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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

As Seen on TV

The people who make those loud talking, hard hitting, laced with subliminal messages, mini infomercials are geniuses.

They have totally hijacked #2's mind.

He can recite them with ease, including all of the catch phrases and theme songs.

You may argue that he watches too much TV.

I will argue that he does not.

Let's just agree to disagree on this one and I will share with you the virtues of a few products that he has almost sold me on.

Rocket Fishing
-This expertly designed gadget will allow you to catch fish with ease. You can catch "the most biggest fish." He informed me that it's "fishing fun for everyone." And we should get it because the "fish stay on the hook" and we can always "fish were the fish are." And, I see that this is totally different from all other fishing poles which makes it worth $34.95 plus shipping and handling! Yeah. Right.

-He tells me these little miracle machines can "make just about anything." Honestly, I wasn't even sure what they are, but apparently they are some kind of "Magic Wax Super String," which is still a little vague and confusing. No matter because he wants them so that he can make me "a pretend mustache and a paper plate mask to hide [my] face." Hope he's not trying to tell me something by making me a disguise.

Touch and Brush
-Now this product may actually be a good investment. Every house needs a hands free toothpaste dispenser since you never know when you are going to be dismembered and be left with only one arm to apply toothpaste with. He informed me that when I get my arm cut off I will be so happy to have Touch and Brush since it's so "easy to use." I'm really considering this because if I have to listen to him screaming because he dropped the paste in the toilet. Again. I am going to lose my mind.

I'm convinced that my boy has a future in direct selling.

Or, maybe he'll be the next Billy Mays.

As long as he's not that Slap Chop/Sham Wow, hooker beating guy, we're good;)

And, while we're on the subject of television programming, let's talk about the Bachelorette.

I know everyone doesn't watch it (not sure why), but I do, and I love it, so I'm gonna talk about it:).

First, I'm totally falling for Mike, break dancer extraordinaire. I guess that's because I'm not a sucker for the romantic Casanova. I'm a sucker for the sucker. You know, the silly, funny, happy-go-lucky guy who is cute because he's funny. Not because he's sexy. Not that sexy is all bad, because I'm also falling for Jesse, precisely because he is so frickin' hot and sexy.

Second, WTH was Ed thinking? I'm a hopeless romantic, too, but I can't see myself QUITTING MY JOB for a date. I'm not talking about for a wife, because they are so not at that stage yet (besides if you look @ past series, the show doesn't exactly have a good track record for happy ever afters); she's dating 10 dudes still. And, the guy is not a bartender or a break dancer, he's some kind of technology consultant. He would have been giving up a career for a chance to go on some more dates with some chick who is dating 9 other guys. Not smart, Ed. Not smart. Thank you for making a good choice.

Finally, no blog about the Bachelorette would be complete without doing a little Wes bashing. So glad we didn't have to listen to that wiggity wack song of his for the bazillionth time. I know he thinks being on the show is promoting his music, but all it's doing for me is ensuring that I won't buy it. He has officially been promoted to position of biggest reality show d-bag of the summer. He might want to have a discussion with his PR people.


TubOfLard said...

I like Jesse but I'm still on the Kiptyn bandwagon.

Loved that she was clearly drunk last night.

And I can't beleive she even wanted Ed to "take a chance" and quit his job for her. Crazy?! She knows damn well she wasn't even gonna pick him in the end not that that even means anything. We all know how things will end. Bottom line, chances were high that he woulda ended up alone and jobless. Smart move Ed.

P.S. Ed, I'm available.

TubOfLard said...

Oh, and I seriously wanted to punch Jillian in her throat when she said she was getting fat.

MBB Founder and Editor Denene Millner said...

Okay, seriously? I think my kids will be running the direct selling company with #2... they can hear a snippet of a song and within two seconds flat, know all the words, all the inflections, etc. Amazing.

janice said...

How funny- you've got a little pitchman in your house! My 3-yr old sings radio commercial jingles..really public places!

Alicia said...

I have mine recorded but I haven't watched yet!!! And I feel ya on the infomercials...except my kids want the topsy turvy tomato planter or some crap like that!

Heather said...

We can recite the fishing pole infomercial too. And we're not getting one either.

Jennifer said...

Don't get me started on infomercials. Can I say addictive?!

I'm a bit crazy. I know.

!!The Obnoxious SAHM!! said...

Hey! I saw you blog in the funny mom group and wanted to stop by and welcome you.

I am also following Jillian and her tribe to choose from. I still say that Tanner is creepy with the whole foot thing.

Ed, poor guy. BUT SMART. He did the right thing. I think she should have been more gracious about it.

Wes is a tool. I am sick and disgusted by him. (blah!)

Melissa said...

Hey! Just came across your blog through the Women and Mother's group.
Can you blame your little one? I secretly love infomericals;)

Anonymous said...

See, that is why I hunt down networks without commercials. But your guys are a little bigger than my boys. As it is I've got Evan telling me, "Chuck E. Cheese; the place where a kid can be a kid." And THAT is why he's gone once. Or "Noggin is preschool for little boys" and his Dad Bought it and turned on the tv. Maybe our boys should hook up and start an ad company.

Kristin said...

I had to stop watching. I feel like Jillian could've met a better guy on her own. Boom Boom Pow.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

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This is my way of giving back.

KnitterMama said...

Ok, so I am not watching the Bachelorette but I am watching So You Think You can Dance (SYTYCD). Are you?

And #2 (I am not supposed to use names, right?), I am just in LOVE.

Gibby said...

LOL, too funny! My youngest is the same way. She talked Hubs into buying me AquaGlobes and right now is on a kick about some kind of sugar supplement that is good for you. Whatevs.

Rae Ann said...

My daughter would kill me in my sleep for a set of blendy pens.

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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