Make New (i)friends Monday: The Daily Dribbles

Kmama is her name.
Daily Dribble is her blog.

She's got a husband,
two kids and a dog.

She wears many hats
in her daily life.

She's a mom and a worker
and JDaddy's wife.

But what I love
most about her site.

Is that she's funny
and can really write.

So check her out,
go stop on by.

'Cause my girl Kmama,
is super-funky FLY!

Oh, and most notably she won the Fugly Face Photo Contest a few weeks back which is really her main claim to fame.

She actually wrote this post for me back then and waited patiently like the sweet, understanding, forgiving bloggy buddy that she is then totally bugged the crap outta me for like 5 weeks or something absurd begging me to post this. She was all blowin' up my email, Tweeting me incessantly, freakin' Skyping me like a mofo. Seriously. Pretty sure she is borderline obsessed with me or something. Insane. Possibly she is insane.

So yeah. Just to embarrass her for fun remind you of who she was, here is her winning shot...



Luckily, she looks at least 63% better than this currently. Go ahead to The Daily Dribbles and see if I'm lyin'!

And, without further ado, give it up for the one, the only KMAMA!

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be happy or sad that I won the Fugly Photo Contest. Hmm. Well, I’ll go with happy because winning is winning, right??

I’d like to thank the Academy my followers, my mom and dad, my dog, my husband, my sons…oh, and my ex sister-in-law for making me wear that, what can only be described as, HEINOUS rented bridesmaid dress. For the love of all things holy, I can’t figure out how that ever seemed like a good idea. Ever.

Anyuglydress, I’m flattered to be crowned the winner of the Fugly Photo, and to also be featured as Dumb Mom’s (i)friend this week!! Yay me.

Now, because I’m just a small fish in the big sea that is the blogosphere, many of you may be wondering who I am. I am Kmama, a thirty-something wife, mother, and career-woman, just trying to find a balance between the three.

Let’s examine that statement in more detail. First of all, I’m a wife. I’ve been married to my wonderful husband, Jdaddy for over 7 years. He is my better half. We met in a way that I am not yet brave enough to disclose on my blog, however, if I’m pressured enough, I just might crack. ;-)

Second, I’m a mother. I have been blessed with two amazing little boys. Buddy is 5 years old and is my payback child. He’s the pickiest eater ever, is moody and stubborn, is not a morning person, and can’t stand any item of clothing that might be scratchy or lumpy. I have no idea where he got any of those traits. *smirk* On the other hand, he’s got an amazing personality, awesome dimples, and leadership skills that will serve him well in the future. Buster is 2 years old and is completely opposite from Buddy. He is pretty much happy all the time, is the best snuggler ever, and is so very laid back. While Buster’s looks resemble more of me and my family, he definitely has his daddy’s personality.

Third, I’m a career-woman. I work full-time, outside of the home. I knew at an early age what I wanted to do when I grew up. I’m now doing it, and yet, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I love my job and I love being able to support my family to achieve the things that we want to be able to achieve. It’s empowering.

Now, that last little statement…the part about “trying to find a balance between the three”?? Well, I’m not so good at that. And that’s where my blog comes in. My blog is my outlet, the way that I make it from one day to the next without going insane. So if you’re looking for a little snark and humor (my two favorite personalities), come on over to The Daily Dribbles. And if snark and humor is also your thing, you might enjoy my “Thank You Very Much Thursdays.”

Oh, and finally, if you’re here at PBD’s because I sent you, FOLLOW this woman. She’s an amazing, creative blogger that often times leaves me in awe. Not to mention the fact that she hosts great contests and giveaways!

Make New ifriends Monday: Stranger but no Danger

Welcome to another Kidney Month inspired post by a wonderful woman who gave her kidney up to save a stranger’s life.

I know that I am not that selfless.

Not for a stranger.

One of The Dudes, Dumb Dad, Mimi, Papa, Bruncle, even BFF, no doubt.

But a stranger?

No. I don;t think I could give my kidney to a stranger.

Well, I guess I probably would give up one of mine for a stranger seeing how they are on a slow march to being useless anyway, but you know, not if they were good.

I’d like to sit here and tell you all that I would; that I’m really that awesome of a human, but I’m pretty sure that I’m not.

I’m too much of a coward for anything like that.

I mean, I don’t even give blood for crying out loud!

The needles. And the pain. And the time. And, and, and stuff.

But, I do have one of those little sticky thingys on my driver’s license that says, “Should Dumb Mom get smashed by a bus, feel free to cut up what’s left of her and give it to the highest bidder, for cash. Cold. Hard. Do-you-want-this-colon-or-not? cash.”

That I can do.

This…

Not so much.

Contributed by Kidney Mama

I got a survey in the mail this week from the National Living Donor Assistance Center asking me about why I decided to donate a kidney last year.

It wasn’t a family obligation, and it wasn’t a matter of religious conviction. The choices on their survey that came closest were about moral obligation and the simple logic of living donors as a way to ease the kidney donation shortfall.

Before I considered donating my kidney to a stranger, I had always thought that if someone I loved needed a kidney, I would be tested. Once I learned how low-risk kidney donation surgery was, and that people live very well with just one kidney, I thought, “I could do that. I am healthy and unafraid, and I should do that!”

So I started on my quest. I found a living donor in my community and a few on the Internet and asked lots of questions. I asked one of them to help me find a recipient, because I really wanted to know the person so that I could be sure he or she would be able to make good use of it for a very long time.

I decided to get tested for a 45-year-old man who was active in his community, advocating for the poor and elderly. We talked on the phone just once before I found myself in a really interesting position.

We had gone to our respective doctors to get blood drawn so that his transplant center could perform the first round of compatibility testing. Interestingly, the transplant center called me to tell me we were compatible.

I said, “Did you tell Anthony? What did he say?”

“Oh, we can’t tell him. It’s your private medical information,” they said. “We can fax you a release, and then once you return it, we can tell him. Or you can tell him.”

I couldn’t pass up that opportunity. I looked in my cell phone for Anthony’s number and called him.

“I have news,” I said. “We match!”

Silence.

“So let’s do this,” I said, hoping to get him to say something.

Silence.

“Anthony, are you there?” I asked, thinking that maybe my cell phone had dropped the call.

“I’m here,” he said.

More silence.

“I hope you know … I think you know … I hope you know … I hope you know what this means to me,” he said.

I told him that although I couldn’t know what he was feeling, I was really excited about this adventure we were about to have.

And an adventure it was. I had more medical tests in the next several weeks than any person is entitled to have. Some made me laugh; some made me squeamish. I didn’t think that when they asked me to collect my urine for 24 hours, it would be a gallon and a half. Or that I’d have to keep it in my refrigerator.

At any rate, with the test results in hand, my doctor and I felt confident that I was in excellent health, and I felt very confident in my decision to donate.

Meanwhile, my friends objected strenuously to the whole idea, and everyone kept asking me if I was afraid. Truthfully, I never was. I felt certain that everything would go well, that somehow, my good intentions would create a positive outcome.

Good intentions got me nowhere with the transplant staff, however, who viewed a stranger donation as, well, strange. But they satisfied themselves that I was not crazy and was not being paid to give, either of which would have disqualified me under their rules. (My opinion: There is no bad reason to donate a kidney and save someone’s life.)

