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Friday, December 11, 2009

RanDumb-Holiday Edition, Vol. 2

Welcome to another installment of RanDumb.

A weekly event during which Dumb Mom takes a few moments to focus on people, things, or events that are 1)dumber than her and 2)not related to anything, anyone, anywhere really cares about.

Please take a moment to also visit my Blogland buddy Mrs. 444 whose random Friday Fragments posts are a weekly inspiration for this event.

So let's jump right into this week's holiday edition of RanDumb by introducing you to some creepy holiday cats.

If you didn't hate cats before, you certainly will after you watch this video.

I mean, really, who has that kind of time on their hands?

It actually gave me chills listening to the cats "sing" or whatever that was.

And the dogs? Why the dogs? Are there even people on this planet that enjoy, like actually really delight in, the sound of a barking dog?

If so then you'd love to live in my neighborhood when, at 5am every effing morning, the dogs down the street are dragged, I mean walked, past my house yapping incessantly at nothing, everything, each other.

Similarly to the creepy, caroling cats, the sound makes me ill. Particularly come Sunday morning when sleeping past 5am should be a given.

I love a cute puppy as much as the next girl, but damn it all if I don't want to drag them down to the lake at the end of my street and toss them as far as my jiggly-rarely-used-for-anything-more-physical-than-drinking-coffee arm can toss.

Of course then I'd feel all bad and have to wade out to get the little buggers and then really be ticked when I get some sort of goose urine bacterial disease from the whole ordeal.

Anyway.

Speaking of creepy holidays, have you decided what to get your man for the big day?

Hows about some Prolixus?

What? You mean you're not familiar with this revolutionary product for male sexual enhancement?

Well, before I heard about it on the radio while minding my own business in my car the other day, I was wholly unaware that there was a product that could make him WIDER and THICKER!

Okay, seriously.

Do people really buy this stuff?

I know that the brainwashing, subliminal message filled commercial they put on the radio is hard to resist.

The woman SHOUTING "WIDER" AND "THICKER" OVER AND OVER AGAIN IS DIFFICULT TO IGNORE (and people are ticked that Britney says If You Seek Amy, yet WIDER and THICKER is somehow okay?!).

The facts, based on their RADIO COMMERCIAL and website, are these:

1) The "amazing new formulation" was discovered by "three former medical university students" (the fact that they are not doctors, but were maybe gonna be one day, should definitely prove this product is safe and effective).

2) Men like it when you describe their man parts as "meaty" because size is the "number one concern for every man" (which is great to hear since I was under the erroneous impression that financial stability, being good fathers, and keeping the family safe were top concerns with Hubby; now I know it's really all about being "meaty").

3) Prolixus is "the first and only thickn, wide, large enhancer" product using it's particular formula, on the market right now (and, the fact that they couldn't spell/grammar check their website before publishing it should not frighten you at all).

See. Now, aren't you convinced that this product is exactly what you should be spending at least $76.99 on for your man this holiday season?

Never mind that the ingredients are not listed, that their claims are not substantiated, and that the FDA has not approved it (meaning that his pistola could get WIDER and THICKER, or it could simply spontaneously detach itself from his person after coming into contact with this stuff. Just sayin'.).

I know, I know, the lady on the radio shouted something about a money back guarantee, which is basically the same thing as promising the stuff is gonna work, right?

I mean, it has to work; it was made by "former medical university students", remember?

Prolixus not at the top of your gift giving list this holiday (good for you)?

Well, there are tons of things that should be, all of which you could win if you are smart enough to enter your fugliest holiday cards, similar to this junk featured below (which for the record was Santa's idea, not mine!), in my contest by midnight tonight.

And, I mean midnight, because if you turn your photo in at 12:02am on 12/12/09 I am so gonna feature you on next week's RanDumb.

And, that is not a threat.

It is a promise.


P.S. How lucky are you guys that I can't enter this contest myself, and win? I've seen the entries, and some of them are good. As in really good. But none of them top this one of me sitting on Santa's lap while outweighing him by a solid 14lbs. I could feel his 70 year old knee quivering under my butt the entire time, and it wasn't from pleasure, let me just tell you.


22 comments:

singedwingangel said...

