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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Am I a Dumb Mom Blogger?

Since it’s Bachelor Tuesday I was gonna talk about Jason and Molly’s wedding, but I figured who even cares?

Jason is gonna cry.

Some old Bachelor “stars” are gonna be in appearance.

And, it was the most touching Bachelor wedding in Bachelor history (and C. Harrison isn’t just saying that because it’s the ONLY Bachelor wedding Bachelor history, promise).


Melissa is cuter.

Let’s talk about something less predictable…


Bloggy Boot Camp, like every single SITS related thing ever, was a BLAST!

I have admit that at first I was a little bit skeptical about the level –o fun.

‘Cause, you know, I did Vegas for SITScation, and I was like, seriously, how can this compare?

Baltimore? In March?

No Justin?


No Vegas?!

For crying out loud Dumb Dad wants to go?!

Consider my fun K-Oed.

Not because Dumb Dad isn’t fun, ‘cause he is. Sorta.

It’s just that when Dumb Dad is around I’m a little bit less fun. Just because, as a natural put-others-first-altruistic-near-goddess, it’s hard for me to not worry about if he’s having fun too.

So, when Dumb Dad’s around I’m more focused on being the life of his party rather than being the life of everyone else's.

And that makes me sad.

Being the life of everyone’s party is sorta my thing.

Don’t get me wrong, it is super hard work. Sacrificing myself to make sure everyone else has an awesome time, is not easy.

I have to have more drinks, tell more jokes, dance on more tables.

Hard work people. H-A-R-D.

But I do it because I care.

So when I can’t get out there, work the dance floor, shake what my momma (and a few bags of Oreo cookies) gave me it hurts.


Point is, I had concerns.

Would Bloggy BC be all that and a bag o’ chips?

Were Tiffany and Heather the brain mamas behind this shindig?

Then what was worrying about?

Bloggy BC was frickin’ awesome.

Maybe not what-happens-in-Vegas-stays-in-Vegas-Justin-Timberlake-making-out-with-me-in-his-mind awesome, but still awesome in other ways.

For one thing I learned a butt load more stuff about why I suck how to be a better blogger at this conference.

Possibly just because a meanie-face headache invaded my cranium and prevented me from doing the Tootsie Roll all over some piano bar, which meant that I was able to digest what people were saying to me and remember it long term.

Not because I’m gonna actually up my awesome around here, you know, ‘cause I’m a lazy a** when it comes to pretty much everything certain stuff, but because it’s really nice to know why you suck instead of wasting time wondering about it.

Curious to know if you suck it have a lot to learn too?

Of course you are!

How about a quiz, Glamour Mag style (don’t you just love those things? Random quizzes about stuff that doesn’t even matter are my idea of good, old-fashioned bathroom approved fun!), to determine where you fall on the Dumb Mom Blogger Scale.

Am I a Dumb Mom Blogger? Take this mostly meaningless quiz to determine if you are on the road to life as a Pro Blogger or stuck in rut as a glorified Wannabe!

1. When coming up with a title for my blog post I

a. try to make myself giggle

b. think about what people are searching for

c. number them because it’s easiest

d. What the? I’m supposed to title them?

2. My blogging platform of choice is

a. Blogger

b. Wordpress

c. Something else

d. What the? Platform?

3. I will do a review or giveaway on my blog in a heartbeat and all I ask for in exchange is

a. BBQ sauce, yogurt, or whatever you have because free stuff makes me happy

b. Cash. Cold, hard, CASH!

c. Nothing because I just want people to like me

d. What the? I can do reviews on my blog?! Sign me up!

4. I have used Goggle AdWords: Keyword Tool

a. a few times, but I swear I’m gonna do it more, if I can remember, because I know I should

b. numerous times because I’m all over SEO baby; that’s Search Engine Optimization if you’re nasty

c. like maybe one time, maybe, no never mind that was that other thing, anyway, I’ve heard of it at least so get off me

d. What the? Keywords?

5. My Twitter account

a. is active and growing and used daily, but people don’t follow me even though I am funny as crap

b. is my life and it shows because a whole butt load of people follow me and Tweet me and think I’m da shiz

c. was recently activated, but dang it, I can’t remember the freakin’ password

d. What the? Twitter? No one cares that I spend most of my day in the crapper, do they? Bloody IBS is ruining my life!

6. I know my worth and will not sell out for anything less than

a. a bottle of BBQ sauce, but the good kind, seriously, I’m talkin’ the gourmet one on the special aisle in the grocery store

b. 6 months with the new Benz, a trip to Jamaica, or a chance to meet Oprah

c. There’s no such thing as selling out. There’s free and there’s paid for. Free is always best.

d. What the? I’m for sell?

