My Day

We all know that Mother's Day is fast approaching.

Technically, today is the last shopping day in order for Hubby to secure a gift, provided that he is so inclined to purchase one. Although, he is known for the last minute hurrah, so I wouldn't be surprised if he were MIA come this time tomorrow morning.

But, he is not required to purchase one.

Being that Mother's Day, my birthday, and our anniversary are all marked in May, I fully expect the infamous "big" gift.

Although, to be fair, he's never really done that. Skipped the anniversary entirely, yes. Combined the three "holidays" into one big gift, no.

So, I think it's safe to assume that in addition to the homemade gifts (that I truly LOVE), he is going to hit up the local department store (I'm hoping more Macy's, less Sears) and select something to commemorate the day I became Mommy.

Now, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth (not, directly anyway), but there are a few items I prefer not to receive (even though I will act overjoyed, so as not to hurt anyone's feelings if I do) on the big day.

1. Exercise Equipment. I like to workout as much as the next person (which judging by the fat epidemic in America, is probably not all that much). Let me rephrase, I workout because I'm trying not to be mistaken for a cow (yes, this has happened, ask #2). And, even though I sometimes have the desire to try a new workout DVD, or have my runs tracked by my shoes and a fancy bracelet (actually, this was an AWESOME gift), I do not want Hubby buying me workout related gifts. I just feel like he's confirming that I'm fat, and that he's willing to invest money in changing that. Plus, if he buys it then I feel all guilty if I don't use it. So I have to set up elaborate schemes in which I leave the disk in the DVD player and the weights on the floor in front of the TV to make it look like I worked out. When in reality, I was at the computer writing a blog post all afternoon. So. Much. Work.

2. A DVD set. I love Heroes, and The Office, and I'd love to get into Sex and the City (totally missed that boat), and... you get the picture. Unfortunately, I have zero time to even watch the shows I Tivo on a weekly basis (explains why we only have 4% recording space left), and I really don't have time to pick up any new shows (except when So You Think You Can Dance comes back this summer). Plus, I have a sneaking suspicion that he is well aware of my time constraints, and might try to purchase the Band of Brothers Box Set so we can watch it "together". Right.

3. Anything used for cleaning. I don't do it, and I don't like to be quilted into it. So, please skip anything that is, or looks like it could be, used for cleaning. This includes a steam cleaner (I know I said I want one, but not for a gift), a Roomba (would be nice, but again, not as a gift), or the cool looking UV-C Sanitizing Light Wand that I told you about (it's like a magic cleaning wand!).

4. Tickets to a kid centered activity. I love the aquarium (can't wait to see Baltimore's new dolphin show), the zoo, and the children's museum. But I have no interest in spending my special day chasing kiddies around the fish tanks, or carrying a 26 pound chunker through the place since they don't allow strollers (not sure whose cockamamie, hair brained idea that was). I'd love to take trips to all of these places this summer. But, on Mother's Day, I'd much rather stay at home and have a fun-filled, periodically stressful day, as opposed to taking a day trip to a stressful, periodically fun destination. Just humor me on this one:).

5. A McDonald's Gift Certificate. According to #2's heartfelt Mother's Day Card that he made for me with the help of his conniving thoughtful preschool teachers, I have quite the affinity for McDonald's. Apparently, it is my "favorite place to go." I am convinced that teachers do these "All About Mom" interviews with kids just to see what funny (aka embarrassing) tidbits the kids will reveal. Mine always oblige. And, if anyone even wants to hear my side of the story, Mickey D's is not my favorite place to go. I go there b/c you like it, and you are hungry, and impatient, and in one of your beggy-won't-take-no-for-an-answer moods after soccer. I don't go there because I can't think of one other place I'd like to dine (although,now that you bring it up, MCD's is the only eatery I can think of), I'd love to eat at some grown up place I can't think of the name of since I haven't been there in so long. Point is, I go there for you, dude, so appreciate it.

Can't wait to see what you ladies get.

I'll be happy to share with you all on Monday.

Happy Mother's Day to all of my digital mom friends:)