It was almost a fantasy...

So, I watched the Bachelorette last night. Surprise!

No, I always watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette. I'm addicted to the romantic story that it weaves for me to follow.

But, I do have some issues with it.

For starters, who can't fall in love in a helicopter above Maui? I could fall in love with Cookie Monster in a helicopter above Maui. Okay, not a good example, because I could fall in love with anyone, anywhere who smells like cookies. Point is, I'm not Paris Hilton so the likelihood that I will ever be in a helicopter flying over any place romantic with someone I'm hot for is virtually nonexistent. I'm sure that is the case for most people (at least it better be or I'm really annoyed).

Also, I'm convinced that most relationships formed on the show are inherently doomed for failure (and there is a track record of break ups to support this point). I just don't see how you can fall in love with two or three people and then break up with them in the name of love for one. How can you be making out with a guy on Saturday, break up with him on Tuesday and then get engaged to another guy on the same day? I just don't think people can turn their feelings off that easily. And, it's hard for a relationship to survive and grow when one person was essentially cheating on the other (Ask Kate, she'll tell you). Not to mention the fact that the dude you pick has actually seen you with the other guys (you know they watch the show, if for nothing else then because they want to see themselves on TV). It's just weird. Especially when it gets down to the fantasy suite point. Your fiance was boning another dude like last week and you're telling me you're cool with that. Riiiiight.

But, alas, I'm a sucker for love (even when I know it ain't going anywhere), so I watch and I swoon and I fall in love with every one of the guys (excpet for the Jerks like Wes whose antics I was kinda missing last night) just like she does.

So, here it is, top five moments from last night's Bachelorette

5. Jillian cursed in front of a pastor. Nice. So I can stop feeling all awkward about the choice words that BFF and I exchanged while shooting our last wedding. Although, in our defense, it wasn't an actual church exactly, it was more like a 1970s shopping center turned church, so yeah. We may have forgotten once or twice that we were at "church". They should really invest in some religious regalia for that place.

4. Reid demonstrated the fact that men's inability to communicate is not a stereotype, it is a fact. If you ask a guy how much he likes you and he says, "This much," (envision arms open wide), you may want to be a little frightened for the future of your relationship. Although, as a wife of a communication challenged spouse, I can say that it can work as long as you don't mind if every story you share is greeted with an emotionless, "Oh, yeah?" As in, "Hey, Hubby, I won a gDiaper. I'm SO excited!" And Hubby answers, "Oh, yeah?" Or when you say, "Guess what, Hubby... I'm pregnant!" And, Hubby answers, "Oh, yeah?" A little emotion would be super, dear. But, I did think it was awesome how he came through a little just in time to secure a little action for himself. Again, nice.

3. Jillian's awkward first comments to Ed's parents: "You guys would not believe what your son has been putting me through!" Came off a little odd and uncomfortable to me. Not to mention it was perfect foreshadowing for events to come.

2. Ed's dad. The emotion... I wasn't sure how to feel about it, and I'm a little afraid for her to dump the guy 'cause I don't want his dad to be all busted up about it. However, I'm assuming this stuff is hereditary because Ed acted like a girl later in the show, too.

1. Ed, Ed, Ed... this was his night, man. He stole the show with his inability to perform. Wow! Is this like a recurring problem? Is this what Jill has to look forward to for the rest of her life? Ed's too tired, or nervous, or stressed and he can't make the magic happen? He's a girl! If the conditions are not exactly right, no dice. Imagine their wedding night! I know they won't be the first couple to skip the wildness in favor of sleep, but for these two it's like a foregone conclusion, it's not happening. And, then he asked her to give him the opportunity to show her how much he loves her. Um, yeah, Pal, I did and you missed it because you were too tired. I can't believe she picked him. Not because you can't love someone you haven't "slept" with (Ed), more because it's hard to compare him to someone you did (Reid). And, does he really have a chance against swagger-licious, Kiptyn? I'd venture to say he's makin' it happen in the bedroom.

Just to show I'm not a total cold-hearted snake, I have to admit feeling a few pangs about Ed's predicament. Can you imagine having to discuss your, er softness, on TV in front of millions of women (and men, possibly even worse)? If Jill doesn't pick him, they better make him the next bachelor because otherwise his chance at scoring a chick are pretty unlikely. I don't know about you, but an unemployed ('cause you know he only came back b/c they cut him anyway), impotent (maybe only occasionally, but still, the thought), bachelorette reject is not my idea of a good catch. Just sayin'.

Can't wait to see what she says about everyone's favorite bachelor, Wes. The reunion show should be memorable.

And, then the moment I've been waiting for since the beginning of the season: the finale. Which, like always, is sure to be the "most emotional final rose ceremony yet".

So excited!