All I want for Christmas

Whitened.

Not because they're all parchment yellow or anything, but I kinda want to do it.

Since I never have.

Does it work?

The kind you get from the store? Or do I really need to have the professionals do it?

Anyway.

I have been saving the best for last.

The PBD Ultimate Bomb Diggity Gift Giving Guide to beat all Ultimate Bomb Diggity Gift Giving Guides of the past.

Basically, this is the one that you will want to forward to your Hubbies (or parents, or boyfriends, or sisters, or whoever you've conned into getting you a gift this year).

It's taken me all of this time to come up with the perfectest most perfect list that encompasses everything a girl (yes, I am a "girl" so please watch it with the Ma'am crap) like me would want.

Really, I'm just so ridiculously easy to please.

Simply select one of the items from the list and all will be right with the world.

It's when the floral-paisley-mock-turtlenecky-mohair nastiness shows up that I have a problem.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I'm happy that anyone, anywhere ever thinks enough of me to get me a gift.

I'm just sayin', don't be alarmed if you never see me rockin' that alpaca fur poncho dealy you got me last year.

I returned it an got something fabulous instead!

I appreciate the sentiment, it's the actual item I didn't like, see?!

So here you have it: Dumb Mom's Ultimate Bomb Diggity Guide to Giving her a Gift She Will Like Enough to Keep (just pick one, buy, wrap, and deliver)

1. A point and shoot camera. If you know me, then you know that I LOVE to take pictures. I do it every single day and I don't see that ending anytime soon.

If you read this blog, then you may have noticed that on the most important day of my life (barring the birth of my children, and my wedding day, and all that other sentimental type crap) I was rendered cameraless (thanks to the no professional camera rule that is essentially ruining my life) and unable to capture a photograph of the most beautiful man in America serenading me.



So, I don't care which one I get.

I'm a sucker for Canon, so this one will do.

But, I'm not opposed to this Sony one which also gets a pretty good PC World rating and costs about $100 less.

I just can not have JT within tackling distance again and not be able to capture it on film.

2. Jewelry. Not like diamonds or anything fancy like that. I'm more in the mood for something girly, and trendy like.

I found some really awesome designers that I LOVE, to share with you:

Pieces of Girl, Jewelry with Soul.

Shy Siren, who makes the most amazing and feminine looking necklaces.

And, Charitable Creations, where you get to pick a charity to receive 10% of your purchase total, and everything is so cute.

Like one of a kind, stuff? Check out Indie Designer Labels for designers of pretty much everything that rock.

3. Olay. I got the Pro-X Wrinkle Smoothing Cream from Olay Professional to try. It's like some sort of miracle, anti aging cream.

I wish I could show you the dramatic before and after pictures to prove to you that I'm like at least 10% less crackly and crows feet-y, but I can't because I didn't take any befores.

There's a slim chance that the change is all in my mind because I am so desperate to look 29 for the rest of my life, but either way, I'm feeling like I can pass for pretty close to that at the moment and the only thing I can blame it on is my Olay.

Nothing (except for a camera and a pretty necklace) would make me happier than to receive the gift of youth for Christmas.

I just can't see myself splurging on a $42 bottle of youth, although if Justin is gonna be in town soon...

4. A handbag. Because I effing LOVE handbags.

I could honestly put down at lest 8 I want to buy right now, but I won't do that to you (and by you I mean Hubby and anyone else who is planning to send me a gift just to say they care *hint hint*).

There is this one from Julie Sherry Designs, on Etsy, that I adore.



Although, I really like pretty much every one of her bags so it's hard to really choose.

Or, if you really love me. You can check out Rebecca Minkoff and get me any one of her gorgeous bags to keep me happy this winter.


5. Reading material. I am dying for a book to read at the moment.

I've finished all the Twilight ones. Twice.

I've read all about Sookie. All nine times.

I'm going back to my romantic side a the moment with Nicholas Sparks, but I've not gotten sucked in enough to read more than about a chapter a week.

So, I need a new book, and it better be good.

Anyone have a suggestion for me to give as a suggestion? Because without a suggestion I'll wind up with The DaVinci Code because Hubby has been begging me to read that (or something like that) for ages and, in case you can't tell, I'm not really a DaVinci Code type of gal.

Help?!

6. A gym membership. Or something that is gonna help me get thin, because I've gained 9lbs in the past 3 months (how is that even possible?)!

I know!

Crazy, right?!

I don't really feel like I've eaten a newborn lately, but apparently I have.

I mean, I know I've been inhaling indulging in some sweet treats as of late, but 9lbs worth?

I wouldn't even believe it myself were the news not so eloquently delivered by a medical professional.

I'm sure it's a bad sign when your doctor starts a conversation with, "Daaaaaang, girl, have you been gaining weight?"

Um, yeah, Doc, I guess I have.

And, now that you bring it up, I may be suffering from hirsutism (Goggle it) and hyperhidrosis as well, any other embarrassing things you want to talk about?

He really is the most awesomest, amazing MD, I've ever had, ever, but he's not one for softening the blow at all.

Anyway, something must be done.

I've tried to jump start my weight loss again, but puking after every meal is just not doing it for me.

Gotta find a better way.

I'm starting to get depressed about it.

I think the only remedy at this point is to get everything on my X-mas list.

You may think that putting down the cookies and exercising a bit would be helpful, but I honestly believe that if Hubby gets me at least 3 of the 6 items I've listed above, I'll be more motivated, more equipped to lose weight because, if nothing else, at least I'll be happier.

It's worth it, right?!

PBD Admits it's Free Disclaimer: The only thing I got free of charge was a tenny wenny sample bottle of the Olay. The rest of it is based purely on my uncanny ability to locate and identify things that rock!

PS: The winner of the cards is a nonblog owning reader named SoozyQue (her real name is Carmen) who can congratulate my highly calibrated random person picking machine also known as #2 for picking her name outta the hat. Have your people call my people, Sooz!