Clearing all the paperwork hurdles had brought Anthony and me closer, and by the time the surgery arrived, it was as though we were partners on a complicated project that was finally coming to fruition.

At 5:30 a.m. on Thursday, June 25, 2009, we met at the hospital to begin pre-surgical tests. We were both beaming. By 8 a.m., we were in the OR, and by 3 p.m., we’d each pestered enough nurses to learn that the other was doing great.

Anthony’s recovery began immediately. His surgeon told me my kidney was, um, producing before they’d finished closing the last incision. Something about a racehorse.

I visited Anthony as I was about to be discharged, and though it had been just over 24 hours since the surgery, he looked and felt 100% better.

He’s continued to improve over the six months or so since his transplant and has been able to travel to see family and friends for the first time in years. I have a clean bill of health, and only a few tiny scars.

I’m so glad I decided to be a living donor. I didn’t think I’d become an advocate for living donation, but the more I learn, the more important I realize it is.

For example, I didn’t know that less than 2% of kidneys from deceased donors are usable. If everyone in the country signed an organ donor card, thousands of Americans would still die each year waiting for a kidney.

A lot of people have told me I’m a hero, and it is well-meant. But “hero” distances everyone else from the act and gets them off the hook. What I did was simple and obvious and motivated by my belief that human beings are by their nature interdependent and responsible for each other’s well-being.

Though I couldn’t fix the world, I could do this one thing and make it a lot better for one person. I am forever better for having done it.

To learn more about living donors, visit my website, www.kidneymama.com.

Make New ifriends Monday: Polycystic Kidney Dad

So kidney disease,

it pretty much sucks.

When I learned I had it,

I thought what the what?!

But I know now,

it’s much worse for others.

And, some people get it,

from their fathers or mothers.

Like my new ifriend Nate.

He has PKD.

He’s had a much rougher time than me.

But it seems right now,

he has reason to boast.

I’ll say no more, just read the man’s post!

Check out his kidney blog and his parenting one, Journey Through Parenthood (written mostly by his wife, Jenny it seems), too. Very authentic, poem worthy, and Dumb Mom approved.

Hey everyone! I guess I’m the second ifriend that Dumb Mom has decided to introduce you all to this March. And, in what may be a trend, I am both a male, and have a life-threatening kidney disease. She contacted me back in February and asked that I write up a quick something to "introduce myself" and perhaps even make you laugh (not that I’m that funny).

My name is Nathan. I am 32 years old and was diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney Disease when I was about 20 years old (during college). For those of you unfamiliar with kidney diseases, PKD is exactly what it sounds like: you have a bunch of cysts that grow on your kidneys. I’d do a good news / bad news story, but there’s not really a lot of good news. As PKD patients age, their good kidney cells are replaced with fluid-fill cysts. This increases the size of your kidneys, which should be about the size of your fist, and reduces your overall kidney function. PKD is a genetic disease, meaning that you get it from someone in your family line. According to the people that do studies, over 600,000 Americans and probably 12 or 13 million people around the world have PKD.

My particular type of the disease is Autosomal dominant (which means I inherited it from a parent). The other type is Autosomal recessive, and it’s actually worse. Most people (80%) with ARPKD (the second type) die as infants, and few live past age 10. With ADPKD (my type) you don’t typically develop symptoms until later in life (50+) and many patients may never require more than just adjustments of diet and exercise and maybe medications to control high blood pressure.

Not for me, readers! I woke up one night in college with a horrible pain in my back. It turns out that I had some kidney stones. The hospital (that I had to drive to by myself) said: "Sir, your kidney stones are small enough that you will pass them on your own. We will give you some pain medication to take home so it won’t hurt too much. Oh, and you should make an appointment with a nephrologist and talk to him about your kidneys." Yeah. So I went in, he said that I have Polycystic Kidney Disease, gave me a pamphlet, and sent me home.

I had one bout with kidney stones every year from 1998 to 2001 (not fun at all, let me tell you, like trying to pee out a pointy, sharp, point-sharp thing, and it feels HUGE). I finally got myself a real nephrologist in 2001 and they began to track my kidney function. I was told that I was at about 30%, and it kept going down every year I was tested. The doctor said I might be good for 10 or 20 years, and that I would not need dialysis until I dropped below 5%. He said that I could get on the transplant list once I was below 20% function, and that it would likely be years to come before I hit that.

If you are squeamish, you might want to skip the next paragraph and come back below this one. In late 2004, I was sick, sick, sick. I was peeing blood, vomiting, not eating, etc. I was sick from about November until May. I finally had to go to the hospital in an ambulance (expensive) and was found to be extremely dehydrated (duh, vomiting and not drinking anything) and had a VERY low blood count (yes, from losing all that blood in my urine). I wish the doctors had listened as I complained the previous six months or so. They put me on IV fluids and blood transfusion (or infusions, in my case). This would be good, except for a terrible kidney infection that led to my kidney swelling up to a whopping fifteen pounds and nearly 30 cm long. Yuck! I have a horrible picture, somewhere, but it’s not online, so you will have to ask me if you want to see it (for some reason).

Is everyone back now? Good! So, based on the info in the paragraph above, they had to remove my left kidney. It was NOT a good surgery, for me, and the recovery was very slow. I was in the hospital for a total of thirty days that summer (yuck). I had to start on dialysis in August of 2005, due to the sudden loss of half of my kidney function. By this time, I was now under 10% on kidney function. I had to do dialysis for 18 months, and that’s no fun at all. Fortunately, I received a kidney transplant (from a deceased donor) in January of 2007 and have been healthy since then.

My wife (who managed to stand by me through all of this) and I were told, unfortunately, that we would never have children. This was due to me, my disease, and several other issues I had. However, as a surprise, we had our daughter in December of 2009. Hannah is growing strong and is, of course, the smartest and cutest baby in the world (obviously). We won’t know if she has PKD until she is much older. We plan to have the doctors do routine check-ups on her without actually writing down "potential kidney disease" on any of her medical charts.

Dumb Mom asked me to link to a few of my favorite posts, but I’m not sure that I have any. If you want to read about how terrible dialysis is, or how many times one person can go to the emergency room in a year due to poor medical treatments, then there’s a lot of good posts. I’ve got several posts that are very popular on the search engines, such as the time I debated Restoril and Lunesta (http://nmccart.blogspot.com/2007/01/restoril-vs-lunesta-in-quest-for-sleep.html). I tried to tag most of my posts at least a little, so the blog is decently laid out. I don’t do photography, so there’s very little graphical interest on the site (all words, no pictures). I’m a computer guy, cut me a break.

So, as a father, I figured you all deserve at least one cute photo to say AWWW about:

And one of my wife and I with Hannah at Christmas:

Don't forget. Tomorrow is MOM TIP TUESDAY! Come back and link up your best mom tips (advice, recipes, craft ideas, DO-THIS-NOW-OR-SO-FRIGGIN-HELP-ME'S) . Not just because it'll be fun, but because I said so!

Make New ifriends Monday: The Diaper Chronicles

Since it’s still National Kidney Month I thought I’d introduce you to another parent who is busy being awesome while living life with a bum kidney (or 2).

What makes this particular blogger so awesome is that not only is this our first kidney-disease-having parent ifriend, but he is also a HE!

That’s right peeps, give a big, dumb round of applause to our very first DAD blogger.

Plus he’s a writer. Like a real one. With a BOOK.

