RanDumb: Replay Edition

There are some things I can’t ignore.

Can’t turn my back on, look the other way, turn the other cheek.

There are episodes and events, things said or insinuated, that I can’t overlook.

Can’t forget.

Or pretend didn’t happen.

Can’t act like I didn’t hear, or pretend that it didn’t matter.

Lines drawn in the sand that are begging to be crossed.

One of those things, the most important of those things, is a challenge.

And, not just any sort of challenge.

I can pass up a battle of the brains, a cooking challenge, a bake off, a foot race.

Those things are meaningless; child’s play if you will.

But one thing I can’t pass up is…

A DANCE OFF!

Oh yeah.

I said it.

I’m a sucker for a dance off.

Not just because I find them awesome, but also because, I friggin’ rock those things.

I can dance circles around most humans.

I’m not bragging, I’m just sayin’.

I am THE TRUTH on the dance floor.

There’s fact, and then there’s fiction.

This, friends, is a fact.

Check it…

Go ahead. Replay it.

Now, you may be wondering what’s with the kimono, and all I can say is that I like it, that’s what.

And, that when I’m kickin’ it at The Casa, I’m pretty much always kickin’ it in a kimono.

And it’s silk.

And it’s straight outta Japan (thanks Mimi and Papa!).

I’m not bragging, I’m just sayin’.

And, yes, if you are participating in the Supah Mommy & Shell Dance Your Bloggy Off Contest this week, that was a 10,000!

Because I’m a pro at being awesome.

I literally excel at just that.

I’m like the captain of awesome in the Tri-State area. Not sure which three states that includes (just pick some, I’ve got ‘em covered), but yeah, that’s me El Capitan, I mean La Capitan.

I’m not bragging, I’m just sayin’.*

Now go over and vote for me so I don’t have to show up to your house with my boom box and my kimono and do the Cabbage Patch on your a$$!

Now that we’ve gotten that outta the way, how about a little Blab Fest?!

Let’s talk The View, because the fact that Jessie Ventura was on there this week promoting a book is pretty freakin’ RanDumb if I do say so myself.

I mean, I’m usually all for anyone who would refer to themselves as “The Body”, but seriously with the conspiracy theories?

I’m not saying they don’t exist, I’m just saying I don’t care. With the laundry piling up around here and the upper respiratory infections jumping around like it’s the House of Pain, I don’t have time to think about super-secret government super weapons and Aztec-inspired apocalyptic prophecies.

I don’t waste my time researching junk like that.

I Google important crap like: how to get gum out of your hair and what does yellow snot mean.

Seriously.

What did my girl Keri have to say about “The Body”?

“Umm, this dude seems a little strange to me. First of all, if you're trying to convince the American people that there's a conspiracy going on in Washington, don't come on a show with your hair looking the way it did. Seriously. On another note, I do hear what he's saying. I've heard my share of conspiracy theories especially with a hubby in the military. At the end of the day, no matter what we do, people will always be fishy. So who cares! I just gotta live my life and not pay attention to things that'll take away from my happiness. It takes too much durn work.”

That’s right, Kerri, people are fishy. We like to call them shady around here, but same same.

Overall, I’m a huge believer in America.

I feel lucky to have been born in a country in which most citizens have regular stuff, like water to drink that doesn’t also serve as the cow bath, and no polio. Did you know that some countries still have wild polio running around?! Not. Cool.

So, yeah, America, conspiracy theorists and all, is a-okay in my book.

But there are a few people/things I could 100% live without, like…

…people who drive under the speed limit on the freeway.

…people who take all the crabs at the buffet table (this one’s for you Bruncle!).

…people who take off their shoes at the restaurant and then walk up to the buffet table bare foot (also for Bruncle. Anyone wanna guess where he lives?!).

…people who lie about stuff I don’t care about, like Rozlyn, if you hooked up with that producer just admit it already, nobody even cares!

…celebrities** who ignore my Tweets. Except for Justin Timberlake. He can ignore me forever and I’ll still love him.

…that mom at gymnastics class who used to be a gymnast and who always has to call stuff by it’s Bela Lugosi given name. It’s not a freakin’ pike, it a toe touch. Calm down Mary Lou, they are TWO YEAR OLDS!

…parents who ridicule their kids on the field. I mean, we can all see your kid is slow, no need to point it out by screaming at him. Break his spirit in private so we don’t have to watch. It’s uncomfortable.

…people who are stuck up, but don’t really have a good reason to be.

…Jessica Biel, for obvious reasons.

…the dbag who lets his dog crap in my side yard. I mean it’s still my yard, it’s just my side yard.

…whoever campaigned to get all of these stop signs put into our neighborhood. It now takes me like 15 minutes to get outta this place when it used to only take 3. I know, you say it’s for safety, but seriously, if you tell your kids not to walk super slow so that I want to run them down in the MIDDLE OF THE STREET that would probably help.

…people who don’t leash their wildly-misbehaved-frothy-mouthed dogs and then when the muddy pawed behemoth runs up to my baby at the park and scares the deuce outta him yell that, “He’s friendly, he won’t hurt you!” Maybe not, but now that my child has messed himself I’m considering hurting you and your stupid head mutt.

…tons of others as I’m turning into a crotchety old broad and I’m only like 30 (or something like pretty much the same thing as 30).

…people who slaughter the National Anthem. Actually, no one should have to live without people like that. And now you don’t have to!

Enjoy:)

P.S. Head over to Mrs. 4444's place and get in on the Friday Fragment Fun!

P.S.S. I forgot to add my The View Disclaimer last week and possibly some other times before that. Dunno. Not sure. Anyway, they think it's important to let you know that they are gonna send me a tote bag or a coffee cup or 1 million dollars because I agreed to share what I love or hate or love to hate about the show. Sure tricked them, eh?! I do that for nada every day of the week baby! So, in case you're keeping score, that's 1 for Dumb Mom, 0 for the other guys.

*For reals, what I excel at is trash talking. I should give a workshop on that, because I don’t believe any of what I say, but I sound like I do, and that’s what matters!

**this would included bloggers who think they might almost be pretty much celebrities