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Saturday, March 6, 2010

Cent Saving Saturday: Poop and Stuff

So, I’m off to Bloggy Boot Camp this weekend!

Yep, looking all spiffy (aka waxed and dressed in grown up clothing) and ready to learn (aka stay awake) from the awesome ladies that will be droppin’ knowledge on all of us low level bloggers.

I’m really excited to pick up some jewels of blogging knowledge, but I’m mostly looking forward to just hanging out with some fellow bloggers.

‘Cause they get me, you know.

At least, they get the blog me.

Which is why Dumb Mom LOVES gearing up to go to these things.

The pre-posts, the pre-post connections, the pre-post Tweets, the outfit selections, the Tweeting about the outfit selections, the Tweeting about the outfit selecting selections.

It’s all part of it.

And it’s fun, and it’s interesting, and it’s what Dumb Mom enjoys the most about conferences, I mean, aside from the learning, of course.

Because Dumb Mom doesn’t actually get to go to conferences.

She does all of the pre-conference preparations, but it’s me who actually shows up.

The real me.  

The mom behind the Dumb Mom.

Because Dumb Mom is like an improved, way more likeable alter ego.

The real dummy is me, hiding behind the outgoing, funny, quick tongued, sexy, hot, MILF of a woman that Dumb Mom has become in my mind.

And, I have to admit, living up to Dumb Mom’s greatness is a bit daunting for little ole me.

People expect me to be this crazy, outgoing, loud mouthed, life-of-the-party-machine of a person, but I’m not.

I’m kinda shy, and somewhat boring, and semi dowdy, and borderline dorky, and very much socially awkward.  So I sweat a lot when I get nervous, which is pretty much anytime anyone is speaking to me face to face.

And I kick rocks.  When the conversation slows (which is often right after hello).

Because I’m not big into small talk.

I’m kinda like Peter Parker and Spidey.

Or Clark and Superman.

I’d love to be more like Bruce Wayne and Batman, because both of those dudes were cool (note that I am self proclaimed superhero nerd).

But, I’m not.

Because Dumb Mom is cool.

And mostly, I’m just not.

So get your minds right people, because I am coming to Bloggy Boot Camp this weekend, Dumb Mom is staying home.  That biotch has some cleaning to do!

Moving right along to poop.

I’m swearing (and by swearing I pretty much just mean agreeing to it for now, because I want to, but reserving the right to change my mind whenever the heck I feel like it) that this will be my last discussion of things potty training oriented (at least until I need to again).

I know how hard it is to listen to parents of genius kids harp on and on about the awesomeness of their own children, especially when you are sharing the dinner table with a 5 year old who still wears a diaper and requires you to work the spoon for him.

I get it.

But I want you to leave this spot today with a good money saving tip and it’s 100% related to deuce dropping.

Ya’ ready?

Okay.  In order to save future cash on a costly (and painful and possibly humiliating experience because you could find yourself stuck carrying a bag of your own excrement around in a fanny pack for the rest of your life) colectomy (taking out your poop tube for those of you not up on your medical terminology) keep yourself regular.

Because yes, severe constipation, it can lead straight to a really nasty situation before you even know it.

Which is why I’ve been so desperately concerned about #3 and his categorical refusal to relieve himself fully.

Not wanting the kid to spend another day in pain, I did what any self respecting, half way decent mama would do: I got him a laxative (only because dried fruit and fruit juice and that really thick bread that is sorta similar to sheet rock was not doing the trick).

Actually, I sent Dumb Dad out on a poop-inducing-drug-locating mission.

And when he returned with the little box of Pedia-Lax, melt away strips, I ripped into that bad boy like nobody's business.

I gave him one.

He gagged a little.

I waited.  And waited.  And watched American Idol.  And waited.  And I finally went to bed only to be awoken at the booty-butt crack of dawn by a highly irritated toddler, crying out for my presence.

Upon entering his room, I immediately passed out from the stench assessed the situation and realized that the Pedia-Lax had kicked in and he’d messed himself in his sleep.