Cool, right?!

So check him out. Say hi. And, tell him Dumb Mom sent you.

Barak’s Background

Barack Levin was born in 1970 in Tel Aviv, Israel and moved to Pittsburgh in 1996 to pursue his Master’s degree. Shortly after his arrival he met a beautiful French woman, Michelle, and fell in love. A year later, during a routine physical, he learned he had an irreversible and life-threatening kidney disease. He was 26 years old – the doctor doubted that he would see 30. But, despite this news, he refused to give up his dream of marrying Michelle and raising a multi-national family in the U.S.

Knowing he was living on borrowed time, and despite everyone he knew telling him he was crazy, he decided to become a stay/work-at-home dad and shoulder most of the responsibility of caring for his son for his first year of life (and, potentially, the last twelve months of his). “I wanted to offer him proper guidance, using some very unconventional methods, through the first steps of his journey to becoming a fantastic kid and a great man journey I feared I might not be around to witness much of,” says Levin.

Thirteen years later, Barack is alive and living in Atlanta, with Michelle and their two children. He is the author of the book The Diaper Chronicles– A stay at home dad’s quest for raising great kids, based on his experience’s, available through his website at http://www.baracklevin.com.

Make New (i)friends Monday: Never True Tales

Some people lie,
and some people don't
Some people try,
and others just won't

Well Amy don't lie,
but she likes to tell stories.
about chocolate and pie
and what makes her horny.

Okay, that's not right.
She's the one with the boys
who get into fights
with their lunches for joy.

She's the one who shares
about pit stops for kids,
because she cares
where your kid takes a whiz.

So thank Amy with
a visit or two
or I will get miffed
and drop kick you fool!

Spend a few moments with my girl Amy, and then, when you're all done, you can watch the video to see who was crowned Blog Dawg of the Year in the first ever Fugly Face Photo Contest.

And, I know whow ya'll like to get outta watching the videos, but you have to watch it if you wanna know who won; or you have to count up all 103 votes on your own.

I'm evil, aren't I?!

So today, I’ve been invited to be parenting By dummies’ ifriend, and don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to be here, but I’m a bit intimidated, too. If you hadn’t noticed, PBD is one cool chick. Like, first-girl-in-junior-high-to-
not-only-get-a-bra-but-learn-that-Flashdance-trick-of-removing-it-through-her-ripped-tee-sleeves cool. And as you’ll learn, I’m…not. Just never came naturally to me, you know? Like hats. I could never wear hats, but my sister could. Effortlessly. She even pulled off those big bowed headband numbers.

I digress, but yeah, being an ifriend here at PBD is pretty much like getting invited to Jennifer Cascas’ 8th grade boy-girl party all over again. That time, I ended up standing in the corner repeatedly flipping through a back issue of Redbook Jennifer’s mom had left on the end table of the couch so I’d look all preoccupied and busy and not at all awkward, and it’s true: I learned loads about summer-time smoothies that make a splash, but this time, I’m determined to do better. Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

So this is me, front and center. Doing awkward things. (Imagine Tina Fey’s Liz Lemon, but not as successful. Or as funny. Or on TV. Or fictional. What the what?) My point is, I’m going to be proactive. In the event you click over to Never-True Tales and take a look around, I want to make sure you and I are properly acquainted. To that end, I’ve compiled a short list of FAQs.

1. So Amy, who the heck are you, anyway? Where ya from? What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?

How nice of you to ask. Most days, I don’t really know who I am, to be honest, which makes me just about like everybody else. I’m a wife, for starters, and I begin with that because for me, marriage came before most everything else worth mentioning: before the career, before the kids, before the blogging and the writing. Yep, I married young. It’s part of who I am. I’m the mother of three pretty awesome boys. I love having boys; I’m the first to admit I’d have no idea what to do with a girl…or her hair. Just thinking about all those clips and bands and scrunchies (do they still make scrunchies?) causes me to break out in a sweat.

Right now, I have about four jobs, none of which I’m paid for (much). I’m a savvy businesswoman that way. I’m deeply involved in a lifelong love affair with the outdoors; I’m a Search and Rescue volunteer, I’m a wilderness EMT, I’m a skier, I’m a runner. I’m an editor, or at least I was, pre-kids. Oh, and I’m from Oregon. It’s beautiful here. You’d love it.

Lastly: Coldstone Creamery’s cake batter ice cream with dark chocolate shavings and fresh blackberries. That’s the best flavor of ice cream ever invented (by me, God‘s truth).

2. Speaking of which, what’s up with writing about things that are ‘never true’?

The Never-True Tales are in fact, always true. The name of the blog was inspired by my youngest son Toby, who used to tell long, impossibly nonsensical stories in which he was always super-something: super strong, super smart, super speedy, super-more-amazing-than-his-brothers. In hindsight, he may have had an inferiority complex of some sort.

3. So, what do you have on offer over at NTT? Contests? Free stuff? What? Gimme.

Erm, not much in the freebie department, sadly. Ditto on lots of ads and promos. I figure I’ll sell out when I’m good and ready (like when someone wants to send my family to Disney World), but in the meantime, I only host giveaways when there’s something too tempting for me to pass up. Like cookies. Every Friday, I host Won’t You Be My Neighbor, for which I have awesome guests like PBD. Every so often, I revive a series called Open Letter To…Tuesday, in which I write an open letter of complaint or apology to the subject of my choosing. It all began when Toby beat up a Subway sandwich under the bleachers of a ball game. But day-in, and day-out, it’s pretty much WYSIWYG (shout out to all you design-types out there). What you see is what you get: (hopefully solid) writing. Memoir. Anecdotes to which I hope you can relate. Lots of questions. Very few answers.

4. You talk a lot about query letters and outlines and word counts. Are you a published author or something?

No, I’m not, but thanks for bringing it up. That smarts. Seriously, I do publish poetry on occasion, and I also write fiction (short stories and novels). I’m constantly in a latest edit of one thing or another, and so yeah, you’ll occasionally hear me sobbing quietly to myself about a particularly stubborn paragraph or the latest rejection. I try to keep it down.

5. Don’t you have another blog, too? I swear I’ve seen pictures of these same kids on travel forums while I was endlessly researching spring break fares.

Why yes, thanks for asking. I have a travel site called Pitstops For Kids. I’m quite fond of it, actually. Its purpose is to provide parent reviews of places to stop and play (or stay) along major interstates and in airports while traveling as a family…you know, to alleviate the horror of “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How about now? Now? NOW?” I hope you’ll stop by!

6. Your blog is ok, I guess, but can you recommend others? What makes for a good blog? Any deal-breakers?

There are as many good blogs as there are tastes in blogs.There are many I love, all for different reasons. Some inspire me with the written language, some teach me how to bake cinnamon rolls. Others just make me laugh. Generally, you'll find my favorites on my blog roll (which I frequently swap out to keep the list manageable). My personal deal-breakers are few: if you have something worth saying, I'll listen. That said, if you can't remember when to use there/they're/their, or routinely use its/it's interchangeably, I will move on. Call me a snob, but it can't be helped.

7. Wow, the more I get to know you, the more intellectual and literary and generally amazing you seem to be! (Haha) Surely you have some vices?

