I'm Busted!

Wonder if this is going to fix my feed. Heard that it would. Not sure I believe it. But, hoping something will work!

Wordful Wednesday: Meet Spidey-Shark

This is Spidey-Shark…

Spidey-Shark is super-extra-crazy smart (although he may want to consider another pair of footwear).

See, he knows all about outer space (that’s him pointing out the Moon)…

But, Spidey-Shark knows other stuff too.

Like how to do some pretty sweet jumps…

And how to pout just enough to get his mommy to do exactly what he wants…

Gotta love some Spidey-Shark!

P.S. Come back tomorrow for a HUGE, like Jessie-James-is-a-cheater-just-like-Tiger HUGE, reveal on pBd. You DO NOT want to miss this (meaning I don’t want you to miss this so if you love me like I love you then you’ll come back)!

P.P.S. Still time to enter the Extract Giveaway to win a copy of the DVD for your viewing pleasure.

Mom Tip Tuesday: Let’s Talk About SEX Baby

Welcome to another Mom Tip Tuesday, the go to source for moms seeking ways to up their awesome.

This week’s topic is a big one; something I’ve been thinking about quite a bit lately: Having “The Talk” with The Dudes.

And, don’t try to act all innocent with me, you know exactly which “talk” I’m talking about.

Yeeeaaah. THAT one.

One of my main fears about being a mom to a daughter was the sex issue.

What to say, when to say it, should I use a diagram, get a book, a film?

But, when I realized that it would be just The Dudes, I sorta let myself off the hook.

I mean, that’s what Dumb Dad is for, right?

To teach them all about dude stuff (seeing how I’m in charge of pretty much everything else!)?

So, I’ve been talking to him about it lately.

Just sorta encouraging to do some recognizance with #1, find out what he knows, or doesn’t know about the whole thing (he is 8 after all and I figure someone, somewhere has shared with him some misinformation by this point).

And yeah, looks like he’s gonna be useless with this.

His idea of having “The Talk” is to wait ‘til they’re like 15, take them out to the garage, and say something along the lines of, “So, uh, you know about chicks? Got any questions?”, and pray that they are too embarrassed, too surprised, or too advanced to ask him anything.

Not cool.

You can’t wait until they are full blown chick magnets dudes (aka gone through the most excruciating parts of puberty) to have the becoming-a-full-blown-dude talk with them.

You have to ease them into things, so they know what to expect and what’s normal and how they should respond to their new feelings and dude parts and stuff.

After reading this post from Makes Me Wanna Holler, I sorta let Dumb Dad off the hook a bit, and decided to give him some more specific guidance.

Already we’ve sorta started the dialogue, mostly in regards to what’s appropriate (since #2 needs to repeatedly be reminded that, while girls love to be complimented, it’s not really okay for him to rub BFFs butt and tell her it’s “SO AWEEEsome”). And, we talk about sensations feelings, and the incessant hands in the pants, and just everyday stuff like that.

But, I’m looking ahead to getting more specific. Middle school will be here before I know it, and I’m thinking we should have it before then? Or maybe after then? Or, possibly during it? Not sure???

Because, I can avoid IT for as long as I want, but I’m guessing it ain’t gonna go away.

Is it?

Not likely, right?

I’ve not quite come up with what we’re gonna say (aka what he’s gonna say after I’ve coached him sufficiently)when the time comes to debunk the babies-come-from-Mommy’s-belly-because-God-puts-them-there-because-he-wants-to myth, but I’ve got a long list of what I’m NOT gonna do.

Since, you know, I sorta specialize in that; knowing exactly what NOT to do.

So here you have it, Dumb Mom’s Guide to Ruining Sex for Your Kids, ensuring that if they are getting some you’ll be the last one to know about it.

5. Show them this video.

If Sex Ed PSAs Were Realistic -- powered by Cracked.com

4. Let this guy tell them.

3. Provide them with porn condoms a Wet Wabbit sex paraphernalia without a valid explanation. Giving them a box of condoms and telling them to read the product insert sheet or “Google it” may seem like an easy-I’m-off-the-hook-because-Google-knows-everything, great idea, but lemme tell ya, it’s not. The Internet is a scary place for the sex novice; not only are there images that would scare an average human, but it’s a hotbed of misinformation. Besides, you want to break into a hot nervous related sweat have a dialogue with your children about this whole sex business. You want to be the one to provide them with factual information, to answer their questions (no matter how off the wall awkward and weird they are), and to give them the opportunity and the ability to be open and honest with you about their emotions and physical feelings. They may seem all a-ok when they are with their friends, but seriously, learning the ins and outs (pun intended) of this is spooky sh$t and you want to be a part of every spooky experience your kid has, right? Or, you could leave it to that over grown man child in your son’s gym class. You know the one that makes you think that the hormones in food have done some serious work on him because you’re pretty sure that he’s hookin’ up with your slutty neighbor he has David Beckham’s body and the facial hair of Joaquin Phoenix when he went nuts? Or even more scary, you could let your kid’s high school version of these guys fill him in (because every high school has these guys).

