Blog Dawg 2010

Is ready to be chosen.

The fan favorite winner will be gifted a copy of Corel Digital Studio 2010, the awesome photo editing and movie making software, and the Dumb Mom fave will get to select a low value because I bought it with my own cheese gift card option from a number of lovely places that will make their hearts flutter with excitement (or with the over abundance of caffeine).

Here’s how it works…

First watch the video because it is funny!*

If you are a contestant…

…be sure to blog and tweet all about your entry so that people who love you in spite of your Fugly Face Photo will know to come vote for you. And call or text or send all of your friends a page (remember when people used to say, “hit me on the hip”? Were you one of those people?) and tell them you will end them if they don’t to come vote for you.

…don’t bother voting for yourself, you can vote for others or keep noticeably silent through the process. I feel like it’s safe to assume that you would pretty much pick yourself to win all of the awesome prizes so no need to remind me.

…prepare your acceptance speech; the winner will be Monday’s ifriend and I doon’t want no kinda bullcrap acceptance post. This is a big deal, people, not everyone can claim a prestigious title like Blog Dawg of the year.

If you are a voter…

…Make sure you don’t try to vote anonymously. I will know that you are simply Jen @ Momma Made it Look Easy someone voting for herself repeatedly.

…come back and vote every day. Every person can place one vote per day (unless you have several accounts, and then, by all means, feel free to log in numerous times and vote multiple times per day; I will honestly never figure you out because I am too dumb to notice and too lazy too care. Plus, if you work that hard to cheat your blog buddy deserves to win!).

---have fun and kick yourself for not entering. And then, promise yourself that you will remember to check back here at the beginning of May to be sure that you don’t miss the next one!

Now here they are.

Blog Dawg Contestants of the year…

Appearing from left to right, top to bottom in random order..

1. Kmama from The Daily Dribbles

2. Mary Mac from Pajamas and Coffee

3. Sunday from WYSIWYG

4. Mama Jules from All You Need is Love

5. Jennifer from Chaos Wrapped in Chocolate-Covered Grins

6. Angel from Angel Believes

7. Jennifer from Momma Made it Look Easy

8. Supah Mommy from Adventures of a Wannabe Supah Mommy

Now, make ‘em proud.

Choose your favorite most fugliest photo, leave the number of your choice in the comments section, repeat Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and then come back on Monday to congratulate the fugly winner!

Be instrumental in helping your fugly friend win the multimedia suite of their dreams and she just might edit your photos for you!

P.S. In case you missed it today is Bruncle's birthday which is why he earned an honorable place in the Blog Dawg Year Book. How's that for an awesome gift?! Being my lil brother does have it's perks!

*What's even more funny than the photos are all of my spelling errors since I made it in such a sleep deprived stupor I'm surprised it even works!

Thank Me Later Thursday: Miley Edition

Welcome back to another week of Thank Me Later Thursday, where you get to join me in telling people why they should be thanking me for the awesomeness I've allowed them to experience.

Seriously, you should join me; it's FUN!

And, for extra points ('cause I'm totally keeping score), I also try to make sure that all of my Thank Me Later Thursday posts fit nicely with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop prompts (which for this week is: A song you can’t escape).

It's sort of a competition I have going on with her.

A secret one.

That she doesn't know about.

Shhhh! I'm totally winning!

So, who is this week's lucky recipient of the Thank Me Later honor at Casa de Dummies?

#3!

Because as I have aged, my music preferences have mysteriously decided not to. My way of staying youthful, keeping in touch with the younger generation, forcing the fact that I'm hip, I'm cool down my children's throats?

Possibly.

Point is, if you have a teenage daughter at home chances are good the two of us are listening to the same stuff.

