Wordful Wednesday: So NOT Dumb Edition

I haven’t shared a list of So-No-Dumb stuff in ages.

You’ve missed it, I’m sure, so I’m bringing it back just to mix things up around here.

You know me, keeping it fresh, keeping it real, and keeping it so-not Dumb!

It’s a way of life people!

So-Not-Dumb Things Dumb Mom Loves (but only for like the moment, because Dumb Mom is a fickle, flighty thing and is easily distracted by shiny things; just because you aren’t dumb today, doesn’t mean you won’t be tomorrow!)

1. Spring. I L-O-V-E spring. The budding flowers, the thunderstorms, the soft sunlight. All of it. Except for the incessant pre-dawn chirping of the birds. And soccer practice. And mud. And wind. And maybe like one or two other things. But other than that, I totally love spring. Because even though the water at “the beach”* is still beyond too cold to get into (not that I do anyway, beach water gives me the willies) we can at least go there. And rub some sunshine on our faces. And after Snowpacalypse 2010, we could use a little sunshine.

2. Easter. I’m all for any holiday that features a mythical being. Christmas, Easter, and… Okay, so I guess it’s just Christmas and Easter, but whatever, I like both of those. Because they are fun for me the kids. Dumb Dad and I hide eggs (not the hard boiled kind because I’m anti egg coloring), and make a ridiculously elaborate map with clues and stuff to their baskets that is frustrating as crap takes them all day to find. And, we get dressed up, and go to Mimi and Papa’s for dinner, and like every three years or so we even go to church!** Good times. Best part though is that I get to shop for super cool stuff to put in their baskets. This is gonna make the cut this year thanks in part to my buddies at Dancing Bear Toys.

Looks like a BLAST, right?!

3. Bubbles.

But only when the weather is nice enough that they can play with them outside. Because bubbles and tiled flooring is a bloody-embarrassing-possibly-loss-of-consciousness accident waiting to happen for Dumb Mom. Plus they have the ability to make afternoons that start off like this…

turn out like this…

Magic.

4. Awesome doctors. Like Dr. Kidney who is hands down the best nephrologist in Maryland. I was gonna interview him and talk about screening for kidney disease and taking care of your kidneys and other boring mundane medical type junk you probably couldn't care less about stuff. But then I decided to not to (as The Dudes like to say) because pictures are way mo betta. So here he is, Dr. Kidney, my listen-to-me-and-you’ll-live-for-ever-kidney-care-specialist-extraordinaire…

I swear to you, if you live in my area, and you need a nephrologist he (and his partner) is hands down the best choice, and I would know.***

5. People who give me awards. Like Brea from Brea’s Befuddled Brain and Sarah at The Stroller Ballet (among a few others I’ve been remiss in mentioning) because they are sweet and they come here and read my RanDumbness and tell me I’m Lovely or Beautiful or whatever even though they know I’m not gonna answer the questions or follow the official award rules and regulations or even give them to anyone else. Not because I don’t intend to, just because I just don’t. So thank you. I do appreciate them. Swear I do.

6. Potty trained two year olds. Who are doing pretty stinking’ great at not having accidents. Except for that one time, at Joann's (sorry Joann’s patrons and employees, I was totally gonna go back and clean it up, but we had to change and then we had to, like, go, so um, yeah).

7. Organization. Thanks to the likes of the Closet Tailors who hooked up the Dumb Family pantry. I’m not able to provide any before pictures because I forgot to take some the sight was just too hideous to share, but the afters are pretty much speak for themselves, see…

I ask that you ignore the duct taped basket prominently displayed in this photograph and instead, focus on the awesomeness of the shelving instead.

8. Cake Foot. Because if you have enough cake to throw it on the floor and dance in it, you must have access to a whole butt load of cake, which in my book, is SO very not dumb.

9. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel Soundtrack.****

It is not gonna make your ears bleed (okay, maybe it will, but not a lot, and only on like one or two songs) and it allows you to capture videos of your kids doing the Stanky Leg their best moves. You gotta love how for reals #1 is in this video, as if he’s really doing something!

