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Friday, July 31, 2009

I'm a Student Really

A student of life.

I love to learn and thanks to the shenanigans of the general population (and my energetic children) I get the opportunity to do so, for free, on a daily basis.

Here are some things I have learned recently:

1. Never, Ever wear a dress if there is even a remote possibility that you will be spending anytime in, on, or around one of these.

It's a scary site to behold the rotund rump of a flustered-flabbergasted-frumpy-granny-pantied mom as she descends from the top of this contraption and lands gracelessly on the ground in front of you. Very. Scary.

Thank you for the lesson.

2. If you spill the entire contents of your Sweet Tea onto the table and floor at McDonald's it's okay to simply move yourself and your five kids to another table. No need to clean up at all or alert the Big Mac authorities. Just grab your stuff and git. What? That's not okay? Oh, that's what I thought too, but then I witnessed this behavior and I thought, why didn't I think of that? Just abandon ship, they'll find it eventually, and I don't have to get all sweaty and embarrassed when I go up to the counter like a 4 year old and admit my wrongdoing. Duh!

3. Nine year olds have people to text. This was a HUGE shocker. I mean, I realize that due to my current lack of real time friends, I may not be the most obvious example, but I can say that at the ripe old age of 31 I only have about three people to text on a semi-regular (and by semi-regular I mean weekly) basis. Until recently I found it hard to believe that a 9 year old could fill up an entire lunch hour texting back and forth, presumably, with some other nine year old out there. Amazing. I guess there is a remote possibility that she is actually texting the creepy dude that reads my blog out in the trailer in Arizona, but I seriously doubt it. And besides, the fact that she is texting so ferociously with another child of just her size is almost as disturbing.

4. Girls, or should I say grils (#2's pronunciation of the word) talk too much. All you single ladies could learn tons of tips for man snagging from my 4 year old. For starters, according to my in house love guru, we women take it a bit too far when it comes to verbal expression. He shared this tidbit with his father in one of their most recent heart to hearts. He confirmed a suspicion I've had for years; just 'cause I'm talking doesn't mean he's listening. Hubby clued me into this one years ago, but #2 has taught me that, contrary to my initial belief, selective hearing is less of a choice and more of a condition. Additionally, ladies, you may like to know that #2 believes that body hair removal is a necessity if you are of the female persuasion, boobs and butts are nice if they are soft, and it's less about what you wear and more about how little (apparently my boys have enjoyed the sight of a bikini clad teenage tramp girl at the swimming pool quite a bit this summer).

5. Ice cream cones are fun. I forgot this tidbit in my effort to keep everyone clean. I let the essence of summer, of childhood really, go to the wayside in my haste to not have one more mess to clean. So, sons, for that I am sorry. And, #2, thank you for reminding me that ice cream is meant to be enjoyed in a cone, preferably one of the waffle variety, on a very hot day, with a side of ice cold water. Who cares if it drips and gets your fist so sticky all of your fingers get stuck together? No one. And, does it even matter that you lick it so hard it falls into your lap? Nope, not as long as you lick it up before it slips between your thighs onto the ground. Hope you enjoyed your ice cream lunch, Dudes, I certainly did!

P.S. Today is the LAST day to enter the personalized note cards giveaway. So click here and enter now!


Tammy Howard said...

I like your boy #2. He's a hoot.

Barely Domestic Mama said...

Wow...#2's girlfriend is going to have a lot to live up, too! :) No talking, hairless except for the hair on the head, and little to no clothing is best! :)

Agh! That McDonald's incident makes me crazy because that mother just made it okay for her children not to take responsibility for anything. Not only would I try to clean up almost all entirely by myself, but then I would make sure to alert the workers to mop up the leftover mess. Geez. Some people.

Courtney D said...

Too funny! Thanks for sharing your summer time wisdom! You have me daydreaming of an ice cream cone lunch......mmmmmm.

Anonymous said...

I always make sure ice cream is served when the kids I nanny for are in bathing suits.

I have excellent selective hearing...wait, what did you say? ;)

great idea with the soda spill! I love it!

ShellSpann said...

I totally agree....#2's girlfriend has a LOT to live up to!! Good for him for figuring us grils out early on! LOL

MIra is triplet crown said...

Wow, you sure learn a lot in one day. And boys are tough! although the anticipation of teaching my boys to be the perfect boyfriends has always excited me. I wonder if I can beat some of those natural inclinations out of them. Maybe I cant?

mmm, ice cream. You know there are no freaking dairy queens out here anywhere near me? I knew exactly where the drive thrus were in MD. Why did I move again?

Lisa Anne said...

I love your kids hair. Curls, they look so good. Yes ice cream is a summer staple. It would be summer if it wasn't in a huge cone and dripping down your hand and arm. Summer = sticky messes.

I'm running my 1st contest, it's not a giveaway it's a GREEN contest. I haven't seen anyone do anything like this, and it's gonna be really fun.

please check it out and spread the word for me.

lov said...

really 9 year olds text??

Jennifer said...

Watch out L-L-L-Ladies, #2 is coming for you. LOL

Erin said...

Did you know they have this big competition for texting?? mom called and told me that some 13 year old just won like 50k for texting...remember when people had to take a typing test...errors and all that took off your total and's just like that, I kid you not. So encourage the 9 year old now! HAHA

Lisa Anne said...

Thanks for tweeting my blog. I don't tweet so I appreciate it!!

ck said...

My in-house romantic wants to know more about your in-house love guru. The last time she saw me reading your blog there was a photo of #2 eating a lollipop and now this ice cream? She's smitten.

Anonymous said...

I could just leave without telling the McDonald's staff. To think I had to tell them when my son forgot to use the potty when he pooped in their tunnel thing.

I gave in to temptaion and enjoyed an ice cream cone, teaching my sons why it is better to be the adult.

The Laughing Idiot said...

Nine year olds texting? Furiously?

I'm 35 and I fumble with my phone to even enter a number into the address book. Dude, when did I turn into my electronically inept mother?

The Redhead Riter said...

for you...

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Hehe ... my kids had ice cream for supper last night. :)

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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