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Friday, March 5, 2010

RanDumb: Retail Edition

But not the kind of relaxing-indulgent-more-fun-than-a-barrell-of-monkeys-retail-therapy you are probably thinking of.

I’m going to talk a bit about the online sort.

Actually, the online local marketplace sort.

For stuff that sucks.

That’s right people, I’m talking about Craigslist.

I’m quickly becoming convinced that the only thing left to find on Craigslist is crap.

The kind of crap that will get you killed, abducted, turned into a sex slave, or robbed of your prized possessions.

Or, it could just get you shot in the throat.

But, I have found it to be useful in the past which is why I continue to frequent the site despite the possibility that I could wind up in a bathtub filled with ice and my kidney missing (joke would be on them right?!)!

Anyway, from time to time, particularly when I’m exploring a new realm in photography, I will post ads on Craigslist advertising what I’m selling, or giving away as the case may be.

For example.

I’m starting my foray into boudoir photography and I was thinking about putting an ad on Craigslist offering people inexpensive photos of this nature in exchange for them not complaining about them if they kinda suck.

I sorta decided against it because I figured, if I place an ad for photos of this nature on the MySpace-of-the-Internet-ad-world, I’m probably gonna get some interested parties.

And, when I arrive at the home to photograph the interested party there is a distinct possibility that I will either a) find myself face to face with some hairy chested, heavy set dude in a negligee and heels or b) be abducted.

Now, let me be clear, I’ve got nothing against trannies.

Seriously, I LOVE Lady Gaga.

So, it’s not that I won’t photographer a dude in sexy poses with his hairy balls parts exposed, but a gig like that will need to fetch me top dollar as it does absolutely nothing for my portfolio and is kinda creepy to boot.

As far as being abducted, I’m gonna go ahead and pass.

So, I’m scratching the whole Craigslist deal.

But, in an effort to be a good citizen, I’ve decided to introduce you to some of the more special items I’ve found for sale on Craigslist.

If you are in the market for such things, do me a favor right now, stop reading my blog because you are a freakin’ nut job wasting your valuable time with the likes of me weirdo.

If you are the seller of such things, please consider this free advertisement.

So here goes…

RanDumb Stuff to Get offa Craigslist That You Don’t Want Can’t Get Elsewhere*

Anyone in the market for a VOODOO SPELL? (Anyone know people who actually still even “practice” voodoo?)

If so, Jennifer can help!

have 24 years experience in the Ancient Arts of Spell Casting,
since the age of 13 and i enjoy helping and talking to people i will
guide you through your difficult time in life. i can help united
lovers who had been separated for long periods of time. I was born
god gifted with my talents and abilities to help people
i specializes in love matters re-unite lovers
marriage,
new relationships, business, career,
health.and more
, i have helped many pepople with my
voodoo and spell casting i help pepople to
patch up those problems they are
currently having ,
love spell
money spell
weight loss spll
beauty spell
curse removal
protection spell
marriage commitment
spell
restores happiness
&
quality of life spell
return lover spell
attraction spell
luck spell
stop jealousy spell
ends cheating & lies spell
stop interfering enemies spell
career success spell
you can e-mail me at
EMAIL AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST

Seriously, she can stop jealousy (do you really need a spell for that)? Weight loss? Curse removal (how did you get cursed in the first place?!)?

Looks like a pretty all inclusive deal, even if she can’t spell (as in put the letters together correctly to make a word, not use magic and sorcery to get what you want) the word pepople.

Here’s another…

Having dating issues?

Consider a date specialist.

This guy is like a low budget version of Hitch, or at least that’s what he wants you to believe.

need help getting a date,or to just impress that girl you've been pitifully starring at for the last few weeks in your scooby doo pajamas wondering if you got a chance... the answere is yes you do. thats were i come in. I can help anyone find or get anyone you want with a little help i do ask for a contribution. as a brother of 6 girls i know girls much better than the average joe. no i am not gay but i do understand women just let me help anytime any way i can i promise no i garuntee youll find her in as little as a week this posting is for poeple who want to find that special one

I mean, wow! I’m totally convinced!

Any guy with six sisters, who isn’t gay, should be a huge hit with the ladies, right?

And, the fact that he can’t spell and apparently has a keyboard with a broken shift key preventing him from using punctuation and capital letters should not discourage you from contacting him to help you with your girl-catching-capabilities.

Besides, if he’s to be believed you’ve got nothing to lose but your Scooby Doo jammies!

