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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

What the F*** Chuck?

I know. That's a pretty harsh title (sorry MOM), but it was just too easy. The rhyme was so obvious, right?

Anyway. I'm referring to Chuck Norris. The infamous Chuck Norris, karate dude extraordinaire.

This post is for Hubby, who typically doesn't even read my posts, but who will be tricked into reading this one for the sake of our marriage.

Seriously, dear. You have got to stop with the witty little Chuck Norris comments. If I ever get another Chuck related email or text or Twitter or anything I will be promptly making other living arrangements (for you of course, you didn't think I meant for me, did you?).

I mean they were funny. At first.

When you first told me that, "There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live," it was hilarious.

Or, when you sent me that two part text.

Part 1: Do you know the quickest way to a man's heart?
Me: Nope.
Part 2: Chuck Norris's fist.

I chuckled a bit.

And, when I got that email from you that said, "On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence." I laughed out loud, I really did.

But, when I called you to tell you that #3 dropped the phone and broke it, and your response was, "Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone," I have to admit I was a bit annoyed.

And, when I asked you to turn the lights on for the boys, and you noted that, "When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off," I was just beginning to hate Chuck a bit.

And now, that you have memorized more than 50 Chuckism, which you use on a regular and recurring basis, I am starting to hate you along with your boy, Chuck.

So, consider this as a warning. Please STOP TALKING ABOUT CHUCK!

Because, in all honesty, I am way more hazardous to your health than Chuck Norris. And while he may be able to squeeze orange juice out of a lemon, I can squeeze a basketball out of a pinhole (childbirth), a beverage out of an appendage (nursing), and the truth out of a liar (#2). So, you'd better watch it Mister, because you and Chuck are going down.

Wanna read more? Not sure why, but here they are.

13 comments:

Shawn said...

Ha! What is it with men? If it isn't Chuck, then it's the Godfather quotes. Sheesh.

Just because I have memorized the scene in Thelma and Louise that has Brad Pitt in it, that is NOT THE SAME! That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Cassie Ring said...

HILARIOUS!!!!

otherworldlyone said...

Haha! I'm quilty of loving the Chuckisms...but I don't use them like your hubby, you poor thing!

badmommymoments said...

You have some serious talents - I have a feeling you'll be receiving a call from Chuck's agent later today. I hear he's researching his next role as Kick-Ass-Angry-Mom. Be sure not to go easy on him.

I am Harriet said...

Hi.
Just stopping by from SITS to say hello.
Have a great Tuesday!

smashmom said...

Oh my - it is enough to drive any woman crazy. Why not beat him at his own game - start spouting off Paris Hilton euphemisms?? :)

katie and eric said...

LOL! Too friggin' funny.

faemom said...

Ok, new idea. We take the Chuck Norris "facts" and replace them with you. Or barring that you can pick the person as it is your blog. Just a thought

KiraAJ said...

G'Day Darl! Stoppin by from SITS hope your having a great wk! And oh my lord ur hubby to with the chuck norris stuff! I dont see what the guys se in it all lol!

Polymer Clay Snails said...

LMAO!!! just! beautiful ...

Fortress of Solitude said...

I can't stop laughing! You are a riot! I love your sarcasm, too.

My husband gets OCD with silly stuff like that, too. "Your face" in response to everything, and "That's what she said!" in response to any bit of conversation that has the potential for being viewed with a dirty mind.

Good luck,

Angela

Badness Jones said...

My husband has been telling the same jokes, using the same lines, since I met him 13 years ago. They still crack him up and he wonders why I'm not laughing.

And hi! back. It's nice to meet you.

laala said...

I hadn't even heard of Chuck before I met my better half. Now I have to listen to that too. So I can relate. :D

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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