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Thursday, November 12, 2009

I Made That!

This is a phrase that, outside of the kitchen, I don't get much chance to use.

When it comes to making, or building, or even just assembling things it seems like my hands work a lot like this...

Not sure why. Just is.

But, one thing I can do well (although I try not to really let people know about this one, don't want them raising their expectations or anything) is work.

I can hand mop a floor like nobody's business. Can't say I enjoy it, but still, it's something I've perfected (thanks Mom!) so should I choose to use it, you know for the purpose of wowing guests, I could.

And, I recently discovered that it's not just inside the house work I'm good at.

I learned this summer (due to Hubby's Sudden Onset of Lawn Mowing Induced Semi Paralysis) that I can mow a mean lawn.

And, weeds beware, because (when I can actually get the bloody thing started) I will whack the crap outta you.

Fall is now in full effect around here and, not sure if I mentioned this before but, my house is surrounded by trees.

Everyone knows what happens to trees during the fall. I've discovered that I have quite the intense loathing of leaves, and the trees they blew off of.

Who knew?

They cover, literally cover, my yard and my porch and my deck and my sidewalks and my cars (since the effing garage is still effing broken so the effing cars are stranded in the effing driveway which means every time it effing rains I get drenched running the kids back and forth from the effing house!).

I have to sweep pretty much everyday and, although I was able to avoid it for weeks, I (and Hubby, he actually did the entire back alone b/c I wholeheartedly refused) had to rake the yard.

Actually, and this is sad, the dudes informed me that the yard "wooked widiculous" so we decided to get started while Hubby was at work.

So, Mama Kat and my Writer's Workshop pals, I made this...

A big, fat pile of dead leaves that I'd love to burn, but can't (Damn HOA!).

But, it was actually quite fun (possibly because we only spent about 30 minutes doing the actual working part)!


See that last one?

With the double snap point #2 is giving me?!

Well, that was him calling me out.

And, as I'm not one to shy away from a challenge ("I ain't goin' out like no punk" ring a bell?) I put down the camera and went for a few high flying, triple salchows uncoordinated leaps into the leaves.

It was fun.

Until my body failed me.

And, I pulled a hami or a groin or a whatever it is that goes up, down, and around in your hip/thigh/crotch area.

And, an old injury (a rump shakin' related injury sustained during my weekend in Vegas, yep I'm that sad) reared it's ugly head.

And, I was forced to sit out for the remainder of the leaf jump a-thon and take more photos...

So, this Thursday I'm thanking my Dumb Body. For failing me. Again.

Thank you and you're welcome.

Card Reads: Dear Dumb Body, Thank you for effing up my life. Seriously. Enough is enough. Not only do you look downright embarrassing, but your performance leaves A LOT to be desired. I can't even effectively play with my kids without your interference. I tried to take the stairs two at a time last week and actually strained my ankle...I couldn't walk right for 3 days! Not even a year ago I was jogging circles around this hilly neighborhood, now I can barely walk down one! What is happening to me? I'm going to pieces, and fast. I'm not sure if this is an age related issue or a size related issue, but it better be the latter, 'cause that I can fix. This better not be a sign that I'm getting old, or so help me...Just know that you have been warned, put on notice that you're not going to talk me into watching Eastwick instead of working out, and you're not going to convince me that polishing off the Halloween candy is a good idea. I'm through with you and your "good ideas". Eff your good ideas. It's your good ideas that have made me into the fat goose egg that I am today. The fat lady's singing, my chocolate loving friend, and it's ova. Officially. I'm going for a run, I mean a jog, I mean a quick walk now, so eat my dust. XOXO, Dumb Mom

I have someone you wanna thank?

Go ahead link 'em here (my friend, 'HI SUPAH!' said you guys would like this)!


Farmers Wife said...

I saw that first pic of the pile of leaves and thought...That won't last...someone just has to play in them!!! Visiting from mama kats!

Melissa aka Equidae said...

lol loved your post :) pased by from mamakat

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Damn those pesky recurring rump-shaking injuries! I've had my share of those ... from like a hundred years ago when I last shook it like a Polaroid picture.

