Cookie Time Tuesday: Gettin’ Biscuit Wit It

Biscuits are a tradition in my family.

My grandma made them, my mom made them (well, technically she still does, just not so much for me), and now I make them (although admittedly, not as often as my grandma, who used to bake them like every weekend and during the week because she was/is a machine).

Everyone loves them.

My grandma also used to serve them with a jar of her homemade, home canned peach preserves.

And that stuff was DA BOMB!

So effing unbelievably delicious you seriously would forgo every other edible oiption in order to have space for additional preserve smeared biscuit-awesomeness.

At least that’s what I did.

So, in an effort to relive my childhood, I have made it a point to perfect the family biscuit recipe.

Not that it wasn’t already perfect, but a few twists have made it more convenient (you know, because I’m just not down for sifting and all that jazz) and more geared to my sugar fiending taste buds (meaning mine are a tad bit sweeter).

Oh, and I’ve kicked the homemade, home canned preserves to the curb.

Too much work for the likes of me.

The store brand type gets the job done.

It’s not the same, but it has to do as I’m not at all interested in spending any time learning to correctly collect, peel, boil, and can fresh peaches for hours on end.

Actually, now that I’ve typed it out and Googled the instructions, it doesn’t really seem that difficult.

And, in an effort to come close to duplicating the taste that is ingrained in my taste buds from childhood, I might actually take a trip down home canning lane next summer.

Maybe.

But, in the meantime, we’ll have to live with the store bought version.

And, due to the nearly-disabling, mouthwatering flavor these bad boys hold, you hardly need the preserves anyway.

They are simply a deliciously added bonus.

I mean look at these things…

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Nice, right?

All flaky, and buttery, and sweet.

Not to mention moist, and golden, and buttery, wait did I say that already?

Wanna make ‘em for yourself?

Well, then you’d better ask your grandmama because I’m not give in up the goods.

As much as I want to rock your world with these things, I can’t do it.

It’s a secret family recipe.

Uh oh, did I forget to mention the secret part before?

My bad.

Oh well, it is. A HUGE family secret.

I’d honestly love to tell you, but if I did, I’d have to kill you, and that would really deplete my readership you know?

So yeah, no dice.

But, if you ask nicely enough I’d probably hook you up with it AND let you live, you know, for a FEE!

Cookie Time Tuesday: I’m Bringing Cookies Back

Only, since I was wholly unsuccessful in my last baking attempt (see when good cakes go bad) I decided to put it in the hands of the youth.

No one is gonna tell some innocent (not always, but this time) preschoolers and a toddler that their cookies suck.

So, I figured we’d have ourselves a little cookie party with Mom of Girls (neighborhood friend we play with constantly and have mentioned on blog previously but can’t find post, so that’s it in a nutshell) and her two little ladies for this week’s Cookie Time Tuesday Showcase.

And these cookies are seriously the easiest, most delicious lovelies you are ever gonna bake.

Here’s what you do.

Crazy Cool Cuttable Cookies

1.  Drop #1 off at school.

2.  Speed to grocery store with a groggy #2 and a pajamed #3 to pick up cutout cookie baking supplies.

3.  Go to first store only to discover that cutout cookie making supplies are unavailable.

4.  Curse quietly under your breath so old lady walking past can’t hear, but just loud enough that #3 CAN hear, and repeat your potty-mouthed-old-lady-offending curse.

5.  Stick your tongue out at old lady after she tsks you (waiting until her back is turned of course; don’t want to have to mollywop an old lady).

6.  Instead of loading children back into car to visit store next door, decide to walk (it looked really close) and enjoy the sun (it’s December, I was wearing a coat, and now, because of the freakishly warm weather I smell like a goat).

7.  Finally arrive at store #2 and purchase the main cutout cookie ingredient: the cookies.  That’s right people, gasp and balk and act all better than me now, but seriously I have a bad track record with rollout cookies and I wasn’t gonna risk screwing them up with 4 five and under cookie-party-anticipating children depending on me. 

8.  In addition to the cookies remember to get icing to decorate with.  And, while we’re at it, better get some extra (WTH?!  Why are these dang things so friggin’ expensive?  GRRRR!) sprinkles.  Don’t want a fight to break out over the one sprinkles shaker (which, now that I think about it, is definitively fall themed) we own.