For example, should you go to the section on my ipod that says, "Recently Played" you will discover tracks such as "Kiss Me Through the Phone", by Souljaboy Tell 'Em (yes, after years in the music biz this mental giant decided to expand his name to include a verb and an abbreviated pronoun; explanation not provided), "One Time", by Justin Beiber (a song which prompted Dumb Dad to inquire about my infatuation with young boys. Don't peg me pervy, it's not any young boys! Only best selling artists and manly muscled teen wolfs.), and one that baffles even me, "Party in the U.S.A." by none other than Hannah Montana Miley Cyrus (which is also my current cellphone ringtone. I know, it sounds horrible, but I seriously did it months ago just to bug Hubby and haven't ever changed it. You'd be surprised how people look at me in the grocery store when it rings!).

Anyway, point is that since #3 and I spend an exorbitant amount of our time together in the car and at home (where he has been deemed the ipod Nazi as he requires music that he selects to be playing AT ALL TIMES), we have developed a similar taste in music (although I have to admit that he is essentially ruining "Fireflies" by Owl City for me by requesting it, a word I use to mean screaming, "FIREFWIES! NOT DAT SONG, MOMMY! PWAY FIREFWIES!", repeatedly).

Take a moment to view the evidence:



Not bad for a just-turned-2-year-old, right? And, did you see the part where he was droppin' it like it's hot? Yeah, I taught him that!

So, here you have it, #3s special Miley-inspired-Thank-Me-Later:

Hey, #3, don't worry about it, you can Thank Me Later. You know, for turning you into a pop-songcessed child with the music taste of a tween girl. You may become the laughing stalk of your high school class if this continues (can you imagine him singing this in the locker room while he dresses for football?!), but the hours we've spent dancing and singing together in the kitchen will be priceless memories that you will be able to cherish for a lifetime. And, just in case you forget, there are hours of videotaped evidence (see above) that I won't hesitate to pull out (in front of skanky fast little hookers in training girls) to remind you of our happy times. So did you want to go ahead and thank me now or wait until your Super Sweet 16 birthday party to do it (and yes, MTV original shows have become quite a good friend to me as well)? Either way works for me. XOXO, Your-golly-aren't-you-lucky Dumb Mom

Wanna play along?

It's easy!

Just grab a button from my sidebar (you don't have to, but you will make me happy, and that is optimal for both of us. 'Cause I know people. Important people. Just sayin'.), put it on your blog, link back to me, and add your link to the hand dandy Mr. Linky box (which I paid $10 for so make it worth it, people!).

How easy is that?

So very.

And then, once you've shared your fantastic story about why you're awesome while people around you are busy causing you to questions the rules against forced sterilization, you can send me you 90's inspired photo so that you have a chance to be crowned parenting BY dummies Blog Dawg of the year.

Not because you're particularly proud of the fact that you spent half of your adolescence hiding in the bathroom from mean girls, but because now that you are a happily for today, not sure about next week married, successful laid off and getting fat corporate diva, or a blissful accidental, and waiting 'til they're 18 mother, you can turn around to all of those high school haters and say, "In yo face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place."

Seriously, how fun is that?

So. Very.

Make New ifriends Monday, I mean Tuesday?

I know, you're dying inside, but no Bachelor stuff today because yesterday, was a busy one and I couldn't feature this awesome nagging-begging-shameless blogger I have been forced grown to adore.

Please get to know my newest ifriend, Working Mommy (aka Lessons Learned) with a poem:

Roses are red, The Saints gold and black,
her man I bet has one aching back.

Long story short, football's her game,
which is cool even though I don't feel the same.

On other stuff we are much more a like,
For example, I bet she'd use the word sike.

And she's cool, and she's funny, kinda sorta like me,
but for proof you are gonna just have to go see.

She hides her face like I hide my name,
so that is another way we are the same.

She does have a job of the cash earning kind,
but don't hold that against her, her's blog's a great find!

Do I ever steer you wrong?

Check her out now ('cause I'm guest posting over there too!), but not before you find a Fugly Face Photo of yourself to enter in my contest so that you can take home the title. Being named Blog Dawg of the year is nothing to play around with. Opportunity of a lifetime people. A. LIFETIME!

