A Casa de Dummies Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through Dumb House,

little creatures were stirring, much bigger than a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney in a rush.

And Mommy was telling the dudes to please hush.

We watched a movie, a house was built.

I let them eat cookies in spite of the guilt.

Mimi and Papa were staying the night,

so the dudes were trying their best not to fight.

Finally they were rushed to their beds in a hurry,

and Casa de Dummies was all in a flurry.

Hours spent wrapping before I turned out my lights,

and thank goodness no clattering was heard that night.

Morning came quickly, I was sleepy as heck,

but I slipped down the stairs to have a quick check.

Santa had been there and left all the crap,

more than one kid could hold in his lap.

Overhead I heard footsteps, running to and fro,

and I knew that I had nowhere else to go.

The dudes clamored down with grins ear to ear,

just knowing that Santa had already been here.

I thought about hiding it, to teach them a lesson

but figured that would just eff up the blessin’.

Joy filled their faces as they opened their crap

so quickly they moved, they were done in a snap.

They got what they asked for, action figures galore,

Snuggies,

planes,

welding equipment?,

and more.

Mommy got something to make her skinny,

which she needs after eating fudge a plenty.

Daddy got music and a neat GPS,

because he gets lost worse than all the rest.

Electronic gaming toys ruled the day,

and they spent all afternoon engrossed in play.

And lucky for them there was snow on the ground,

so Dumb Dad and Uncle found a hill to go down.

The old guys felt achy, the kids had a blast,

after hours of sledding they were hungry at last.

Mommy made dinner, but burned the meat,

Thank goodness it was still good to eat.

We stuffed our faces and filled our bellies.

We looked just like Santa with our tummies of jelly.

I wanted to rest, catch up on some zzzs,

or snuggle in for some quality TV.

The kitchen was filled with the sweetest aroma,

but I couldn’t break free of my food induced coma.

Finally conscious, I snuck back for more,

at this rate I’ll soon be too big for the door.

The Wii Fit I got will be put to good use,

I’m hoping to lose all this skin that is loose.

My New Year’s resolution is obvious I bet:

to not eat every morsel my fat hands can get.

To slim down my belly and firm up my tail,

but to do it I think I may need a spell.

My first thing to do is get rid of the yummy,

throw out all the things that tempt my tummy.

Remember this face, this fat, chunky sight,

it will be a bit thinner in about a fortnight!*

*Okay, so maybe a fortnight is a little ambitious, but I’m aiming for a new, slimmer version of my dumb self by say Marchish!

Just in time for the SITS Bloggy Boot Camp in Baltimore which I am SO gonna be at.

If I lose weight, and get a sponsor, and a babysitter, and a freakin’ face lift (hello old eyes, where have you been all my life?).

Okay, I’ll go sans invasive cosmetic surgery, but not losing weight is a deal breaker and since I can’t go another year without seeing Tiff and Heather and Mama K, game on

And, I know I’m a weight-loss-girl-who-cried-wolf because I’ve been down this gettin’-in-shape-girl path before, but I’m so for reals this time.

After Vegas and basically making out with Justin Timberlake making goo-goo eyes with my boy JT, I gotta show the world what he saw in me and I don’t want them to have to look through the 10lbs of fat I’ve put on since then to find it.

Peace out, I’m going to eat fudge, puke, and workout on ma Wii.