7. I know where my blog is going and I’m

a. constantly changing directions because I know where I want it to go, but I have no idea how to get it there, and even if I did no one will let me in when I arrive

b. on a one way street to the blogging promise land, thanks to a quality, well thought out long term plan with measurable steps toward success. Oh, and I’ll sell it to you for ONE MILION DOLLARS!

c. afraid of where that might be

d. What the? My blog is going somewhere?

8. I often feel overwhelmed by

a. doing stuff for free

b. managing all the Benjamins I’m earning from blogging

c. my kids and the fact that I haven’t blogged at all in 2010

d. What the? Seriously, it’s my nap time so please just don’t talk.

9. I think _____ is most important

a. comments

b. page views, and then comments

c. followers

d. What the? What is a page view? Will it get me a follower?

10. I read parenting BY dummies

a. daily

b. never

c. occasionally, when I get online, which is not everyday, so yeah, then

d. What the? They let dummies be parents?

Now check your score!

Mostly A’s: Official Dummy! Which means you are awesome in my book, but probably not the most successful blogger on the block. Check out some of these blogging all stars if you want to increase your traffic, get recognized by people who matter, and earn cash. Cold. Hard. But will pay the heck outta your light bill Cash.

Mostly B’s: Blogging All-Star. I want to be you when my blog grows up, and while there is a good chance I never ever will so long as we both shall live, I’m gonna start trying. I swear it. As soon as I remember to. Until then I will stalk you shamelessly because that’s what I do, stalk people who are awesomer than me and copy their style. Only I suck at being a copier too so you’ll never even notice.

Mostly C’s: Half Hearted Blogger. You are the blogger I used to be. It will get better. The minute you lock your kids in the playroom with the TV tuned to Playhouse Disney, fully immerse yourself in Twitter, and find some BBQ maker to give you some free samples you will be me: a mediocre blogger who is desperately trying to get better. Aim mediocre people. You can do this!

Mostly D’s: Non-Blogger Blogger. You are not a blogger. Accept and move on.

Share your score in the comments section, and you’re lying if you say you got mostly B’s.

People who get mostly' B’s don’t read parenting BY dummies.


Jennifer G. said...

Okay, how much do I love you?!! I want that picture of the two of us to add to my post today. Can you email me? And BTW - Can't wait for the weekend!

FranticMommy said...

Ha! Love the quiz. The Twitter question has me stumped. People follow me on Twitter all the time and I always think "WHY?" for I am as boring as dirt. Probably a good thing I am taking a Twitter class this morning :)

The Grasshoppa:Triplets Plus Two Momma said...

I'm adopting you. Just go with it.

Safire said...

Wait, we can get free BBQ sauce?! Awesome! :)

Sunday said...

I am such a dumb blogger! I got almost all A's and a few D's.

So, I assume you will be bringing chicken wings with awesome gourmet BBQ sauce this Saturday to MomzShare? ROFL!

melissa said...

i didn't get to go to vegas OR baltimore. i'm going to new york in august, are you?
glad you had fun at bloggy bc!

In the Trenches of Mommyhood said...

That? Was hilarious!

Kmama said...

Count me in as a dumb blogger. LOL

At least I know and accept that I'm a dumb blogger and am taking steps to not be so dumb. That counts, right? RIGHT?!?!

I'm glad you had a good time. I really wish I could have been there.

Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

Even though we all know I am a blogging rock star (ha!) I still read you every day..this was adorable and can't wait to see you again this weekend!

Maggie S said...

Uh...really I got the same number of As as Ds and one C. So am I really a B and a half? I have been told that before.

confused homemaker said...

Now can you create a quiz that will help figure out what I want to be when I grow up? Because if I can figure that out & get free BBQ sauce then I'll have it made.

Hanneke Nelson said...

Half A's and half C's. That means there's hope?

SITS Girls said...

Hilarious. As usual.

You always have a way of making things your own- branding at its best. ;)

I loved seeing you- even if it was only for a few minutes- and meeting your husband? That was so cool!

So? When will I see you again?

Jennifer said...

Woohoo, I was all A's baby!!!!! Now I'm doing the tootsie roll (I think, I'm not really sure what that is, but I am dancing in my chair).

I want do one of these conference things, but really only just to meet other bloggers. I hope that doesn't take away my awesome dumb blogger status. I think I may do the one in Austin because it is close.

BlogBaby said...

Mmmhmmm...fine so I took the Dumb Mom's Dumb Quiz and I learned a thing or two about myself. Mostly that it isn't possible for a baby to be dumb therefore my score is meaningless and I'm in a category all my own.

Yup, I'm special and don't you forget it!


CaneWife said...

As and Bs, baby! There's hope!

