Wordful (HI-YA!) Wednesday

My kid could totally kick your kid's butt.

But, don't worry, he won't.

He's not really the kick butt type.

I wouldn't mess with him though, because he is a trained fighting machine.



He had his orange to green belt test last Saturday.

He so rocked it!

He was like a less dorky, more fierce Jackie Chan.



Or, maybe he was like a less lethal, more endearing Jet Li.



Nah, I think he was definitely more Karate Kid and less Romeo Must Die.



But, whatever, Daniel LaRusso, ain't got nothing on #1!

The only reason he's not out there snapping necks is because he's the most sweetest, nicest, cooperative, easy-to-be-around-unless-you're-his-four-year-old-brother kinda dude.

Believe me when I say, it's not for lack of skill 'cause he could take you out right now if he wanted to.

But he doesn't, so you're safe.

For now.

But, if you don't get over there and enter my giveaway, he might change his mind (or be bribed to do so by his less ethical, more tyrannical beast of a mother).

Eating Healthy is Looney

And, why is this especially the case at school and snack time?

Its tough to find healthy things #1 will eat in front of his friends (not sure why, but he only wants to buy or have the exact same thing everyone else has, thank you peer pressure).

I try to slip in fresh fruit or veggies along with his half-a-ham-and-cheese-with-a-little-mustard-please-don't-switch-it-up-Mom-or-I-will-FREAK! sandwiches.

And, after school, health food is an elusive little biotch as well.

He usually wants the other half of his lunch sandwich and that's it.

I've offered him gorgeously decorated veggie trays (carrot sticks with fat free ranch), gourmet yogurt (Go-gurts), eye catching fruit displays (cut apples arranged in a circle), and all types of other inventive, healthy, look-what-I-made-kids! options.

But, he likes the sandwhich, and the sandwich is so freakin' easy I pretty much just go with that (you know, 'cause I'm a kinda lazy and stuff).

I do want to try, though (no really, I do).

Lucky for me (and you if you keep reading!) Warner Bros. Consumer Products and Safeway, Inc. has a ton of fun and easy solutions for lazy a** moms like me.

They have "teamed up to create a better-for-you line of food products for children, uniting flavor and nutrition with the iconic Looney Tunes characters. The Eating Right Kids food line featuring Bugs Bunny, Marvin the Martian, Daffy Duck and others offers more than 60 items across 18 categories including breakfast foods, produce, portable meals, dairy, snacks, beverages and frozen entrees - making it easy for moms to spot healthier food and beverage items for their kids that taste great".

And, they are sponsoring a sweetly healthy little giveaway for you to enter right here on your favorite blog, PBD.!

So.

Awesome.

A basket full of deliciously Looney Tuney fun!

See, looks kinda cool, right?!



Want to make it yours?

All you have to do is:

1.) Leave a comment (or a link to a recipe would work too) telling me your favorite, healthy lunch or snack item that your kids don't gag over or shun like the plague (actually, my kids don't seem to be entirely opposed to the plague as they make it a point to touch every nasty surface they can find and then rub their hands all over the inside of their mouths. Heathens!)

and

2) Follow PBD.

That's all folks!

And the gift basket could be yours.

Fine print: Contest ends at midnight on 10/02/09 and the winner will be announced on Saturday Swagurday (10/3/09). The selected winner will have 24 hours to email me their name, address, and TELEPPHONE NUMBER (their requirement, not mine). If contact is not made, an alternate winner will be selected. The baskets ship directly from the contest sponsor and will include all of the following (as long as available):

Looney Tunes Golden Collection Volume 1
Tweety T-shirt from Junk Food
Looney Tunes plush item
Looney Tunes stationary or home good
Eating Right Kids “green” shopping bag from Safeway
Eating Right Kids post card
Eating Right Kids Products (non perishable) in a branded lunch box
Canned Ravioli with Daffy or Microbowl with Tweety
Tri-color Wheat Rotini with Sylvester and Tweety
Apple juice with Taz
Chewy Bar with Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner

They didn't mention that fancy ribbon, but I'll bet you get it too:)

Good luck!

Fair Day

Friday, September 24th was a special day in the slice of Americana I call home.

It was Fair Day.

Not sure what that is?

Well, it's not the day that things go my way simply because I deserve it.

Actually, this particular Fair Day was distinctively unfair as it marked the beginning of a royally effed weekend, starting off bright and early with #3 dropping my cell phone into a glass of water (thankfully, after drying out for a good day and a half, it has slowly come back into existence).

As I went through the tremors and hot flashes associated with texting withdraw, I had a number of other semi-tragedies to make my day complete: I broke a plate (a wedding gift plate no less, which I'm refusing to consider an omen), some winged demon bit me on the face (possibly it was a mosquito, but it felt curiously like a mini dragon), and I drove all the way to soccer practice before I realized that I forgot #2's change of shoes which meant that in order to complete our day's activities (without tacking on an additional 40 minutes worth of driving time) I had to purchase him a new pair.

And, this was just the beginning. I also had the opportunity to photograph a completely rained out wedding on Saturday (but the show must go on even if that does mean we had to move indoors to a place with fluorescent lighting, I know, blech), only to return home to a hideously broken garage door.

I realize you didn't ask for all that, and that you probably just want to know what Fair Day is, but you know, too bad.

Fine.

Fair Day is the day where our rural county gives all of the school children a day off to brutally harass their mothers by fighting nonstop with their siblings in a vicious attempt to systematically drive her insane visit the county fair, free of charge.

I'm certain that such a day was appreciated, and even necessary, when this area was predominately supported by agricultural enterprises.

You know, back when 4-H was the shiznitz (some people argue that this is still the case, but I'm here to tell you, as a former 4H camper, it decidedly is not).

