RanDumb, Really?

Tons of things confuse me.

Obviously there are the standard ones like, algorithms, how to convert metric units into something normal like inches or cups, and outer space.

But there’s a butt load of other crap that boggles my mind as well. 

For example, when Hubby calls me from the medicine aisle at Target and asks me if he should get the grape medicine or the cherry medicine for the dudes, and I tell him cherry because they HATE grape (and by HATE I mean it makes them gag), but then for some reason that I can not for the life of me determine he comes home with a bag filled with the grape ones anyway?!

I always just wonder why he bothered to call me and ask if he wasn't gonna listen.

I can’t imagine he’s doing it just to tick me off.  Even Dumb Dad’s not that dumb.

Or, when Hubby (obviously there are tons of things he does that I find to be mindblowingly confusing) asks me what movie I want to see.  I say, “Why don’t you get Julie and Julia or The Proposal?” and he comes back with District 9.

Really?! 

WTH?!  What kind of mind game are you playing at, Sir?! 

WHY?!

I’m sure in his mind asking me is like his way of appearing interested in what I say and eager to please me.  In my mind (aka reality) it is just annoying.

Anyway.  This week on RanDumb I’m going to explore a number of topics that I find confusing (aka Dumb).

Through extensive research (which is an advanced way of saying I Googled it), I have discovered that some of them actually do have answers.

Sadly the more tricky ones remain unexplained. 

Feel free to offer your own explanations, but don’t be surprised if I contradict you.  I may not know what the answers are, but I’m pretty sure I know what they aren’t.

5 RanDumb Things that Made Dumb Mom Say Really?

1.  That guys don’t like surprises. 

Really? 

Why the Hell not?  What’s wrong with surprises? 

They are exciting, and fun, and…surprising.  I love surprises.  I rarely ever get them since I am in charge of developing, organizing, and carrying out every single idea that this household comes up with, but I’d love to be surprised (with something I’ve preapproved, of course) from time to time.  I mean, really, there’s no such thing as a bad surprise because bad surprises are called mistakes. 

Hubby, on the other hand HATES surprises.  I gave him a surprise birthday party like 8 years ago and I’ve never seen anyone have a less happy face at a party.  He was miserable.  He acted nice enough about it, but later he informed that he really, truly, honestly, no lie just doesn’t like being surprised.

Really?

Naturally, I assumed he was lying.  Or that, if he was telling the truth, he was some sort of heartless freak o’ nature because EVERYONE likes surprises.

Well, apparently, he’s neither because according to this guy, who I am totally in love with because he is singlehandedly saving my marriage with his witty insight John DeVore, who writes on The Frisky agrees that “Dudes Do Not Dig Surprises”.  He even gives some believably (although irrational) reasons as to why.

Go.  Figure.

2.  Americans are sensitive. 

About race.  About nudity.  About everything. 

This has baffled me for years.  I used to live in Europe.  For like 4 years.  The first week I was there my brother and I were watching a cartoon on television and right before our new-to-the-county-eyes the character dropped his shorts and took a dump in a stream, bearing is animated, naked booty to the world. 

We were taken aback. 

But that experience was nothing compared to the first time I visited a schwimmbad (German word for swimming pool) and discovered that tops were optional.  And the only ones gaping at the naked knockers were us Americans (and by us I mean every American but me because I was so embarrassed I nearly drowned myself in the wave pool).  No one there woulda thought to fine, or boycott, or make a stink about Janet’s wardrobe malfunction that has caused us to suffer through many years of sucky post-Janet Superbowl halftime “talent”. 

I mean, really?

Are Janet’s pierced nipples that offensive?

I’d love to be able to wake up to those everyday (because they were attached to my own chest, not because I was in bed with Miss-Jackson-if-you’re-nasty, although now that I think about it…).

And it’s not just nudity that gets all of our panties in a twist.

I mean look at all the trouble this Folgers commercial has caused.

Apparently, it’s sexist?

Really? 

Is anyone else who doesn’t have countless hours to dissect every single little element of every single little everything offended by it?

I’m probably dumb and insensitive but I just don’t get it.

It could be worse.  I mean look at this…

It totally perpetuates the stereotype that Chinese people can fly.

Even I know that’s not true.

Or what about this one…

You expect me to believe that one little box of chicken would be enough to shut all those people up? 

Yeahright.

3.  Animals have tons to do with boobs. 

Really?

Well, that’s what PETA is trying to convince me of anyway (DON’T GO TO THE LINK UNLESS YOU ARE 100% OKAY WITH SEEING A PAIR OF VERY COSTLY BIJONGAS).

I don’t know.

Personally, I could’ve done without the stripper.  I mean the sad images and the creepy-mad-rock-inspired accompaniment were convincing enough on their own.  The naked chick was just distracting because I couldn’t quit looking at her tigolbitties long enough to listen to her message.

4.  Some people are just effing crazy. 

A fact repeatedly proven by reality TV.

I mean did you see this dude on American Idol this week?

Come on.

Really?

Is there any way that dude is not tone deaf?

Doubt it.

And, what about this guy…

He’s lucky the only thing he “done ripped” were his pants.

5.  My children are spoiled.

Really? 

Because they don’t really act like it.

But, maybe the sweet gem of a woman who left the comment on my “Birthday Doughnut” post from a coupla days ago knows them better than I do.

Or.  Maybe I really am just to dumb to notice.

Either way, I’m thinking I should look into this claim and see if there is any validity to it, maybe I’ll take a poll or something, because the last thing I need is a spoiled kid hanging around here.

Loud, energetic, outgoing, overzealous, and showing daredevil like tendencies are hard enough to deal with!

Got a RanDumb video or news story to share with Dumb Mom?  Point the way because I can’t get enough of this stuff.

Have a random (or a RanDumb) post to share?  Head over to Mrs.. 4444 and her Friday Fragments to link up.