be, I really miss the merry-go-round. That was the BEST part, even if the paint was all coming off.

I do have to say though, I love me some Burger King, and as unhealthy as the portions are, I love to get the large and scare my husband with the fact I can finish it all! I currently blame it on the growing little boy inside me, I'll need a new excuse soon....

Lisa Anne said...

LMAO as always. This is great. I totally agree playgrounds and cartoons are just not the same. I miss the teeter toter and the metal slide, I can't barely fit down these plastic ones and they shock you all the time.

Ahh the meat man showed up at my door last year on superbowl, but I'm such a sucker I paid $900 for meat, it was so worth it though, I still have plenty 7 months later and it's so good. I'm a sucker for infomercials and kids selling things, if you want to make a sale everyone knows I'd by poo on a stick.

Burger King, I agree I no longer go there. It's their fries for me, but yes its expensive and everything is supersized. They are advertising towards men and big meat eaters I guess. Where McDOnalds is trying to become more healthy.

Ahhh to be young again. Hey I rock the pigtails, I don't think you're ever to old to do that.

Trudy said...

Love the list and I agree...they really don't make ANYTHING like they used to.

Congrats on the new windows!

Stopping by from Mama Kat's!

Kathy B! said...

Well, said PBD! I have to say, I miss the old palygrounds so much. Older kids could entertain themselves on the old equipment. The new stuff? Usually kinda bland.

Unknown Mami said...

BTW you can get the saddle shoes in your size, but only if you order online.

Alicia said...

i love pig tails!! i'm a huge fan!! and the old merry go rounds made me puke...good times!

jackie said...

Man, the playgrounds are the pits. I hear ya sista.

Superstar said...

Here from Mama Kat...LOL @ the meat salesman!!! I had one try and sell me the freezer it came in...I said, "Sir, exactly what kind of "meat" are you talkin' about?" I mean I don't need a cast member from the Soprano's showin up here!!!LOL

They are worse than the pesky bug spray people!

ck said...

I totally agree with the playground sucking. I miss the metal see-saws and tall slides and real monkey bars. Not that I'd ever use them voluntarily these days, but these plastic "safety-zones" are no fun.

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh, what a great list. I just love it. I don't like the new cartoons either. They make me annoyed to no end. Everyone is disrespectful and I don't think they teach anything. Way too many inuendos. Hello, my kid is 9 he does not need inuendos!

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh, and I hate Burger King too!

Anonymous said...

LOL I totally missed commenting on your stuff. So I came back.
I've banned Oswald from the TV as well as Looney Toons because they are both annoying. They can watch all the Simpsons they want.

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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