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Friday, June 12, 2009

Toys Dumb Parents Should Avoid, Part Deux

Here for the free monkey? Go here!

Decided to post the second half of the post from last Friday since people were so curious about where I went with this. Basically, it's stuff like these smart a** toys that earned my title as Dumb Mom.

So, in honor of Scary Mommy's Flashback Fridays, please enjoy Toys Dumb Parent's Should Avoid, Part Deux.


Here is the second installment of the embarrassingly long list of toys NOT to buy for your children, lest you look like a bona fide dolt in their quick-to-judge presence.

3. Transformers. More than meets the eye would be an understatement. I'm convinced that there is not a transformer on this planet that I can conqueror. And this would include all Autobots, Decepticons, and even the crappy little posers that McDonald's and Burger King (and other establishments of this nature) give out specifically to torture parents like me.

4. Slip 'N Slide. This one is appropriate since summer is quickly approaching. It looks fun on the box, but it is a trip to the ER waiting to happen. For whatever reason when the Slip 'N Slide comes out, all adults in the vicinity are overcome by nostalgia and get an overwhelming, misguided, urge to "show 'em how it's done." Sadly, your 30 plus years on the planet have not afforded you a firm grasp on reality if you think that you hurtling yourself down a wet, micro thin strip of banana yellow plastic is actually going to turn out good; particularly good enough to be emulated by those who consider you a roll model. Even more sad is that you think you'll be able to even run fast enough to get up the speed to accomplish the task of getting from one end to the other of the brightly colored death trap. If advanced age and lack of speed and agility are not deterrent enough, let's discuss the technique employed by the dummy (aka me) who put the contraption together. For various reasons (baby licking dog's tongue, toddler showing us he really can swim) I am always in a hurry when it comes time to erect things, which means I may (or may not) briefly glance at any included directions before starting in on the project. In the case of the Slip 'N Slide, obviously I "know" what I'm doing. Unfortunately, I was unable to accomplish the seemingly simple task of attaching it appropriately to the ground which caused a large amount of body hindering bunching. And, for some reason we (I mean I) could not get it to be wet enough to allow even the small people to enjoy it. Basically, our day ended with #1 running away from the scene crying hysterically because "it burns, it really burns", and Mimi risking a hip fracture by attempting (unsuccessfully) to demonstrate proper Slip 'N Slide usage. After all of this I realize that it is clearly stated on the box that it is not intended for adult use. Apparently, it is not intended to be used by children of dumb parents either. Consider yourself warned.

5. Razor Scooters. For many of the same reasons that Slip 'N Slides should have a "don't use if dumb" sticker attached. Basically, all I'll add is that these are nothing like the scooters we grew up with. They require WAY more balance. Or, maybe I'm just WAY more fat and WAY less in control of my body. Whatever. You can get hurt if you are caught unaware. So, again, consider yourself warned.


I needed to revisit this post, because #2 almost convinced me to purchase another Slip N Slide when we were @ Kmart today. So glad I wen with the wading pool instead:)

10 comments:

Kathy B! said...

I just found your blog through the Mom Blog Network and I love it, love it, love it! Your kids a are a treasure! Would you mind if I added you to my blog roll?

Kathy B! said...

Oh, and I really covet your blog template and the fact that it's full screen. How'd ya do that?!

Noah's Mommy said...

Would love to have you come by and enter my Eco Store Baby Body Wash Giveaway @ http://projectmommyhoodreviews.blogspot.com

AB HOME INTERIORS said...

Holy Cow! My niece sliced her head open on a slip and slide! Dont buy them! Hahaha Leaving some Friday bloggy love from SITS

Mira said...

Oh, I have so much to learn. Will you be my mommy mentor?

Scary Mommy said...

I am SO glad that you reminded me how much I despise Slip & Slides. I was actually *just* thought about getting one, forgetting that I vowed not to last year. Any toy that's whole point is an accident really has no place in my house.

I loved this series!!!

Angel said...

Razors are bad!!! It is even worse when they have a motor and go about 35 MPH Jujube has one and I have had nightmares about car accidents from the day she got it!

faemom said...

Thank God I read this. The husband is trying to convience me to buy a slip 'n' slide. But if I do buy one and said husband and brothers come out to show the little guys how it's done and I have a video camera handy, perhaps I can win some money. Hmmmmm.

Shari@aPsychMommy said...

We had Transformers growing up--actually my brother did. I would sneak ito his room and try to transform Optimus Prime or whatever their names were. Then I would get stuck and my brother would freak out at me. I'm hoping my son doesn't get into those. . .

Pam said...

Just reread this post nine times in a row. My favorite is the slip n slide. I feel like I have been or will be an er victim of dumb parenting. LOVE YOUR BLOG! Seriuously, I am a nurse in the ER and you totally crack me up.

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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