Well, I bite my nails. And really have a hard time watching my mouth. My kids throw up on the living room rug and talk back and mortally embarrass me at church just like yours do. Probably worse. Luckily for you, I spill all about it. I follow certain TV series like some people follow baseball or NASCAR…which is to say, obsessively. And I have my guilty pleasures: coughTwilightcough. You don’t fall farther from grace than that. (Especially if you hold an English Lit degree.) You won’t catch me talking about it at Never-True Tales, though, unless I’m recounting my run-in with the elderly over a paperback copy in Goodwill (and I do mean run-in) or writing a letter of complaint to Summit Entertainment. Sometimes I get overly worked up over the environment, but I have a column for that, so you’re usually safe. In short, I tend to find causes or series or ideas to get excited about from time to time, but I work very hard to contain that excitement, like a puppy trying not to piddle all over the carpet. It can be a struggle.



And wow, I’m going to leave you with that image. Told you this would be awkward. Anyway, many thanks to Amanda for having me here! I’d be honored to be her friend any day!

And here is the moment you all (aka the 8 entrants and the people they forced to vote for them) have been waiting for.

Only, I have to warn you about something...

The soundtrack is pretty ADULT ONLY (so don't play it while your kids are in the room!).

There are a coupla F-bomb in their that I somehow forgot about. Seriously, I noticed cursing in songs in the 90s about as often as I noticed the pain on the walls.

You've been officially warned so please don't leave in comments about how morally corrupt I am. Never said I wasn't:)

P.S. Wanna win and EXTRA ENTRY in my current giveaway? Watch the video & leave a comment congratulating the winner!

Make New ifriend Monday: Singed but Still Flying

Her wings may have

gone up in flames,

but she is still one

fresh, cool dame.

A mom to boys

after my own heart,

I bet she knows

how to deal with farts.

Her 90s pic

will make you grin.

If you don’t enter yours

I bet she’ll win!

Send in your 90s inspired photos for the Fugly Face Photo Contest so that Angel (aka Singed Wing Angel from Angel Believes) has some competition.

You can’t let her be named Blog Dawg of the year without a fight.

Plus, if you want to jump to the head of the ifriend features list you’re gonna wanna get in on this action.

Not that I’m bribing you or anything…

Anyway, it’s Angel’s day so I’ma let her finish (sorry I hijaked your limelight Kayne style).

Go ahead, Taylor, I mean ANGEL, I’ma let you finish…

Hey, Howdy, How are ya'll?? First of all Let me say thanks to Dumb Mom for picking me as her ifriend this week. I am so honored. Don't yall just love her?? I do, she makes me laugh and trust me when I say there are days that laughing is the only thing that keeps me from needing the pretty white hug me jacket.

About me.. about me... hmmm I am a SAHM to 3 boys from 17-10. I have been married for 15 years this October, but if he doesn't straighten up I will be a widow of 14 years lol. j/k. I have been blogging for a little over a year and didn't really have many people listening until I found out about SITS (if you aren't there yet why not??) I was born in Virginia but have lived in Kentucky most of my life so that would make me a Virginuckian yeah it's my word if ya don't like it keep moving.

I don't do a lot away from the house since I also care for my mom who lives behind us.. she is getting to the point that she is not able to drive a lot of places so that has fallen on my shoulders. My son is also bipolar and we finally got him diagnosed correctly, so I am a HUGE advocate for silent disabilities. I love to sing and my oldest son is so gifted.. we do a lot of singing and playing together which you can see through this post.
Hmm I guess that is about it for me.. I love to laugh and make people laugh and I am in Dumb mom's Fugly contest cause , well back in the day I had the hair going on only I had no clue where it was going lol.. and apparently neither did it.. I would love for ya to visit my page and come vote for me on the contest... oh yeah and bite me Supah I can guarantee I am uglier then you have ever thought about being... hehehe...

Now, hurry on over and check out my favorite Virginuckian she’ll be glad you did!

Want to be PBD’s featured ifriend of the week? Your very own custom written poem? Your button placed prominently in the sidebar? Your opportunity to tell me in 500 words or less why I am you are awesome?

Email me today @ parentingbydummies[at]gmail[dot']com and make sure you're a follower!

Make New (i)friends Monday: Mormon Surrogate

French fries are tasty, chocolate is yummy,
I know this lady who lends out her tummy.
That's right, I said it, she rents out her womb,
to lift other people and keep them from doom.

That is not the nicest thing I've ever heard,
but there's more I can tell you, just take my word.
A mommy surrogate is how she's known,
But, she's more than that around her home.

She has three kids and a couple of cats,
she thinks she knows how to multitask.
She's forgiving, she's nice, she's sometimes shy,
the person she married was her high school guy.

She's lived all over, she pierced her tongue,
but she wasn't too crazy back when she was young.
She seems like someone who is honest and true,
Oh, I almost forgot, she's Mormon too!

Go check out one of my newest finds, Mormon Surrogate.

I was drawn to her blog, I think from SITS, and I decided to stay and invite her to be an ifriend because I've never known anyone who has actually done such a selfless act as being a surrogate to another family.

And, she did it TWICE!

Here is an excerpt from her "Random Facts About Me" post...

I'm Mormon and I'm a Surrogate, kind of explains the title of my blog. (not too many of us out there) I married my best friend- my high school sweetheart. (you either hink it's gaggy or super cool) I have 3 children of my own- A boy who will be 13 in March, a girl who is10 and my baby girl who is 6. My 1st surrogate baby was a girl born August 1, 2006. My 2nd surrogacy ended in an early miscarriage in 2007. My 3rd surrogacy was an awesome adventure with twin boys. They were born April 15, 2009. (still trying to get my tummy back to normal) * Not a huge fan ofc-sections. I was a Navy Wife for 10 years. I have lived in Mayport, Florida, San Diego and Utah. I prefer Utah. I'm chaotic. I am sarcastic- although I try not to be too hurtful... I absolutely love to sing, and music makes me very happy! My favorite thing lately is Beatles Rock Band. I'm sometimes shy. I love candy! I try to treat others the way I'd like to be treated. I recently began homeschooling my children and I absolutely love it. I usually see things more than one way and sometimes over-analyze things. I try to plan ahead. Sometimes I can't plan ahead and have to do certain things last minute and I get major anxiety! I have "to do" lists all over my house. I'm always "working" on them. I get excited over buying the simplest things- notebooks, liquid laundry detergent,dryer sheets, I guess things that are brand new and never been used? I've been a Beatle's fan since I was 4. I have too many clothes. I have too much of everything and I never know what to do with it all. I am very forgiving. I am not a phone person, I'd rather write you a note or e-mail. I'm not very domestic. I usually give much more than I receive. I am honest. It's so much better that why. Keeps you out of trouble. If you're honest at least 99.9% of the time, you don't do stupid things, because then you'd have to be honest about doing them. I learned this the hard way, but made a vow to be honest from that point on. Sometimes I am too honest and tell people too much. When I get really upset I say "Flipping Hell" or "Holy Hell" LOL or I cuss in my mind. While John was in the Navy, we moved 10 times in 7 years. I had my tongue pierced...

Go on over HERE and read the rest.

Or, check out one of these links to learn more about being Mormon and being a surrogate.



Wanna be an ifriend (which is just my sophisticated way of saying a guest blogger)? Well duh, of course you do! Shoot me an email at parentingbydummies[at]gmail[dot]com. I'll put you on the list as long as you're not into taxidermy, hard core porn (soft is probably okay), or outer space.

