Dear Santa, Just Forget It

Officially, there remains less than three weeks until Christmas.

That means, I only have a few more opportunities to ensure that Santa handles his business.

Hubby is taken care of.  Technically.

I mean, I purchased and received the gift via UPS, so technically, he’s taken care of, it’s just that I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m gonna want to hang on to the receipt. 

We have a history.

Mimi, Papa, and Uncle Brother are still not addressed.

I have some ideas.  Sorta.

BFF.  Done!  Something about shopping for her is fun and easy.  Maybe it’s because I just buy something for myself, and give it to her. 

This somewhat faulty technique actually leads to me buying her at least 3 gifts every season, because I usually wind up keeping the first two items.  Huge believer in the buy-a-gift-for-yourself philosophy.

The dudes…

They are a whole other story.

You would think that shopping for a few small children would be easy.

In some ways it is because you  know that they are pretty much gonna like whatever you get them just about enough to play with it for 2 days before it, a) breaks, b)gets lost, or c)gets boring.

But, Hubby and I (aka Mr.. and Mrs.. Claus) like to give them each, at least, one gift they are gonna LOVE.  Like really love, long enough to ensure that neither a, b, or c above happen.

We call it the “Marquee Gift”.

And, we try to do that every year for each of them.

Because, Santa is not really a get-a-gift-you-sorta-kinda-like type of guy.  Santa, is in the business of making wishes come true.

And, this Santa has been pretty good about that.  We have a track record of excellence to uphold.  After previous years featuring such dream makers as the Wii, a scooter, a bouncy horse, a DS, and the like, Santa can’t start slippin’ now!

Not because of the kids, like I said, they are fine with a pack of Bakugan cards and a GI Joe man (but, no shirts!  They have a strong distaste for the receipt of clothing from the big guy because apparently elves are not seamstresses, they are builders, game programmers, and the like.).

But, Dumb Santa, s/he has a personal standard to uphold.  That’s all.

And, this year is tough. 

#2 and #3 are covered.

#2 has distinct wishes that can easily be fulfilled; a DS (like Bruver) and a Razor (you guessed it, like Bruver).  Check and check.

#3 would be happy with a glass of milk, a cookie, a 6 piece nugget meal, 2 packs of fruit snacks, a side of mashed potatoes, and a biscuit, with butter and jam.

Instead of high cholesterol, we think we are gonna get him a horsey, a train, and a car set, because he will like that too.

But #1…he’s tough.

When asked what he’d like for Christmas he answers, “Maybe a new game?  Or a book?  I’m not sure can I tell you later?  When I think of it?”

And, he’s been supplying that same answer to every person who asks since November.

He even passed up an opportunity to speak to Santa (I mean, one of Santa’s right hand dudes who visit various retail locations in Santa’s stead since the big guy is super busy prepping for Operation Hook Up the Nice Kids. Hey!  Had to tell them something to explain the stupid red headed Santa they had at the mall last year!)saying, “I don’t  know what to tell him yet!”

Really?  Because it’s December already and Santa sorta needs to know if you expect the Elves to get it together.  I mean, labor laws will  not allow him to work those people all night at the last minute just because some kids can’t bother to throw Santa a frickin’ bone before Dec. 24th!

So…in an effort to get him to focus, I forced him to write his letter to Santa, after we did this cool craft inspired by Buckeroomama from Mamahood, Among Other Things.  I changed them slightly, but hers are still way, Way, WAY, better.

I mean, by now, you know I’m not a hugely crafty person (read: have two hands and ten thumbs), but I figured it’s a holiday…let the poor children have some creative fun.

Only guess what!  They still hate doing crafts as much as they did the last time I forced offered them one.

Half way through they were complaining and ready to go back to playing “guys” (aka action-figures-fight-and-try-to-annihilate-each-other-with-booby-traps-weapons-and-mind-control).

But, I fake cried to get them to stick with it (they aren’t the first males to fall for that trick!) so, here you have it…The Official Dumb Family Christmas Craft…

And, the letter on the inside…

Absolutely no help for me, I mean Santa. 

I guess someone will be getting a book and a Wii game.

Whoopdefrickindo.

Lucky for me, my boy is super easy to please and will love his gift, and me, and even Chubby Cheeks regardless of what it is.

And, with our extra money not spent on buying things meant to make Mommy feel better for sucking during the year extra gifts, we’ve decided to do this instead: Oxfam America Unwrapped.

Still deciding if we are gonna go with the poop (he thought this was funny), the books (he obviously loves to read), or the worms (because are there people who DON’T love worms?).

I’ll let you know when we decide!

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