10. Made up descriptive words and phrases. Like “super-natural good”. A term coined by #2 meaning, so good you can’t stand it. As in, “Mom, deez cookies are super natural good.” Or, “super-natural-blah-blah-blah good”. Also coined by #2 and used to express something even better. If something is “super-natural-blah-blah-blah good” it is so good it makes you senseless. Literally, you nearly lose your mind it’s so good. As in, “Mom you were da meanest mom earlier, but now since you wet (aka let) me pway my DS, you made me feel super-natural-blah-blah-blah good and dat’s why I wuv you.” Seriously doesn’t get better than that!

*It’s actually a strip of sand along the lake we live at. But, for all intents and purposes it’s a beach to The Dudes.

**In my defense, I’ve been working at the hospital for the past 4 years and, since I work every Sunday, and people are always sick, and the place never closes, and sometimes I feel like a POW when I’m there I pretty much always work on Easter, making church a near impossibility for this Dumb Family.

***See above to clearly understand that I have intimate knowledge about all of the doctors in my area so if you have a nasty case of hemorrhoids need a recommendation, I’m your girl!

****Dumb Mom Admits it’s Free: Standard disclaimer in case it’s not obvious. As with previous posts, a copy of the Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel was provided to me for my use free of charge. Additionally, I will receive monetary compensation (aka cash, cold, hard cash) for my participation in this project through the WB WOM team.

Photo of the (Mommy's a liar) Day

After my Saturday Swag-urday we-hate-board-games-and-never-play-them post, this is the scene I walked in on when I returned home from work last night.

That's right, they're playing an effing board game.

And, they were LOVING it!

I guess that's an in-yo-face Mommy moment.

I hope you all enjoy Photo of the Day days because you can expect a lot of them in the next few days.

As you may recall (because I bring it up constantly) I am going to SITScation this week.

I have discovered that preparing for a trip sans kiddies is just as much work as preparing for a trip with them.

So, since I will be fully engaged in cleaning house, washing clothes, and composing detailed instructions on how one can attempt to make this ship run smoothly without me, I will not be able to compose the full amount of my witty, thought provoking, mind bending daily posts.

Please forgive me, and I promise to make it up to you by posting tons of dirty photos (of other people) from Vegas!

Photo of the Day

No Saturday Swag-urday today because it's a holiday weekend and even though I have no holiday-ey weekend-ey plans at all (b/c I work at the hospital and people somehow still get all sick and busted up even on holiday weekends, jeez) I'm acting like it and being lazy because I'm sorta awesome like that.

So, photo of the day it is.

And, this one is particularly fitting since this weekend marks the last days of summer, at least as far as the community pool is concerned.

Please enjoy one last glimpse of #3 shakin' what his mama gave him. And, remember ladies, real men wear pink:)!



And, open toe wedges with midriff bearing tops?



And, socks with sandals?



Man, kid. Your mama dresses you funny!

Wordful Wednesday

Yes.

It is the same shot. One in color. One in black and white.

I can't decide which treatment I like better (your thoughts?), but this shot is one of my favorite's of all time.

#3's face...

It was our last pre-first-day-of-school trip to the lake (despite the fact that we can walk to it) because #1 and #3 (and inevitably #2) are sick.

Summer colds are the most ridiculous thing ever.

They are just so unnatural.

But, on the bright side, at least #1 should be all healthy as an ox, fit as a fiddle, and raring to go to school come Monday.

Oh, joy.

Wordful (Why is it only) Wednesday

Yep, this really did happen.

I'm sure you are wondering how something like this goes down, since everyone knows that a baby should NEVER be left unattended around water; everyone knows that.

And, I'm sure that some of you are dying to type some chastising, you're-an-idiot-who-put-you-in-charge comment to make me question my ability to mother a gnat (don't bother, already slapped my face silly, just to teach myself a lesson).

All I can say is you're right.

Or, you would be if this were even remotely my fault, which it's not.

I didn't tell him to climb up the stairs, sneak into the supposedly child locked bathroom, and climb stealthily into the partially filled bath tub fully clothed (on the contrary, actually, I yelled repeatedly for him to get back to the kitchen post haste, I was wholeheartedly, and predictably, ignored).

I also didn't tell #2 to distract me with some ridiculous request, something about milkshakes and strawberries I believe, right at the precise moment that unattended baby was making his getaway.