But, today, when farmers are selling their land to developers and people buy local produce because it's trendy, it's really just a day that the kids get to miss school for no apparent reason other than to make me wish they were there.

I mean, a visit to the fair before 5pm wasn't even possible since they didn't open the carnival midway until then. And, seriously, my kids woulda lost it, had a bona-fide-can-you-even-blame-them-for-losing-it fit, if I marched them past the darkened rides to checkout the county's best in the bovine, fowl, and home cooked dessert departments.

I would never torture them (or myself) that way.

So, in my estimation, they coulda went to school, and still made a pretty good showing at the fair. After 5pm. With Mommy in a happy mood. Which makes a world of difference. For everyone.

But, where do you think Dumb Mom and crew could be found Friday night around 7:00pm (had soccer practice, followed by a 40 minute stint in fair related traffic before we could make it there)?

That's right baby, the Frederick County Fair.

Naturally we had a blast.

Riding rides,



eating crappy, but magically delicious, fair food,



being duped by carny double talk (obviously not me, but the kids fell hook, line, and sinker for this one),



and checking out all of the fair related livestock.



The most significant part of Fair Day, 2009 was that it was Hubby's inaugural visit to the event.

Can you believe, a 30-something year old grown up man never once having had the pleasure of visiting a fair?!

He was surprised, he was intrigued, and he was excited to see that the fair is like a microcosm of America itself.

Every group you can label is represented at the fair: young, old, rich, poor, black, white, fat, skinny, legal, illegal, pimps, hoes, everyone, all yucking it up at the fair.

And, the social ills tend to be alive and well there also: teen pregnancy, underage drinking, statutory rape, prostitution (although, I'm not sure what you call it if no money actually exchanges hands), drugs, sex, lies, and videotape.

It's amazing how something like the fair brings people, who would otherwise have no dealings with each other, together for some good old fashion get-drunk-and-start-a-fight-with-your-buddy, fun.

It's heart warming, isn't it?

Really makes you feel like a member of the community.

Saturday Swag-urday: Destination X-mas

Before I get all engrossed in this post, let me announce the winner of the spooky rodents Zhu Zhu Pet: It's Keyona from The New Norm.

Go on over and congratulate her! And, before you get all bent outta shape, it wasn't the sucking up she did in her comment(okay maybe that helped just a little bit), she won fair and square by being picked by my unautomated, manual picking machine known commonly as #2.

Did you know that there are currently only 89 days left until Christmas?!

I know, you don't stat freakin' out until the countdown hits the single digit mark.

But, this year, if you listen to me like a good little blog follower, you don't have to be that person. You know the one, rushing through Toys R Us, clothes disheveled, sweaty brow, with the cart full of kids while you scream across the store to your husband in mommy-daddy code about which gifts he should (or shouldn't) be sneaky up to the register to buy.

Seriously, you see how things turned out for Kate, don't be her.

And here is the next installment of PBD's Ultimate Bomb Diggity Gift Giving Guide of 2009 to help you in your quest to not "pull a Kate" (for lack of a better expression).

This is me thinking outside the box people, so bare with me, I like my box and I'm not used to getting out of it and seeing the world, and, quite frankly, neither are my need-a-leash-to-stop-the-madness children.

We have only just recently begun to increase our time outta the box.

We still haven't fully mastered #3 in public (you know, without the cage and chains we keep him in at home), but we're getting better.

But, for those events that aren't particularly appropriate for monkeys (or children who act like them), we are able to abandon him, I mean leave him with Hubby, for longer periods. Now that he's fully independent of the boob, he's unlikely to blow out a diaper, and he can communicate without screaming (although, he keeps this option available for emergencies, which generally includes anything that has to do with food), Hubby is more confident in his child handling skills which allows me the opportunity to take the older, slightly more civilized members of the fam on excursions.

With this in mind, I've decided to give the gift of fun for Christmas this year.

Gifting someone fun is an exciting idea because:

a) It's easy. When you give the gift of fun, which can come in the form of tickets to The Backyardigans (which I gave #2 last year), or Disney on Ice (which I'm considering for this year) all you need to do is load up the World Wide Web, click on over to Ticketmaster...



and boom! There you have it, ridiculously overpriced tickets to fun!

Sent, via USPS, or available for pick up at Will Call. Can't get much easier than that.

b) It's special. My kids really look forward to their special event days. Possibly that's because they are so starved for attention that they crave this one on one time like Whitney Houston craves crack. Or, used to, because (despite what you may have seen on the Oprah show), apparently she's clean.

When I invest in the gift of fun, I usually select an event that is specific to the interests of that particular child. Then I make a huge production outta taking just that one child to his designed-with-him-in-mind event (you know, since it could be at least 8 to 12 months before I address him by name or make eye contact with him again, not because I don't want to, just for lack of time) and the others get left behind to eat veggies, have baths (which is like punishment around here), clean their rooms, and go to bed early.

This strategy serves two purposes as well (quite the multitasker aren't I?). One, it allows me to save money, because these effing shows are e-x-p-e-n-s-i-v-e. You would think I was taking them to see someone amazing like Taylor Swift, who is not nearly as awesome as Beyonce (did I get that straight, Kanye?), but still, she's like a top shelf performer, and, apparently, the friggin' Backyardigans are right up there with her.

And, two it makes the gift of fun that much more awesome. Excluding the perpetual kidtourage (kid-entourage) from the event is a gift in itself. This is especially true for #1 because I'm sure having #2 as a brother is akin to having a Siamese, I mean conjoined (that's the correct word, right?) twin, as he spends all of his time up his a**.

Let the kid breathe already!

c) It's a selfish gift, which makes it even more awesome. If you play your cards right you too can benefit from the gift of fun. You can select something, like Walking with Dinosaurs or a live production of The Lion King, that you may find enjoyable also. Or, you can purposefully choose something in a relatively dark venue that you have no interest in experiencing (like a trip to the Planetarium for a presentation about the crap hole that is space) so that you can nap during it. Either way, both of you have a blast.