9.  Pay. 

10.  Realize how close it is to party start time.

11.  Walk back to car super fast (non-stroller-using children will probably need to run, maybe even sprint to keep up).

12.  Buckle children in car.

13.  Drive across parking lot and realize that the Christmas themed cookie cutters are still stored in the attic.

14.  Decide that pumpkins are not gonna cut it (get it?  cut it?!) for the cookie party festivities.

15.  Bust a u-turn in the parking lot.

16.  Unbuckle children from the car.

17.  Go into Joanna’s to find ON SALE cookie cutters you saw on Black Friday for $6.99.

18.  Locate cookie cutters and realize they are no longer $6.99, they are instead $13.99.  Also note the holiday sprinkles at Joann’s are only .99 cents.

19.  Curse again.

20.  Admonish #3 for following in your cavewoman like footsteps.

21.  Wait in a ridiculously long line, in a ridiculously hot store, with a ridiculously loud toddler who is now begging for Pop Tarts and announcing to everyone within earshot that he cut a “poopie-fart”.

22.  Purchase cookie cutters.

23.  Buckle children in car.

24.  Race home.

25.  Spend 10 minutes changing the product of aforementioned poopie-farts.

26.  Give self a sponge bath in sink to wash away the stench generated by running across parking lots in blazing hot sun (it was almost 70 degrees…in DECEMBER!) in a parka, a sweat shirt, and a pair of long johns (and no, I do not watch the weather report).

27.  Roll out premade cookie dough 2 minutes before Mom of Girls shows up, which is just enough time to make it look like you are the picture of hosting awesomeness.

28.  Let the kids go to work…

…which includes allowing Mr.-Fastest-Hands-in-the-East to eat two of his cookies in the raw (which is like a delicacy, right, or is that just sushi?).

29.  Enjoy their masterpieces almost as much as they do.

30.  Thank your lucky stars that you decided not to make the damn things from scratch!

Cookie Time Tuesday

I know, due to recent events, the last thing I should be thinking about is cookies.

But, also due to recent events, it should come as no surprise that I am.

I mean, really, what else do you think someone who gained 9lbs in 3 months thinks about?

But, just to make the cookies less appealing to my cookie-loving-bubble-belly I decided to go with oatmeal raisin cookies.

Because, there are few things in this world I hate more than a raisin.

Don't ask me why, but the shriveled little creatures make me want to barf just looking at them.

So, dumb genius that I am, thought the perfect solution to keeping myself away from the cookie jar, is to fill it with something I loathe.

And, it totally worked for about 5 minutes at which point I realized that I couldn't, in good conscious, post about a recipe for a cookie I didn't even sample.

So, I picked out the only thing keeping these cookies remotely healthy (and, please don't leave a comment about how all of the nutritional value of the raisin is essentially baked out in the oven, because I need something to make these okay) and had a taste.

Lemme tell you, picking raisins outta cookies is WAY easier than it looks.

Wanna try it for yourself?

Dumb Mom's Fatten You Up Good Oatmeal-Raisin Cookies (with #3 on sous chef duty)



3/4 cup butter flavored shortening (regular works too, but I kinda like the butter type)*
1 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups rolled oats

1. Preheat oven to 375.
2. In large bowl, beat shortening on high speed for 30 seconds. Add sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. Beat until combined.
3. Beat in eggs and vanilla until combined.
4. Beat in flour.
5. Stir in oats and raisins if you don't find them repulsive.
6. Drop dough onto ungreased sheets.
7. Bake 8-10 minutes or until edges look golden.
8. Let cool on sheet about 1 minute before removing.

And, bada bing...



A note about the shortening.

I know it's bad.

I know it clogs your arteries and makes you all fat and goopy.

I.

Know.

but. And, I hate adding a but in favor of artery clogging goopiness especially because I'm all eating healthy mom these days (except for when it comes to cookies, and myself apparently).

BUT. There are three good reasons to go with the shortening.

1. It allows the cookies to stay soft. For days. I'm a chewy cookie girl myself and I hate it when the cookies come outta the oven all soft and moist and perfect and then turn into little cookie flavored potato chips the next day. Use shortening, won't happen.