And, I am in no way responsible for #1 tripping over...nothing, actually, he just ended up on the ground some how like he always does, and crying out in such contrived pain meant only to garner sympathy (and possibly gain a milkshake and strawberries, while also covering the sound of the desperate unattended baby's escape).

Nor can I be blamed for the entire moan fest of a day, featuring all levels of crying, complaining, whining, teasing, fighting, crapping, sweating, and a whole host of other undesirable verbs, which led to me being slightly put off my game.

Although unwilling to accept full responsibility for this event (it's actually a policy of mine that I never admit to anything until I see the cold hard proof, and by proof I mean a video, fingering me as the one and only culprit), I will admit that I was a bit put off by the days worth of frustrations and, therefore, perhaps not entirely in tune to my unbelievable desperate unattended baby and his evil plot to ruin any hope I had of salvaging the evening (really I just wanted to grab a bowl of ice cream and curl up in front of More to Love, followed closely by The Bachelorette, After the Final Rose. Thank goodness for my DVR!).

Oh, and Hubby was home too, so you can blame him (although you won't because, fight it though you may, you are all governed by this phenomenon, just can't help yourselves).

But, basically, it wasn't my fault.

It was the fault of the crazies I live with and the pressure of the hideous day they gifted me with that led to the break down in my defense, thereby allowing #3 to happily deposit himself into the bathtub, fully clothed, and quite proud of himself.

I spent the entire day wanting to cry out of frustration, never suspecting that I would instead end up crying out of joy. Because even though I was shocked, surprised, and slightly annoyed by his actions, he looked pretty dang silly sitting there in his street clothes all soaped up to his ears.

Mommyhood is kinda funny like that, right?!

Photo of the Day & Those Darn Bachelors

We spent our weekend at the end of season soccer tournaments for #1 & #2.

This was the the best pic from the event.

Someone really had to go potty.

Just happy that this one time, it wasn't my kid announcing intimate details regarding body waste removal to the world.

'Cause honestly, this season, I spent as much time at the Slum Dog Millionaire outhouses as I did on the pitch.

And the Bachelors...

First, I am so in love w/that cute breakdancing-is-awesome-but-totally-not-a-real-job guy.

He's not for her; he would not make a good fiance for her (or anyone, at this point in his 25 year old life).

But, he's so cute and hilarious, and not just because I'm a horny, desperate housewife, cougar. Because I'm not.

Second, Jillian (as I've mentioned before) does not mind swappin' spit with the dudes. I'm pretty sure that, if you don't get slobbed down on your first one-on-one time with her, then you are NOT gonna get a rose. It's as simple as that.

Not saying she's a little freak or anything, but she definitely enjoys a little tongue.

Third, Jesse is hot.

Fourth, what was up w/that rose ceremony? It's crap like that that makes me think the show is a joke. When, in real life, is it ever cool to have a friend (aka Chris Harrison) stand there and grill your boyfriend (or boyfriendS) about other women?

Guys would not be okay with that.

Or, when is it ever even remotely okay to bring up a guy's official "status" on the like second date?

And, is it EVER okay to cry and get all emotional and snarky like that with the dude you are casually dating?

Real life, guy would "lose" your number, and tell his friends you are psycho.

Bachelorette life, they like you even more. What-Ever.

Fifth, what was up with Dave? He was seriously like some kinda ridiculously inappropriate, drunk, trucker (wait he really is a trucker, right) who enjoyed the taste of shoe leather because he spent SOOOO much time with his big, stupid steel toed boot in his mouth. And, normally I'm kinda into that (the inappropriate part; you know how I feel about swagger), but he was way beyond the normal, sexy amount of swagger, to the full blown wife beating, bare-foot-and-pregnant amount of swagger.

Not cool.

Finally. Juan was a bonafide d-bag. Can. Not. Take. That dude. He really is the exact opposite of Dave. So glad I won't have to put up with his simpy attitude anymore.

Can't wait till next week.

Predict she will cry at least 4 times.

Photo of The Day

I realize there are multiple exciting orifices on your body in which to put things.

Please try to put food in the one it is meant for: your mouth.

Thank you kindly, Mr. Biscuit-ear.

Happy Mother's Day to me and all of my blog land friends:)

Photo of the Day

A rare occurrence: a photo of me!

Hold your laughter, it's not that bad:)

And I love how he is resisting my girlish charm.

He's such a cutie!