So, take a few minutes and explore some of the following options for giving the gift of fun.

And, remember, fun doesn't have to break the bank, all it has to do is be, um, you know, fun!

PBD Approved List of Things Kids Think are Fun.

1. Movie Tickets (my dudes LOVE this gift and so do I b/c it's almost cheap enough to be considered affordable; almost). You can plan to see any of these upcoming possible blockbusters set to release during or after the holidays. Even though A Christmas Carol drops November 6th, I'm sure they will keep this one around through the holiday season. Avatar comes out a week before Christmas, so it'll still be playing after Santa does his thing. Christmas Day you can plan for the second installment of Alvin and the Chipmunks (give you something to get your mind off all the cash you blew on the toy they already effing broke?!). And then, in 2010 you can look forward to Alice in Wonderland (although it may not be for kids with the likes of Tim Burton and Mr. Fine himself, Johnny Depp, involved). Feel free to sleep through Avatar, but I wouldn't miss A Christmas Carol, Jim Carey is too funny!

2. Museum/Zoo/Aquarium Tickets. You all know how much we love fun, educational venues around here. Every city has them, and if you don't live near a city, well, then maybe you just shouldn't pick this one.

3. The farm. This is just for those people who don't live anywhere near a city. However, I guess that means you already live on or very near a farm which would make this one very anticlimactic. Whatever. Go for the movie tickets, every place is kinda close to a movie theater, right? Please tell me I'm right?!

4. A theatrical production. I'm using the term theatrical loosely here to include anything performed on a stage that includes music, dancing, and/or plushy-mascoty-type characters (think Disney on Ice, the Wiggles, and other "performing artists" that are made to be almost repugnant to adults yet annoyingly addictive to children).

5. A theme park. Unless the theme is Disney or chocolate (remember my trip to Hershey Park? I can still smell the sweet goodness.), I try to avoid these places at all costs. They're filled to brimming with sneaky teenagers, they require more walking in one day than I'm generally comfortable with, and #1 tempts the barf gods every time he mounts a ride. But, kids seem to get all giddy with excitement when presented with an opportunity to experience one of these happy places, so they make the list (for you, not for me).

In summary: Give the gift of fun this Christmas, it'll make you a hero!

Dating

I think I'd be really good at dating.

I never really dated much in my single days. I basically went from long-term boyfriend to long-term boyfriend (with a bit of overlap), and didn't have the opportunity to really experience true "dating".

So, now I date vicariously through BFF. You know, it's fun, but not consistently fun, because she has some, um, "issues" (to be elaborated upon in a future post) with "dating" (are you loving my quotes? I'm doing air quotes as I type in case you were wondering).

Occasionally, rarely, I have the opportunity to go on a date of my own.

Not with Hubby.

And, not with that hottie whose been checking me out in the neighborhood a few times a week while I'm out on my morning walk (Fine, Mrs. Nosy McNosenstein, it's the garbage man whose been checking me out, okay?! And, he's not a hottie. He's old. And he's covered in hair. And, he's missing a few key teeth. And, he smells like, well, like trash. But whatever, I haven't been checked out much this century and a girl's gotta take what she can get.).

I had an awesome date with someone more handsome than Hubby, more unique than the trash man, and more appealing than a teenage vampire.



#2.

That's right ladies, go ahead and swoon (but go easy, cougars).

He got all after hours sheik on me. Spiked his hair. Used his most alluring aftershave (which he bummed offa his daddy).

And, I cleaned up a bit myself (and by cleaned up I mean I put on a real bra) so we could go to...(wait for it)

The theater!

That's right, my baby is all cultural and stuff!

Actually, I'm writing an article for a local magazine about theater opportunities in and around our town and I needed a sidekick (I took Mimi too) to go with me to check out an event the various groups were having last night.

We got to watch snippets from upcoming performances by each of the companies.

They were a little (okay a lot) awesome.

Especially this one.



There was singing, dancing, comedy and drama. There was even a comical horror act (and yes, I did a little YOL, that's yelped out loud for those who don't know).

I totally felt like I was on the set of Glee only everyone was way older (and not quite so attractive or funny or cliche), but still cool (and talented and entertaining and perfect for a super hot date with my favorite four year old).

Best part, the entire event was free! And, we found out the Imagination Movers are coming to town this fall, so guess what we'll be doing about midway through November (as long as it doesn't interfere with the release of New Moon!)?!

Jealous much? Admit it, you know you are:)!

Moxie Mona (finally) in da house!

As multitasking is my strong point, this post will serve five important purposes:

1. This is my Moxie Mona post. Those sassy divas from Moxie Media sent her to my neck of the blogging woods this summer and today is my day to report on her fantastic voyage (song reference again, anyone?).

2. This is my Thursday Thank You post. However, let me state, for the record, I let Mona take over for the week so if it's offensive, rude, or otherwise distasteful, talk to the super hero in the hot pants. I figured, it's just good manners to allow her the opportunity to thank me for hosting her this summer. I mean, not to complain or anything, but she was a little bit of a mooch! She, went on all of my family trips and she never once offered to give me gas money.

Seriously, you'd think someone who got a free ride to a Washington Redskins game,



the National Aquarium (tempted though we were, we didn't feed her to the sharks),



Port Discovery Children's Museum (she got to try out all sorts of exhibits),



The Maryland Science Center (she experienced a rare dinosaur encounter she'll never forget),



the beach (it may just be a lake, but beggars can't be choosers and Mona was definitely begging for a tan),



And countless other exotic locales (aka my kitchen during a dude feeding frenzy).