Make New (i)Friends Monday: Jenny from da block

I know this chick, let’s call her Jenny.

I like her ‘cause she comments plenty.

Sometimes her posts just crack me up.

Sometimes they make me wanna up chuck.

She don’t drink wine and she’s not a fan of vamps.

And, I think she knows a couple of tramps.

She says she’s not a writer, but I think she does just fine.

Which is why she is an ifriend of mine.

Go check out one of my blog land besties, Jenny (from the block). 

But…don’t call her Jenny ‘cause I’m not sure how she feels about that little nicky.  I like to push the envelope when it comes to giving people nicknames they may not actually be 100% okay with.  Like, back in college, when I used to call Dumb Dad Pap-As-in-Smear, long story, but you get the picture.

Pont is: It’s Jennifer…not JENNY:)

Hi!  My name is Jennifer (as Dumb Mom probably just told you) and today is my ifriend day.  Looks like I'm the first one in 2010, the year of AWESOME.  So I guess you know what that makes me.... Awesome (or at least that is what I'm going to go with).  I love this idea that Dumb Mom has come up with to make new bloggy friends (plus she is kinda sorta getting the day off, I'm starting to think she is not as dumb as she wants us to believe).

I think the first thing in making new friends is to find out a little about the other person so let me tell you about myself.  I'm a mom of two, a girl (5) and a boy (1).  So I guess that makes me a "mommy blogger."  Although I kind of feel that my blog is more mom.ME because I don't just write about my kids.   I'm married to David.  We will celebrate our 20th this year (yay us).  And I work full time as an Office Manager for a really small company in the town where I grew up (which I kinda hate, but it is what it is).  That all sounds so exciting that you are just running over to my blog to read all about it.  Oh yeah, I can be kind of be sarcastic.  A little.  Sometimes.

So why would you want to read my blog..... hmmm.  That's a pretty good question.  Let me tell you about the things that make me different from the other bloggers (that I read, because I obviously don't know about all bloggers, can you tell I'm kinda nervous with this whole making new friends thing):

1. I'm not a writer... or an English major... or a graphics design person... nor do I have any experience in journalism or marketing or teaching.   I have an accounting degree.  That I actually use.  This is probably the reason that my "writing" is not all that great.  Or in complete sentences.  Actually that is because I kind of write the way my brain works and I usually can't complete a thought before jumping to something else.

2. I don't know anything about celebrities or fashion or what's "in".  My friend Jodi jokes with me about this all the time.  She'll message about some celebrity doing something or some reality show that I've never even heard of and I'm all "duh", but then she goes ahead and tells me anyway.  Sorry.  I just don't get it.  I don't really care about what these people are doing with their lives.  Or about fashion.  I just like to be comfortable.

3. I don't drink wine... or care all that much about Twilight.  (gasp)  I know.  I used to drink wine, but now I don't.  Not anymore.   Not a big deal.  If you really want to know why you can find out here.  Twilight (big sigh).  Yes I've read all the books and seen both movies.  I will give it this, the second movie was WAY better than the first.  I guess I just like my vamps evil.  Or like Angel.  And if you don't know who that is then shame on you.

I'm sure there are more, but that is all I'm going to list for now.   So what are you going to find if you stop by my blog, well I write a lot of Random Thoughts, and about how I feel about my kids, and I like to post pictures (although I am also NOT a photographer, I forgot that one above), and sometimes I may even share a craft idea I've cooked up or a recipe that I like.   I also tend to write about my exercise and dieting attempts.  Every once in a while I'll tell you about a product I love (and usually not something I got for free).  And of course there is the random rant about my husband or the love I feel for my family.

I would love it if you could stop by, take a look around my blog and let me know what you think!  I hope you like it, because of course the most important thing about a new friend is being with someone you like.

Jennifer

*Wanna be featured as one of Dumb Mom’s ifriends?  Well, duh, of course you do because we both know that another day without a specially made poem written by little ole moi about little ole you is just not a day you want to live.  So shoot me an email (finding it is part of your test!), I’ll review your blog for awesomeness, and get you on the list. 

Make New (i)friends Monday: She's Supah D & She's Here to Rock

Or, should I say, rap?!

Because anyone with a name like Supah D. can only be introduced in true playa-pimp, gangsta-boogie, Sir Mix-A-Lot stylizzle with a rap accompaniment.

It's only fair.

Performed (yes, I performed it to ensure it's authenticity and awesomeness) to Baby got Back (a song every self respecting child of the 90s is familiar with).

Feel free to click on the link and sing along using my much improved version of the lyrics.

I like Supah D and I can not lie.
You other bloggers can't deny.
That when Supah walks in with her hand on her waist
and that round thing in your face you get jealous!

Wanna go up to her 'cause you wanna be on her Skype.

Deep in the blogs she's writin'
I'm hooked and I love her Skypin'!

Oh, Supah, we wanna get witcha.
And take yo picture!

My blog buds tried to warn me,
but them blogs you write make me so horny.

Oh, Rumple-smooth-words, you even have awesome turds!
Well use me, use you me, 'cause I'm obviously your groupie.

I see her bloggin', to hell with roll calling.

She's sweat, wet, losing that sumo suit soon I bet.

I'm tired of other sites,
sayin' Supah ain't dynomite.
Take the average Dumb Mom and ask her that,
she tell you Supah is phat!

So Bloggers! (Yeah!) Bloggers (Yeah!)
Wanna meet my Supah D? (Hell Yeah!)
Then read it! Read it! Read today's guest post!
Supah is dope!

PA face with a WV Booty (insert some mad, funky-fresh, record scratching here)

Supah is dope!

Now, shut yo mouth, Becky!

ifriend post by Supah D. from Adventures of a Wannabe SupahMommy:

WOOO DOGGY !

So PBD has invited me over for a super special IFriend Event at her place cause we're all BFF's now.. yah that's right FORMER PBD BFF'S.. there's a new girl in town... and her name is SUPAH!

What?

ifriend Monday?

For weeks now?

* insert stink face

Ok.. So I guess I'm not all UBER special like PBD ( PLBBBBBTTTT )has made me out to be in her long drawn out emails spewing her love for me. Enough already PBD.. I get it. K?

So.. I'll leave you with my little guest posty and maybe you'll come visit me if you'd like. Ring my doorbell... but if you ring it and LEAVE... just know this. I may be a heffer... but .. I can run. By Golly I can run. So I hope you can too... you prankster mcpranksterston.


Breakin Up is Hard To Doo.

So all my life I've had a hairdresser. And by all my life I mean since college. I'm no debutante. I could rock a puffy cloud dress.. but I'm not debutante material .. I swear too much... let's be %$#^* (^clear.

CJ was my first hair- doo lover. CJ .. was a dude with effeminate scissor hands. I loved him. Was he Gay? I had no idea. It was the question that plagued me for years. He was always so durn stealthy... making me think one minute he was... the next he wasn't. Years. And to this day.. 15 years later. I still do not know. I think he knew what game he was playing.

CJ's real name was CLAIRE. No joke. He admitted this to me in a moment of ... well.. I'm not sure why he told me that fact.. because I seriously.. LAUGHED OUT LOUD and asked him if he were joshin. With some swear words mixed in.

He wasn't.
I quickly shut IT UP for fear of hair retaliation. * in my head though.. i was sayin

" claires' a fat girls name."


