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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A Casa de Dummies Christmas

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Twas the night before Christmas and all through Dumb House,

little creatures were stirring, much bigger than a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney in a rush.

And Mommy was telling the dudes to please hush.

We watched a movie, a house was built.

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I let them eat cookies in spite of the guilt.

Mimi and Papa were staying the night,

so the dudes were trying their best not to fight.

Finally they were rushed to their beds in a hurry,

and Casa de Dummies was all in a flurry.

Hours spent wrapping before I turned out my lights,

and thank goodness no clattering was heard that night.

Morning came quickly, I was sleepy as heck,

but I slipped down the stairs to have a quick check.

Santa had been there and left all the crap,

more than one kid could hold in his lap.

Overhead I heard footsteps, running to and fro,

and I knew that I had nowhere else to go.

The dudes clamored down with grins ear to ear,

just knowing that Santa had already been here.

I thought about hiding it, to teach them a lesson

but figured that would just eff up the blessin’.

Joy filled their faces as they opened their crap

so quickly they moved, they were done in a snap.

They got what they asked for, action figures galore,

Snuggies,

snuggie

planes,

plane

welding equipment?,

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and more.

Mommy got something to make her skinny,

me wii

which she needs after eating fudge a plenty.

Daddy got music and a neat GPS,

because he gets lost worse than all the rest.

Electronic gaming toys ruled the day,

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and they spent all afternoon engrossed in play.

And lucky for them there was snow on the ground,

so Dumb Dad and Uncle found a hill to go down.

The old guys felt achy, the kids had a blast,

after hours of sledding they were hungry at last.

Mommy made dinner, but burned the meat,

Thank goodness it was still good to eat.

We stuffed our faces and filled our bellies.

We looked just like Santa with our tummies of jelly.

I wanted to rest, catch up on some zzzs,

or snuggle in for some quality TV.

The kitchen was filled with the sweetest aroma,

but I couldn’t break free of my food induced coma.

Finally conscious, I snuck back for more,

at this rate I’ll soon be too big for the door.

The Wii Fit I got will be put to good use,

I’m hoping to lose all this skin that is loose.

My New Year’s resolution is obvious I bet:

to not eat every morsel my fat hands can get.

To slim down my belly and firm up my tail,

but to do it I think I may need a spell.

My first thing to do is get rid of the yummy,

throw out all the things that tempt my tummy.

Remember this face, this fat, chunky sight,

it will be a bit thinner in about a fortnight!*

*Okay, so maybe a fortnight is a little ambitious, but I’m aiming for a new, slimmer version of my dumb self by say Marchish!

Just in time for the SITS Bloggy Boot Camp in Baltimore which I am SO gonna be at.

If I lose weight, and get a sponsor, and a babysitter, and a freakin’ face lift (hello old eyes, where have you been all my life?).

Okay, I’ll go sans invasive cosmetic surgery, but not losing weight is a deal breaker and since I can’t go another year without seeing Tiff and Heather and Mama K, game on

And, I know I’m a weight-loss-girl-who-cried-wolf because I’ve been down this gettin’-in-shape-girl path before, but I’m so for reals this time.

After Vegas and basically making out with Justin Timberlake making goo-goo eyes with my boy JT, I gotta show the world what he saw in me and I don’t want them to have to look through the 10lbs of fat I’ve put on since then to find it.

Peace out, I’m going to eat fudge, puke, and workout on ma Wii.

21 comments:

Shell said...

I kind of got lost after the welding equipment because that was hilarious.

Evonne said...

Sounds like everyone had a great Christmas! And is that a Wii Fit Plus? I'm so jealous! That's the one thing I didn't get, but I have the original so I guess I can't complain too much. Now I just need to use it more!

sheila said...

Great post! lol! My daughter got her one most wanted gift....a zebra snuggie, lol. How funny. I love your living room! Makes me want to go back to hardwood floors. They look beautiful!

Kmama said...

Awesome!! I love the poem and pics.

