Teen Beef

So, I am all about beef.

I'm not talking about the USDA sort, I'm talking about the good old fashioned you-got-a-problem-punk-then-say-it-to-my-face kinda beef.

Currently my beef is with (among others) teenagers.

I've had beef with teenagers numerous times in the past for various reasons: movie talking, public cursing, bad driving, excessive giggling, excited screaming, roughhousing at the playground, dry humping behind the amusement park bathroom.

You know, standard, worthy of beef type behaviors that virtually every single teenager on the planet has been or is about to be guilty of.

But today's beef is of a much less innocuous sort.

It's not based on behaviors per se; it's more about preferences.

Specifically their preferences re: fashion.

Particularly boys' fashion, as I only have boys of my own, and am therefore most concerned with this and how it will affect my dudes in the future.

There are a few current trends that I would like to see disappear before my boys start to grow a personal preference when it comes to fashion.

At the moment, I could dress #1 in a monkey suit everyday and he'd probably be fine with that. #2 is oft concerned with if something "matches", though he has no idea what actually does or doesn't ('cause guess what, son, cowboy boots don't match with swimming trunks, I don't care what you say).

I've noticed in recent years that my tolerance for personal expression is dwindling. I don't want to see kids (or anyone, really) wearing whatever the hell they want.

I shouldn't have to be the victim of fashion assault, and at times I am downright offended by how horrible certain members of society choose to look.

My biggest teen inspired fashion "issue" at the moment is the wearing of skinny jeans.



More specifically the wearing of skinny jeans, by boys.

Sagging skinny jeans, no less.

This is wrong on so many levels.

For starters, boys/men should be prohibited from wearing skinny jeans at all. There is no reason why my entire afternoon at the park should have to be disrupted by the distracting and virtually unavoidable sight of your, for lack of a better word, camel balls.

Seriously.

I'm trying to enjoy a sunny afternoon with my children and all I can focus on is the teenage boy loitering on the corner with his man pack about to burst outta his jeans.

Ridiculous.

Furthermore, skinny jeans are not meant to be sagged.

Over sized, loose fitting jeans, yes.

Skinny, fitted, butt hugging, tapered leg jeans, no.

I don't know how you can even take a step with those tight pants wrapped around your thighs like a tourniquet, but it looks ridiculous.

So, skinny jeans=no.

My second beef is with over sized t-shirts.



(And, sorry Weezy, you were asking for it with this one.)
I think this is an urban inspired trend (meaning, they wear it in the hood) which is possibly also regional (never saw it on the West Coast), and not to offend Baltimoreans, but I hate this trend. I really, really do.

I guess I just don't get it. Why would a dude want to kick it in a nightgown all day.

I know that night shirts are comfortable and functional (no need to worry about owning separate attire for PJs), but it really distracts from your gangster look.

The one teen fashion trend that I am hoping will stick around for a bit is the long hair thing.

My guys have long hair.

It's sorta their thing.

Long, luxurious locks of curly beautiful hair.

Right now it's cool. All the guys have the long hair thing going on, so they don't have any reason to feel weird about it.

I'd hate for some silly style like this to make a comeback.



Do you remember the box?

I spent all of 7th grade desperately in love with a boy and his box. And, his was a spitting image of Kid's from Kid 'N Play! Sexy! Not

I mean, really, can you imagine my baby's face with that hair?



Ew. Shoot me now.