All you youngins and non Brat Packers won't get that.

So we had this GREAT relationship. He cut my hair awesome.
Until I became a mom. Then .. I think he was under the impression that because I had birthed children.. I was no longer COOL!

SAY WHUT????

He kept giving me BOBS. ..I coulda put dangly snowflake earrings on and worn a kitty kat sweatshirt to match the styles he was edward scissorhandin'.

I endured for a bit.
Then I experienced the " last straw."

THIS IS HOW IT WENT DOWN.


Let's take a trip back to 2004 when CJ Betrayed me.



So ladies and gentleman, here it is. I have OFFICIALLY with a capital "O" ( and not even the good kind) been BEE –TRAY- YED by my hairdresser, hair stylist, hair cutter- rer- er person, hair designer: WHATEVER , YOU PICK. Yes, my (insert selected word) whom:
· I love dearly
· WHO I have remained ever:

1. loyal,
2. faithful
3. devoted,
4. steadfast
5. dedicated to for almost a decade.

YES, A DECADE. (what can be accomplished in a decade you might ask; WELL THE FOLLOWING
1. it took us 10 years to send a man to the moon
2. it took us 10 years to move from typewriters to palm pilots

CJ -
· Who I secretly planned visits to Pittsburgh around when I was ABROAD.
· Whom my lovely locks ( that I adore, one of my best attributes I feel, one of the only things on my body that aren't fat) have followed through 5 salon moves.

· As well as a rate increase of 15$

Yes, my Hair- doo dresser

HAS CROSSED THE LINE.

Now I feel I OWE you a bit of quick history, you might feel the need to be brought up to speed on the situation. Perhaps you are thinking, WHY SUPAH? Who IS this person who has EVIL- ed YOU? Then again, if you are like most people, you might not.

My lovely locks and I have not always been this chummy. We, at several points in my life just… DID NOT GET ALONG. I have picture evidence to prove it.

Not until I was about 23 did I actually begin to listen to the whispers of my lovely locks demands: Get a good hairdresser.

I agreed and we have since been cooperative. I immensely enjoy my hair, I get many compliments and as mentioned above, it is still one of my best attributes. Still full and thick, nice color and still THE ONLY NON FAT PART OF MY BODY –

So I stumbled up on CJ, a hairdresser from literally another world. He is freakin hilarious. Tells stories that sideline the ongoing cut for minutes at a time while we all double over, keeps up with the latest hair trends, has worked his way up to his own dream salon ( paid for with my loyalty) and is quite possibly gay. He has afforded me wonderfully cool cuts, great chocolaty color, perfect wedding day updos and great conversation for many a year. Alas…

Things had begun to change I noticed the last few appointments (which require friggin years in advance bookings). He jokingly called me a "soccer mom"

*GASPS. And then gave me a really cute haircut, that he deemed

SUBURBAN HOUSWIFE.

*DOUBLE GASP. I laughed and forgave his shortcomings.

And this time as I arrived for my appointment, late in the evening, I find CJ and I BOTH in the parking lot. Oddly he and I vied for the same parking spot ???( him in his 06 cool a$ jeep, me in my tan Volvo cross country station wagon which I ADOREd)

Why he is out and about you may ask when it is indeed, haircuttery time?

Well, he needed a smoke and decided to move his jeep up to the front whilst his client sat under the big blow dry thingy machine thingy.

So we both get out and give big hugs and then he says

, "LOOK AT YOU IN YOUR…."

"GROCERY GETTER!"

Okay are you noticing a theme yet. Some subtle, possible disgruntled feelings towards us little harmless suburbanite, station wagon driving stay at home moms who might attend a soccer game or two. Here and there, every night of the week.? Yeah maybe.

So anyways long story short we have great conversations, lots of laughs, CJ offers a glass of wine ( I decline, due to diet) and then we begin the haircuttery process.

"What r we doing today, he casually asks?"
"Oh, I don't know, I stupidly say, I love the length but it's kind of weighed down. Maybe some bangs to cover up the dent in my forehead! "

Ha ha, we have a good laugh at that, determining all the terribly explicit ways that could've happened.


Anyways good laughs. We're primed for haircut time.
Completely trusting his judgment we move forward.

IN hindsight I notice the following tidbits:

I notice CJ looks tired. A bit PEAK-ED. Perhaps a long day filled with lots of others locks. Perhaps stifling his creativity, ability to do good hair, ability to mulTi-task, perhaps egging on his aggressions towards the white collar folk. ? Don't Know.

I also in 20/20 hindsight, wonder if CJ himself has indulged in a glass or two of the ol' vino.? No breathalyzer available at that moment to test him for drinking whilst hair-doo-ing.


So he begins the cut and I of course have no idea what he's doing, cause I simply rarely look in the mirror. (feelings of inadequacy while hair is dripping wet, slicked like a seal on my head and pores are spotlighted due to fluorescents) Not a pretty picture.

So he's CHOPPING AWAY. He says, "I'm just goinna trim the ends so we keep the length." Cut cut snip snip. This is okay.

He cuts in my bangs. Which I immediately don't like, but am stuck with. At least it will hide my forehead dent.

Then he stops and begins on the top. BIG HUGE CUTS. BIG HUGE SNIPS. The sounds make me look up. As he catches my eye he digresses into a conversation about trying a "NEW CUT" he recently learned on me- the next time I come in.

He's not COMFORTABLE ENOUGH to TRY IT RIGHT NOW ... SEEING as he just learned it this morning.

" And then proceeds to say

" THIS NEW CUT, that I"ll do NEXT TIME... WELL IT'S THE UPDATED VERSION OF THE CUT IM DOING NOW" laugh laugh


Pardon- a – moi CJ?

Am I getting an NON current haircut at this given moment? A DOLLAR STORE VERSION?? PANIC SETTING IN.

"I'm goinna give you some LAYERS on top, to give you some lift." He states.

PPPPP-ANIC. LAYERS???? LIFT??? ON TOP????




Shoot to punchline. All said and done……


I am OFFICIALLY, with a capital "o" a walking image of none other than Miss JOAN JETT! circa 1982

It is inevitable. I will walk down the street and someone over the age of 30 will whisper,

"Oh my god, LOOK BECKY!!! It's JOAN JETT!
THEN they'll let loose.. unable to contain their excitement for seeing Joan Jett;


""AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" (CONCERT SCREAM)
..
.
.
.
.
.dead stop- once they see me.









"She got really fat."


* bo domp ching


It was RiFrickULOUS. And I had to break up with him. HAVE YOU ever had to break up with your hairdresser?


xoxox©
supah

Make New (i)friends Monday: Gourmand in Da House

Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells, well my version of that tune anyway, which I'm told is the tone deaf version, but whatever, you get the idea.

Searching through some blogs
I found one the other day.

I liked it oh so much
so I decided to stay.

It features yummy foods,
so many tasty treats.

Like the best cupcakes
that you will ever meet!

Oh today's ifriend, today's ifriend
she is quite a chef

Go to her house for dinner,
and there'll be nothing left!

Oh! Today's ifriend, today's ifriend
I'm so glad that we met.

You should visit her great blog
and you'll love it I bet!

Convinced at her awesomosity?

Well, I was hoping to insert post, custom written for my readers, by Christine of Maman and Gourmand's here today.