A Guest Post from Working Mommy aka Lessons Learned aka That Chick Who Emails me A lot

Back in December, Dumb Mom and I exchanged a few emails. She is a blogger - I am a blogger. She has a group of fabulous bloggy followers - I have a group of fabulous bloggy followers. She is a wonderful mother to her beautiful boys - I am a slacker wonderful mother to my beautiful daughter. We pretty much came to the conclusion that we are the most kick-ass, bright-rainbow eating, sparkle-star pooping, booty-shaking women in all the land!!

Alright, alright...it didn't QUITE go as described. I pretty much sent her an emailing begging asking if I could feature her one Tuesday in my little piece of blog-topia. Not only that, but I also offered to off someone expressed interest in being featured on her blog-diggity. After a little bit of suggestive winking arm twisting butt kicking pleading my case, Dumb Mom agreed - horray!!

Then the panic set in...well, hell...I got the clutch spot...now what am I going to write about?!?! Crap!! So, I posed the question to Dumb Mom - what could I possibly write that your followers would think is interesting?? Her response was the most fabulous thing I've ever heard!!

"How about your awesomeness...that would be great! Actually, I really don't have any sort of ramifications about posting, just tell us what you're all about so that we know what we're getting into before we come by your blog. You know, if you worship Satan or live in a nudist colony, stuff like that so we are surprised."

I think she really meant to say "aren't" surprised...but we'll let that one slide, since I'm sure she was dealing her boys punching fighting sitting calmly with each other watching an educational show. Talk about me you say??? I can do THAT!!!

*******
Hi, my name is Working Mommy and I am blog addict.

All: Hi Working Mommy

When I'm not stalking and commenting, which is pretty much all of the time, I can be found in my own little blogtopia...writing and causing a fuss! I even have a cute butt-on to prove it!!!

http://workingmommyof1.blogspot.com/" target="_blank" title="Lessons Learned">http://i902.photobucket.com/albums/ac224/neuffj/Completed%20Desgnz/Button-2.gif" />

There is plenty to say about me...but THE most important items for you to remember are that Sunday (1/31) was my one year anniversary with the man AND that this Saturday (2/6) is muh birfday!!!

(short pause for booty-shaking and shot-taking)

So, I started blogging back in October...I know, it wasn't all that long ago but I've come a long way since then! There are a few posts from back when I began that I think are quite funny...but no one has commented on them. I didn't have followers back then so no love was going around. Maybe sharing them with you today will get a few comments to feed my desire to be wanted addiction.


We don't live in a nudist colony or anything, but the man (hubs) and I did meet

online...praise be to match.com...seriously!! While the internet did bring me my hubs...it also ushered in a new fear of the internet - and the men who use it. After going on quite a few dates, I realized the reason why some of these men were still 35+ and single...and it was hard for me not to look at them and say that no amount of online dating would ever change that. They just weren't stable, damnit.

Not even 2 months into our relationship, the man and I found out we were pregnant - YAY!! We actually found out on his birthday...lucky guy! Since the babe is our first, I had no idea what would be ahead for us. I soon found out that being pregnant is a pre-existing condition...did you know that?? You didn't?? I didn't either until I heard from my insurance company!! Do you ever wonder how stupid people made it through to adulthood?? I do...every. single. day!

In regards to religion, I am actually about as far away from worshiping Satan as one could get. The only thing more stressful than figuring out how to pay for our shot-gun wedding was dealing with the babe's Baptism. Thankfully, when we start having other wee ones - whenever THAT will be - I will know what I'm doing when it comes to religious ceremonies...all I have to do is find friends with morals. Any takers?!?!

Last, but certainly not least, I will leave you with a story that shows just how much I don't care about what other people think. I think I got my ability to speak my mind from my father. The fact that I do it in public, that comes from my mother. Together they created the greatness which is me!! So, I do hope you'll come by and visit me...maybe enter agiveaway or two...hell, you can even guest post if you want to!! See you all in my little piece of blogtopia soon!!!

