I know. That's a pretty harsh title (sorry MOM), but it was just too easy. The rhyme was so obvious, right?
Anyway. I'm referring to Chuck Norris. The infamous Chuck Norris, karate dude extraordinaire.
This post is for Hubby, who typically doesn't even read my posts, but who will be tricked into reading this one for the sake of our marriage.
Seriously, dear. You have got to stop with the witty little Chuck Norris comments. If I ever get another Chuck related email or text or Twitter or anything I will be promptly making other living arrangements (for you of course, you didn't think I meant for me, did you?).
I mean they were funny. At first.
When you first told me that, "There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live," it was hilarious.
Or, when you sent me that two part text.
Part 1: Do you know the quickest way to a man's heart?
Part 2: Chuck Norris's fist.
I chuckled a bit.
And, when I got that email from you that said, "On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence." I laughed out loud, I really did.
But, when I called you to tell you that #3 dropped the phone and broke it, and your response was, "Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone," I have to admit I was a bit annoyed.
And, when I asked you to turn the lights on for the boys, and you noted that, "When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off," I was just beginning to hate Chuck a bit.
And now, that you have memorized more than 50 Chuckism, which you use on a regular and recurring basis, I am starting to hate you along with your boy, Chuck.
So, consider this as a warning. Please STOP TALKING ABOUT CHUCK!
Because, in all honesty, I am way more hazardous to your health than Chuck Norris. And while he may be able to squeeze orange juice out of a lemon, I can squeeze a basketball out of a pinhole (childbirth), a beverage out of an appendage (nursing), and the truth out of a liar (#2). So, you'd better watch it Mister, because you and Chuck are going down.
Wanna read more? Not sure why, but here they are.
1 day ago