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Thursday, November 5, 2009

Note to Self

Normally I spend Thursday's thanking others.

I focus on how they are helpful (at nothing), or kind (of sucky), or just plain awesome (in a not so awesome way that essentially makes them, um, awesome!).

But, despite the fact that numerous people have earned a thanking this week (particularly the garage fixing man who informed me that, although I paid him $400, he is no longer available to complete my garage fixing job since he fell outta a barn and shattered is lower half. Awesome. Glad you made it and all, but GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY!), I'm gonna spend this Thursday talking about myself.

Why you ask?

I'll tell you why (like you didn't know I was going to).

Because I spend a whole butt load of time taking issue with and griping about the idiocy of others, when really I'm starting to notice a common denominator in all of my most sucky situations...ME!

So, I need to remind myself that sometimes (on rare, almost unheard of occasions) the sucky person is me.

And, while it doesn't happen often that I'm to blame for effing things up, it does occur from time to time and it's only fair that I own that.

And besides, Mama Kat sujested that this week's Writer's Workshop be a letter to the object of your affection, and honestly I can't think of someone I'm more affectionate with than myself.

So, Dumb Mom, this one's for you...from you.

REad it and weep, because that's what you always do anyway.

Dear Dumb Mom, Thanks for effin' things up for us again. You are chronically biting off more than you can chew and I am kinda getting sick of it. I mean seriously, learn to say NO! It can't be that difficult since like 99% of babies can claim it as their first word. What's your problem? Do you seriously want to babysit, for free, again? I don't think you even like kids. Which leads me to the whole preschool party planning thing. How in the Halibut did you get roped into that shizzle? Oh, they asked you? BEcause no one else volunteered? Too. Bad! Seriously, you simply can not be in charge of the entire planning, prepping, and production of a party for 18 some odd 4 year olds. Particularly not while you chase The Ruffian (aka #3) from wall to wall to prevent him from mouth stuffing all of the snacks (and by snacks I mean glue sticks, crayons, and puzzle pieces). You're just not that awesome. You litterly suck at crafting, you can hardly control your own offspring, let alone anyone else's, and you have work, photo sessions, home parties to plan (have you even thought about your son's birthday next weekend?), soccer, basketball, babysitting for free, and going insane to consider as well. There is just no time for extracurriculars like sleeping (although somehow time for excessive food consuption is readily available) left. And, you need your sleep! Without it you do ridiculously embarrassing things, like leave your house sporting a polyester sweat suit (yes friends, of the matxhing jacket and zipper pants variety, sad, just plain sad). That is just not allowed. You looked like an effing boxer for crying out loud. And, not the title winning kind. You were more like the just-came-outta-retirement-to-earn-some-extra-cash-since-we-all-can't-rock-the-infomercials-circuit kind of boxer. Not cute. Shameful really since, if I recall, you were quite the fashion guru in your pre I-do-whatever-people-ask-of-me-even-if-it-makes-me-cry-myself-to-sleep-at-night days. So sad to see what you've become. But, I'm officially putting an end to this madness. No more throwing of baby showers, no more giving people extra hours of photography (for free) because you feel bad, no more changin your work schedule to the sucky times because no one else will. We're done. I'm putting my, I mean YOUR, foot down. This can not go on. We don't even have time to stalk read people's blogs anymore. What kind of life is this you're living? Blog stalking is important! So, consider this an intervention. Next step is rehab (do they even have a place for people like you? Like, Women Who Say Yes All The Time Because They Feel Bad Annoynmous?) and no one likes rehab, accept for maybe like Lindsay Lohan, and you don't wanna be like her, she sucks.

Feel free to leave Dumb Mom comments about how and why she should give up her life as a Yes Woman. I really don't think I, I mean she, I mean I beleive there is a way out at this point.

In too deep.

No turning back.

I'm pretty much like an indentured servant, only without the handy little contract that says it'll be over soon. It's an endless cycle of volunteering (or being volunteered) for things that overwhelm you, exhaust you, and rob you of your zest for life.

Please tell me I'm not the only mom/woman who feels this way?! Please? No really, I need to hear you say it.

I just keep telling myself that my kids are healthy, I have a nice house, and like 3 really cool IRL friends, so if that means that from time to time (or multiple times per month, as the case may be) I have to sacrifice my time (and sanity) for the benefit of others so be it, I guess.

At least I'll be getting some help of my own soon...

Thanks to the people at I was able to locate a sweet babysitter who seems to be a good fit for the dudes (meaning, no one punched her in the throat or tried to touch her boobs when she came over).

And, lucky for you, since this is National Family Care Giver Month (who knew!) the people in charge over there are giving a free weekend of access for anyone who is interested in searching for a local babysitter, tutor, pet sitter, or housekeeper (wait? I didn't know they had housekeepers! Hells yea!).

You can even get free background checks (wonder if those tell you if your sitter appears in an episode of Girls Gone Wild? So cool if it does!)!

