Am I a Dumb Mom Blogger?

Since it’s Bachelor Tuesday I was gonna talk about Jason and Molly’s wedding, but I figured who even cares?

Jason is gonna cry.

Some old Bachelor “stars” are gonna be in appearance.

And, it was the most touching Bachelor wedding in Bachelor history (and C. Harrison isn’t just saying that because it’s the ONLY Bachelor wedding Bachelor history, promise).

Whatever.

Melissa is cuter.

Let’s talk about something less predictable…

BLOGGY BOOT CAMP!

Bloggy Boot Camp, like every single SITS related thing ever, was a BLAST!

I have admit that at first I was a little bit skeptical about the level –o fun.

‘Cause, you know, I did Vegas for SITScation, and I was like, seriously, how can this compare?

Baltimore? In March?

No Justin?

No BFF?

No Vegas?!

For crying out loud Dumb Dad wants to go?!

Consider my fun K-Oed.

Not because Dumb Dad isn’t fun, ‘cause he is. Sorta.

It’s just that when Dumb Dad is around I’m a little bit less fun. Just because, as a natural put-others-first-altruistic-near-goddess, it’s hard for me to not worry about if he’s having fun too.

So, when Dumb Dad’s around I’m more focused on being the life of his party rather than being the life of everyone else's.

And that makes me sad.

Being the life of everyone’s party is sorta my thing.

Don’t get me wrong, it is super hard work. Sacrificing myself to make sure everyone else has an awesome time, is not easy.

I have to have more drinks, tell more jokes, dance on more tables.

Hard work people. H-A-R-D.

But I do it because I care.

So when I can’t get out there, work the dance floor, shake what my momma (and a few bags of Oreo cookies) gave me it hurts.

Anyway.

Point is, I had concerns.

Would Bloggy BC be all that and a bag o’ chips?

Were Tiffany and Heather the brain mamas behind this shindig?

Then what was worrying about?

Bloggy BC was frickin’ awesome.

Maybe not what-happens-in-Vegas-stays-in-Vegas-Justin-Timberlake-making-out-with-me-in-his-mind awesome, but still awesome in other ways.

For one thing I learned a butt load more stuff about why I suck how to be a better blogger at this conference.

Possibly just because a meanie-face headache invaded my cranium and prevented me from doing the Tootsie Roll all over some piano bar, which meant that I was able to digest what people were saying to me and remember it long term.

Not because I’m gonna actually up my awesome around here, you know, ‘cause I’m a lazy a** when it comes to pretty much everything certain stuff, but because it’s really nice to know why you suck instead of wasting time wondering about it.

Curious to know if you suck it have a lot to learn too?

Of course you are!

How about a quiz, Glamour Mag style (don’t you just love those things? Random quizzes about stuff that doesn’t even matter are my idea of good, old-fashioned bathroom approved fun!), to determine where you fall on the Dumb Mom Blogger Scale.

Am I a Dumb Mom Blogger? Take this mostly meaningless quiz to determine if you are on the road to life as a Pro Blogger or stuck in rut as a glorified Wannabe!

1. When coming up with a title for my blog post I

a. try to make myself giggle

b. think about what people are searching for

c. number them because it’s easiest

d. What the? I’m supposed to title them?

2. My blogging platform of choice is

a. Blogger

b. Wordpress

c. Something else

d. What the? Platform?

3. I will do a review or giveaway on my blog in a heartbeat and all I ask for in exchange is

a. BBQ sauce, yogurt, or whatever you have because free stuff makes me happy

b. Cash. Cold, hard, CASH!

c. Nothing because I just want people to like me

d. What the? I can do reviews on my blog?! Sign me up!

4. I have used Goggle AdWords: Keyword Tool

a. a few times, but I swear I’m gonna do it more, if I can remember, because I know I should

b. numerous times because I’m all over SEO baby; that’s Search Engine Optimization if you’re nasty

c. like maybe one time, maybe, no never mind that was that other thing, anyway, I’ve heard of it at least so get off me

d. What the? Keywords?

5. My Twitter account

a. is active and growing and used daily, but people don’t follow me even though I am funny as crap

b. is my life and it shows because a whole butt load of people follow me and Tweet me and think I’m da shiz

c. was recently activated, but dang it, I can’t remember the freakin’ password

d. What the? Twitter? No one cares that I spend most of my day in the crapper, do they? Bloody IBS is ruining my life!

6. I know my worth and will not sell out for anything less than

a. a bottle of BBQ sauce, but the good kind, seriously, I’m talkin’ the gourmet one on the special aisle in the grocery store

b. 6 months with the new Benz, a trip to Jamaica, or a chance to meet Oprah

c. There’s no such thing as selling out. There’s free and there’s paid for. Free is always best.

d. What the? I’m for sell?

7. I know where my blog is going and I’m

a. constantly changing directions because I know where I want it to go, but I have no idea how to get it there, and even if I did no one will let me in when I arrive

b. on a one way street to the blogging promise land, thanks to a quality, well thought out long term plan with measurable steps toward success. Oh, and I’ll sell it to you for ONE MILION DOLLARS!

c. afraid of where that might be

d. What the? My blog is going somewhere?

8. I often feel overwhelmed by

a. doing stuff for free

b. managing all the Benjamins I’m earning from blogging

c. my kids and the fact that I haven’t blogged at all in 2010

d. What the? Seriously, it’s my nap time so please just don’t talk.

9. I think _____ is most important

a. comments

b. page views, and then comments

c. followers

d. What the? What is a page view? Will it get me a follower?

10. I read parenting BY dummies

a. daily

b. never

c. occasionally, when I get online, which is not everyday, so yeah, then

d. What the? They let dummies be parents?

Now check your score!

Mostly A’s: Official Dummy! Which means you are awesome in my book, but probably not the most successful blogger on the block. Check out some of these blogging all stars if you want to increase your traffic, get recognized by people who matter, and earn cash. Cold. Hard. But will pay the heck outta your light bill Cash.

Mostly B’s: Blogging All-Star. I want to be you when my blog grows up, and while there is a good chance I never ever will so long as we both shall live, I’m gonna start trying. I swear it. As soon as I remember to. Until then I will stalk you shamelessly because that’s what I do, stalk people who are awesomer than me and copy their style. Only I suck at being a copier too so you’ll never even notice.

Mostly C’s: Half Hearted Blogger. You are the blogger I used to be. It will get better. The minute you lock your kids in the playroom with the TV tuned to Playhouse Disney, fully immerse yourself in Twitter, and find some BBQ maker to give you some free samples you will be me: a mediocre blogger who is desperately trying to get better. Aim mediocre people. You can do this!

Mostly D’s: Non-Blogger Blogger. You are not a blogger. Accept and move on.

Share your score in the comments section, and you’re lying if you say you got mostly B’s.

People who get mostly' B’s don’t read parenting BY dummies.