Maybe show off a new recipe of hers, something yummy like her German chocolate cheesecake lollipos, just to make you foam at the mouth and wish you could rock an oven the way she does.

Something gorgeous like these babies (her photos are great too, right?)...



Or, something award winning, like this (yep, she won the Iron Cupcake Apple Challenge which is like a big deal in the cupcake-obsessed foodie world)...



But, instead, I'm doing the post for her, about her, and her family, because instead of spending a joyful holiday season all cooking mouthwateringly amazing dishes and being all festive like, they are struggling with illness, and the possible loss of her step son.

Instead of decking the halls and planning for happy times in 2010, they are watching as James (her step son) is being overtaken by heart and lung issues that have forced him to be placed under the care of hospice.

This will likely be their last Christmas with James.

And they are sad (and frustrated, and confused, and frightened).

I can not even begin to attempt to describe what their family is going through at the moment, and I don't even intend to try.

But, I hope that you will take a moment to visit her blog, and possibly leave her a nice comment, and even steal one of her AWESOME recipes and then come back later and tell her how much you enjoyed it.

It may not seem like a lot, and really it's not, but sometimes it's the little things that people do that count, and that's all I'm asking, a little moment to read about her, and her family, and James just so she knows she's not alone.

And then hug your babies and enjoy the holidays, thanking whoever you thank for the beauty of your life for giving you another Christmas with your loved ones.

*Wanna be a PBD ifriend and share your inner most thoughts, your bank statements, your being your blog with Dumb Mom and friends. Shoot me an email to parentingbydummies[at]gmail[dot]com and you'll be in there like swimwear!

Make New (i)friends Monday: Miss Dot

Roses are red,
chocolate is brown.

Here come the cupcakes,
I'm about to throw down!

She's Miss Dot if you're nasty,
she's Miss Dot if you're clean.

If you mess with her cupcakes,
I'm gonna be mean.

'Cause those things look awesome,
As awesome can be!

Just check her out now,
If you want to see:)

Thanks Miss Dot for hookin' us up with an awesome guest post for today. I wish I could say her cakes taste as good as they look, but alas, I've not had the pleasure of trying them yet. Maybe (hint-hint) I'll get one (or 12) for Christmas!

Meet, the one, the only, never duplicated, poorly imitated Missssss Doooooot...

HELLO!

Allow me to introduce myself.

I am

{[•MISS DOT•]}

Jill of all Trades - Master of None, Cupcaker Extraordinaire, Pinup Aficionado, Lover of Polka Dots, and 
Devoted Wife 

♥

I have a horrible tendency to overcommit

(Yes, of course I can do that!  There are 48 hours in a day, right?)

I dabble in everything

(Paper-mâché windshield wipers?  Macramé boxer briefs?  I sense stocking-stuffer potential!)

I love lolcats

I don't speak lolcat, I don't lolcat to my friends, I don't even bring lolcat into my every day relations with people, but gosh darn do I love looking at these silly cats.

I am a Star Wars nerd

Only for the original 3 (Episodes 4-6, that is).  I accept the newer 3 simply as a way to complete the story.  Hans Christian Anderson  Hayden Panettiere What's-his-name will never live up to Harrison Ford.

 I am an accent chameleon (i.e., I pick up on accents around me and apply them to my own speech)

("Well howdy, y'all, let's git-r-done!"  [5 minutes later] "Mais oui, mon ami, I am -- how you say? -- een LOVE weeth zees cupcake!")

I love **LOVE** L-O-V-E Christmas carols (thanks, mom)

So much so that every year I put together a hand-selected two-volume CD set of my favorite Christmas carols that I then share with friends and family.  In fact, this year, I've decided to share the love with my bloggy friends, too!  Come check out my fast-n-easy GIVEAWAY! (just in time for Christmas!)

I am slightly paranoid, and as thus, I suffer from RobertStackitis

A horrific disease upon which the rest of this post will be based.

Yes, my friends, I suffer from RobertStackitis.  As many of you may know, Robert Stack was the host and narrator for a real-life mystery show called Unsolved Mysteries.  For anyone who has seen (or, more importantly, heard) this show, you know what I'm talking about when I reference Robert Stack's deep, intense voice that he used when narrating the plot lines of the cases.

Whenever I'm about to do something that has a remote possibility of danger associated with it, Robert Stack begins to narrate my every move. 

For example:

(Without RobertStackitis) 

It's 9:30 on Tuesday night.  I'm taking out the trash.

(WITH RobertStackitis)   

"She thought it was a Tuesday night like any other as she began to take out the trash, but little did she know, her life was about to drastically change.  She glanced at the clock in the kitchen; it read 9:30.  She thought it was a bit late to head out to the dumpster in the back alley but she quickly dismissed any qualms and headed out the door.  She glanced at her husband on the couch watching TV -- she never realized it would be the last time she saw his face. " 

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Seriously, does this happen to anyone else?  OK, I **know** I'm pretty nuts, but I at least know that this chick shares in some of my feelings here. 

My RobertStackitis isn't just limited to crimes, though.  Oh no.  Not at all.  Try this one on for size:

(Without RobertStackitis)

Oooo!  I'm at the beach!  Splashy splashy splashy.

(WITH RobertStackitis)

"She thought it would be a day at the beach like any other [ARE WE NOTICING A TREND HERE??]  Despite recent shark siting warnings, she decided to swim in the ocean with her friends.  She was careful not to go too deep, but ankle-deep was just deep enough for the SUPER-SHALLOW-WATER-SCARY-KILLER-SHARKOFDEATH!!"

OMIGOSH I need a breather for a moment.

K better.

**

The rest of my life is pretty normal, though, in the most normal way that my CrAzY, spontaneous self can be.

Sure I might sing Step in Time when kicking my knees up down a case of stairs,
or maybe start a conversation with a stranger on the street because I like her pretty dress and want to beat her up for it, but everyone has their little quirks, right?

So come check me out.  Say hi.  Leave a comment.  Or not.  It's up to you.  But if you don't, you'll spend the rest of your life wondering if I could have been The One.  And that, my friends, would just be an Unsolved Mystery...

Now.

Go check her out here, or here and tell her Dumb Mom sent ya'. She'll like that.

And, if you wanna make sure to be one of Dumb Mom's ifriends in the future be sure to send me an email otherwise I may never know how awesomely awesome you really are:)!

Make New ifriends Monday: Unknown Mami

A bag on her face, a baby in her arms,
even undercover you'll fall for her charms.

She's funny, she's witty, her pictures are dope,
I know you will love her, at least that's what I hope!

Thanks UM for hookin' it up today!

* check her out here: Unknown Mami



Wait don’t go! Do not call the police! I am not robbing the place. If I was I would not bring a baby with me.
I know it’s a little off putting to stop by a friend’s place and be greeted by a stranger wearing a paper bag over her head, but I swear I’m an invited guest at Casa de Dummies. If you just give me a moment I will explain. You see last week I got a comment on my blog Unknown Mami from parenting BY dummies.OMG, how rude! I haven’t even introduced myself. I’m Unknown Mami, pleased to meet you and this is my daughter Put Pie. Anyway, I got this comment:
(big, deep breath) I was wondering if you would like to write a guest post for me? …Pretty please? On hands and knees begging right now. Holding my breath...
I was worried the woman would pass out on my floor and then I’d have to throw a rug over her and hope no one noticed the uneven texture so of course I said yes. Not really. What I really thought was I better say yes before she changes her mind. So here I am! Woo hoo!!! Another Dummy in da house!
I was told I could write about anything I wanted and I could even include pictures. Hmmm. I guess I’ll share a story that happened while I was pregnant and the hormones were driving me cuckoo and making me act like a dummy.
My husband, Unknown Papi, went out one night, which he rarely did during my pregnancy. He came back with a slice of pizza for me. When he offered it to me, I asked if he would warm it up. Gracious husband that he is, of course he did. Paranoid hormonal pregnant woman that I was, I said, "Did you wash your hands before handling the pizza? I don't want to get sick."

