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Friday, November 27, 2009

Santa Claus is Coming

But, before he does there is a whole butt load of crap to do.

I, for one, still need to shove all the Halloween/Fall decor in a box and lug it up to the attic.

Santa needs to be written to, menus and guest lists must be made, Christmas decorations have to be attended to.

But, before all that I have to consider the dreaded Christmas cards.

The time of year when I dress my kids up, smash them all in front of the fireplace, and then bark at them for an hour to sit still, look at the camera, stop hitting your brother, don't blink, don't scratch, don't pick, don't breath, and in the name of all that is holy, LEAVE THE EFFING HAT ON OR SO HELP ME!

I wind up with a series of these...

The STOP-IT-BRUVER-I-CAN'T-BEAVE shot.


The hey-you-a-cutie-oop-dat's-me-in-dat-mirror shot.


The BANG!-BANG!-BANG!-I-wuv-Hanny-Manny shot.


The sugar-makes-me-drunk shot.


The Mommy!-Mommy!-Mommy!-I-can't-stop-talking-for-two-seconds shot.



Eventually one of two things tends to happen:

1) I get three perfect (except for #3's; but, I'm not mad at him because I think this is the best he can do), separate pictures that I can fashion into a presentable greeting card.



or, 2) I get three separate pictures that are horrifying enough to be funny enough to be mailed, as a joke, to all of our friends and family...



Because separately, they are generally okay.

But together.

Bloody. Nightmares.

So, in an effort to not feel like the most sucktastic mom ever, instead of celebrating your successes, this holiday photo contest is gonna feature your worst holiday card attempts to date.

I don't care about the perfect-everyone's-looking-no-stink-eyes-involved shots that feature a gorgeous tree, perfect lighting, three smiling children and a well behaved dog.

Those do nothing for my self esteem.

I want the baby's-crying-kids-are-fighting-tree-is-tilting-is-your-dog-humping-your-leg? shots that you usually delete.

That's what PBD's Merry Effing Christmas Photo Contest is all about.

It's about the true Hollywood story behind the photo.

The gritty, the ugly, the I'm-pretty-sure-I-hate-you-people shots that make you wonder why you even bother.

Those are what winners, at least for this backasswards (Mimi's favorite made-up word) photo contest, are made of.

Here's how to enter:

1. Email your best worst Christmas photo/card to Dumb Mom at parentingbydummies{at}gmail{dot}com.

2. Include your blog link (if you have one) and your, "Hey Dumb Mom, you can have your way with my photo," disclaimer that allows me to use it on my blog.

3. Follow parenting BY dummies here or on Twitter (@thenagainphoto).

4. Do all this by midnight on December 11, 2009.

Then...

Tell all your friends to come over and vote for your photo so that you can make it into Dumb Mom's Merry Effing Christmas Hall of Shame where you will have a 1 in 5 chance at winning the Ultimate Bomb Diggity Gift Giving Guide prize pack featuring gifts from all of Dumb Mom's Saturday Swagurday posts, plus more!

Prize pack valued at over $200 includes:

1. One Deglingo from Haute Lava.



2. One Ze Super Hero from All New Materials (please consider becoming a fan on Facebook)



3. One hand made coin purse from Julia Sherry Designs.



4. One Cuisinox cocktail shaker from Allbarstools.com



5. One copy of That's not my frog... from Usborne Books.



6. One Zhu Zhu Pet. That's right baby, I've got one and you are welcome to sell it on eBay if you want!



7. One Green Toys Eco-Friendly Cookware and Dining Set from Oompa



8. One copy of #2's all time most favoritest, nonanimated feature film, School of Rock, starring Jack Black.



See, told you this would be better than Black Friday!

If you win this, you won't even need to bother shopping!

And, there's even a runner-up prize that I think it pretty sa-weet to, but I'm not telling what it is yet. You'll have to wait and see!

So...Are you ready?

On your mark!

Get set!

GO, take fugly pictures of your misbehaved children and pets, be proud of your hard work even though they effed it up with their stink eyes and their leg humping addictions, and send them to me where they well be appreciated (aka cracked on mercilessly) and possibly awarded a pretty nice prize.