Round the Way Girl: A Contest!

Today is an exciting day here at parenting BY dummies.

But, in an effort to stick to traditions and keep myself on a schedule, I’ve decided not to forgo Ask Me Monday (I know how much ya’ll love it!).

But, as I am, the creative director around this piece I have decided to change it up a wee little bit.

Not much, I swear, you’ll barely even notice.

But, instead of answering your direct questions, I’m going to answer the underlying one that has at some time crossed each and every one of your minds:

Who is Dumb Mom really?

Not my birth name or my married name. Those things are trivial (and not gonna be divulged unless you hunt me down which is a metaphor for GO TO THE SITS BLOGGY BOOT CAMP IN BALTIMORE WHERE I WILL BE NEXT MONTH).

What you want to know (don’t ask me how I know this, I just do) is who is the woman behind the pretty face? Who is the real Dumb Mom? What makes her tick and where did she come from anyway?

And, as poetry is sorta my thing nowadays, I’ve decided to answer your query with a poem of sorts (borrowed from a sexy star and reimagined, aka stolen mercilessly, to apply to me)…

I was a girl, no extensions just long hair,

wanted bamboo earrings, at least two pair.

A Fendi bag and a bad attitude,

was not my thing, I didn’t like to be rude.

I could walk with a switch, but I lacked in street slang.

Not quite a woman but I still did my thing.

Never at a bus stop, but loved me some lollipops

Once I got jumping* was hard to make this hottie stop.

I liked to dance to the rap jams.

I was sweet as brown sugar with the candied yams.

Honey coated complexion,

What the hell is Camay?

Let’s hear it for me ya’ll I’m from around the way.

Please tell me you recognize this little ditty.

Ladies Love Cool Jay?

Mama Said Knock You Out, circa 1990?

Hottest effing hip hop star to ever walk this earth (okay, tied for hottest with T.I. and only not second to JT because, well, JT is not really a hip hop artist even though he pretends to be from time to time)…

View Full Album

Is he even human?

Okay, if you are confused right now because you are some strange freak of nature whose 1990s music collection did not include LL Cool J just bear with me. There is a method to this madness.

As hot as Mr. Smith (that’s his boring real name) is, it is not his sexy that I’m meaning to call attention to in this post, but his significance to a time period that I can not forget: 1990 .

It was an awesome year. It jumped off an entire decade of unforgettable music, fashion styles, movies and television shows.

So many lovely things got their start in the 90s.

Great movies: Austin “Danger” Powers, Dumb and Dumber, Happy Gilmore, Steel Magnolias, Sleepless in Seattle, Pulp Fiction, Forrest Gump, Boyz in da Hood, The Matrix, Jurassic-freakin’-Park. I mean I could go on for days about just the movies.

But there were tons of other cool things too!

Television shows sorta made names for themselves in the 90s. I know that’s when I became the serious television connoisseur that I am today.

I was hooked on stuff like Beverly Hills 90210 (the real one), Melrose Place (the one worth watching), Friends, Seinfeld (which I honestly didn’t start watching until I was in college and it started the reruns every night), The X-Files (which I only watched because I wanted to seem all deep and smart for Hubby who loved the stupid show), and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air (back when Will Smith was funny).

And then there was the music, and the fashion, and O.J. (I’m talking about The Juice, not the juice), and the Internet, to which we owe our lives.

But perhaps the most significant creation of the 90s was me!

Now, I’m not young enough to claim that my momma actually squeezed me out during the 90s, but I can say that since I completed some of middle school, all of high school, and most of college during the 90s, my social persona, awkward though it may be, was largely formed during this time.

Sadly, this is the foundation upon which it was built…

Yes, friends, that is your beloved Dumb Mom circa 1992.

