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Monday, August 10, 2009

Openly Hating

Things I've decided to openly hate for the rest of the year, you know, because, as sad-bitter-psychotic-biotch as it sounds, hating stuff is sorta my thing (this list is subject to change without notice. Feel free to add your own.)

1. Costco milk jugs. Was there something wrong with the good old fashioned design? This new wave dealy they use at Costco is one thing and one thing only: crap. Every single time you open the thing and attempt to make your first pour it spills. Every. Single. Time. And, not just a little splash from over shooting the cup or lack of physical arm strength to hold the jug steady. It spills in the annoying way that causes it to drip down the side of the jug, splash all over and around the cup, and dribble onto the floor where it leaves that almost indiscernible spot that eventually turns into the sticky, dirt covered drop that requires you to mop your kitchen like four days earlier than originally planned. Even the designers knew something was wrong, because after about four months of torture, they mysteriously installed a lip at the opening of the jug to prevent the above from happening. Only thing. It DOESN'T work! Back to the drawing board, geniuses. How about you scrap this.



And go for something like, I don't know?...This!



2. My job. You all saw the post (if you didn't, here it is). The only thing I'll add is, this week I worked 4 hours. That's right, four hours. How's that for downsizing?!

3. McDonald's Location #25046. Here's the thing with McDonald's. I'm, normally, a HUGE fan. Mickey D's and I go way back. Way. Way. Back. I used to live in Barstow, Ca as a girl. Barstow is known (for very little since it is a dinky-run-over-about-to-disappear-altogether town in the middle of the Mojave desert) to many SoCalers as the half way point between L.A. and Las Vegas. It is also home to one of the very most awesomest McDonald's locales on the planet, affectionately known as Barstow Station (probably because it's made up of all these train cars stuck together and it's humongous). So, Mickey D's and me were like this (imagine Dumb Mom with fingers intertwined). But, I have had a number of "issues" with the McDonald's I am forced to frequent in this millennium, as it is the only one remotely conveniently located to my current (way less cool) home (plus, I hate BK so that's out). Let me lay 'em out for ya. First, they are ridiculously slow. As in, I have actually turned my engine off while waiting in the sit-and-wait drive thru. Second, they never, ever give you a receipt. NEVER. And, when you ask, they act all exasperated and put out because you had the audacity, the gall, to require them to give you an accounting of how you spent your Hamiltons. Third, they have a really nasty habit of dumping the fries into the bag upside down. Who does that? It completely pisses me off when I have to sit there and redivide the fries into five separate containers one by one so that they can effectively be distributed throughout the car. Freakin' hate that crap! And, should I wreck my car in the process of completing this unnecessary and avoidable task (just put the fries in the bag right side up and nobody gets hurt), they are so gonna hear about it (figure, it works for too hot coffee, so why not?) And last, but possibly most hate inspiring of all, they don't have McCafe's. As in they don't sell them. Ever. Why can't they sell them? Every other effing McDonald's from here to the Eastern Shore has them. So, why not mine? I swear, it causes me to peel out of that sit-and-wait, right across the street to Dunkin' Donuts where I can enjoy all of the caffeine laced goodness I want without all of the annoyance (for some reason, my Dunkin' Donuts never has a line).

4. The library. Although, the fact that I had to pay $15 in fines last time we went in that place may really not be the library's fault (but, I'm pretty committed to the deny, deny, deny philosophy on life, so library's fault it will be). I just can't seem to whip this beast. I tried not even taking them there because they are incapable of going in and coming out empty handed, but I started to feel bad (you know, denying them the pleasure of experiencing literature and all), so back we went. So then I tried keeping everything in a predesignated "library bag", but that didn't work because once they took the books out to read them, the books' bond with that bag was eternally broken, and the two were never to be reunited again. Hardest part is just remembering when the stupid things are required to be back. And, this is the library's fault, 100%. They started printing out a little receipt (unlike McDonald's) with a list of the books and their due dates on it when you check them out. What happened to just stamping the date in the back of the book (or on the little cards) like they used to do? That was brilliant. Then, the only way you could forget the due date was to lose the book. I can keep up with the books (generally), no problem. It's the tell all receipt I can't keep track of. See. Library's fault. Told ya so.

5. Stretch marks. I know, most of us have them (if you don't just shut it); it's part of life. But mine are bad. REALLY bad. So bad that the other day when I emerged from the bathroom searching for a shirt, #2 was there, and he had some concerns.

#2: Mom, are you sweating?
Me: No. I'm not even hot. Why?
#2: Well, it looks like it because you have water running down your tummy.
Me: (Looking down confused). Um, yeah, that's not water kiddo, that's stretch marks from when my tummy used to be all big from having you and the brothers inside.
#2: Silence followed by a series of blinks.

Uggh! Gross! Should not have to have a conversation with a wide-eyed-visibly-horrified four year old about why my stomach appears to be melting off my torso like hot wax.

Any plastic surgeons want to lend a hand? I will totally wear a midriff bearing top daily for at least 6 months of the year, for advertisement purposes only, of course.

But, In an effort to not be all negative and bad tempered. Let me tell you one thing I don't hate...




Shopping! Even if it is for school clothes. I still love it. Would be better if #3 would keep his hands in the stroller instead of trying to yank any and everything his open palm makes contact with off of the hanger onto his head, but sacrifices are like a huge part of getting what you want, right :).

29 comments:

Mimi said...

Thanks for yesterday QTPi, had a great time with my boys, even though I spent most the time trying to keep #3 from throwing his discarded diapers into the pool (like, who's going to fish that out of the bottom?)
Speaking of pools, maybe it's time we posted some pool rules at your local MCDonald's...?

