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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Make. It. Stop.

So... it started with five fools.

It ended with eight.

Let's back up, though, before I jump into the outrage.

It started with Reid, who honestly, I don't even remember because of all the drama that followed. We'll call him Joe Normal since there was no drama, no ugly, no crazy, no nothing. Just a regular, everyday dude, with a couple of parents. But, since he is putting up with all the crap, something must be wrong with him. Fool #1.

Then came Michael. And, were I not married, I would really go to wherever he and his identically cute brother live and jump their 25 year old bones. There. I said it. I'm totally for this guy because he's funny, and cute, and silly, and sweet, and maybe he is not for Jillian, but he is so totally for me. With much sadness, I call him Fool #2 (but, in my heart, I will call him Mine).

After that, she flew out to Sexyton, er, I mean Kipyton. He is Mr. Hot and Steamy. Complete opposite of Michael. And, since I am all about Michael, Kipyton is not my type, but he is obviously hers.

But, what was up with his mom? She was frightening. As was that awful singing crap that Jillian had to be a party to. If my parents behaved that way the first time they were meeting a guy that was still on the fence about me, I'd be very, very skeptical about my chances. He was okay, bu and his blues singing family earned him the title, Fool #3.

Jesse was next on the list. I've been rooting for him for a while. I think it's the standoffish-really-not-that-into-you-super-hot thing he's got going on. You know, he's the guy you know is not good for you, but you totally want him to be.

Into him, but, his brother was gross. Literally, he made me dry heave a little. I can't put my finger on it, but there was something about him that just geeked me out (guess she felt the same). And, to top it all off, he was so against Jesse getting married and having kids and stuff (no need to worry, Creepy Bro). Make that 4; Fool #4.

Then it started to get good.

She flew off to Nashville to visit with D-bag (aka Wes, aka Fool #5).

All I can say is that I'm like 98% convinced that Jillian is an idiot. Not to be mean, but seriously, how gullible can you be? I know he's all hot and swaggered up, but come. On.

Wes is OBVIOUSLY just not that into her.

Let me rephrase that. Wes is OBVIOUSLY not into her at all.

Pretty sure, if he thought it would advance his career, he would date me.

I mean, the guy introduced her to his band before he introduced her to his family.

At this point, I don't even care whether or not he likes her. I'm begging her to give the guy the boot just so we don't have to hear that wack ass song ever again.

And. And. Even if she couldn't put two and two together alone, and figure out that Wes is a creep, Jake piloted himself to wherever they were at and told her: WES HAS A GIRLFRIEND. HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. WAKE UP, DUMMY!

But, alas, she was not trying to hear that. Ergo, Fool #6 (Jake for wasting his time) and Fool #7 (Jillian, for making a career outta getting played).

In all honesty, you really can't blame Wes, she makes it so very easy. What is that saying? Don't hate the player, hate the game. Never knew exactly the context of such a saying. Pretty sure this is it.

Plus, he really can't help being a douche since he comes from a family of similarly ill formed individuals. What was up with all that, "Guys are so jealous of you. Everyone wants to be you. Show me the money," bull crap his overly-made-up-please-be-my-pimp groupies sisters were talking?

Give me a break. He is not that fly.

And, just when I thought, "This must be over, Jillian can't possibly be tricked, duped, played, or bamboozled anymore. Enough is enough. It's not even funny anymore, it's a little bit sad. Wait, why are there like 30 minutes left?", in walks Ed?

Remember him? The guy who made me think there really are normal OMG-I'm-not-getting-fired-read-my-lips-b*t@#-it's-an-effing-recession people that accidentally on purpose find themselves on this show, come to their senses, and go back to their real lives. There goes that theory; Fool #8.

Is there really that huge of a shortage of hot chicks out there that you have to quit your job and come back to the one dating like 6 other dudes? The one who may or may not even give you a chance because she is to busy being played like a guitar (pun intended) by the constantly auditioning rock star?

Let me tell you, I know a girl (cough, BFF) who is pretty, funny, smart, and single, who is not seriously dating any guys so, if you know anyone (Michael, hint, hint, although I think Jesse is probably more her type)...

I'm thinking he wound up getting the ax at work anyway, and figured, "Eh, what else do I have to do? Might as well see if I can get that dumb chick to take me back."

And, surprise, surprise, it worked!

Maybe I'm just cynical because I don't believe that you are at all likely to realistically find true love in a situation so contrived as this.

Or, maybe I'm just pissed that she kicked off the two guys that I would totally, um... go to the movies with;).

Either way, I'm not really thinking this is going to turn out any better than Jillian's last encounter with Chris Harrison.

That dude is bad luck.

As always, anxiously awaiting next week:).


Mommys Online Garage Sale said...

Stopping by from SITS....adorable boys!

TubOfLard said...

You know me well my friend, you know me well.


BlogBaby said...

This just goes to show that even the hottest people (you and I, naturally, and apparently Jillian) are all dummies. And Michael too...he's the yummiest dummy of them all. ;)

BlogBaby's BabyMama

Mimi said...

Sweetie, is this kind of TVland obsession really healthy? You know, Mommy doesn't approve of too much TV and here's a good example of why...what...who are theses people?

Mira is triplet crown said...

You almost make this show sound worth watching. Too bad I have no time...

Clueless_Mama said...

Ok I love the way you summed things up! I agree with all that. My heart broke for my little Michael, I'm sorry, I mean your Michael. And I do love Jake. Pretty sure he is the next bachelor? Can't wait for next week.....

Michelle said...

Your recap was great! They are all fools, even though I do like a few of them (mainly Ed) But Jillian is the biggest fool of them all, if she doesn't boot Wes next week then she deserves whatever she gets!

Connie Weiss said...

I have to agree that she is the dumbest broad in North America!

I love Ed! I'm glad he's back.

Saundra@ItalianMamaGoneCrazy said...

Oh I loved your take on this!!!

PERFECT! and Jesse's bro gave me hives!!!!!

Alicia said...

can i get an amen???!!! fools! the whole group of them! Jake needs to run for the hills and stay clear of this train wreck...and Mike..well i'm sure there's a lot of girls willing to take him in =)

Mama Kat said...

Please tell me Wes is going home next week...if he's a final pick I'm going to barf on myself.

Cher said...

Just saw you on Mommy PR linky and stopping by to say Hi! I am following you on twitter now too!

Anonymous said...

Um. Ok. Right. Read any good books lately?

greedygrace said...

Love this! I had a thing for Michael too-- so sweet and goofy, and he really dug her!

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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