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Monday, October 5, 2009

Ask Me Monday

It's the first Monday of October (crap, this year is flying by) which only means one thing: It's Ask Me Monday (shouted enthusiastically by a group of children wearing urban attire who are about to bust a move. Tell me you've seen Hip Hop Harry...h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s!).

Now, I know you guys probably think that you have exclusive "ask Dumb Mom" rights, and that like every other worthwhile celebrity, questions must filter through my publicist (aka Mimi, she does all my PR, advertising, and marketing) before they are given to me to evade answering.

So, not true!

I pretty much answer every question every person (via the blog or IRL) asks me every time.

I may sweat a bit, stumble over my words, consider lying, actually go ahead with lying only to be found out because I'm sweating profusely, or attempt to flee, but eventually I answer honestly and completely.

So, when someone (aka Hubby) asked me this weekend, "Were you really scared?", there was only one answer I could honestly give: "Why, yes. Yes I was."

Initially, I was quite surprised by the question. I mean, are we not standing in (or running through, as the case may be) a haunted corn field (the key word here being haunted) lit only by the white light of the full moon?

Did you not just witness me sliding ungracefully to the ground as I stumbled out of a darkened tunnel screaming, "I THINK I PEED A LITTLE, I THINK I PEED A LITTLE!" (hey, postpartum bladders can not be held accountable for what they may or may not let out in an emergency situation).

Am I not holding hands with my also 30-something-year-old-but-crying-like-a-school-girl BFF?

Seriously, dude, do you not smell the raunchy, unmistakable stench of fear?

Obviously, I really am scared.

Sad part is, before I even agreed to be a guest at the local haunted attraction, I knew that I was not a good candidate for scary stuff.

I don't mess with the dead, I don't participate in seances, or summonings, or awakenings, or whatever-the-hell-crazy-town-high-school bull crap people do.

I don't listen to scary stories.

I don't watch scary movies.

And, I don't go to haunted houses (or woods, or cornfields, or anywhere supposedly frequented by wandering spirits of those who have passed on).

But, stupid, never-learn-your-lesson-are-you-really-this-dumb silly me thought it would be fun. Make a night of it. Go with Hubby and BFF and her "date"*. Grab dinner, then head out for some good 'ole fashioned Halloween inspired fun.

Yeah, not fun.

Know why?

Because being snuck up on, grabbed around the ankles, and otherwise mentally assaulted is not my idea of fun.

Neither is running full speed following a huge meal, without stretching first, having not run (or jogged, or even hurry-up stepped) anywhere in at least half a year.

Needless to say, after doing the feets-don't-fail-me-now dance last night, I am feeling it today.

Maybe...maybe I should go back there every night for the next week and a half, get the piss scared outta me, and run like the wind so I can lose a coupla pounds before my big trip?!

And now for your questions...

Jennifer from Momma Made it Look Easy asked, "What is the best thing about moving from CA to DC?".

Hmmmm.. the best thing about moving here from there would have to be that I get to spend the rest of my life planning a way to get back; I LOVE to plan.

Kidding! I actually have to say that, while I am still a Cali. girl through and through, I have adjusted to being in this area.

I like that here is less expensive than there, here has a lot of history to be experienced by the dudes, and here allows Hubby to have a decent job.

But, my favorite part about here is that here is where Mimi (and Papa, and Uncle) are, which is the primary reason I (we) came here in the first place.

Kathy B., from The World According to Me, asked some corn ball question about how she can get people to love her the way I do.

Duh, easy, I will tell them too: Everybody love Kathy B. because she is smokin' hot, she is funny as spit, and her writing is da bomb. Plus, the way Mimi talks about her, I'm pretty sure she reads her blog before she reads mine everyday.

See, Kathy?! You have to do better for next month my friend:).

Simply Valorie from On the Pursuit... (who I totally love b/c she gave me an award which makes her the bestes) wants to know the best thing about raising boys.

I guess it's that they're not girls!

If you know me (read: if you read my blog) then you know that I want wanted a daughter.

But, I'm happy that I have boys and, mostly, I'm happy that they have each other. I guess the best thing is that I get to watch them become friends in a way that they couldn't if one of them was a girl.

Plus, I'm glad I don't have to deal with PMS from anyone other than myself.

So, that's it for this month**!

Make sure you enter my Happily (un)Haunted Halloween Photo Contest. At the moment it looks like Angie from 7 Clown Circus is gonna be the unopposed champ.

Oh, and faemom, I'm disappointed in your performance this month. Let's step it up a notch for next time.

*BFF's "date is Hubby's BFF who comes in handy for things like this since Hubby is a tad bit antisocial and doesn't like to make new friends.

**If you want me to answer your question for next month be sure to leave it in the commments


Tammy Howard said...

I hate the haunted stuff, too. Hate, hate hate. I posted about it last Halloween when no -one was reading my blog (as opposed to now, when 6 or 7 people read it) and I've considered a re-post but I also hate hate hate reposts. So I ask myself, "WWPbDD?" And I just don't know the answer...

Stesha said...

Haunted Houses are not my thing. I don't understand how some people love to go into these things. Why have a heart attack before my time?

Hugs and Mocha,

Keyona said...

I remember the last time I went into a haunted house. I was in middle school. The guy with the chainsaw came after me. I ran, and fell. My little brother jumped over me and left me laying there. I will never go in one again. LOL!

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

I love scary movies. But I will never, never, I repeat NEVER go into a haunted house ... no matter how cheesy and over-the-top they may be. I don't care if a six-year-old comes out smiling: I won't go and no one can make me.

It's because I have this dumb fear of zombies. You'd never know I was almost 30.

Jennifer said...

I don't have a question yet, but I'll try to come up with one. Oh, I've got it.... this is going to be so good.... Was #2 easier to potty train than #1 and when are you going to start on #3? I know as moms we just looooveee to plan the potty training (and being that my #1 took over four years I have serious concerns about my #2).

(And I probably shouldn't have used so many #1's and #2's when talking about potty training. Sorry.)

The Blonde Duck said...

They scare me to death! I can't do it!

MOMSWEB said...

I can do completely without anything scary, but hubby loves the scary world, so I usually watch these type movies just to be with him. The things we do for love!
Glad I dropped by today; have a great week!

A Real Housewife said...

LOVE your blog and the way it makes me laugh out loud every time I read! So, I'm honoring you with a blog award! To check it out go to

angie said...

I am the unopposed champ so far? YAHOO. Now that's what I call GOLDEN. :)

I love your posts. You know that right? LOVE them.

I cannot wait to meet you.

Amethyst Moon said...

Thnks for the LOL post. and yes I really did laugh out loud, just ask y hubby, who gave me that "what are you, crazy?" look

I don't like haunted either scares me like a little girl, but always find myself pushing hubby through those places.

Anonymous said...

Last haunted thing I went to was Knott's Scary Farm, and I seriously thought I would have a heartattack at 18. Honest to God.

So you're calling me out? Remember I have pregnancy brain, and I've been reading your blog on an itty-bitty tiny phone. But if you're calling me out, you got the big dog.

Explain the space fear again. Because really it's too weird. Why do you think you have this fear? Have you talked to a professional about it? How hard is managing three boys? Because, you know, my chances are really good for that. Do you get sleep? Does your husband help out? What does he do to help? And do you have any advice on that? Of course I could go all Bush 2 fan on you and say: I have one question, miss; thank you.

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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