Maybe I can even direct the people who ask me to watch their kids to the site and then they can find someone more qualified (aka someone who likes other people's kids) to watch their kids too.

It worked for me, so maybe it can work for them (and you) too!


DysFUNctional Mom said...

YOu need to trade in that polyester outfit for a t-shirt that says NO in really big letters. Then just point to it.
You should link up this post over at Family of Shorts for her Letters to Someone feature!

kys said...

Yep. You need to say NO. Practice it with your url friends. Have them make up a scenario "Will you take my alligator to the vet?" And you say - NO! "Will you watch my triplets for free?" And you say - NO.

(It's hard, isn't it?)

Good luck!

When did I become my Mom said...

You gotta control it girl. Being helpful is nice, but you have to know in advance where your boundaries are...

Let me demonstrate - Can I plan a party for your kid? Oh I would love to! (picture yourself telling your son you can't plan a party for him because you're too busy.) Oh except I haven't even started anything for #? yet.

You'll be surprised at how understanding people will be. And if they're not? They weren't your friends anyway...

elasticwaistbands said...

guilty. ***raises hand***

maybe i need to write a letter to myself, too. thanks for sharing!

ShellSpann said...

I've been that mom. And I nearly gave myself a nervous breakdown because I literally had no time to sleep.

Learning to say no is hard. But you just have to do it!! For your sanity and your fashion sense ;)

panamamama said...

Love it! I'm learning to keep my mouth shut at PTA meetings and group conversations to prevent my running mouth to say "I'll do it!" Working pretty great this year, I must say!
You have a gorgeous family BTW! I love your pics!

shortmama said...

Just say NO to crazy 4 year olds...your sanity will thank you!

Jennifer said...

When you think about it long term, no is a whole lot easier to say than yes. First step, quit worrying about what other people are going to think when you say no. Make up an excuse if you have to, like "I'm sorry but I can't do that because I have another engagmement," or "I will not be able to participate that weekend because I'll be doing #x's birthday party," or "My rates or XXX and I can't do it for any less because I won't be able to feed the dudes." Start practicing.

blueviolet said...

Once you learn how to say no, it becomes easier and easier to do.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if your kids can teach you? If they're anything like most little kids I've know, they are super adept at saying "no" in all sorts of ways. :-p You can also use the Amy Winehouse song for inspiration: "They tried to make me go to (Mommy) rehab and I said NO, NO, NO (see, I'm learning!)" Good luck! :-)

Maya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alicia said...

woman! say it with me 'NOOOOOOO'. ok try it again 'NOOOOO'. There! but hey, i was wondering if you could come over next week and watch the kids and help me throw mason's bday party? :)

on a side note: i'm totally the same way...which is why i'm throwing a soccer party, bday party, and craft night next week....sigh

CaJoh said...

Stopping by from Mama Kat's

I like how you turned the letter around and wrote to yourself. Nice way to switch things around.

Sometimes the whole reason we say yes all the time is to feel needed. Sometimes you need yourself as well. This is what's called "Me Time". Take some Me Time for yourself and do something for yourself. Then you will not be afraid to say No to something because you have already scheduled some of that "Me Time" and can't fit it in.

Good luck with your time management challenges.

TKW said...

You need to learn to tell people to "F*&^ Off!" I'd teach you how, except that I never learned how to do it, either!

Anonymous said...

Once again another great post! I think we all need to learn how to say no a bit more!!

Mama B said...

So let me know when you learn to say No, I need a big fat lesson in that...I have even practiced in the mirror and it doesn't work...unless I hide out, If I am not talking to anyone I can't say yes!

The (Un)Experienced Mom said...

Time to be selfish. Sometimes us Yes" moms can take a pointer or two from our little knee-huggers. If they can say "No!" all the time, why can't we?! (Oh yeah, b/c people expect kids to say that, but get mad when WE say it!).

Happy "No-ing!"


Miss Dot said...

Favoritest line from this post: "You looked like an effing boxer for crying out loud. And, not the title winning kind."


Good luck on the babysitter search. Sounds rad.

P.S. -- YOU CAN DO IT!! :)

Twincerely,Olga said...

love it! had to stop back by!!

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

It's hard. We all want to be liked so we say yes to things we shouldn't. But practice those good NO muscles. Think of it as saying YES to yourself and the dudes and all the things you really WANT to do instead of all the yucky things you think you SHOULD do.

piecemeal people said...

Of course you're not alone. I'm guessing you already knew that. :)

Maybe you could start by choosing one thing and ALWAYS saying "no" to it, no matter what - just make it your blanket policy that when it comes to that one particular issue/event, your answer is always "no."

For me, it's those damn parties - Pampered Chef, Cookie Lee, Mary Kay, Party Lites, whatever. "No, thank you."

Anonymous said...

I have yet to reach the Yes Woman stage, but I think that's because I know so few people. I do have a friend that I'm trying to teach to say No every once in a while. But she, like you, is just too goddamn nice.

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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