RanDumb: Ruh-roh Edition

Everything at Casa de Dummies is all topsy turvy at the moment.

School remained canceled for most of the week (#1 finally returned for a half day yesterday, and #2’s first day back is today).

Which means that my children have been in my presence, without much outside peer type interaction, since February 5th.

I think it’s safe to say at this point that school is no longer a necessity.

It’s like summer break (minus the glorious sunshine and warm temperatures) over here.

Summer break which I look forward to with dread every year.

Because it’s exhausting.

Trying to find activities for The Dudes, trying to prepare for the transition to everyone being home, getting my mind right for the impending crap storm of crazy.

And I never overestimate the intensity of the switch; it’s pretty much always just as challenging for them to adjust to the new schedule as I imagined it would be.

But, the good thing about it is that it really only lasts about 10 days.

10 days of pure, unadulterated-sibling-rivalry Hell.

And then…

Awwwwwwe-someness.

A few blips, a random bludgeoning disagreement over a new toy or something petty, from time to time.

But, for the most part, after the first ten days has passed, we’ve all adjusted to our new normal and we can’t even begin to imagine a different life.

A school filled life.

We start to wish that summer post-SNOWpacalypse break could go on forever.

Well. That’s where we are now.

In the period of awesomeness.

No after school activates to rush to. No dinner in the backseat of the car. No butt-crack-o-dawn Saturday morning practices. No seriously-buddy-put-your-shoes-on-did-you-brush-your-teeth?-RUN!-the-bus-is-there-hustle-‘cause-I’m-SO-not-driving-you morning scramble. No lunch/homework/juice-boxes-for-the-class-party to forget.

Just maxin' and relaxin’ (forgive me, but it still is officially 90s week!).

Everybody relatively happy, mostly getting along.

Like this…

So, as the kids are called back to school and chaos temporarily ensues let’s discuss (and by discuss I mean I talk, you listen) some RanDumb things that are making me say Ruh-roh, Scooby-Doo style, this week.

1. Ruh-roh! Today is the last day of the Fugly Face Photo Contest and it’s shaping up to be a race to the fugly finish! Better get your votes in while you still can.

2. Ruh-roh! This week I have to get all dolled up for a fancy launch party (a little shin-dig I’m attending courtesy of Weddzilla since, in case you didn’t already know, I’m a somewhat reluctant but sorta awesome* wedding photographer in my real life). I’m all nervous because I NEVER get dressed up. Ever. Seriously. The last time I even shaved my legs was in October for SITScation and I only did that ‘cause I didn’t want Mama Kat, or Angie, or Tiff and Heather to try to make out with me spot my hairy dude legs and ostracize me from the blogging world for life. I pretty much only shave between the months of April and September, so this is HUGE! Even huger (is that a word?) is the fact that the dress is short and…STRAPLESS! So not my normal get up. It will be the very first time in my 30-something years of life that I will be donning a strapless dress. I’ll consider posting a picture after the fact, but the jury is still out on that one. Depends on how much Photoshopping I can do things come together.

3. Ruh-roh! I’ve got myself another new gig. Not really a gig as in geez-another-thing-I-have-to-do-that-I’m-gonna-wait-until-the-last-possible-second-to-complete-because-I’m-wasting-time-watching-Teen-Mom-reruns-The-Bachelor-instead gig. It’s more a gig-I-actually-like-but-am-afraid-will-take-over-my-life-if-I-let-it type gig. So what is it?

Thanks for asking!

Yep, a The View brand ambassador.**

Can I get a WOOT?! Kidding. Seriously. Kidding about the woot business (you all should know by now how I loathe the use of the word woot), but I’d probably be okay with an Arsenio-Hall-bark-and-arm-wave (90s, remember?!) if you’d like to mark my participation with a celebratory gesture of some sort!

I’m guessing that a number of new visitors will be making their way to Casa de Dummies this week thanks to my participation in this little campaign and the easiest way for you potential stalkers newbies to get to know me is for me to share with you which The View host I’m most like.

I know, you’re probably thinking, Whoppie, or maybe Terry (because they are funny too?), but you know what, you’re wrong.

I’m most like Joy Behar.

The middle aged, Italian red head with the bumpy tummy?!

Yeah, that’s me.

We have TONS in common.

For example, she is “among today's leading comic talents”. Me too.

She is “a comedic original”. Check. So. Am. I.

Joy (I think I can call her that) started out as a teacher. As did I.

She then began a professional career in comedy. My comedy career is well developed as well being that I perform nightly for a noisy, rambunctious, overly packed house.

I know I’m not getting much critical acclaim at the moment, but I’d like to argue that this is mostly because The Dudes and Dumb Dad just don’t have good senses of humor. They really just don’t know what’s funny. I need to take this show on the road I think. I mean, anyone can win a MAC Award, right?

I’m just waiting for my big break, you know.

I think what it is is that I’m sorta like the Megan Fox of comedy.

She’s “too beautiful” to get certain roles. And, I’m too funny to get my own radio show (like Joy did), my own cable series (like Joy had), or my own talk show (like Joy shares with those other 4 chicks).

I need a break.

That’s all.

Like, if they brought me on the show, and let me host one day, I’d wear my strapless number, they’d fall in love, I could take Barbara’s spot since she’s probably scheduled to retire soon at least be like a recurring guest host.

It’s as ranDumb as it is likely, but I’m telling you it could work.

I have it all worked out.

I could be like The View version of Tosh.0.

Just introduce a ranDumb funny video and then commentate on it, like this…

Honestly that made me laugh so hard I can’t even bother to commentate (this isn’t boding well for my future on The View, is it?).

Guess what Dumb Dad’s getting for Father’s Day (please say you guessed a buttered floor)!

Anyway, off to pick out a pair of earrings to wear with my strapless dress for my big debut on The View (because it is SO gonna happen by invite, by contest winning, or by crashing into the studio and streaking across stage with my black-version-of-Joy-Behar-body a flappin’)!

Or. I could beg.

Please believe me when I say that I am SO not above begging (or graveling, or being your gopher, or licking your toes, okay licking toes is a bit much for my sensitive stomach and unreasonable aversion to feet, but I’ll totally get you coffee and doughnuts and stuff).

Please don’t make me into that begging chick from this week’s American Idol.

I’m begging you.

Or. I could blackmail you.

Don’t test me, Whoopi. I have a history.

Have a The View host that you are most like?

Want to listen to me ramble talk more about The View?

Then you should head over to It’s Kerry’s World where we are having a huge The View Blab Fest today.

And, you should also go check out The View site so you can catch up on what’s happening on the show, otherwise next Friday will be a whole lotta me talking and you listening again (which I’m totally fine with, by the way) and as much as I enjoy talking to myself it would be even more fun to have you join me.