I guess even superheroes are feeling the crunch of this economy. But, somehow she could still afford those sexy boots and that bedazzled head gear she wears. What's up with that?

At least she has a few redeeming qualities: she's awkwardly quiet (I did all of the talking which is mostly okay, but I tend to appreciate a few "amen sisters" from time to time), she doesn't eat much (how else could she fit into those hoochie mama cootie cutters of hers?), and she doesn't mind entertaining the dudes.

3. This is my response to Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop for the week (If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?), also answered, quite eloquently I might add, by Mona (Miss Moxie if you're nasty) and her witty little ditty.

4. This is my chance to share a few things about my home away from home (I miss LA) as well as tell you some things I've learned about Mona (with her moxified self).

So, what are some things about Middle of Nowhere, Maryland that you probably didn't know?

Hmmm, ooh, ooh, here's one...did you know the dude who wrote the National Anthem (you know, the song no one in this country seems to know the words to), Francis Scott Key, is from my hometown?

And, technically, this great city of mine is the second largest one in the state of Maryland (only it's still so small in the grand scheme of things, that no one really cares).

Finally, Frederick (lovingly referred to 'round these parts as Fredneck), Maryland is home to three super smart, amazingly handsome, winning personalities, known online as #1, #2, and #3.



As far as what I've learned about Ms. Mona, all I can say is, awe-some!

For one thing, she is quite the budding actor. She won a starring role in our local theater production: Knights, Blood, and Mind Control.



And, in spite of her inappropriate attire, she is a whiz with the kids (which I was super grateful for 'cause I really abhor Spiderman Memory).



But, Mona does have a bit of a thing for men in uniform.

Police officers,



sailors,



and, rouge adventurers?!



I forgive you, Mona, I like a little danger myself:)!


5. Finally, this is an opportunity to demonstrate that I am quite the celebrity (as I've been attempting to prove to you for ages), with an exciting, action packed social calendar that I can hardly keep up with myself. The fact that some people have argued that I am a dork who spends most of her time in sweats sitting in her basement reading vampire books or playing dodge ball with a group of smelly little kids is fully unsupported and contrary to the evidence provided herein.

So, stop it right now you haters.

I am awesome. Ask Mona.

Thursday Thank You for the week is a tribute to the entire Casa de Dummies, brought to you by Moxie Mona, with a card picked up from a local boutique,Urban Cottage.

I'm hoping this isn't some sort of backhanded compliment regarding the cleanliness (or lack thereof) of my house. 'Cause, really Mona, we can't all be super sexy super heroes who parade around the country from house to house making merry.

Some of us are just regular old (tired, chunky, and not exceptionally smart) moms who are trying to do the best we can with what we've been given. And, in case anyone's wondering, I have not been given a broom, a mop, or a feather duster, so I have no intention of using them.

Thank you, and you're welcome.



My boots are red,
My shorts are blue.
I'll tell you one thing
I'm sure is true.

I've traveled east,
I've traveled west.
And, there's one place
I like the best.

This place I love
if full of boys.
And all around
lie piles toys.

But the mom is funny
and the dad's sorta hot,
and the kids are cool
even covered in snot.

I had tons of fun
thanks to the girls @ Moxie.
So, thanks for sending me
to PBD's!

Wordful Wednesday

I've been really busy lately (blog stalking, celebrity stalking, and chocolate chip cookie stalking pretty much eats up all of my free time).

But, this weekend I freed my schedule and 2/3 of the dudes and I, took a trip to "the city" (that's what you call it when you live out in the country like we do).

It was so much fun. Like, the "best I ever had" (name that tune?).

I don't think I've had that kind of fun, since, I don't even know when.

I hate to say it, but I think we had such a blast because we left this little knucklehead (and Hubby) at home for the day



so that #1, #2, and I could have some special Mommy time together (plus, for some reason that should be punishable by death, the National Aquarium in Baltimore does not allow strollers so, had #3 accompanied us, we would have seen all of the fish at warp speed as we ran thru the place in hot pursuit of the baby who has wheels for feet).

We went down to Baltimore's Inner Harbor to test drive a new exhibit at Port Discovery, called Access Ability.



Because this was like a pre-museum opening type deal we had to get there @ the butt crack of dawn (which for us is like 8:30).

It was a fun, but short trip. We checked out the exhibit, the local news covered it (but somehow omitted our smiling faces from the final cut), and we were sent packing (nicely, of course, by the sweetly smiling face of Kate, their marketing maven).

Not one for wasting gas (Baltimore is like 50 miles from my house) I figured, let's break the bank (literally) and go to the aquarium. We're here, we're here early, and we're here minus one so might as well.

We saw it all.

The 4-D Immersion theater...



The dolphin show...



The jelly fish, the fancy fish, and even the famous fish (Nemo!)



We spent 3 hours running casually strolling through that place, reading every sign, experiencing every creature, enjoying every moment like the babyless travelers we were (and, since it cost $70 to get in the place, we wanted to take advantage of every nook and cranny they were selling).

And, afterward we were famished, of course.

So, we went for fries and shakes (no healthy eating today, it was a par-tay!) at Johnny Rockets.

Of course we could have chosen any type of exotic cuisiene at the Harbor (it is a tourist trap, after all), but we wanted to do something all the no-need-for-a-high-chair ballers get to do: sit at the bar!

#2 even did his fancy schmansy "sittin' at the bar" dance for us...



Once we were packed with greasy goodness, we contemplated heading home.

But, we couldn't!

There were fountains to run through.



Street performers to heckle (actually, it was him who was heckling us for not putting cash in his pot. Sorry pal, it's a recession and this day trip is breaking me!).



And, science.



As a wise woman (aka BFF) once said, "Go big or go home!"

So, big it was; we added the Maryland Science Center, to our day o' fun!

We got to see the dinosaurs, lay on a bed of nails, explore the human body, and be guniea pigs in the name of science.