Snuggies?? My kids will not sit still long enough to even get the things on. LOL

Drama Queen said...

Welding equipment?! Okay, that was funny!

Great poem - very creative! :)

My daughter got a Cheetah snuggie - and I got a Chiefs snuggie - hey - we're happy!

Theta Mom said...

Yay for the SITS Bootcamp, how fun! Looks like you had an awesome Christmas and I am totally impressed with that gingerbread house. Thanks again for stopping by Theta Mom.

Maggie S said...

...Stumbled across your blog looking for a worst Christmas photo contest for one taken of myself. Too bad I missed yours but you gave me an idea for next years card... Every post I read is funnier than the one before. I only got three hours of sleep last night, so things aren't as funny as they would be. But I am still blowing my nose after reading this one.

Amy Whitley said...

I love this! Beautiful family, and looks like a fun Christmas. I have a Wii Fit too and really like it (I expected to only mock it). Love the welding equipment! :)

angie said...

THis post totally made my day. I always knew you were clever, but girl, you are clever.

I'm sitting here wondering why if I ate a pound of See's candy (all by myself) I gain MORE than 1 lb.

I got Wii Fit as well. Maybe I'll lay off the sweets and move my booty too.

I haven't dragged my butt out of bed yet, but my fingers are swollen. Too much crap being inhaled over here.

Hum........what else. Oh yeh. Boot camp. That's going to be so fun. Wish I could be there.......

Merry Christmas. Late.

LOVE the family photo. I don't recall ever seeing a picture of your husband.

Working Mommy said...

I got a Wii fit as well...haven't used it yet though - we'll see how it goes! As for the Snuggie, I'm jealous! Though the hubs did get a perfect brownie pan...and what did I get?!?! BUMPITS (check out my blog post)!!! HORRAY! Now, I too can be from the Dirty Jerz! LOL!

~WM

Amy Whitley said...

BTW, I've added you to my blogroll too, and wondered if you'd like to participate in a guest blogger series I'm hosting? I'm still organizing my guests, so there's still time. Read more about it here: http://www.nevertruetales.com/2009/12/its-beautiful-day-in-neighborhood-so.html. Just let me know! Cheers!

janice said...

Funny post! Sorry I haven't visited in a while- looks like everyone had a super Christmas! Enjoy that Wii- I love mine! And the plane with the loopy track- how fun!!!

Jennifer said...

Welding equipment? LOL Love it. You are so clever. I wish I could get my brain to focus to write something that awesome.

Sunday said...

Honestly I don't believe I have ever heard of welding equipment for children, go figure! My guess is its made by Black and Decker.

I definitely need to try to find that plane track for my youngest. He might actually play for longer than 5 minute intervals and give Mommy some peace.

A mom can dream, right?

I'm Just Sayin' - Kerri said...

Oh my goodness I loved your poem!

First off - Wii Fit Plus is awesome! We use it to weigh our babe and pets.

Second - that is the COOLEST airplane thingy ever - the hubs and I met working for an airline so I intend to force a love of planes on to the boy.

Third - I am in LOVE with your living room - that is the prettiest fireplace.

PS - is it silly I'm excited to see the new pics for your header once the Christmas ones come down? I love pics of your boys!

Jen said...

You guys had a great Christmas. I can't wait for Bloggy Boot Camp!

Carly said...

Wow that post takes lots of talent! Love the planes

4 Lettre Words said...

A lot of those same things in this house now, too! You are so clever.

Happy New Year!!

faemom said...

You're so creative!
The Husband wanted to buy the plane toy, but I talked him out of it because I knew my boys would want to destroy it. Now I feel like rhyming.
Is it true? You're letting us ask you questions again? Should I submit my last set?

B said...

That was so funny! I got a wii fit too for the same purpose; haven't had it out of the box yet - oh dear :o(

Life with Kaishon said...

Your creativity is astounding. I love your living room. GORGEOUS! : ) What a beautiful family!

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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