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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Eating Healthy is Looney: Grocery Goblins

The people at Mom Logic and the Eating Right people from Safeway seem to think that you can make going to the grocery store with your kids a fun, educational experience.

I'm not saying it's impossible, but at the moment I tend to equate going to the grocery store with all of the dudes in tow with getting a speeding ticket, falling down the stairs at work, and having a tooth filled all in the same day. Meaning, it's annoying, embarrassing, time consuming, and painful.

I try to avoid it whenever possible, but sometimes it really just must be done (which is only when we're out of everything, as in the only edible items in sight are a jar of mayo and a bottle vinegar).

But, I do take #2 with me every time I go. It's like our thing.

We get to take our time and he is in charge of putting things in the cart for me and of picking the treat of the week.

Since we've started going together, just the two of us, we have more time to talk and he's really learned a lot. He knows which brands I like to buy, how to tell if something is on sale, and (go figure) which items are considered "sometimes snacks" and which ones are the ones that Mommy wants him to choose (not that he actually does, but he at least, knows he should).

We honestly have a really good baby-free-big-bro-free-bickering-free time with it.

But, for the life of me, I have not figured out how to make it from one end of the store to the other accompanied by all three of them without someone being physically assaulted, verbally chastised, or abducted by aliens.

The only time I'm able to come home with edible foodstuffs without causing a reality-tv-show-worthy scene (ie my kid composes, produces, and performs a fat song about me for the suddenly-highly-amused-and-not-even-trying-to-hide-it patrons) is when we go to the farm to get it.

As luck (or misfortune) would have it, we live in very close proximity to numerous farms that grow and sale all types of fruit, veggies, meat, cheese, and eggs.

Basically, a creative, enterprising individual (which I so am not) can find everything you need to survive (except for macaroni and cheese, which is a nonnegotiable necessity) at it's source within 15 minutes of my house.

We like to visit these places a few times a year to enjoy the more flavorful, more healthy, less expensive items they offer, but I really just don't have time to head out to 5 different farms every other week to accomplish our basic grocery shopping.

Would be nice, but it ain't happenin'.

Needless to say, tips for successful grocery store navigation would be greatly appreciated.

Especially, how are you able to get outta there without buying tons of garbage you don't need (but totally want, like powdered sugar doughnuts, pudding pops, and other stuff your kids beg for)?

And, why is that my kids deem the moment we disembark from the Battle Wagon (our name for our car) as the perfect time to skin a knee, drop a mad deuce, or remember that they forgot their shoes at home (making me the mom of that kid)?

Your comments and suggestions on these matters would be greatly appreciated. However, if you intend to inform me that these things happen this way because I suck at mommying, please note that I'm fully aware of my shortcomings and therefore would like to focus on ways to circumvent these as I have no real interest in making improvements to my person.

So, advise away if you know how I can make my kids more socially appealing without having to work too hard for it!


Be sure you hurry and enter your cutest Halloween photos so you have a shot at winning this.


tinahead81 said...

first of all, your kids are adorable!!

second...i avoid taking them with me-anywhere-at all costs, but esp the grocery store! my son is usually trying to stand in the cart by the time we get to the 2nd or 3rd isle...then, kneeling in the seat with the crappy seatbelt, tries to push the buttons on the credit card machine...or tries to sling my food off of the belt! yeah, grcery shhopping is "mommy time" now! lmao!

thanks for visiting my blog!

Jennifer said...

I love the "making me the parent of that kid." Mine is still a tot and sometimes I wonder how the moms of 4-8 yr olds "let them get away with this kind of stuff." As I go forward, and am learning from your blog, it has zilch to do with parenting and 100% to do with kids wanting to put you on the spot (fat song?!? death by public execution). So to risk making a really funny, cool post all melty: thanks for opening my eyes, and helping me be less judgemental. Hopefully when someone looks at my kid, boogers smeared across his face, shoelaces from left and right feet tied together, I'll be able to shrug off their glares with, "You're just blissfully ignorant; this is ALL him and NONE of me" self-comment.
You rock!
p.s. YES, I'm SO glad I'm not the only one who wants all that junkfood, too... I tried eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's, but tot kept coming over to steal bites. I kept all the caramel swirl and the waffle pieces for myself, and felt SO guilty!

Tammy Howard said...

My youngest is actually a huge help in the grocery store, but I hate taking both kids, too. Worse? Both kids and the hubs...

parentingBYdummies said...

Seriously, I LOVE Jennifer! Is she not the sweetest, most flattering thing, at least as far as I'm concerned. But, she gives me too much credit. I'm the first to admit (right after Mimi, lol) that I'm not the most gifted in the mothering department, but I swear my intentions are always good! Almost, always, I guess if you count the times I lock myself in the bathroom to read, lock myself in the pantry to eat cookies, and lock myself in the garage to escape their never ending chaos, then always is a bit of an exaggeration. Thanks, Jennifer you rock!

And, Tina, I feel you with the baby food slinging machine. Why do they find throwing things funny?

Amethyst Moon said...

Wow I fell you! When all of mine (2 girls and hubby go along) it always ends up in War! she's looking at her wrong, the other one's calling her names, and he's there letting me know that I am taking too long, and they all want to go home! My girls are 17&15! My advise: Leave them home! don't fall for the store's hype that it's a learning experience, blah, blah, blah! The marketing experts know they will get you to buy more so you can avoid the embarrassment of screaming kids, don't fall for it. Let them scream, and scream right along with them! After all everyone's already looking anyway

Jennifer said...

I make sure my kids have shoes on before we leave the house. The made deuce I can do nothing about. Shit happens, what can I say. Skinning a knee, carry extra band aids in your purse with a cool character on them. Of course if they find out you are doing this they may fall and skin their knee on purpose.

TKW said...

I shop on weekends (which I hate) because hubs has to watch the kids so I can shop alone. My kids are the WORST at begging for every crappy, sugary snack on the planet.

Anonymous said...

Found your blog on, and we have boys around the same ages, so I thought I'd check you out over it :)

A Mom After God's Own Heart said...

Great blog...your kids are so cute!

I am following you from MBC!

Anonymous said...

Can I steal the title "Battle Wagon"? It's way better than "The Mother Ship."

Oh, right advice. Avoid the toy, cookie, and cereal aisles. Make sure you set aside an hour to hour and half block of time. Always let the kids put the stuff in the cart. Pick one snack to bribe them with at the end of the trip. But going without is nearly blissful, yet somewhat boring.

Amy B. said...

I was listening to a Safeway exec on NPR this morning talking all kinds of nonsense. This is further proof they live in la la land. I would rather go shopping at 3 AM than take one of my kids with me.

Abby said...

I take pictures everyday too. My son will have millions of pics to look back on someday. That was a fun look at your week!

Betsy B. Honest said...


When I found out I was expecting number 3 my first question was -- how the fart-nuggets am I going to get through a grocery store with 3 of them? And then I started gawking at families with 3 children to see how they did it. And every so often I see a very nice mommy and her nice children all working in tandem to get everything in the cart -- like a well-oiled machine and I think, gee that looks easy! But since #2 has decided that lunging out of the cart is even more fun than throwing random objects out of it onto the floor, I've decided to only go with #1. We have a great time. And I've come to the conclusion, those nice mommies with the tidy well-behaved children are actually robots. From another planet. Maybe they will destroy us, maybe not. I'm thinking they'll try.

Gibby said...

I can take one kid and be fine. Two? By the end I usually want to stick my head in the freezer. Wait. Stick their heads in the freezer!

Sorry, I am of no help.

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