And, somehow, I got suckered into the Planetarium (thought we were gonna see the constellations) for some spooky presentation about black matter (or some equally abstract and frightening concept) in outer space.



Now, you can't tell me that doesn't look like some creepy-I'm-gonna-get-you-sucka-Houston-we-have-a-problem-danger-Will-Robinson weapon of mass destruction.

It's for space, man. Outer freakin' space.

Booo!

Booo for space and it's evil instruments of death!

I took a nap (you know, to prevent from having a space induced panic attack).

We rounded out our baby-free-stress-free-bickering-free-awesome-filled day with the Newton's Alley exhibit where the dudes got to experience, hands on, all of Newton's laws (I think they have to do with like gravity or motion or some beyond me mumbo jumbo that is totally out of my realm of understanding, but kinda cool when presented in an interactive museum exhibit).

See? It included this fun little Mousetrap (rememeber that game?) doohickey.



So, should you ever find yourself in Baltimore, be sure to give me a ring.

We'll meet up.

You can buy me lunch and pay for me to get into all of the attractions.

Then, you can watch me chase my spirited toddler through all of the exhibits because, let's face it, the baby free day was totally a one time deal made possible entirely by the brodcasting of football (besides, you don't really need to take your time now, just read the blog, you get the idea).

It'll be great.

P.S. Did you spot my girl Mona in one of those shots? Be sure to check back here tomorrow to get the full rundown on Mona's visit to PBD!

Eating Healthy is Looney

Part 2: WBs. Consumer Products’ and Safeway’s Eating Right Kids Initiative


Everyone knows I've done a bang up job of teaching my kids to identify (and enjoy) unhealthy foods.



And, yes, if you must know, that's chocolate icing smeared attractively all over his face (and knees, and tummy, and the floor, and wall behind him).

I'm a sweet food junkie, and I admit I have a serious weakness when it comes to cookies.

Plus, I was raised on comfort food; fried chicken, mashed potatoes, homemade breads, were all a huge part of my formative years.

Even with these heavy, delicious food swarming around my house, I never really had a weight problem as a child, or even as a teenager or young adult.

At least not until #1 convinced me from the inside that I needed to eat french fries and milkshakes everyday to ensure he had an optimum inutero environment. And then, to top it all off, my metabolism got all old and lazy and saturated fatty and decided that instead of burning calories all day it will take a series of naps when it should be WORKING!

Basically, it's not entirely my own fault that I'm fat, is it?

I could sit here and blame people, and science, and outer space for my predicament all I want, but it won't help me slim down and it won't help me be a good role model for my dudes.

So, I'm thinking I should make a change. For myself, for my dudes, for the greater good of the community (because seriously, if my rear end gets much bigger it will really become an eye sore).

It's just that teaching them to make healthy eating choices is something that I struggle with daily.

Like I said last week, life tends to get in the way.

But, making sure they have a healthy lifestyle is a priority.

Then, how do I do it?

I'm not 100% sure, but I can tell you that when I'm diligent about making healthy choices for myself, helping them make healthy choices is that much easier.

For example, last year, shortly after #3 made his long awaited debut, BFF and I joined Weight Watchers.

It changed my life.

Temporarily.

I lost a total of 60lbs (I've gained back 10 of them), I started jogging (haven't been out in months), and I completely revamped our diet (we had Tasty Cakes for snack last night).

When I was on the "program" it had become second nature, not just for me, but for them, too.

I memorized the points, and they memorized the food types that were healthy.

Even now that we have begun visiting the golden arches of shame again (more frequently thatn I'd like), they like to suggest the healthier option of apple fries (fingers crossed I'll say good ole fashioned french fries are okay instead).

And, #1 likes to ask two questions before every new meal is sampled, 1) "is this healhty?" and, 2) "Does this help w/constiplation" (he recently had a wicked experience with constipation in which Hubby was forced to act as his doody doula and coach him through the birth of a man sized turd; he is now obsessed with constiplation, as he calls it).

I think the most important factor for us is to simply limit the exisitence of "bad" snacks we have in the house.

I can simply not buy them (or buy them and eat them secretly in the pantry so the kids won't see), and instead focus on filling our cabinets with more healthy options.

For example, this past week was our shopping week (we only do it twice a month).

I went to Costco and instead of the strawberry cheescake and the huge tob of Utz snack mix I wanted to buy, I got fresh strawberries, a bag of fresh avacados (you know, since #2 is deserparet for our backyard to grow an guacamole tree), lettuce, apple chips and dried cheeries.

Instead of our regular chips I purchased Sun Chips because they have like 4 grams of fiber. They love chips, so I'm trying to wean them back gradually by making a less bad choice.

Instead of picking out any old juice boxes (like the ones that are cheapest), I made sure to get the 100% juice ones (actually I got the Fruitable ones that are a mix of fruit and veggie juices).

And, for added support, I pulled out one of my favorite books What Not To Eat For Kids.

I mean, I know that we shouldn't eat cookies, or candies, or Tasty Cakes very often, but this book helps me remember that even when it comes to granola bars, and trail mix, and waffles, not all foods are created equal (in the health benefit department), so I need to be conscious of the ingredient list printed microscopically on the side of the box, and not just the FIVE GRAMS OF FIBER! written in flashy bold print across the front.

I highly recommend the book.

And, I recommend you take a quick look at the Mom Logic site to get more healthful ideas for feeding your kids and teaching them to make healthy choices.

I'm no expert, but these people are.

In other news, if you want to win a Zhu Zhu Pet set, make sure you click here and get entered. There's only like three days left to enter so you better do it now.

What You Doin?

Ahhh, I miss Friends.

That was like one of my top 5 shows in 2001.