From what I can tell, they know as much about the responsibility and emotional strain that comes with having an intimate relationship with another person as I know about open heart surgery. Basically, anyone who calls it boning, laying pipe, banging, smackin’ it, hittin’ it or “pounding vaj” is probably not an option.

2. Forbid it. This approach will likely guran-freakin-tee you that before nightfall your 14 year old will be dropping it like it’s hot under the bleachers for some random classmate whose last name she may or may not even recall. Kids have a strange habit of getting super interested in all the crap you don’t want them to do, so your best bet would be to have an open conversation about the issue and not go getting all crazy forbiddy and stuff. Crazy forbiddy rarely gets the results you want. Maybe temporarily, you know, until they figure out how to get the nails outta their window and the boot off their car. But then, when they finally get some freedom (aka go to college) they are the chicks pole dancing in the campus pub and showing their bajangas on those Girls Gone Buck-Raving-Nasty-Ho-Bag Wild shows. So make note: anything you forbid sounds to your kid like something exciting, awesome, and grown-up which makes it the exact thing they wanna do.

1. Avoid it. As in don’t bring it up ever and don’t encourage them to bring it up either. No matter how awkward, embarrassed, or silly you feel about it ,it’s better to have the lines of communication open than to shut them down completely. Because the misinformation is out there. People willing to take advantage of their naiveté are out there. And, opportunities to explore are out there. They will find out what they want to know with out without your assistance. And being a member of the abstinence camp doesn’t get you off the hook; you still have to tell them what it is that they are NOT to do. So decide how you feel about it (do you want them to consider wearing one of those no-sex ring thingys?), think up what you wanna say about it (will you start with a joke, show them a video, get a pamphlet?), pick the right time (preferably before they graduate high school), and go for it. Because while having “The Talk” is uncomfortable and hard and possibly embarrassing for both of you, it’s nowhere near as embarrassing as finding out your 12 year old is knocked up or that your 14 year old son is gonna be a baby’s daddy by spring break.

Still need help doing the right thing?

Check out the Midwest Teen Sex Show. It’s hosted by a mom of three boys who has had some pretty interesting experiences. It’s not what you would call sex ed, but it’s certainly informative and funny. And, you all know how I feel about funny.

For a more educational look at sex education, try Puberty from Head to Toe. It’s written by a current health/sex-ed teacher and I’m telling you, I had to Google some of the words she uses, you know just to be certain, for like research purposes or like, something.

Good luck!

Have a Mom Tip you want to share?

Link it here…

Make New (i)friends Monday: The Daily Dribbles

Kmama is her name.
Daily Dribble is her blog.

She's got a husband,
two kids and a dog.

She wears many hats
in her daily life.

She's a mom and a worker
and JDaddy's wife.

But what I love
most about her site.

Is that she's funny
and can really write.

So check her out,
go stop on by.

'Cause my girl Kmama,
is super-funky FLY!

Oh, and most notably she won the Fugly Face Photo Contest a few weeks back which is really her main claim to fame.

She actually wrote this post for me back then and waited patiently like the sweet, understanding, forgiving bloggy buddy that she is then totally bugged the crap outta me for like 5 weeks or something absurd begging me to post this. She was all blowin' up my email, Tweeting me incessantly, freakin' Skyping me like a mofo. Seriously. Pretty sure she is borderline obsessed with me or something. Insane. Possibly she is insane.

So yeah. Just to embarrass her for fun remind you of who she was, here is her winning shot...



Luckily, she looks at least 63% better than this currently. Go ahead to The Daily Dribbles and see if I'm lyin'!

And, without further ado, give it up for the one, the only KMAMA!

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be happy or sad that I won the Fugly Photo Contest. Hmm. Well, I’ll go with happy because winning is winning, right??

I’d like to thank the Academy my followers, my mom and dad, my dog, my husband, my sons…oh, and my ex sister-in-law for making me wear that, what can only be described as, HEINOUS rented bridesmaid dress. For the love of all things holy, I can’t figure out how that ever seemed like a good idea. Ever.

Anyuglydress, I’m flattered to be crowned the winner of the Fugly Photo, and to also be featured as Dumb Mom’s (i)friend this week!! Yay me.

Now, because I’m just a small fish in the big sea that is the blogosphere, many of you may be wondering who I am. I am Kmama, a thirty-something wife, mother, and career-woman, just trying to find a balance between the three.

Let’s examine that statement in more detail. First of all, I’m a wife. I’ve been married to my wonderful husband, Jdaddy for over 7 years. He is my better half. We met in a way that I am not yet brave enough to disclose on my blog, however, if I’m pressured enough, I just might crack. ;-)

Second, I’m a mother. I have been blessed with two amazing little boys. Buddy is 5 years old and is my payback child. He’s the pickiest eater ever, is moody and stubborn, is not a morning person, and can’t stand any item of clothing that might be scratchy or lumpy. I have no idea where he got any of those traits. *smirk* On the other hand, he’s got an amazing personality, awesome dimples, and leadership skills that will serve him well in the future. Buster is 2 years old and is completely opposite from Buddy. He is pretty much happy all the time, is the best snuggler ever, and is so very laid back. While Buster’s looks resemble more of me and my family, he definitely has his daddy’s personality.