27 comments:

When did I become my Mom said...

I love how number 1 is always perfectly behaved. He's such a good kid. That's pretty much what it's like with my 3. Except my 2nd tries too, but he'd be trying to reign in Little Miss who really truly thinks she's the Queen of the world.

I shall be entering your contest if I can first swallow the shame that some of these photos bring. :-)

Kmama said...

Ooh, since I can NEVER get good pics, this is the contest for me (thanks for the FYI Supah!). I might just have to pull out my camera today. I was all ready to do individual shots of my kids, because like yours, my two CANNOT behave together. Is it bad that I don't dress them festively? I have enough trouble with their normal looks! LOL

Jenn said...

I just emailed you my picture!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Don't tell Supah, but I just sent you mine!

faemom said...

Maybe I should try again this year. My last attempt was when Evan barely learned to sit. And it turned out he couldn't sit long enough for the shot. But it's a hilarious shot.

Jennifer said...

I have a lot of pictures to go through.

Zeemaid said...

what a great contest. I love it. I gave up on Xmas photos last year cause it just sucked so badly. I'll have to go through my pictures.

I love how you split up the photos like that. I never though of doing that. You would never know the horror behind the photo. ;)

Miss Dot said...

Haha!! Word on the streets is that those little zhu zhu pets are only THE hottest things on the PLANET right now!! Dang, I can't believe you have one! That's like white gold right there, baby!! You mean business with these pics. I can't wait to see what comes rolling in!!

The (Un)Experienced Mom said...

I've got one from a couple Christmases ago when I was trying to get a picture of my oldest. The picture says it all! Now, just have to find it.

Oh and I like the first card with all of them - with the separate pics. I have to try and get my 2 little men too cooperate and keep those hats on for our holiday card!

Sherri @ Luv a Bargain said...

Oh yes! The dreaded Christmas card picture taking. I think I take at least 100 each year. I need to get smarter and do the separate picture idea too:) That turned out SO great!

Holly said...

Oh so true...the dreaded photo for the card is painful! I will get my shot sent off to you. This is a great idea for a post.

Holly

Happy SITS Sharefest Saturday!

Evonne said...

I agree that separate pictures might be the way to go this year. I sent you one of mine!

Maya said...

I love pictures of kids misbehaving, not mine but yours are super cute. Awesome contest! we will see what we can do

marymac said...

AWESOME contest idea with superrific prize! off to think of horrible photo ideas! ;)

Samantha Laury said...

Zhu Zhu pets are fun for the whole family - for the kids during playtime and for parents during the weeks they spend chasing one down to buy

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

Oh my gosh girlies, am I going to win this one! Hands down. I'll send it to you in an E-mail so I don't spoil the surprise. You'll die, I promise!

Cristina said...

I am not even organized enough to get them in a photo let a lone one for Christmas. I can probably do it with my phone when they are all sleeping with the caption - Now this is a Christmas gift!

HA!

Voted for you by the way - best of luck.

Popping in from SITS,

Cristina

4 Lettre Words said...

This is sooooo great! Thank you for sharing it with me.

I'll be sending the email shortly!

Chief said...

Supah says Im gonna win the contest! She even told me she would back out so that I would have a better chance!

huh Supah? *crickets*

Supah?

Lolli said...

This is a great idea! We certainly have plenty of holiday outtakes! How did I miss this post?!

Life with Kaishon said...

I have my entry ready but I can't find your email Amanda. : (

Beth said...

This is awesome! My 3 can't be in the same room together for too long. Maybe I should try & enter the contest!

Ghada said...

love it! Your boys are adorable. Not sure that I will find an entry, but gonna check out some of that cool stuff you are givng away zhu zhu pet and all,eh? This is serious business :)

Jennifer G. said...

Sent my horrible photos to you. Ugh! Be kind.

Andria said...

Ugh, take your pick: http://andriastanley.com/?p=134

I finally just went for the comical aspect of it all, and made a cutesy card. I figured ppl would at least laugh. Or, something.

Young Wife said...

If I had kids I'd be sending you a picture! How funny. Can't wait to see the winners.

Mrs4444 said...

Dang it-I have nothing to offer. Good luck to those who enter :)

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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