Hair feathered with a ridiculous amount of hint of frizz, Al B. Sure unibrow, bad dental work (I think I’m actually missing a tooth!), crazy shirt, all tied together with a tarnished, but arguably stylish gold chain.

Shameful.

I coulda used a stern talking to (which I distinctly remember getting) re:my senseless disregard of approved grooming practices and fashion dos.

It’s a wonder that I turned out to be the looker I am today (actually, I’m not much improved but at least my parents caved on got the braces. Changed. My. Life.).

As Bruncle used to say, I was a “hot mess”.

But, I’m okay with that. And, do you want to know why?

Why I am willing, even eager, to share this hideous depiction of the girl formerly known as Bulldog (ask BFF, I kid you not, they called me that in high school and anytime you are compared to a dog of any sort you can pretty much imagine that things ain’t going your way in the dating department)?

Because I’m pretty certain that many of you looked similarly bad and you’re gonna prove it!

Because today is the launch of parenting BY dummies First Ever FUGLY FACE PHOTO CONTEST!

That’s right people. A vintage photo contest celebrating the fact that we all weren’t candidates to be cast in Clueless (another awesome 90s hit) unless we wanted to play Tai (RIP Brittany Murphy).

Some of us were physically awkward with personalities to match.

But lucky for us, we’ve all grown up to be moderately productive, somewhat well-rounded, reluctantly responsible members of society.

So, wanna join me in celebrating the awkward years?

Want to be crowned the PBD’s 1990s Inspired BLOG DAWG of the Year?!

All you have to do to get involved is email me (parentingbydummies[at]gmail[dot]com) a wicked bad photo of yourself from the 90s. You know what I’m talking about. You in 3 pairs of slouchy socks and LA Gear to match, mile high bangs, tight rolled jeans, Hammer pants (come on they were comfy, you know you had a pair), head gear adorned braces, Proactive worthy acne, those glasses that make your eyes look all small. That kinda stuff. And say I’m allowed to have my way with it (aka post it on my blog and make fun of it).

Then you wait until February 12th, when the last qualified entry hits my inbox, and you start campaigning (on your blog, on Twitter, on Facebook, by sending me cash bribes in discreetly marked envelopes).

Because what you want is votes.

Votes that say you really are owner of the Fugliest Face from the 90s so that you, as fan favorite Blog Dawg, can win a copy of Corel's Digital Studio 2010 (a photo editing and movie making software program).

How awesome is that?

So very, if you ask me!

More info to come throughout the week, but get those entries dug out and sent in because there will also be daily prizes** awarded to Tweeters (people who Tweet about the contest even if they don’t actually enter will be eligible for daily prizes too) and entrants also!

And, just because I am a huge control freak, there will also be a Dumb Mom Favorite awarded too for Fugly Photo that Made Me Pee a Little (aka laughed-so-hard-I-messed-myself photo, aka should-be-punished-in-a-court-of-law photo).

Now, chop, chop people.

Time’s awastin’ and you know you wanna be crowned Blog Dawg of the Year in the First Ever Fugly Face Photo Contest.

Even if you are convinced, as I am, that you were your high school’s version of Kelly/Cher/other super cool high school heroine, there is at least one photo to claim other wise. We all have them. For some they will be the class picture that showed up in the yearbook (see above). But for others, they may be a fluke or a one-time deal snapped by your mom with your dorky little brother ruining it like always (see below). Either way they’re out there.

And, even if you had Poison airbrushed on your backside (which would indicate that you really did think you were all that and a bag of chips) I encourage you to enter them, they are just as more funny now than they were then. Trust me.

Prestigious title (being named official Blog Dawg of 2010)+awesome prize (your own copy of Corel Digital Studio)=worth the embarrassment.

*not sure what this sentence actually meant, so I changed it to “jumping”, as in rope. It was 1990 for crying out loud, I was 12!

**daily prizes are funded by moi which means they are mediocre. But, they are free so no reason not to participate. We both know you’ll do just about anything for some free junk!