Love the pics! There's just something so irresistable about a pile of leaves ...

Mrs. D said...

Why did you have children if not to work them? Fill out a workman's compensation form and then file a claim with you homeowner's insurance.

Kidding aside, I let the kids jump in the pile I gathered last week and then had to re-rake several times. I didn't have the common sense to wear gloves so I got blisterS.

How did they keep the pile so neat. Did you threaten them?

confused homemaker said...

I just wrote about something similar the other day--we raked leaves this weekend. The kids had a lot of fun & we did get the leaves to the curb (finally).

Jenners said...

My son is bothering me non-stop for a pile of leaves to jump in ... there is something that kids just love and it is free ... except for the hospital bills incurred by old moms!

marymac said...

I'm here!
(jk! wink!)
Dude, I do not understand Mr. McKlinkyton or whatever the eff that thing is. I am a technotard, remember? It is all I can do hit "Publish" and get my blog out to the intranets. And doing it EVERY DAY THIS MONTH? Is going to put me in an early grave.
Make sure I get a nice headstone, and please play Billy Joel's "She's Always a Woman" and no fucking carnations.
Got it?

p.s. leaf pictures? ADORABLE.

ShellSpann said...

I think all kids love to play in leaves. I like it too! :)

Jennifer G. said...

I love leaf piles... I love smashing them. I love smelling them. I love throwing my children into them!!! But I also know that my body will betray me as well. Glad I ain't the only one!

Jennifer said...

I love a big pile of burning leaves. We don't have leaves. We have pine straw, and it isn't a good idea to light dry pine straw on fire. I learned that the hard way.

Mira is triplet crown said...

Oh leaf raking. Sounds romantic when you don't have any to do. Sorry about the body. This second pregnancy is breaking mine down to old lady status very quickly. Twisted my ankle getting off the bus yesterday and I know that'll heal well with my 200lb plus body on top of it. sigh.

BlogBaby said...

I want to thank YOU actually.

As in....

Dear Dumb Mom,

Thank you so much for showing the rest of us bloggers up. Thanks for being the wittiest, sassiest, funniest blogger this side of Dooce. No really thanks. Because some of us need to be reminded of how much we suck so that we can pull up our boot straps (or carseat straps as the case may be) in order to compete on the same level as your continuous stream of humour-filled posts.

So yeah, thanks to you.




The Blonde Duck said...

I'm sorry, but that card cracked me up.

Miss Dot said...

Wow, you MADE THAT? That whole pile?? I love how you celebrate the little things you can do. Haha, crackin' me up over here.

Anonymous said...

Looks like a blast! Except for the whole getting hurt part. That always sucks :-(

angie said...

I've had that same thing happen to me with the pulled groin muscle......that's why I moved from MA. I mean.....who needs that? :)

Bet you loved waking up the next morning and not seeing your grass anymore. :)

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

Always fun jumping in the leaves! I chose the same prompt from Mama Kat's writer's workshop:

blueviolet said...

My kids get me all caught up in the moment too and it always results in injury. I feel your pain (literally)

The (Un)Experienced Mom said...

Boy would my kids love to play in that pile. We have baby trees, which means no leaves.

And loved the letter to your body. Way to give a piece of your mind. I could and should probably do the same. But right after the ice cream I'm eating, ok? ;-)

Erin said...

Oh that looks like so much fun!! I haven't seen a really good pile of leaves since I left Michigan, here in CA we just wait for the Santa Ana winds to blow them all away!

What was done said...

Getting old is only in our mind.
Age never prevented people from doing things:

SupahMommy said...

OMG you didnt' even warn me that you were playing.

call me out
and i don't play

im suprised you didnt' mention it on our SUPAH DUPAH skype that i reveiwed today and loved! How cute are you adn yes your dental investment must be protected at all costs.


Anonymous said...

My theory is our body goes in cycles. Some years it kicks ass; other years its ass is kicked.

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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