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Friday, January 8, 2010

Randumb Resolutions

Welcome to another edition of Randumb, where unrelated dumb happeneings from around the web are highlighted for the purpose of making me feel more awesome about myself.

This week I've decided to focus on New Year's Resolutions.

This is not something we really get into at Casa de Dummies.

Hubby is not a huge fan of them, something about living a life of excellence at all times, and setting and keeping goals as a way of life.

I don't buy it myself, figure it's just a way for him to avoid having to come up with something and try sticking to it, but whatever, I don't really push it because in theory (only just in theory) he has a point with the year round committment to awesome thing.

But, I, like millions of other people often use the first of the year as a jumping off point for making life changes.

Well for making the one life change that I have been trying to make every single effing year since #1 wreaked havoc on my body.

Losing weight.

Every January 1st, I resolve (and by resolve I generally mean I say it knowing in the back of my mind I don't mean it because I can already invision the cupcakes I will be downing by the fistful come #3's ill placed January birthday) to stop eating crap, start working out, and get my body back to the temple it once was.

After finding not one, but two Wii Fits under my tree this year (long story short, my family needs a much better system of gift giving communication) I knew that 2010 would be no different; I would make a heatheir, fitter, hotter body my goal for the year.

And, you know what, this time I really mean it.


I know I've said that all the other years, too, but I'm for real now. I'm sick of crying human tears every time I have to get dressed in non-elastic waist pants to go somewhere.

I want something better for myself.

And, I'm not alone in my quest for greatness.

Tons of people "comitt" themselves to making life changes each year.

Funny thing is, most of us choose to work on the same few things, which just leads me to think it's all just hopeless.

I mean think about it. If we are all struggling to lose weight/eat healthy/save cash then doesn't it just seem unlikely that I'm ever gonna really be happy with these aspects of my life? I mean what is the likelihood that it'll be me?

Hopefully that reasoning is faulty, because I'm just not ready to give up on being a one digit pants size again.

I think the best thing I can do to feel positive about my chances is to help some of you avoid common pitfalls that people fall into while attempting to stick to the most common New Years Resolutions (and make fun of the World Wide Web-full of imbeciles who make it their life's work to provide fodder for awesome sites like Funny or Die and

Hope this helps!

How To Not Stick To your New Years Resolutions

NYR 1: Spend more time with friends/family. Doing so becomes virtually impossible, however if you find yourself locked up for sniffing people's butts. While doing this is not against the law, per se, it is just creepy enough to cause the police to regard you as a "person of interest". Good luck keeping your nose clean (pun intended) once that happens!

NYR 2: Lose Weight. One way to ruin any cahnce you have of dropping el-bees is to go to McDonalds. But, if for some reason you find yourself smack dab in the middle of ex-transfat heaven you do have options. Instead of consuming the burger mysteriously placed in front of you, instead you could go on a rampage. From what I hear they burn tons of calories and you won't even be tempted to consume any of your fatty artery clogging yumminess since you'll be to preoccupied with fleeing from the authorities. Because you know, those places have SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS RECORDING YOUR EVERY MOVE DUMMY:

NYR: Enjoy Life More. Something you can easily do provided you aren't the clumsiest, most unlucky human being on the planet.

So, good luck this year (provided you haven't already abandoned your efforts) creating a new you.

Hopefully you will have better luck than these braniacs did.

Personally, as this is the year of AWESOMENESS I am sticking to it.

I swear!

I totally am.

Now that I've polished off all of the ice cream, cookies, candy, brownies, fudge, cake, and pie in this place, we should be good to go.

Want to join in with a little Randumb fun of your own? Join Half Past Kissing Time (the original inspiration for Randumb) for her Friday Fragments link up.


Adoption Of Jane Ug-LBC said...

LOL @ Best Man Fail!

4 Lettre Words said...

1st, I love your new profile pic.

B.) Enjoy getting fit with the Wii...both of them!

BLOGitse said...

for supporting me in my struggle for achieving justice for my rights to my pictures. RESPECT!

Jen said...

Seriously those videos were awesome, well the butt sniffer was a bit creepy but still awesome.

I just want to know who did that person not realize what that guys was doing.

And that poor bride.

Kmama said...

Okay, WTH is wrong with the butt sniffer guy? And how did the worker NOT realize what was going on??

Re: best man fail. Did you hear one of the bridesmaids (the one saying OMG!) giggle? I totally lost it.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

You are going to have fun with the WiiFit! Since you got 2 of them, now you can relegate someone to work out with you - I think it's only fair. ;)

The butt sniffer is creeeeeepy! I'm with Jen - how could the worker not realize what was going on?

The Best Man Fail was hilarious - poor bride (and minister)! :)

singedwingangel said...

Ok I loved the best man fail. I didn't watch butt sniffer well cause that just nasty lol..
Ahem I am looking for a Wii fit and I would be your biggest stalker I mean fan if you could hook a girl up roflmbo..

angie said...

I'm failed at being patient yesterday. Maybe I'll get it right like an 1/8 of the year. Perhaps.

Jennifer said...

David asked me last night if there were any snacks in the house and I told him no, and that he better not bring any into the house either.

kys said...

You could always join us over at Lose It Bitch......,

PS I don't think I've been a single digit pants size since 3rd grade.

Mira said...

I'm hoping once again that post delivery weight loss is kind to me and that I wont immediately justify gaining it all back with post delivery stress. Sigh. Such a waste of so much weight loss...

Sunday said...

I would have died if that happened at my wedding. At first I thought maybe it was fake, but she sure looked upset.

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

I always start the year by saying that I WON'T make any resolutions... but even if I don't put them down on paper, I still start the year with goals in mind, and getting into the best shape possible is always one of them. You're right... if we are continuously going after the same resolutions year in year out, we are never really accomplishing them in the first place!

Confessions From A Working Mom

Unknown Mami said...

I'm sick of crying human tears too.

Anonymous said...

I laughed when I read about your two Wii Fits. I always check with the family over what people are buying, which is why I found out that both of my brothers were buying my dad the same DVD. I saved their asses.

My mom loves the Wii Fit and she's lost weight on it. So good luck. And those cupcakes, everything in moderation.

Oh, and I tagged you.

The (Un)Experienced Mom said...

And....thanks for the Sunday laugh!


Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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