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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

It was almost a fantasy...

So, I watched the Bachelorette last night. Surprise!

No, I always watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette. I'm addicted to the romantic story that it weaves for me to follow.

But, I do have some issues with it.

For starters, who can't fall in love in a helicopter above Maui? I could fall in love with Cookie Monster in a helicopter above Maui. Okay, not a good example, because I could fall in love with anyone, anywhere who smells like cookies. Point is, I'm not Paris Hilton so the likelihood that I will ever be in a helicopter flying over any place romantic with someone I'm hot for is virtually nonexistent. I'm sure that is the case for most people (at least it better be or I'm really annoyed).

Also, I'm convinced that most relationships formed on the show are inherently doomed for failure (and there is a track record of break ups to support this point). I just don't see how you can fall in love with two or three people and then break up with them in the name of love for one. How can you be making out with a guy on Saturday, break up with him on Tuesday and then get engaged to another guy on the same day? I just don't think people can turn their feelings off that easily. And, it's hard for a relationship to survive and grow when one person was essentially cheating on the other (Ask Kate, she'll tell you). Not to mention the fact that the dude you pick has actually seen you with the other guys (you know they watch the show, if for nothing else then because they want to see themselves on TV). It's just weird. Especially when it gets down to the fantasy suite point. Your fiance was boning another dude like last week and you're telling me you're cool with that. Riiiiight.

But, alas, I'm a sucker for love (even when I know it ain't going anywhere), so I watch and I swoon and I fall in love with every one of the guys (excpet for the Jerks like Wes whose antics I was kinda missing last night) just like she does.

So, here it is, top five moments from last night's Bachelorette

5. Jillian cursed in front of a pastor. Nice. So I can stop feeling all awkward about the choice words that BFF and I exchanged while shooting our last wedding. Although, in our defense, it wasn't an actual church exactly, it was more like a 1970s shopping center turned church, so yeah. We may have forgotten once or twice that we were at "church". They should really invest in some religious regalia for that place.

4. Reid demonstrated the fact that men's inability to communicate is not a stereotype, it is a fact. If you ask a guy how much he likes you and he says, "This much," (envision arms open wide), you may want to be a little frightened for the future of your relationship. Although, as a wife of a communication challenged spouse, I can say that it can work as long as you don't mind if every story you share is greeted with an emotionless, "Oh, yeah?" As in, "Hey, Hubby, I won a gDiaper. I'm SO excited!" And Hubby answers, "Oh, yeah?" Or when you say, "Guess what, Hubby... I'm pregnant!" And, Hubby answers, "Oh, yeah?" A little emotion would be super, dear. But, I did think it was awesome how he came through a little just in time to secure a little action for himself. Again, nice.

3. Jillian's awkward first comments to Ed's parents: "You guys would not believe what your son has been putting me through!" Came off a little odd and uncomfortable to me. Not to mention it was perfect foreshadowing for events to come.

2. Ed's dad. The emotion... I wasn't sure how to feel about it, and I'm a little afraid for her to dump the guy 'cause I don't want his dad to be all busted up about it. However, I'm assuming this stuff is hereditary because Ed acted like a girl later in the show, too.

1. Ed, Ed, Ed... this was his night, man. He stole the show with his inability to perform. Wow! Is this like a recurring problem? Is this what Jill has to look forward to for the rest of her life? Ed's too tired, or nervous, or stressed and he can't make the magic happen? He's a girl! If the conditions are not exactly right, no dice. Imagine their wedding night! I know they won't be the first couple to skip the wildness in favor of sleep, but for these two it's like a foregone conclusion, it's not happening. And, then he asked her to give him the opportunity to show her how much he loves her. Um, yeah, Pal, I did and you missed it because you were too tired. I can't believe she picked him. Not because you can't love someone you haven't "slept" with (Ed), more because it's hard to compare him to someone you did (Reid). And, does he really have a chance against swagger-licious, Kiptyn? I'd venture to say he's makin' it happen in the bedroom.

Just to show I'm not a total cold-hearted snake, I have to admit feeling a few pangs about Ed's predicament. Can you imagine having to discuss your, er softness, on TV in front of millions of women (and men, possibly even worse)? If Jill doesn't pick him, they better make him the next bachelor because otherwise his chance at scoring a chick are pretty unlikely. I don't know about you, but an unemployed ('cause you know he only came back b/c they cut him anyway), impotent (maybe only occasionally, but still, the thought), bachelorette reject is not my idea of a good catch. Just sayin'.

Can't wait to see what she says about everyone's favorite bachelor, Wes. The reunion show should be memorable.

And, then the moment I've been waiting for since the beginning of the season: the finale. Which, like always, is sure to be the "most emotional final rose ceremony yet".

So excited!


Scary Mommy said...

That was just painful to watch! I bet he gets Viagra to sponsor him and makes a million dollar deal. But I still would have dumped his ass!

parentingBYdummies said...

Well, seeing how he is very likely unemployed, a million dollar deal would be kinda nice, right?!

Millennium Housewife said...

And the little case of a million dollars had absolutely nothing to do with the 'falling in love?', great post x

Kathy B! said...

I was mortified for this poor guy. No amount of money in the world is going to erase the humiliation of last night's very well documented perofrmance issues.

Did they HAVE to spend so much time talking about it?!

Veronica Lee said...

Thanks for the follow. I'm now following your fabulous blog.

Alicia said... i the only one that thought it wasn't a big deal? he was camera shy...who wouldn't be!! i thought she blew it was out of proportion.

Gina said...

Found you through Mama Kat! I felt sorry for Ed. Between his itty bitty shorts and the embarrassment of not being able to perform, my heart went out to him. I'm still rooting for him though! Love your blog!

Anonymous said...

I could not fall in love in a helicopter--anywhere; however, I'm fairly certain I could fall out:). Men can be beautifully sensitive, just rarely publicly sensitive. If you want aan all-the-time-publicly sensitive man, then you don't want a really real man!

I love your energy!

Kelly said...

I laughed through most of the show...I love reading your thoughts on the show on Tuesdays!!

Lolli said...

Oh, man. If only I had TV...I think I really missed out! (fun to meet you today!)

Lee said...

I totally agree! Posted about it on my blog too. Can't believe she picked softie over hottie. Oh well, the wonders of either good TV or the heart.

Tricia McWhorter said...

Really enjoyed your writing in this post. I saw the show too and you captured it perfectly. Just visiting from SITS.

Jessica said...

Girl, I could have written this post!! I'm so with you! I think that Reid comes back in the finale to ask Jillian to marry him though. I think she should switch him out with Ed and make the final two between Kip and Reid. Ooooh.

And I woulda dumped Ed, too. She's in for a world of hurt in da bedroom if he can't get excited enough on their first night together. Now, if it were a normal thing, just the two of them without two OTHER horny dudes in the wings, I'd tell her to give it another shot... but when she's got two men who are healthily sexual with her?? Why, oh WHY pick Ed?

foxy said...

Man, i could not believe his inability to be romantic! I was thinking the same thing... WHAT A GIRL! ha...

Happy SITS day to you, sitsta! Great bloggy you've got here... :)

Lance and Jewls said...

HEEY! Just droppin' by from SITS! I watch the bachelorette every week to. This season is definitely not my fav, but you make it sound so much better! Thanks for the witty commentary!
PS Kiptyn is dreamy huh?!

Lance and Jewls said...

whoops...that should say too, not "to" ha!

ldsmommyof12 said...

I don't watch the show, but your insights are very interesting.

Dreamgirl said...

Funny writing! Hey I like you and your blog!

I'll be back! And I'll follow you;)

Have a great summer

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