Maybe not the most optimal time for bowel clearing, but you know, beggars can’t be choosers (although I do intend to choose in the future, by giving it to him early in the morning with the hope that the bowels will be vacated well before nightfall).

Now that I’ve made a long story even longer, I’m sure you’re wishing you had some of this magical poop inducing elixir from the Gods, and if you are you should totally buy yourself some.

But, if you are in the market for a healthful fiber supplement to use as a daily addition to your little person’s diet because s/he is a poop avoider a finicky eater in need of it, then look no further.

Thanks to Fleets*, the makers of Pedia-Lax, I just so happen to have a handy, dandy bottle of poop encouraging wonder gummies (aka Pedia-Lax Fiber Gummies) to give away to one lucky winner.

What do you need to do to win?

Tell me you want to by leaving a comment.

That’s it.

I’ll do my hat picking next Saturday (3/13)**, bright and early in the morning, and it’ll be on it’s way!

Oh and if you came over just to see if you won the Light Scoop and are hating me right now for saving that tidbit for last, here it is…

Amy B. from The Bee Dot is the big winner!

Go giver her a woot!

Happy Saturday peeps!

 

*Yes.  They are giving me some too.  But, if you’re of the she-got-this-free-can-I-trust-her-opinion squeamish type, please note that I purchased and use this product on my own prior to receiving my free samples.  We use ours daily.

**Entries must be received by 3/12 at midnight.

15 comments:

Keyona said...

Wish I was coming since I'm right here in DC. Next time though. Blow them away with all your awesome awesomness!

Heather said...

It's so easy to become someone else, a better, more fun you, behind the computer isn't it? a bit scary having to go and meet everyone. good luck, i hope you have a super time.

Jennifer said...

Me, me, me. We have lots of poop problems at our house.

The Pipster said...

It must be the changing of the seasons. I had the same poop problem in my house too. Enjoy the conference (enjoy being by yourself :)

Maggie S said...

Give it to Jen.

Maggie S said...

I'm sorry. I am so rude. Please give it to Jen.

Kmama said...

I agree, give it to Jen. LOL

We don't have those issues, at least not yet.

Have fun at Bloggy Boot Camp. I'm so jealous.

Hanneke Nelson said...

We're all good on the poop front here, but thanks for offering. Enjoy your boot camp!

Cheryl Lage said...

Have a WONDERFUL time at Bloggy Boot Camp! Am so jealous and had SO wanted to go.

Report back!

Doodles said...

That's so cool that your getting to go to a Blogging Boot camp. I don't want any of your poop savers, but I have a suggestion for you Mira-lax it works over night and can be put into any type of juice so they don't even have to taste it at all. We use 1/2 the full dose for our daughter 6yrs old about 40 lbs. Our pediatrician told us about it about 2years ago as my daughters like myself have IBS and can take up to a wk to have a bowel movement. With this their is no gas pains and you remain semi regular if you can remember to give it to the kids on a regular basis (every third night is what we are supposed to do but this dumb mom can't remember it all the time)

The Grasshoppa:Triplets Plus Two Momma said...

I totally do not want any poop stuff.....oh lord no. Thank you though. I know you are all generous like that!!!

And you totally did not sweat a BBC. Nope. So stop dogging yourself---or I will drop kick you to the piano bar. (lie)

But I will wack you with my feather mask and blungeon you with my blinkity blink ring and force feed you Mimosa (true story)

See you in Philly?

Cranky Mommy said...

I know what you mean about on-line persona vs real life one. Although, for me it's a bit like finding myself again. I used to be fun and funny, well relative to how I am today anyway!

Good luck with the training, I've got a reluctant one too.

faemom said...

I hope you had fun at the conference. And I still think you would be awesome to meet you in real life, even if you claim not to be as cool as Dumb Mom.
Thanks for the tip of always giving laxatives in the early morning.

Amy B. said...

That's awesome! And you're awesome! Thank you so much!

(Will I be taxed on my win? Don't tell the IRS...)

4 Lettre Words said...

Fiber Gummies rock and I would LOVE to win!

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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