The Curse of the SAHM

Yes, friends as awesome as being a SAHM sounds, let me tell you there are drawbacks.

It's not all bon-bons and siestas people.

There is work involved.

Of the real life, honest to goodness, bone tiring, emotionally draining variety even.

But, I'm not here to gripe about the demands of the job (being frequently puked on, peed on and verbally abused), or the lack of appreciation (after being puked on, peed, on and called "the worstest ever", no one even bothers to thank you or apologize) or the judgement of others (and, for the record, being a SAHM is my choice; I don't do it for lack of skill, intelligence, or internal motivation. I have a degree. I could get a job. And, I like my effing kids, for the most part.).

I'm here to debunk two common misconceptions: 1) that as a SAHM I am available to provide childcare service to you (you being working mothers) at a moments notice, and 2) that I like it.

I realize that you are in a bind (scheduled day off from school that you miraculously have no childcare for).

I understand that you are pressed for time (meetings that go long and therefore interfere with your ability to meet the bus).

I'm sympathetic with your inability to meet the demands of multiple child based activities (I mean, I'm right there with ya, 2 kids in soccer and one in karate).

But seriously, I'm not the go to chick for oops-whose-gonna-get-little-Jacob-from-the-bus emergencies.

Or, am I?

I guess my infectious smile and my winning personality, coupled with my obvious love of children (mine, not yours, mine), and the fact that I'm home (with, according to you, little else to do), leads everyone in my hood to believe that I am the perfect candidate to fetch their kiddies, mind their kiddies, or otherwise ensure the well being of their kiddies when they aren't available to do so.

Not. True.

I really, truly am engaged in various activities that preclude me from doing this (I have a thriving blog to tend to).

I actually do happen to have a job (I'm a writer, I'm a photographer, and I work at the hospital), even though my hours and my locale differ from yours.

Then, there's the basic upkeep of my home to concern myself with (admittedly, this activity commands very little of my time), not to mention the feeding, watering, and general meeting of needs that goes hand in hand with being the primary care giver of three young children.

So, while it is undeniably true that I'm going to be there (at the bus stop, at practice, at story time), I am there to interact with my children, not yours.

And yes, I am sitting on my porch ignoring my offspring with a vengeance actively engaged in the minding of my children (they are little and still require within-adult-line-of-sight supervision), I am there to watch mine; not yours.

Please, don't get me wrong, I have no problem being the emergency contact person, or the head-mama-in-charge, or the carpool concigliery (I know I spelled it wrong), or the "responsible adult" from time to time.

I'm a firm believer in the "it takes a village" school of thought (although, somehow I never have the village at my own disposable despite the fact that I am the village for loads of other people).

And, I really do understand that things come up and you need to have a reliable person available in the unlikely event that you aren't.

Got it.

No problemo.

In those instances, I'm your girl, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

I would never leave your kid standing in the rain, sitting on the stoop, or waiting at the ball field because I can't be bothered to help out.

It's just that, every week doesn't really qualify as an emergency per se (I feel like the fact that you know about the situation in advance sorta disqualifies it from taking the emergency status).

And, it gets kinda old when you are constantly "just noticing" no one is available to meet Emma after school (or to drive her to the party, or to watch her on a snow day, etc.).

So, for the sake of this relationship, do me a favor and GET A BABYSITTER!

If you need help finding one, there is this super amazing site that I'm currently using (interviewing babysitters tomorrow actually, wish us luck!) called Care.com that has a database full of eligible babysitting bachelorettes that you can march through your house, enjoy a one-on-one with, and decide to give a rose or not.

I'll let you know how my date with the sitter goes and hopefully you can find yourself one too!

Now, if someone doesn't mind forwarding this post to all of my friends and neighbors that would be great. Oh, and be sure to tell them that I mean it in the nicest way possible, that I don't want them to hate me, that I'll totally still help out from time to time (which means like a coupla times a year), and I hate confrontation so just stop it, don't bring it up, and smile when you see me.

Thanks!


Disclaimer: Care.com did not sponsor this post (aka show me the money). They don't even know I'm writing it so if it turns out that the sitter they send me is some psycho-hand-that-rocks-the-cradle-wet-nurse-wannabe-wack-a-do ya'll will be the first to know!