Now, how do you feel about a psychic reading by someone who is able to help in all matters of the spiritual world…

Free Psychic Readings by Jaclyn Love Speicalist.
She can help in all matters of spirtual life.
She can tell you who your true love is and if the one your with is a false soulmate or unfaithful.
She has repaired marriages and reunited old flames.
She has been god-gifted with her talent at a young age she realized that love is a importent part of life so she desided to place all her time and energy on particing all the psychic treatments.
Inclueing Aura/Chakra Cleansings.
She can help in all matters of the spirtual world
She can answer any of your questions about your furture or past.
She has declared herself into making the strongest connenction with her clients giving them the best Psychic Experience possible all by your name and date of birth.
For more Info about Jaclyn and what she does go to... Www.PsychicTreatment.Com

I’m a bit confused by a few things on this one.

1. Is her name Jaclyn Love Specialis or is her name Jaclyn and she is a love specialist? Not sure.

2. What exactly are the psychic treatments she is particing? Practicing? And, do they hurt?

3. I’m supposed to be happy that she “has declared herself into making the strongest connenction” right? Because that was a little confusing and I’m curious about what this inclues.

I think all of these people would make great special guests on The View and when I FINALLY get my personal invitation I plan to make it a point to spice things up over there with appearances by some of society’s most colorful members!

In the meantime, I’m doing my The View Blabfest over at Kerry’s this week so check her out and get in on the Robert Pattinson action!

And, as per usual, checkout Mrs. 4444's weekly randomness and link yours as well. I always do and I'm pretty sure she loves me for it:)

*Please note, these ads were taken directly from Craigslist and are unedited to correct imperfections. If they appear confusing, poorly written, or scary to you, that is simply because they are.

13 comments:

Hanneke Nelson said...

Oh, curse removal, just what I need. Well, my husband thinks we're cursed. I think we're just fine.

I miss Craigslist. For stuff, not this kind of personal "service". Up here in the Northwoods there's not too much to be found on CL...

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo.. Umm I am with you I will pass ...

BJ_Mama said...

Thanks for the Heads Up! I'm off to tell everyone I know where they can get their VooDoo Specialist. I've had so many people ask me about that! ;)

parentingBYdummies said...

HN: I'm sad to see that you may be cursed. I can contact her on your behalf if you'd like.

SWA: Pass? Are you sure? Can you live without voodoo in your life?

BJM: Seriously. We must know the same people!

Term Papers said...

I gotta hand it to whoever wrote this, you've really kept me updated! Now, let's just hope that I can come across another blog just as interesting :)

Term papers

Maggie S said...

Thank you for that!!! I have always thought craigslist was a bad idea. Everyone insists it is totally safe(if you just follow these 111 safety rules)!!!

Jennifer said...

Craigslist really isn't that big of a deal here, but we have a local website kinda like it and I'm sure I could find some crazy stuff on there. Honestly, it makes me wonder more about the people that answer the ad as opposed to the people that just list them

parentingBYdummies said...

TP: Pretty sure that is a fancy version of spamming there meant to throw me off your trail by leaving a flattering comment. Well, it worked! I will not delete you for at least a day:)

MagS: There are actually 115 rules to using Craigslist safely. It's those last few that are the most important!

Jennifer: I'm hoping people don't answer them. It's my way of keeping a positive outlook on the human race:)

4 Lettre Words said...

This made me laugh out loud. I totally agree, by the way. I never go on there anymore. :o(

The Pipster said...

I just love CL, especially the Best of CL. In fact, You should nominate some of those beauties.

Holly said...

The images of what could have shown up at your door for photography are still running through my mind...scary! I am amazed at the way people write on Craigslist...I see the ads all the time for babysitters...and i am scared...they cannot spell, make sense and are mean and that's just the ad....sure please watch my kid...no problem.

Mrs4444 said...

Yes, I do love you for it! :)

I went to a guy's house today to buy a queen headboard that was in "excellent" condition. I asked him to have it outside when I came. He did. I guess to him, "excellent" means he didn't take a hatchet to it even once. There were some pretty big scratches in it. I said, "I'm not comfortable paying $80 for a headboard with scratches on it. He told me he had two other buyers all set to buy it sight-unseen. I said, "Great. Bye."

And because my comment isn't long enough already, I'll tell you that I've modeled for a beaudoir photography, and Mr.4444 has three of the shots hanging up in his (home) office. Your pics are terrific; tasteful, yet sexy. I was unable to get the comment button to work for me, so here I am :) Good luck with your venture (and yeah, I agree on the Craiglist idea)

faemom said...

You know, there's more to heaven and earth out there. So I don't judge on people's beliefs. It's the poor grammar I can't handle.

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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