4 Lettre Words said...

I might be "stuck" with mostly A's (and anti-twitter and facebook)...but I am super happy! :o)

Jennifer said...

I'm split between A's and D's... so that makes me hopeless!

angie said...

Of course I'm an A.

Now, I want more details.

Kristy said...

Thanks for the tips! What's word press? How do you know how many page views you've had? Oh, there is so much to blogging. Geesh!

Anonymous said...

I'm A's and C's. Woohoo. Which probably explains why the husband keeps asking when I'm actually going to try and get paid for this stuff. Sometimes it sucks being married to SEO genius.

Anonymous said...

I am an Offical Dummy!!! So yeah, no clue how to change that. LOL.

Michelle said...

LOL! Hilarious! I didn't have time to do the quiz, but I think I'm somewhere near the bottom of the dumb bloggers pile.

I so want to go to blogger bc here in Phoenix but I haven't been able to persuade my husband yet. :(

Sharon said...

This is GREAT! how much fun. And I got an A, B, C, and D! Makes me think I'm only as dumb as I am smart!

Acting Balanced Mom said...

stopping by from SITS - mostly a's right now... some b's but just started blogging a few months ago... glad BBC was fun!

When did I become my Mom said...

Aaaaa's. A's is me. I is a Dumb Mom Blogger.

I don't use Google AdWords at all, but I keep saying I will start...

So 2 things I noticed.

1st - 10.d. Ha! You crack me up.
2nd - 10.b. Lol. Wonder if Heather and Tiffany are seeing this!

Ok u'v inspired me to try harder.


I'm NOT a VOLCANO! said...

LOL. It says I'm C- but I disagree.

Cheryl said...

Okay, you are hysterical! How could I not have seen your blog before? Probably because I'm a BLOGGING DUMMY!!!

Found you on SITS. So I'm not a complete dumbass.Just mostly.

Aimee said...

Ha! Love the quiz and love that you had a great time at Bloggy Boot Camp! I'm headed to the SF one in August so I can hopefully become, well, less of a bloggy-dummy. =)


Anonymous said...

Did it girl...

I got mostly A's 1 away from being a C :)

Which I guess explains why I'm currently having a bloggy meltdown.

Passed on through from SITS
btw/ I completely feel you on the putting-others-first-thing, good post.
On the Brink de la Locura
Much Luv,

Brea said...

Ok, so I got 5 A's, 4 D's, 1 C, and a Partridge in a Pear tree.

Oh - and I'm a D cup.

Now what?

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

Well, 3 As, 2 Bs, 1 C and 4 Ds. I don't blog for money so it seems like that is what the focus is on for a true pro blogger. I don't bother with Google's keywords but maybe I should consider it.

Stopping by from SITS.

This Mama Works It! said...

I LOVE this quiz! I am not a total dummie however not the sharpest pencil in the box. I have a lot of work to do with my blog. I try though. My blog is only a few months old so I am learning.

Anonymous said...

Stopping by from SITS. Excellent post. Would love to attend Bloggy Bootcamp in Phoenix, but not sure if I can afford it. Maybe the next time they come back east.

Kimberly@PrettyPinkMomma said...

I love your post! Not reading much Glamour these days so it was pretty refreshing and humorous all at once.

Okay, I was all over the place from A-s to C-s, I think that makes me a retarded blogger. Add that category for me please! I wish I was more of a dumb mom blogger, it sounds like you have way more fun doing it than posting your life away for yogurt like I do!

Anonymous said...

Yay for me! No D's but Google Ad words has me stumped. Gonna have to look into that so thanks! Guess that makes me a semi-dumb blogger. Stopped by from SITS. Love this community, although I suspect I'm its oldest member at 57 and that freaks me out and makes me a feel a bit like Grandma Freakin' Moses but I do blog with my 20-something daughters so maybe that brings my age quotient down a tad.

The Drama Mama said...

Hi! I stopped in from SITS, and I'm SO glad I did. You are amazingly funny. I love your quiz. As a somewhat new blogger, I'm happy to report I didn't get ALL D's...LOL. I'm your newest follower. I'll definitely be back.

Kathy Sprinkle said...

SITS visitor and now follower... Urban Dictionary says I am the Shiznet... I think they may be wrong. You seem to be!

KimJohnson said...

I'm borderline B, but still a C-class blogger. Someday... someday!!!

Carrie said...

Hmmm...50% a's, 40% b's and one d...where does that lead me??

Well, I'm you 600th follower, that has to count for something, right? Like one of those free bottles of bbq sauce you seem to get all the time? ;)

Happy to have found you, visiting from SITS!

Babes Mami said...

SITS visitor and I seem to be a dumb blogger but I will be looking into this getting cash thing. Sounds good lol.

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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