I actually cried tears of joy during the labor of my first child when my epidural kicked in and I was able to enjoy my Italian Ice (which, incidentally, I no longer eat due to the copious amount I regurgitated during and immediately following the labor and delivery of aforementioned child), Survivor, and Friends (obviously, this all went down on a Thursday).

But, as one of the arguably best shows ever produced for TV is no longer with us (except in reruns which are good to catch when it's raining, and the kids are staying at Mimi's house, and Hubby is away on travel, and, when is this scenario going to present itself again already?), I have moved on to various new diversions.

I can name something worth watching for nearly every night of the week.

For example, tonight is Sunday, and if you are like me and you'd rather spend your evening puking your dinner into the toilet (which I'm gonna have to seriously consider if I don't start losing some weight around here) than watch football, you would be watching The Amazing Race (which premiers next Sunday).

Or, let's talk about Tuesday. Tuesday is 90210 night.

Or, Wednesday. Wednesday is almost like my new Thursday. I'm looking into a new show called Cougar Town (since, were it not for the little issue of me being married, I'm certain I would easily fall into the life of a Cougar). Looks like a winner in my book, Courtney Cox (Friends, of course) as a cougar, can't possibly be wrong.

Wednesday is also America's Next Top Model night on the CW (which is quickly becoming my favorite channel even though I distinctly recall a point in my life when I vowed to NEVER tune in to anything airing on it. Old age=lower standards apparently).

Anyway, thank goodness for Tivo because competing for AMT's 8 o'clock spot in my heart is So You Think You Can Dance on Fox, which is followed by another one of my new high school set faves, Glee.

Please tell me you've watched this show. It's SO worth it if for no other reason than the Acafellas. Awe. Some.

And then Thursday. The night notoriously labeled as the best night for TV (see, more evidence that Friends was dope, it aired on Thursdays).

Thursday is Survivor, The Office, and Vampire Diaries (give it up for high school and the CW!).

But, Mondays for me are slow, at least until the Bachelor comes back.

Dancing with the Stars sucks.

I missed the boat on Gossip Girl, which is too bad because it seems like my kinda gig.

So, I'm in the market for something new on Mondays and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Accidentally on Purpose, starring my girl, Jenna Elfman, will work out for me.

I know I talked about this show previously, but now that I've read the book the show is based on (very nice coming of age/self revelation memoir written by Mary Pols), and had the opportunity to talk to Mary (the author), Jenna (the star), and Claudia Lonow (the writer), on the phone I am 100% gonna watch this show.

I loved getting the opportunity to talk to the three ladies because I'm a celebrity stalking freak to get some valuable insight into the development of the show.

I'm a huge fan of books made into shows/movies anyway (Harry Potter, Twilight, Vampire Diaries, True Blood, could go on since it's sorta my thing, but I'll stop since it's probably not yours), so for me it was natural to seek out the book behind the show when I heard there was one for Accidentally on Purpose.

I really enjoyed it. It was touching, honest, witty, and charming. I felt connected to both of the main characters, alternating from being pissed at Matt one moment, to defending him against Mary the next.

The book, though, is nothing like the show.

There's no way Mary's story could truly be made into a sitcom, so Claudia took the premise (older chick gets knocked up by young, nearly unemployed, hot guy) and focused on the comical aspects of that (and there are quite a few).

And it looks like a hit to me!

I realize that I'm no trained critic here (I mean I picked Lipstick Jungle and Privileged as bigger winners), but trust me on this one. If you are looking for a new, witty, funny show about love and family and friendship then Accidentally on Purpose is really worth a try.

If nothing else, Jenna Elfman is cute,



Jon Foster is cute (sorta in that dorky-quirky-he's-sweet-and-he-totally-makes-me-laugh kinda way),



and Dancing with the Stars is so NOT cute, that you might as well try to find something else to fill your I-hate-Monday-Night-football blues.


*Here to win the Zhu Zhu Pets? Click here!

Saturday Swag-urday

Even though the sun is peeping through my window as I type, America's consumer culture is forcing me to get prepared for Christmas.

Michael's, and now Costco have begun their preparations; twinkling white lights, animated deer, and bigger than life sized Santas have come out to play.

I can't say I'm really in the Christmas spirit yet, but the kids (who are ruled by expert marketing ploys) are already starting to talk about the big guy.

#1 (bless his following-in-Mommy's-genius footsteps) actually threatened #2 with Santa's Naughty List at the dinner table yesterday.

#2: Do I have to eat deez beans to get a snack?
Me: You betcha big guy.
#2: I don't like them (pushes them away, tipping over his water cup in the process).
Me: Well, I don't like it when you behave this way. You need to calm down and eat your food.
#2: You need to calm down. You're being mean to me and you da baddest mommy in da world today.
Me: (Giving him the stank eye and calming down, not because he said so, because if I don't I will wring is little neck.)
#1: Uhoh. I think someone just got his Naughty List out and is writing your name on it.
#2: (Evil eyeing #1.)
#1: Yep, you better watch it, Buddy, because Santa gives kids a pass during the summer, but summer is over now and school is back and he's watching again.
Me: Wait, Santa goes on vacation?
#1: Of course. Don't you remember we saw him this summer at the 4th of July party? He was probably on his way to the beach.



Me: That's right. Listen to your brother, he's a smart dude.

Who knew I was such an awesome use-trickery-when-necessary-to-get-what-you-want role model?

So, let's see if I can convince you guys to start your holiday shopping a little early this year with another recommendation on PBD's Ultimate Bomb Diggity Gift Giving Guide of 2009.

How about Zhu Zhu Pets?!



I know, they seem a little creepy, and probably not your idea of fun.

I feel ya! I was not a fan of the life like rodent toy either when I was lured into the living room to watch the commercial (which was rewound at key moments) for these things.

And then, we were offered the opportunity to test drive these bad boys and share them with some of our neighborhood friends.