Third, I’m a career-woman. I work full-time, outside of the home. I knew at an early age what I wanted to do when I grew up. I’m now doing it, and yet, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I love my job and I love being able to support my family to achieve the things that we want to be able to achieve. It’s empowering.

Now, that last little statement…the part about “trying to find a balance between the three”?? Well, I’m not so good at that. And that’s where my blog comes in. My blog is my outlet, the way that I make it from one day to the next without going insane. So if you’re looking for a little snark and humor (my two favorite personalities), come on over to The Daily Dribbles. And if snark and humor is also your thing, you might enjoy my “Thank You Very Much Thursdays.”

Oh, and finally, if you’re here at PBD’s because I sent you, FOLLOW this woman. She’s an amazing, creative blogger that often times leaves me in awe. Not to mention the fact that she hosts great contests and giveaways!

Extract: The Movie not the Food Additive

If you are here to see if you are the big winner of the handmade clutch bag courtesy of Julia Sherry Designs you will either have to a)read this entire post, or b)skip to the end.

Now, I’m sure some of you will just go ahead and go with choice B because you really just care about the bag. But, be warned, if you go that route you will miss out on the opportunity to win the next giveaway.

So, yeah. You’ve been warned.

Anyway.

Remember this guy?

Yep, Jason Bateman.

One of the many former teen stars whose pictures I would rip from my cherished issues of Teen Beat and plaster on my wall to swoon over and dream about.

That was during what I’ll refer to as my Heartthrob Phase. It was the phase right before I moved into my scary-looking-dudes-in-beanie-caps Thug Life Phase, at which point photos of Kirk Cameron, Jason Bateman, and the two Corey's (RIP CH) were replaced with photos of MC Brains (whatever happened to Mr.. Oochi Cochie Lalala?), BBD (not sure why because they weren’t even remotely attractive), Naughty by Nature, and LL Cool J (timelessly sexy, right?).

While most of these people have disappeared from the limelight entirely, Jason Bateman has recently enjoyed a large amount of success on both the little screen (not sure why Arrested Development was cancelled because it was seriously one of the funniest shows on TV; Michael Cera can do no wrong) and the big screen (making funny appearances in Juno, The Break-up, and Hancock) alike.

Not too long ago I was given tickets to a pre-screening of the movie Extract by Miramax (yep, got to sit in specially marked seats and everyone thought I was some sort of Miramax executive; so awesome) starring Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, Mila Kunis. Also making an appearance were some other less accomplished semi-lebrities Kristin Wiig, J.K. Simmons, and that one guy from the new 90210.

I thought it was funny.

Like really funny.

I actually wrote my original review on it here: Dumb Mom’s Review of Extract the film not the food additive.

Did you read it?

Basically I said something about it being LOL funny and then I think I compared it to The Hangover or something.

A few weeks ago it happened again. I was contacted by some movie industry exec (aka the PR people for Mike Judge, the dude who made Extract) and asked if I’d be willing to host a review/giveaway of Extract the DVD. You know, because even the movie industry gurus are starting to stand up and take notice of pBd and Dumb Mom’s commitment to awesomeness.

Naturally, I was stoked to do it because ever since Blockbuster store fronts bit the dust, Dumb Dad and I have little access to home movies (and yes, we’ve heard of Netflix, but he will not bite the Netflix bullet; something about being forced into by the economy or something). Thought this would be a wonderful opportunity for us to enjoy a funny, adult film together (he didn’t go to the premiere with me; I took BFF instead).

It took us two nights to finish it (not because we didn’t like it, just because #2 was being all needy that night and kept getting outta bed for “potty” and “water” and because his “back was all itchy or something”), but finish it we did.

And what’s my second time around review: It’s still funny.

Maybe not The Hangover funny like I initially advised, but still funny.

Let me state, for the record, that I am no movie critic. Honestly, when it comes to feature films I’m about as discriminating as Cookie Monster when it comes to cookies.

Usually, I’m just happy to be enjoying something that doesn’t rhyme or have a grate-on-your-last-nerve theme song to go along with it.

In all my years of movie watching I’ve never even walked out of a film. Even Wishmaster 3. Even Wild Things, you know that creepy Kevin-Bacon-shows-his-bacon-soft-porn dealy from the 90s?

So yeah, my standards are low.

But, I know funny (seriously, do you even read my blog?), and I’m standing by my initial review of Extract as being firmly planted in the funny category.

Want to see?

Because you know I’m giving it away.

Two in fact!

Two Dumb Mom followers will be rewarded with a DVD copy of the film.

All you have to do is:

1. Follow pBd.

2. Leave a comment giving me a movie recommendation (because lately all I’ve been watching is New Moon and I need to mix it up a little before I turn in to a freakin’ werewolf).

3. That is all.

Now for the announcement you’ve all been waiting for!

The winner of the handmade clutch bag is…

RITA! From Fighting Off Frumpy!

Yeah for her!

And, if enough of you check out Julia Sherry Designs (and blog about her an Tweet about her and tell her she’s so totally awesome) perhaps she will go ahead an sponsor another pBd giveaway.