Summer is creeping up on me fast.
I am so not ready for bathing suit season.
I would love to be able to go to Old Navy and get
this.
Or, I'd like to be able to pop over to Nordstrom's and pick up
this.
And, wouldn't it be fun to order something super cute like
this, even though I'd have to lose the belt?
Sadly, none of these are in the cards.
I've tried on countless suits from innumerable stores and all I see when I look in the every-which-way-but-loose dressing room mirror is this:
That's right, people, it's a seal.
Why do I remind myself of a seal?
It's not the beard, or the strange barking noises they make.
It's not their healthy sense of humor, their eager to please nature, or their ability to balance various objects without the use of hands.
Nope.
I imagine myself squeezed into my old, shiny, black tummy minimizing suit, and think large, silly sea mammal because Hubby, in a fit of unchecked honesty, noted that I actually did not look like a beached whale, as I'd complained, but more like a seal in a Sea World show (I'm never jumping off the diving board again).
Can you believe?
A seal? A ball balancing, hula hooping, do anything for a fishy snack, seal?
Imagine my outrage, my anger, my hurt!
In his defense (not that he really has one) he was trying to make me feel better by utilizing a bit of humor to lighten my self deprecating mood. And, he apologized profusely for causing me to run from the pool (luckily we were at Mimi's house) and vow to never enter public waters again.
Normally I would not have taken his comment so seriously; he and I are often able to poke fun at one another without anyone getting upset.
But, this was different, because in just the right light, from just the right angle, if you add a tufty beard, I kinda do look like a seal in my swimsuit!
All slick, and shiny, and clumsy, and barrel like.
That is why it hurt so much.
I know he didn't mean it, it's just the first thing smaller than a whale that came to mind.
But, I think his subconscious came out to play that day, and it was not in a very friendly mood.
Needless to say, I have got to find a new swimsuit.
I-M-M-E-D-I-A-T-E-L-Y.
And, if I am unable to find a less seal-like number to don at the pool in the next few weeks, I will be asking for a refund on my mommy-baby swim class tuition.
So, to all my fashion conscious, web savvy friends out there, any suggestions to make me look less seal-esque?
And, please don't suggest
this, because it is SO not happening:)