I figured, it was a good opportunity to prove (once again) that I'm right and that Zhu Zhu Pets (or any other toy that pretends to be a rodent) are not fun.

Alas, I was mistaken; they have not stopped playing with the bloody things since the day they landed on our doorstep!

Surprise!

They were a huge hit at the party, too.



All the kids LOVED them and (from what I hear) are still playing with them now (so be sure to have extra AAA batteries on hand, 'cause explaining a dead hamster to a four year old is not gonna be fun).

Despite their obvious kid appeal, I do have to tell you about two things I was not too happy to discover.

1) The Zhu Zhu Pets line includes an entire Zhu Zhu Pets play world (like a Hamster fun land with housing, transportation, and family fun centers) that has to be assembled.

It was a beast to put together.

I'm not a role model when it comes to assembly required toys by any stretch of the imagination, so don't let my shortcoming deter you.

I followed the directions okay, and it looked good in the end, but I distinctly recall taking the Lord's name in vain at least once, and breaking a sweat during the whole put-it-together process.

Worst part is that during the course of regular play the happy hamster land may come apart (because your toddler sits on it), at which point your child may become inpatient (aka yelling loudly and possibly bursting into tears) as you attempt to reassemble it without cursing in front of him (and a whole party full of 3 and 4 year olds).

2) This toy is not intended for children under the age of 4.

I realize that this disclaimer is CLEARLY labeled on the front of every Zhu Zhu Pet and Zhu Zhu Pet accessory.

But, you try telling your 19 month old that while his brothers are going to have their very own Zhu Zhu Pet to raise, he will have to stand idly by and watch them play with them and their hamster hideout.

Um, yeah, not gonna happen.

You can try, but this is what you get...



But, let's say you give in and let the little one have a pet of his own. I mean, tons of toys have that same disclaimer on it and he's never really had a problem before (aside from a little frustration over not being able to figure the toy out).

Then, friends, your one year old who is admittedly way too young to safely play with this toy, could end up like this...



My bad.

Although, I will say that Zhu Zhu Pets might want to say that this toy is not intended for kids under the age of four OR for children with hair.

Just sayin'.

In all honesty, this toy was a huge hit with the kids, particularly with my four year old (even though my 7 year old has one too that he likes to keep under his pillow).

I recommend it (even though my better judgement tells me to shy away from faux rodents for fear the children may decide they might like to have a real one) for kids who are not likely to attempt to drive it through their hair (it's the effing wheels, they go forward, and then they go back, and then they go forward again which means get your scissors if you want to extract it from hairy spots).

Convinced?

Want to win your very own Zhu Zhu Pet with Hamstermobile and garage?

Of course you do, silly!

All you have to do to enter is:

1. Leave a comment telling me you want it and follow my blog.
2. You can get an extra entry if you follow me on Twitter, too. (@thenagainphoto)

That's it. You don't even have to prove to me your kid is over 4!

Winner of the incredibly-fun-but-borderline-painful-if-you-can't-follow-basic-instructions Zhu Zhu Pet will be announced next Saturday (contest closes Friday 9/8 @midnight)

Looking for previous entries on the gift guide? Check here!

Moxie Mona in da House!

So, you guys all know I'm kinda famous.

Maybe not in the traditional paparazzi-stalked-can't-even-smoke-while-preggers famous, but in the more I-know-someone-who-has-a-cousin-who-is-the-ex-boyfriend-of-someone-whose-sister-works-at-the-deli-that-Cameron-Diaz-goes-to famous, which is almost like the same thing, but different, right?.

As far as I'm concerned my kinda famous is even more awesome than the Robert Pattinson (you knew he'd be in here somewhere if we're talking about celebrities!) level of fame because I can visit the local bookstore without being mobbed by fans, chased into oncoming traffic, and struck by a motor vehicle. It also means that I have to save up for a couple of weeks so I can even afford to buy a book, but, you know, maybe it's worth it.

The best perk about my kind of famous is that I can say whatever I want on my blog and no one is going to put a picture of me on the cover of some magazine and say that I'm cracked out (not that I'm anywhere near skinny enough to be accused of crack whoredom), cheating on my husband with an illegal immigrant (although that wouldn't be a huge scandal anyway since from time to time my husband is mistaken for one anyway, which SERIOUSLY ticks him off), or hiding a baby bump (actually this crap happens constantly and I'm sick of it, I tell you. Sick. Of. It!).

I know, none of you believe that I am like an F level celebrity, but I totally am.

Want proof?

This week I talked to a celebrity on the phone about her upcoming new sitcom.

And, I'm not talking about no reality star turned county fair announcer type celebrity either.

I'm talking Jenna Elfman people.

Jenna (effing) Elfman.

Jenna (I effing love Dharma) Elfman who is the star of Accidentally on Purpose which airs it's first episode this Monday (9/21) on CBS (more on this Monday).

But there's more.

I was also in on a call to the writer/director of the upcoming mommy blogger film, Motherhood starring Uma Thurman which is (if you're lucky) making it's way to a theater near you this fall.

Still don't believe?

Fine, you asked for it.

The biggest bit of evidence that proves that I am beyond a shadow of a doubt well on my way to super stardom is my membership in an exclusive group of amazingly gorgeous, unfairly intelligent, energetic, innovative, daring, blogging women known as Moxie Media.



That's right, I'm a Moxie Media girl (don't get all crazy and start stalking me, I'm NOT telling you my real name and Dumb Mom isn't it)!

What does being a Moxie Media girl mean (other than being surrounded by funky freshness at all times)?

Well, duh, it means plenty.

Plenty of crap I'm not telling you about.

But, what I will tell you is that starting next week, I am going to be participating in an event that will set the blogging world aflame.