Ok the cats were just horrible that sounded lke they were umm well dying . I would help ya toss the dogs just saying.. and the whatever that stuff was called yeah so nothappening.. First of all how insulting would it be to your man ( specially after 14 yrs of marriage) and secondly maybe it ain't him.. ya know umm yeah we will just leave it at that.. no no I won't.. perhaps if the woman doing the commercial was not the equivalent of tossing a hot dog down a hallway in the bedroom he wouldn't need to be meatier and wider... Ok I feel better now..

4 Lettre Words said...

Well...I do love my cats, but I'm happy to say they are not trying out for the next American Idol!

Martha in PA said...

Stopping by from Fragment Friday! Our cat, before he was neutered would sing some lovely songs, but he stayed inside... he is pretty quiet now, with the exception of an occasional meow!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Those cat carolers were reallllly annoying! We keep telling our dogs that this is a 'no barking household'. Sometimes they forget and start to bark at random stuff, which results in them getting their snout-locks on. ;)

Um, yeah - I don't think I'll be buying that Prolixus for hubby...I'm betting he'll think it's another version of coal in his stocking. ;)

I promise not to submit my entry at 12:02 am. Don't want to be a RanDumb feature next week! ;)

Happy FF! :)

Kmama said...

That cat song was TERRIBLE. As in rip my hair out terrible. Ugh.

LOL at the prolixus and the fact that it might spontaneously detach the man thing from your body. LOL LOL LOL

Great one!!

parentingBYdummies said...

You guys are being too nice! Go ahead and make fun of my Santa[slap-must-be-dying-photo, I can take it! It was ages ago anyway (that's #1 on my lap on Santa's lap!) and I like to think I look more, um, refined in my older age!

won said...

I hate those commercials...particularly when my 12 year old son is sitting next to me.

I seriously wish they could be done away with.

Evonne said...

Um...nice Santa pic? It's bad enough some people butcher Christmas songs. Animals do not need to "sing" them too!

Ever notice how those male enhancement commercials come one when the kids are within earshot? Not a subject I'm ready to explain yet. And longer, maybe, but wider and thicker? Something just doesn't sound right with that.

M {Life Happens During Naptime} said...

Very funny. Following from MBC!

You can check out my blog at www.lifehappensduringnaptime.com

Mira is triplet crown said...

Nuttin' wrong with your santa pic lady, you're just too hard on yourself. As for the stuff, I personally want nothing to do with my man's manhood per se so nothing will be given that reminds him that he has one. Poor hubby.

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

I'm getting my hubby a five-pound jar of trail mix for Christmas. That is sure to make his midsection BOTH wider and thicker!

~Elizabeth
http://confessionsfromaworkingmom.blogspot.com

mommytoalot said...

Ya ..the cats were creepy. And you are so right...barking dogs..annoying!!
...
love the Santa pic.

Unknown Mami said...

I absolutely adore that picture of you. You have one of the best smiles on the planet.

MrsSki said...

I didn't have to watch that video to hate cats....cats are super creepy to me and plus, anything that plays in a litter box and then jumps up on the counter tops is not a friend of mine.

I hate those commercials for male enhancement drugs and for the drugs that make women's boobs bigger...give me a break. 1. Who really buys that stuff? and 2. Do they really think it will make them larger? It's probably just a sugar pill anyways.

I really liked the Santa picture.

Mayhem and Moxie said...

Great!

That package by my doorstep with the big fat red ribbon and your name of it was filled with nothing other than Prolixus. What am I going to do with your Christmas gift now?

PS: In case you want to reconsider, Prolixus really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Nancy Campbell said...

If we harnessed the energy wasted in penis enhancement technology, we would have solved the energy crisis by now.

I actually live in Southern Maryland (Calvert County, Lord help me).

Thanks for stopping by the blog. Great picture!

Mrs4444 said...

LIke Mr.4444 says, "You don't have to hurt them; you just have to tickle them a little bit." heehee

J. L. W. said...

Too funny. I am now following from MBC.
http://thepracticalmomguide.blogspot.com

Aimee @ Ain't Yo Mama's Blog said...

Ha! The Santa pic is hilarious. As for the cats..ugh. The video only validated why I am a dog-person.

-Aimee

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faemom said...

I had a great joke. Then my computer freaked out. I'm not up to telling it anymore.

~Shelley~ said...

Visiting from FFF @ MBC! I'm a new follower...I'd love for you to come visit and follow :)

~Shelley @ www.shelleysswag.blogspot.com

Have a great day!

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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