To a decade!
Can you believe that we are already at the end of the first decade of this millennium?
I mean, it doesn't seem like an entire decade has gone by, which obviously is a sign that I'm getting old because only old people think time is flying by.
When you're young a school year is for-ev-er and a decade is like an eternity.
But, when you’re old, everything seems like "just yesterday".
The most exciting part, for me, about ending this decade is the fact that all of my favorite channels (like MTV and VH-1), and magazines (like People, and EW, and Tiger Beat; ridicule me if you must) are gonna be doing the end of the year countdowns that I love.
I know it sometimes gets ridiculous because when they run out of interesting things to say, they start counting down dumb crap like Top Sirloins of the Decade (although that does sound yummy!), or Best Songs of 2009 that Don't Use the Word Swagger (were there songs in 2009 that didn’t use the word swagger?).
They just get taken too far.
But, for the most part I enjoy them.
I guess it’s just because in general I like to reminisce.
To look back on "the good times", which basically just means the times when I was skinnier, hotter, and less encumbered than I am now.
So, as the decade nears it's end, I thought that it was only right that I take a few moments to reflect. To look back on the last ten years, hang my head in shame, and hope for better.
Dumb Mom's Top Ten of the Last Ten
10. Dumb Mom graduates from college...with honors! That's right, people. Read it and weep. No one ever said Dumb Mom was uneducated. I went to college. I even figured out the system enough to bust As in like 99% of my classes (I got a B- in this class once, but it was so not my fault. No college student can be expected to excel in, or even attend, a class that starts at 8am and meets every day of the week. What was that preparing me for, a job or something?). And, I eventually used my lovely to degree to procure another one. Apparently an Undergraduate degree in Criminology is largely useless in the real world unless you like being called the C word (use your imagination) at least once a week. I thought that was something I’d be up for, but, turns out, it’s really not quite as thrilling as I imagined it would be when I was watching it happen to Clarice Starling.
9. Dumb Mom gives back. As a teacher in the Teach For America Corps. You’ve heard of ‘em. Those super young, do-good kids that want to change the world one child at a time. I was one of them. In Oakland, California. Thanks to 80 knife toting, gangbanging, but surprisingly eager-to-learn youngsters, Dumb Mom learned that her students were amazingly strong people who were largely misunderstood. She also learned that some kids have really scary parents, that some kids are really scary themselves, and that teaching is one of her passions, but she can't hack it in da hood anymore.
8. Dumb Mom gets knocked up. And becomes the pregnant, unwed role model every child from a broken home needs. So, in an effort to not look like the world’s best example of do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do-isms, she quit teaching, and convinced Hubby-to-be that in order to afford a normal life (the SF Bay Area is insanely expensive) in a normal neighborhood a move to 25 miles of Mimi and Papa was in order. It was really the only way.
7. #1 is born. Dumb Mom gets taught a thing or two about being a grown up and is convinced that she should go back to college, get a higher degree, and then vow to never use it unless she has to.
6. Dumb Mom gets married. To Dumb Dad of course, but only after he gets lost, shows up a half an hour late, and gets Dumb Mom mad enough to temporarily rethink her position on marriage (this explains why he got a Garmin for Christmas this year; it’s been a long time coming!). Lucky for him the wine at the venue was super good and paid for in advance which allowed him to be quickly forgiven.
5. Dumb Mom graduates from graduate school. But, because of promises she made to Dumb Dad, #1, and herself has not made any formal attempt to utilize said graduate degree since that very day. But, the paper looks super pretty in it's frame.
4. #2 is born. Dumb Mom begins to think that while motherhood is definitely her calling, it's a very serious possibility that being a mother to this particular child is not necessarily gonna work out. Were it not for a bum kidney “Wedding Wine” would be a daily anecdote for this feeling. As it is, she’s stuck being all creative and crap instead.
3. Dumb Family buys the recession version of their dream home and move so far from Dumb Dad's job that he might as well live in a hole. Everything looks the same in the dark, right? Luckily our seasonal lake view, our beach access, and our super cool sledding opportunities almost make up for it.
2. #3 is born. Ensuring that Dumb Mom will never have a daughter to call her own, unless one of her boys decided to have a gender reassignment surgery, which Dumb Mom wouldn't be entirely opposed to.
1. PBD comes to life 12/29/2008). Changing the world as we know it. Okay, so maybe the World is not changed (or even aware), but still, it was big, for us.
So big, in fact, that we get to test drive tons of crazy cool crap, like Muvee Reveal, which makes awesome slideshows and videos set to music mind blowingly easy.
So easy that even Dumb Mom can do it, which is saying a lot since I’ve not been able to successfully figure out how to center my blog header up there and it’s driving me bananas.*
So, please enjoy our Muvee of the year gone by and then hop your happy little self on over to Muvee (because Muvee Reveal and some of their other more popular products are 50% off!) and check it out for yourself.
And, in an effort stick to traditions here in Twenty-Ten, here is my Thursday Thank You.
503 509 of you who follow my blog but never leave comments so that I can properly thank you while simultaneously feeling like I’m da shiznitz, and read my rants, my raves, and my ridiculousness.
Thank you, and you’re welcome!
*If you know how to do it and want to
do it for me tell me using explicit step-by-step instructions I’ll totally hook you up with like some shout outs and what not. Plus I’ll love you forever. I mean, I am currently looking for a lovely blog designer who wants to be my featured ifriend in the very near future and you know, I really only have space for one person of that nature this year, so um, just sayin’ (rubs palms together maniacally).
And, P.S.: Maybe, aside from getting thin, growing a spine, and getting an all expense paid sponsorship to BlogHer (because I really am THAT awesome!), I will fit a blog makeover into my New Year's resolutions. Thanks Mama Kat for reminding me to make some!