2. It's only like 3 times per year. I mean, how many times does one require the presence of the perfectly baked, homemade, oatmeal cookie? This is my first batch of oatmeals this year (you know b/c of the raunchy raisins, oh and the fact that I'm pretty heavy into choc. chip). I've heard it's all about moderation, something I am wholly unfamiliar with, but if you have it, a few shortening baked oatmeal cookies a year probably won't kill you.

3. Does it even matter? The three baking options (shortening, butter, and margarine) are all just different shades of the same trans fat evil (this explains it some). Plus, now that Crisco has been reimagined to include NO TRANS FATS its fat content is not much different from that of butter. Just sayin'. If you wanna use it like twice a year to make some funky fresh cookies, don't go beating yourself up about it. Just don't lock yourself in your pantry and eat them all alone in the dark, either. Take it from me, that's not a pretty thing for the kiddies to walk in on.

Cookie Time Tuesday

I am a fan of the cookie.

And, when I say fan, I literally mean that I can (and occasionally do) eat them as my whole source of nourishment for the day.

I think that if the Cookie Diet featured Tollhouse and Snickerdoodles I'm certain that I could lose weight, no problem.

But, as it stands, I'm like 96% certain that cookies are to blame for at least one of my love handles and part of my double chin (the rest is likely from pies, chocolates, and sugar infused coffee beverages).

I know you're not gonna believe this, but I really don't eat a lot.

I know, I know, all heavy people say that.

But, in my case it's true!

I really don't even eat a lot.

At least, not a lot of food.

But cookies, I kill cookies. Kill them.

As in, stop it with the oh-no-she-didn'ts because yes I did just eat an entire bag of Chips Ahoy all by my lonesome.

Before lunch time.

But, those days are gone (no really, they totally are. Seriously. I swear.).

I'm not the cookie monster I used to be now that I'm trying to lose 10lbs before Christmas live a healthier lifestyle.

Doesn't mean I can't still appreciate a good cookie from time to time.

Cookie addiction is not like alcohol addiction. You can have one and not totally fall off the wagon. At least I can. Usually.

But, even if I can't be trusted in a room alone with a cookie, doesn't mean you can't and it doesn't mean that I'm not gonna be baking the heck outta some cookies for the holidays.

Because I am. And you should too.

So, let's start now, because Tuesday is a holiday in my cookie lovin' book.



Tonight we tried a new confection, Cinnamon-Chocolate Chip Butterballs (Recipe found in Betty Crocker Christmas Cookies).

Ingredients:
*1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
*1/2 cup powdered sugar
*1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
*1/2 teaspoon salt
*1 cup cold butter
*1 cup mini semisweet choc. chips
*1 teaspoon vanilla
*1/2 cup powdered sugar
*1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1. Heat oven to 400 degrees. Mix flour, 1/2 cup powdered sugar, 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon and the salt in a large bowl. Cut in butter, using pastry blender or fork, until mixture looks like coarse crumbs. Stir in chocolate chips and vanilla.



2. Use your hands to shape dough into 1-inch balls. Place balls on ungreased cookie sheets 1 inch apart.



3. Bake 6 to 8 minutes until set but not brown. Immediately remove from cookie sheets and cool slightly, about 20 minutes.

4. In small bowl, stir together 1/2 cup powdered sugar and 1 teaspoon cinnamon. Roll cookies in sugar mixture. Shake excess back into bowl. Cool completely.



5. Eat up!



What I learned:
1. I probably used a little too much flour (I'm not a precise measurer) so I added a little water when I started to roll into balls.

2. Using my hands just didn't work for me. My hands nearly sealed themselves together. Use a spoon to moisten the dough some and then it rolls up easier.

3. If you don't have mini chocolate chips go ahead and use the bog ones, they work fine too.

4. Keep thieving baby hands away from the cookie plate and watch them like a hawk or else...



My favorite part about the whole video (which you may have missed because of my loud voices drowning his out) is when I asked him if he stole it and he says no, but then quickly changes his answer to yes.

I guess my lying-is-bad-you'll-burn-in-Hell soliloquies, though intended in large part for #2 (aka professional fibber), have made an impression on him as well.

Way to go Dumb Mom's parenting skills!

And, have fun baking!