He replied, "Don't worry, I'm going to serve it to you with my ass cheeks not my hands."

Well, I lost it. Full blown hysterics. Crying, fighting, you name it. He tried to explain to me that he was joking. I told him that if it was funny, I would have laughed.

My hormones did not see the humor until I started telling other people and every single one of them would just crack up. They were hysterical too, but in a good way.

And now for pictures:





This is where I live. Isn’t it beautiful?
Well, I’ve really enjoyed my visit at Casa de Dummies. I am officially inviting you over to my place whenever you like. Don’t be a stranger. Mi casa es su casa! I guess it’s more like mi blogo es su blogo. I love company and I promise my husband will not serve snacks with his ass cheeks. Adios.

Wanna have your turn on PBD as an ifriend guest poster?

'Course you do, silly.

You get a day all to yourself over here, and a Dumb Mom original poem written specifically about you.

With those kinda perks, you really can't afford to pass up an opportunity like this.

Seriously.

Have your people call my people.

Or, you can just shoot me an email (parentingbydummies{at}gmail{dot}com)
saying you're dying to be down with the SO NOT dumb PBD ifriends club.

And, don't worry, after a week of intense hazing, you'll get in, everyone does!

Make New (i)friends Monday

So, one of the bestes things about blogging is all of the new "friends" you get to make.

Not real-life-meet-for-coffee-complain-about-in-laws type friends, but still, friends.

This phenomenon of on-line friend making needs a name.

This situation in which you may not even know the person's real name or where they live; you may not know how old they are or if they secretly weigh 800lbs and have not left their basement in the past 6 years.

But, despite not knowing all of these facts you know that you like "talking" to them (I write a post, you leave a comment, I respond by email if you hooked your crap up right so that I could) regularly, perhaps even daily .

You know that they are funny, and caring, and that they like taking pictures, but suck at crafting.

You know about their husbands and their children and their IRL friends.

I like to call these people whose lives I stalk mercilessly follow, whose families I've grown to know and care about, whose daily adventures I'm interested in, ifriends (perfect, right?! But don't Google it 'cause some raunchy "adult" site comes up, and don't tell those Mac dudes about it either, they might flip their lids).

People like Angie @ Seven Clown Circus, CK @ Bad Mommy Moments, and Supah D @ Adventures of a Wanna-be Supah Mommy (seriously, ladies, if you don't feel similarly just leave a nice comment anyway b/c otherwise I may lose my mind), who I am inappropriately in love with read daily, send emails to randomly, and would totally go on a girl date with if invited.

ifriends.

Like real friends, but without all the factual information that could creep you out, or the face-to-face interaction that could get tiresome and laborious.

The best thing about ifriends is that they are easy to make, provided you're not a jackhole (so my new favorite word, but I'm not sure quite what it means so if it's offensive awesome sorry!) who gets off on hurting others (aka leaving evil I-hate-myself-but-I'm-taking-it-out-on-you comments all over the place).

Here are my tips for making ifriends:

1. Read their sh**. The worst part about new blog visitors who are seeking exposure (by leaving comments all over the place) is that they don't really read your post. So, I may have written this touching post about how I'm all torn up because my fish died (which really would be sad b/c we've had those little buggers for like 3 years) and ended with a picture of my kid smiling by the tank and they leave a comment that says, "Awesome fish! Hope he doesn't die!" Instantly, not gonna be an ifriend.

2. Be nice. Because there is really no reason to not be. It's not like IRL when some jerkwad at work is constantly eating at you with her annoyingly rude comments and condescending, unappreciative behavior. In that situation it's totally okay if, after weeks of torture, you eventually snap, and tell her that she's an ignorant, self centered, loser with the body of an 8 year old and a kid who bears a striking resemblance to Shrek. Totally understandable. But, not the case in Blog Land. If you don't like what someone is saying (or how their kids look) just navigate away. I get all P-Oed at those imbeciles who have to insult others on their own blog. It's like stopping by my house and telling me I'm ugly and my food sucks. Not okay. Seriously, if you don't like it, or me, or whatever, just. Don't. Read. Not a good way to make ifriends because not only will the person you insulted hate you, most of her readers probably will to.

3. Write good well good? so that people can understand you, include a few pictures, and slim down those ads. Then people will want to visit you over and over and over again. I can name a few people (I'm not gonna, see #2 above) whose blogs I tried to get into reading but couldn't because the writing was sooooo poor. Blogging, if you want others to read it, is honestly, just not for everyone. Some people are just not very good writers (and by writers I mean people able to construct a grammatically correct sentence, not actual writing for publication writers) which means that their blogs are not very fun to read. Thinking hard to muddle through grammatical mistakes is not my idea of fun. That's why I quit teaching (not really, but it wasn't fun then either). Just a fact, not a put down.

Need a little help finding some new ifriends of your own?

Don't mind if I do!

Try these So Not Dumb bloggers whose awesomeness has earned them Dumb Mom's seal of ifriending approval.

That's right ladies, go ahead and wear this badge of honor with pride!

Because you know what? Dumb Mom ifriends are the new black!



Faemom. She's crafty, and smart, and witty, and funny as crap. Mom of two boys with another (of some sex still to be determined I believe) on the way. Worth a read a, definitely one of my besteses ifriends.

When Did I Become My Mother. Real name unknown (to me at least) which proves my point that ifriends don't bother with silly things like names. She's laid back, and easy going, maybe because of the beautiful ocean paradise she calls home. She loves her three kiddos and always leaves nice comments.

Unknown Mami. Whose name I obviously don't know, but whose blog I enjoy everyday, especially on Sundays (go see why for yourself). Plus, her bag face (Book Bag, so effing funny!), photos crack me up!

Smart Pumpkin's Mom. She's the yin to my yang. The up to my down. The smart to my dumb. I'm not even close to being smart enough to explain what kinda knowledge this lady is dropping on us. You'll just have to read her yourself.

Miss Dot's Cupcake Spot. Did somebody say cupcakes? Deliciously-iced-no-wonder-you-weigh-a-ton cupcakes? They are sweet, and show is she!

I'm planning to do this every Monday, but I'd like to feature a guest poster in the future.

You know, 'cause I'm kinda lazy and stuff.

Anyone interested?

Anyone?

I'm putting a Mr. Linky in here so that we can all get to know you potential Dumb Mom ifriends of the future. Be sure to link to your best stuff so we can fall in lurve with you!

A note: Anyone who may, possibly consider writing a guest post for PBD or another blogger can leave a link here. Or, if you just know that you are awesome and want the rest of the world (aka the 18 people who read this blog) to know it, then you can go ahead and leave your links too. You might just end up being one of PBD's new ifriends (to be blabbed about in future posts) because I like awesome. It's sorta my thing.