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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Seal Suit

Summer is creeping up on me fast.

I am so not ready for bathing suit season.

I would love to be able to go to Old Navy and get this.

Or, I'd like to be able to pop over to Nordstrom's and pick up this.

And, wouldn't it be fun to order something super cute like this, even though I'd have to lose the belt?

Sadly, none of these are in the cards.

I've tried on countless suits from innumerable stores and all I see when I look in the every-which-way-but-loose dressing room mirror is this:

That's right, people, it's a seal.

Why do I remind myself of a seal?

It's not the beard, or the strange barking noises they make.

It's not their healthy sense of humor, their eager to please nature, or their ability to balance various objects without the use of hands.


I imagine myself squeezed into my old, shiny, black tummy minimizing suit, and think large, silly sea mammal because Hubby, in a fit of unchecked honesty, noted that I actually did not look like a beached whale, as I'd complained, but more like a seal in a Sea World show (I'm never jumping off the diving board again).

Can you believe?

A seal? A ball balancing, hula hooping, do anything for a fishy snack, seal?

Imagine my outrage, my anger, my hurt!

In his defense (not that he really has one) he was trying to make me feel better by utilizing a bit of humor to lighten my self deprecating mood. And, he apologized profusely for causing me to run from the pool (luckily we were at Mimi's house) and vow to never enter public waters again.

Normally I would not have taken his comment so seriously; he and I are often able to poke fun at one another without anyone getting upset.

But, this was different, because in just the right light, from just the right angle, if you add a tufty beard, I kinda do look like a seal in my swimsuit!

All slick, and shiny, and clumsy, and barrel like.

That is why it hurt so much.

I know he didn't mean it, it's just the first thing smaller than a whale that came to mind.

But, I think his subconscious came out to play that day, and it was not in a very friendly mood.

Needless to say, I have got to find a new swimsuit.


And, if I am unable to find a less seal-like number to don at the pool in the next few weeks, I will be asking for a refund on my mommy-baby swim class tuition.

So, to all my fashion conscious, web savvy friends out there, any suggestions to make me look less seal-esque?

And, please don't suggest this, because it is SO not happening:)


Buggys said...

After I stopped laughing.....There are a lot of us in the pool along with you sister!

Design it Chic said...

Your post cracks me up!:)) And I'm sure your hubby didn't mean to hurt you! Oh well, i wish you luck with swimsuits hunting now and don't forget to take your sun lotion with you..always!!!(don't do mistakes like others..caugh;))

Happy Tuesday!

(coming here from SITS)

Jennifer said...

Friend, I was right there with you a couple months ago. I had to find two suits for vacation that would hide my blubber! All I could manage was to get some tankinis!

I hope you find what makes you feel fab!

ck said...

Um response to my "I have a big nose," complaint, my husband said, "I don't understand why you have a problem with your nose. It's perfect. Now your Leno chin..."

He claims it was to make me stop complaining about my nose, but you can imagine how the next few days went at our house...

Deb said...

Oh, boy! I feel your pain. My friend and I decided that we were just going to order a trillion suits online, try them on by candlelight, and drink lots of wine.

Katy said...

Oh man, I'll be stalking these comments, because if someone has a suggestion on a suit, I'll be sure to check it out. I LOVE summer, but hate swimsuits.

Rae Ann said...

Swim suits are the devil. I am a roly-poly gal at the moment, so I make myself feel better with my swim-suit-food-chain-theory: no matter how bad (or good!) I look, there is always someone out there who looks worse (or better).

KnitterMama said...

AMANDA, this is HYSTERICAL!! I am so glad that I am following your blog. I miss you and this made me miss you more. AND the Amanda I know will never EVER look like a seal in her hot black number. No way!

Anonymous said...

Men. What was he thinking? Two things can throw a woman for a loop, trying on jeans and trying on swimsuits. I saw some cute swimsuits in at JCPenny if you like that store. Good luck. I too have to get a new one as last year's suit deteriated on me. No comment.

parentingBYdummies said...

Thanks for the tip faemom! I like suits from any store that will prevent the whole sea mammal look. I'll be checking those out immediately (and by immediately, I mean when the Hubby agrees to mind the pack).

Nocturnal Queen said...

This is why I never wear bathing suits - I'd look awful in them. Not to mention, I don't want to show that much skin outside the privacy of my home. lol

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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