That's Fowl

So.

New Moon. *taking deep breaths trying not to hyperventilate*

You all know how I feel about this...



It's like my thing (along with former boy banders turned hotties).

I am just so excited about this weekend.

And, yes. I already have my tickets.

I so wanted to go to the midnight showing, but I can't (bloody little beasts that pretend to be my sweet children from time to time).

After debating the situation numerous times with myself, I decided that it's for the best anyway because the very last thing I want is to have to be wedged in between Teen Becky and Teen Susie, OMGing-movie-rule-violating-Jacob-obsessed gigglebots who have never seen a man (or a man child in this case) without his shirt off before.

I want to marvel in the glory that is Edward without interruption.

I'm hoping all of the die hard fans will have seen the film come Saturday afternoon, or will be waiting until Saturday night to catch it.

Fingers crossed.

But, please don't doubt my dedication to the Twi.

I am still 100% devoted to Edward and Bella and the whole gang, and I take my obsessions seriously.

So serious in fact, that I volunteered to be the Twilight/New Moon expert on my most favorite morning radio show this week.

Go ahead and listen to my gushing summary of the series, but don't bother listening to the everyone's-an-expert haters that follow my review.

Dumb Mom on the Kane Show!

Did you hear it?

Awesome, right?!

Except for one little thing.

Make that two little things.

The delightful sound of my screaming little people that prompted the DJ to ask if I was "murdering children in the background".

Worst part is that their screaming was not even my fault!

It was the ducks!

The bloody, effing, psycho, attack ducks at the park that are to blame for the sounds-like-a-massacre screaming going on.

For lack of a better venue (thought about locking them in the car for my radio debut, but feared some nosy concerned citizen would call the cops on me) I took the dudes to the park for an early morning play.

And, instead of allowing them to play on the equipment (because then they would constantly be calling me for help) I thought it most serene if we took a stroll along the waterway to have a look at the ducks.

Error.

Since the dudes were armed with mommy's-on-the-phone-just-stuff-it-and-shut-it Pop Tarts, the fearless give-me-that-snack-or-else ducks from Hell spied us and decided to make their move right when I got distracted with Kane and Sarah (radio show hosts extraordinaire).

The kids got freaked (as any warm blooded human would if they were essentially landed upon by a flock of overly fed ducks) and began screaming (and running) hysterically which explains the commotion you heard on the show.

Way to go Dumb Mom!

P.S. That little tidbit about me leaving Hubby for R. Patz or JT, totally not true. I would only leave him for R. Patz if he turned out to be an actual vampire. JT...call me:)!

And, hey, Mama K, I'm not sure if that was 1000 words or less, but I'm pretty sure my life will never be the same thanks to the effing ducks. So, count me in for today's Writer's Workshop, um-kay because now I can't call the radio station everyday and harass them to put me on because I'm known as the "Screaming Kid Lady", which is way worse than being "The Cat Lady" or "The Bag Lady", if you ask me!

So, this week's Thursday Thank You is going to go to the Baker Park duck family.

And, they get an extra special thank you from the awesomely amazing Carol over at Junk Mail Greetings.

She creates the most absolutely perfect greeting cards, called Hate Mail, that I never ever want to live without again.

Ever.

So here you have it, Ode to the Ducks.

Thank you and you're welcome.



Inside: (which I'm not even gonna bother to write since the little devils can't read anyway) Dear Psycho Park Ducks, Thank you for making my radio interview, my five minutes of fame, into five minutes of shame. After all of the illegal bread I have allowed my kids to slip to you. After the countless times I've saved your flea ridden necks from being bludgeoned by my one year old. After the time that I actually got down on my hands and knees and saved your stupidly placed egg by covering it with stray bramble! This is how you repay me?! By viciously mobbing my two, young, Pop Tart scented children? How could you? How dare you?! Had I not been engaged in an important on-air conversation I so would have chased you off. You are lucky my fowl little friend. Lucky. But, you're secret bread source is officially dried up. Consider yourself cut off. I'm not dealing with your kind anymore, and you can tell all your friends I said it. Don't let me catch you on the street. XOXO, Dumb Mom

Want to win a set of cards from Junk Mail Greetings?

Sure you do, so you can give them out to all of the ducks that eff with your kids.

All you have to do is:

1. Go visit Junk Mail Greetings and leave a comment telling me which card is the best.

2. Follow me.

Not hard at all!

This is a quick one: Contest open until midnight Friday (11/20/09).

Winner will be selected and posted on Saturday (11/21/09).