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Monday, May 25, 2009

Facebook, Part Deux

Many of you commented on my previous Facebook post so you are familiar with some of the "issues" (or should I say issue) I have with this social networking giant.

Well, due to the fact that I have a very uneventful real time life, I have spent enough time on FB lately to develop another issue with it. Again, the issue is not FB, itself. It is the annoying FB junkies (not me, other people, of course) that I can't tolerate.

FB junkies are those people who are obsessed with updating FB. And, they are obviously delusional about the fact that any of their "friends" (who only friended them in the first place to gloat in their own awesomeness) even care that they are heading to the gym (skinny biotch), sitting in traffic (boring), or partying it up at happy hour "woot" (Really? Again? What is that, like your fifth happy hour this week? Excessive, don'tcha think? And, seriously, please stop saying woot. Five happy hours in five days is not a reason to woot, it's a reason to seek help. And, most importantly you are driving me effing bananas.).

It's not the existence of updates, I mean I love them because they eliminate the need to call that hey-girl-it's-been-awhile-lets-talk-about-me-for-the-next-two-hours friend who spends the first hour of the conversation talking about how the people she knows suck, and the next hour talking about how awesome she is.

It's the redundancy. If you spent Monday night, Tuesday night, and Thursday night at a bar, chances are (no, no, let me guess) you will spend Friday night at the bar, too.

And, if you are studying and napping every weekend for the past three months, I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and say we could do without the constant updates saying you are gonna be spending this weekend studying and napping as well. And, honestly telling me that you are napping is not only boring, I also get the impression you are trying to rub it in my face that I have not caught a midday nap for at least 8 years (maybe I'm just being sensitive, here).

Now, if I post on my wall that I'm going to be at the local watering hole getting a coupla drinks this Friday, you all should reply immediately for time and place, because it's a rare occurrence, and you might want to be there to experience the freak show that is me when I mix alcohol, with music and dancing.

But, imagine if I posted 4 to 6 times per day that I am changing a dirty diaper or doing laundry (actually, this is a rare occurrence so it might be interesting).

Might get a little ridiculous. Might you think, of course she's changing diapers and doing house work, she's a stay at home mom, that's what she does?

Then don't be surprised that I'm over here thinking, of course she's at the bar, she's a drunk, that's what she does.

Or, she's working out? No surprise there, she's an anorexic hussy, that's what she does.

Or, studying and sleeping? Again? She's a lazy idiot, and has to study to exhaustion to pull a C, duh (okay, she's not lazy).

So please, people, spare us the useless updates. I'm getting sick of seeing your face on my homepage. I can't even see what my more interesting connections are up to, because your useless updates totally Bogart the space so that when my update-a-reasonable-amount friends post something, it's gone before I even have a chance to log on and see it.

You over-updaters should really consider Twitter as an outlet for your obsessive compulsive need to share what you are doing every hour of the day.

Yeah, Twitter would be perfect for you. There are tons of others just like you. People like Ashton, who I am honestly about to de-friend because his updates are driving me nutty. I really thought someone with a more exciting life would have more to say than "I try not 2 consume 2 much processed/preserved stuff & avoid fast food" (REally? I love french fries. They make me happy. Way to make me feel like a fat loser) and "grabbing dinner at Geisha House Atlanta" (Wait, was that a shameless plug?), but whatever.

So, yeah, in case you don't know it's

Check it out some time.

It's the perfect solution, for all of us:)


Deb said...

Unfortunately (or not, since I'm implicating myself), you can update FB thru Twitter. I do this, though I spare ppl the gory details of each and every diaper change (only share when somebody's had corn). This post cracked me up.

parentingBYdummies said...

Shows you my lack of internet savvy. I know my way around a blog and that's about it. Hopefully my "pals" will use this post as a guideline, then.

missy said...

stopping by from SITS.
i love this cracked me up!!!!!

TubOfLard said...

Word! I really hate the "woot woot." Not sure why. I can take the whoo or even a whoo hoo, but woot? Not so much. Kinda like the overuse of LOL. Seriously do people really LOL that much? And don't get me started on the games, quizzes and other random applications. I mean I don't care which liquor you are, what your purpose in life is, or what type of underwear you are. And did you really just send someone a virtual joint? Ugh! Just a reminder why I don't keep in touch with these "friends" in real life.

Love ya,

parentingBYdummies said...

Thank you BFF! This is why we are frenz in real life:)

Shannon said...

This post made me laugh... now I need to go back to my facebook and see what my status updates are saying! I really hope I'm not one of THOSE annoying people you are talking about! :) The thing that DOES bug me about fb... the stupid quizzes and the millions of applications that leave me with 60+ notifications after being gone for the weekend (yes, this JUST happened this weekend)! Wish I could tell people that I just "ignore" all that stuff! But, what I LOVE about fb is that I'm able to chat with old and new friends and see pics of their kids and know what they are up to! I guess it has it's pros and cons for me!

Rae Ann said...

My beef with FB is the stupid applications. Gah! Kidnap? Gardens? Pass a drink? I regret enabling any of them. They are the devil.

Anonymous said...

Right on! But my problem is all the stupid updates on finding eggs or taking this stupid quiz or that. I don't care which Alfred Hitchcock movie you are! Get a life, read a book, get a job. Ugh.
BTW: Faemom just had a nap.

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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