Molly said...

Oh my gawd, I got all angry just reading about those milk containers. And if it makes you feel any better about the stretch marks, my two-year-old likes to poke my stomach and go, "Yucky! Squish!"

ShellSpann said...

I've heard about those milk containers but haven't seen them in any of the stores I shop at just yet. WTF is that anyway?? What is the point in changing the way it looks? Especially if it isn't functional!

ck said...

You took all three of them shopping? And still loved the experience? YOU are hardcore, my friend.

Anonymous said...

I know that mcdonalds! And they never salt the fries either which kinda defeats the purpose of mcdonald's fries doesn't it? Stupid people. No McCafe? It's all over the tv! who's dumb idea was it to ignore that marketing success?

mira is triplet crown said...

Crap, that last one was me. Didn't know you could post anonymously just by hitting the return key too early. Sigh

Kathy B! said...

I am sooo with you on the Costco milk jugs. Being the jedi that I am, I have mastered the art of the controlled pour... the kids? Not so much. Every flipping towel in the kitchen smells of sour milk. Blech.

Mammatalk said...

I hate those milk jugs. Who designed them?

Lisa said...

Totally agree with #5. Don't feel too bad, I've got them everywhere and plastic surgery can't help. Supposedly, laser surgery is almost there, but we'll see.

Jennifer said...

One time when Baby Girl was still stroller age my mom took her shopping and she had grabbed on to the sleeve of a shirt and my mom didn't notice and started to push her away... and the whole rack came with her. Like it totally fell over because Baby Girl wouldn't let go. LOL So glad it wasn't me.

Unknown Mami said...

Those things don't even look like milk jugs.

Lisa Anne said...

What the heck did costco do to the milk jugs. They look alien. Is it there way to say they are using less plastic. That's crazy. My son too makes comments on my stretchmarks. I hate them, hate them, hate them. I look like kate did on john and kate plus 8 before her tummy tuck. Only i don't have all the saggy skin. But still. I'm right there with you!!

I'm Just Sayin' - Kerri said...

I've always had stretch marks even though I'm young, but with this baby, only baby #1 of hopefully 3 or 4 mind you, my stomach looks like a wild cat used me for a straching post. Baby was moving the other day and I lifted my shirt to show my 17 year old brother that you could see the moving. He looked at me horrorified and said "what is all over your stomach". Yeah, made me feel GREAT!

PropellerHeadMom said...

Shopping always makes me feel better! The guy who redesigned the costco milk jugs was probably the same guy who thought up those impossible to cut plastic packaging and twist wires they use to package electronics and toys to prevent theft.

Aleta said...

Thanks, I needed a laugh this Monday. This was a great post!

When I saw the picture of the Costco milk jug, I thought the same thing immediately. What the heck where they thinking? Don't mess with what ain't broke. The regular jugs are perfect!

And Mickey D's - let's not go there. Greg and I refuse to go there anymore. They NEVER get the order right!

BlogBaby said...

You know what I hate.

Window Shopping at back to school time.

It's like the 7th circle of hell. Everything's all sparkly and tempting and in the greatest colors and in YOUR EXACT SIZE and half price and all that garbage and you still can't buy it!

Which brings me to the second thing I hate.....BILLS!!!

BlogBaby's BabyMama

Kimberly said...

Shopping, now you are speaking my language!

Erin said...

When you find that plastic surgeon, let me know, I'll wear the midriff showing shirt as well...promise!

Alicia said...

YES! the costco milk jugs! what the heck??? we stopped buying it there because the stupid design pissed me off!! why did they have to go and mess up a good thing?

angie said...

I hate those Costco milk jugs too, although all the stores near me have gone back to the traditional jug. At least I hope they've gone back. They had those jugs for about a year up in OR and I stopped buying the milk!

We used to stop at Barstow station McD's at least 4 times a year. A road trip from LA to Utah always included breakfast there. It was like the only time we were ate out for breakfast. I always did it BIG with the big breakfast, too. :)

Amethyst Moon said...

Didn't have time yesterday, so i'm catching up on reading today. Thanks for sharing your hates! I don't shop at costco, but those jugs sound awful, the funny thing is someone made money to make it, and someone else probably made money to test it, and then some focus group probably made money and still, it's bad.

Oh! and I too love shopping! especially School shopping

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Oh, you poor thing. So if I send you this coupon for a free McCafe, you'd slap me, wouldn't you?

Orange Juice said...

Those jugs are insane! Totally lame! You should do an in store demo LOL

Hannah said...

Cute story about your stretch marks and your #2's remarks !!

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Anonymous said...

Your link is added! Thanks ;) Love this post. (Parent Melting Pot)

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

I'm sooo with you on #4 and 5. And the love of shopping!

(Just making the rounds to all my fellow moxie ladies!)

Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

I hate our library too. They're only open half a day on Friday, and closed on Saturday. Uh, hellooooo. How are working people and those of us with no freaking car during the week supposed to stay literate for free???

faemom said...

First off: That was awesome! Hilarious!
Second, what the hell is wrong with me? It's like I dropped off the planet for two weeks instead of one. Well, nothing like a little blog stalking to make amends

Mrs4444 said...

Oh, man. Sorry to hear about the strech marks. You'd think by 2009, someone would have cured those things. I mean, they can't be as complicated as polio, and they have a vaccine for that.

And the milk cartons? Seriously? Is that really for real? Pure idiocy. I'm glad you wrote about it; maybe someone from the company will do something about it. Thank God there are other brands to choose from....right?

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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