But, lately, #3, he's been asking for it.
Begging for it really.
After compiling the evidence (included below) I've come to the conclusion that the kid is definitely lacking in a few key areas.
Immediate changes are required to set him straight.
That's where I come in.
I may have been (slightly) neglecting my motherly duties when it comes to basic home training of #3.
But, them days are gone! Ova! Finished! Through!
It is time that he make a few adjustments if he's gonna continue his coahbitation with the residents here at Casa de Dummies.
I, on the other hand, do not intend to make any changes whatsoever. Because, life, life is about adaptation and it's high time this kid had a lesson in that.
Get in where you fit in kiddo.
Dear #3 (and friends),
Please make note of the following changes, effective immediately.
1. Change in management. Until further notice, residents under the age of 18 are not permitted to appoint themselves to managerial positions. Due to the numerous egregious acts committed during periods in which underage residents had assumed such positions, only adults (meaning myself and
This includes all dispute resolution:
And, extracurricular activities...
2. Change in liability. Ii is hereby proclaimed that all residents who participate in reckless activity are subsequently ineligible to place the blame of any injury they incur while engaging in said activity on Dumb Mom or her representatives (this is not to include Dumb Dad as it is widely understood that a large number of the injuries resulting from harebrained ideas are indeed his fault).
Basically, if you do this...
And you wind up like this...
It is not my fault.
3. Change in boundaries. Although the fact that a lock was placed on the gate was meant to be an unspoken agreement that underage residents would not trespass into the surrounding grounds, apparently the following needs to be explicitly stated to avoid further confusion. Underage residents are not to leave the home without explicit notification that doing so is permitted, nor are they to do so without direct adult supervision.
Should a resident be found like this...
He shall, for a to-be-determined amount of time, be relegated to this...
Don't play games with me Mister.
I am the truth.
4. Change in uniform. Underage residents shall be issued a standard uniform comprised of a trendy shirt, cute pants, and sensible shoes. Unacceptable attire includes, but is not limited to, items of clothing that are too small, filthy beyond recognition, uncoordinated, unsafe, specifically meant for the celebration of particular holidays, or from the closet of Napolean Dynamite.
Please take note of the following examples that must be removed from your wardrobe immediately (meaning, you may no longer wear them EVERYDAY!).
5. Change in accommodations. Please disregard previous communications indicating that this is an inappropriate venue for daily activity. It has been approved and can be used as a "playroom" immediately.
Also, please note that Casa de Dummies will no longer be providing underage residents with eating utensils, flatware, or paper products for cleaning. They are a severe waste of funds and have been deemed unnecessary as they consistently go unused.
Wipe it on your shirt, pal, it's what you normally do anyway.