I love to learn and thanks to the shenanigans of the general population (and my energetic children) I get the opportunity to do so, for free, on a daily basis.
Here are some things I have learned recently:
1. Never, Ever wear a dress if there is even a remote possibility that you will be spending anytime in, on, or around one of these.
It's a scary site to behold the rotund rump of a flustered-flabbergasted-frumpy-granny-pantied mom as she descends from the top of this contraption and lands gracelessly on the ground in front of you. Very. Scary.
Thank you for the lesson.
2. If you spill the entire contents of your Sweet Tea onto the table and floor at McDonald's it's okay to simply move yourself and your five kids to another table. No need to clean up at all or alert the Big Mac authorities. Just grab your stuff and git. What? That's not okay? Oh, that's what I thought too, but then I witnessed this behavior and I thought, why didn't I think of that? Just abandon ship, they'll find it eventually, and I don't have to get all sweaty and embarrassed when I go up to the counter like a 4 year old and admit my wrongdoing. Duh!
3. Nine year olds have people to text. This was a HUGE shocker. I mean, I realize that due to my current lack of real time friends, I may not be the most obvious example, but I can say that at the ripe old age of 31 I only have about three people to text on a semi-regular (and by semi-regular I mean weekly) basis. Until recently I found it hard to believe that a 9 year old could fill up an entire lunch hour texting back and forth, presumably, with some other nine year old out there. Amazing. I guess there is a remote possibility that she is actually texting the creepy dude that reads my blog out in the trailer in Arizona, but I seriously doubt it. And besides, the fact that she is texting so ferociously with another child of just her size is almost as disturbing.
4. Girls, or should I say grils (#2's pronunciation of the word) talk too much. All you single ladies could learn tons of tips for man snagging from my 4 year old. For starters, according to my in house love guru, we women take it a bit too far when it comes to verbal expression. He shared this tidbit with his father in one of their most recent heart to hearts. He confirmed a suspicion I've had for years; just 'cause I'm talking doesn't mean he's listening. Hubby clued me into this one years ago, but #2 has taught me that, contrary to my initial belief, selective hearing is less of a choice and more of a condition. Additionally, ladies, you may like to know that #2 believes that body hair removal is a necessity if you are of the female persuasion, boobs and butts are nice if they are soft, and it's less about what you wear and more about how little (apparently my boys have enjoyed the sight of a bikini clad teenage
5. Ice cream cones are fun. I forgot this tidbit in my effort to keep everyone clean. I let the essence of summer, of childhood really, go to the wayside in my haste to not have one more mess to clean. So, sons, for that I am sorry. And, #2, thank you for reminding me that ice cream is meant to be enjoyed in a cone, preferably one of the waffle variety, on a very hot day, with a side of ice cold water. Who cares if it drips and gets your fist so sticky all of your fingers get stuck together? No one. And, does it even matter that you lick it so hard it falls into your lap? Nope, not as long as you lick it up before it slips between your thighs onto the ground. Hope you enjoyed your ice cream lunch, Dudes, I certainly did!
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