An event designed to introduce all of you, to all of us (us being the on-our-way-to-A-list-celebritydom Moxie chicks).

Hosted by:
Better in Bulk
Mama’s Losin’ It
Mayhem & Moxie
Scary Mommy
& 7 Clown Circus



An event that will change your life and rock your world (okay, that's possibly taking it a bit far, but I've always wanted to say I was gonna rock some one's world, so yeah, consider your world rocked, but in a good way).

All right, I've said enough.

I seriously CAN NOT keep a secret.

It's a sickness, really.

Last thing on the subject, just to make sure you come back next week and see what all the fuss is about...



Now, how can you not come find out what that's all about?!

For more on Mona's travels take a gander at the people who actually put this whole thing together: Angie, Mama K. ,Scary Mommy, Better in Bulk, and Mayhem and Moxie!

What Not to Wear

I am quite possibly the most eligible candidate for What Not To Wear (you know, that TLC show with those two mildly insulting, fashion guru's that tell dumpy looking moms and hairy old dudes how to revamp their style).



I am the owner of a large amount of "mom clothes".

Sports bras (although the only sport I actively participate in is channel surfing).

Yoga pants (I'm about as Namaste as a Rattlesnake at a church in Southern Appalachia).

Running shoes (visibly worn, not from time hitting the pavement, but from time hitting the playground with a latte and those little donut hole Munchkin thingys from Dunkin' Donuts).

Even my dress up clothes are mommed down.

If it has buttons, is shiny, or shows skin (technically, that would include capri pants) I consider myself dressed up.

Sad? Maybe.

True? Definitely.

As many of you know, this October I will be attending SITScation in Las Vegas, Nevada.

My itenerary is packed (this celebrity life is taxing, let me tell you).

I will be rubbing elbows with some of the most influential (and attractive, I might add) bloggers on the planet.

I will be getting up close and personal with JT, aka Justin Timberlake (our seats may be in the upper levels, but that won't stop me from crashing the after party or bum rushing the stage; so what if I get tackled by bodyguards, that's why I have health insurance).

I'll be meeting up with friends from college who are all driving out from LA to see me.

And, enterprising individual that I am, I will be attempting to earn back some of the cash this whole adventure is costing me by partaking in some of Vegas's money making opportunities.

All these "ventures" require me to shed my momiform (mom-uniform) in favor of more attractive attire.

If I'm meeting serious hotties...



I wanna be more Mel B.



and less ug-ly.

So, I'm participating in a little contest, with the peeps presenting the Shop Smart Look Fab mall event, TLC's What Not to Wear, and Twitter Moms.

A contest that requires me to identify my top 5 must haves in fall fashion.

Should be easy enough.

It's not that I don't know about fashion and trends.

I mean, the dudes are the pinnacle of kid couture.

And, BFF ordered me Glamour (subtle hint, right?!) to keep me abreast of the current lady looks.

So, it's not that I don't know, it's just that generally, I'm too lazy to care.

Not anymore.

Gotta get G'd up for my Vegas debut.

Here are the fall trends I'd like to pack for my big trip.

1. An over the knee pair of boots. Goodbye square toes. Hello, haute-y! These should definitely come in handy in Vegas. They say Pretty Woman don't they?



2. Something hot. And pink. In a house full of dudes I've been despeerately awaiting the return of hot pink.

This would be perfect (for someone young and cute and thin and rich; someone who is NOT me)...



But, what about this from Old Navy? Bold, inexpensive, fun, possibly okay even if you're a lumpy tummy?



3. Accordion tops. The detail tends to attract the eye away from the scary bits. Here's one that's a little on the sexy side, which is exactly the look I'm going for on my date with JT.



4. Skinny jeans. Personally, for a girl my size, I find the term skinny jeans to be a comical oxymoron. Doesn't the fact that they are sized in the double digits prevent them from being termed skinny? Apparently not, cause they are making these things for all shapes and sizes and I've located the perfect pair to go with my fancy top and my over the knee boots (if all else fails, though I can just go for leggings, they're still okay this fall, too). Ooooh, and the zipper is an added bonus!



5. A hot handbag. You all know I'm obsessed with handbags. And, of course I'll need somewhere to stash all the cash I'm going to win in Vegas. I'm a huge Kenneth Cole fan and they have plenty to fit the bill, like this one, and it's on sale!



And, this week's Thursday Thank You goes to an extremely deserving party, Hubby!

However, since he lacks an appreciation for sophisticated handmade, personalized, or high fashion stationary he received his thank you just moments ago via text. The most effective method, certainly, as it is the only mode of communication he responds to consistently.

Thank you and you're welcome.

Text Reads: Dear Hubby, Thank you so much for making me a mommy, it may not always seem like it, but I really, truly, am grateful for being able to call myself your wife and their mommy. Unfortunately, as a side effect of this glorious role, I have realized that I've not a trendy bone left in my body. I rely entirely on others (Glamour Magazine, BFF, celebrities I pretend to be) to guide my style. And although it rarely shows, I do aspire to be a MILCAD (mom I'd like to chaperone a dance) and I can't do it alone. Since you have repeatedly reminded me when I'm wearing a "mom shirt" (even when it is brand new from H&M), I am designating you as my personal mom-be-gone makeover account. You put money in, I take it out when I need to buy an unmommy shirt, or pants, or boots, or handbag. Ooohh, handbags! No questions asked. Thanks, XOXO Dumb Mom

Disclaimer: All photos were used w/o the expres written permission of the blogger's (Angie, from 7 Clown Circus, Kathy, from Mama's s Losin' It, and Heather & Tiffany from SITS) permission. Please visit their blogs and urge them not to open up a can of whoop a** on me when we meet in Vegas. Wouldn't want to spoil my purdy new gear!

And, this post was also partly inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, feel free to join it 'cause it's fun!