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Monday, December 28, 2009

Make New (i)friends Monday: She's Supah D & She's Here to Rock

Or, should I say, rap?!

Because anyone with a name like Supah D. can only be introduced in true playa-pimp, gangsta-boogie, Sir Mix-A-Lot stylizzle with a rap accompaniment.


It's only fair.


Performed (yes, I performed it to ensure it's authenticity and awesomeness) to
Baby got Back (a song every self respecting child of the 90s is familiar with).

Feel free to click on the link and sing along using my
much improved version of the lyrics.

I like Supah D and I can not lie.
You other bloggers can't deny.
That when Supah walks in with her hand on her waist
and that round thing in your face
you get jealous!

Wanna go up to her 'cause you wanna be on her Skype.

Deep in the blogs she's writin'
I'm hooked and I love her Skypin'!

Oh, Supah, we wanna get witcha.
And take yo picture!

My blog buds tried to warn me,
but them blogs you write make me so horny.

Oh, Rumple-smooth-words, you even have awesome turds!
Well use me, use you me, 'cause I'm obviously your groupie.

I see her bloggin', to hell with roll calling.

She's sweat, wet, losing that sumo suit soon I bet.

I'm tired of other sites,
sayin' Supah ain't dynomite.

Take the average Dumb Mom and ask her that,
she tell you Supah is phat!


So Bloggers! (Yeah!) Bloggers (Yeah!)
Wanna meet my Supah D? (Hell Yeah!)
Then read it! Read it! Read today's guest post!
Supah is dope!

PA face with a WV Booty (insert some mad, funky-fresh, record scratching here)

Supah is dope!

Now, shut yo mouth, Becky!

ifriend post by Supah D. from Adventures of a Wannabe SupahMommy:

WOOO DOGGY !

So PBD has invited me over for a super special IFriend Event at her place cause we're all BFF's now.. yah that's right FORMER PBD BFF'S.. there's a new girl in town... and her name is SUPAH!

What?

ifriend Monday?

For weeks now?

* insert stink face

Ok.. So I guess I'm not all UBER special like PBD ( PLBBBBBTTTT )has made me out to be in her long drawn out emails spewing her love for me. Enough already PBD.. I get it. K?

So.. I'll leave you with my little guest posty and maybe you'll come visit me if you'd like. Ring my doorbell... but if you ring it and LEAVE... just know this. I may be a heffer... but .. I can run. By Golly I can run. So I hope you can too... you prankster mcpranksterston.


Breakin Up is Hard To Doo.

So all my life I've had a hairdresser. And by all my life I mean since college. I'm no debutante. I could rock a puffy cloud dress.. but I'm not debutante material .. I swear too much... let's be %$#^* (^clear.

CJ was my first hair- doo lover. CJ .. was a dude with effeminate scissor hands. I loved him. Was he Gay? I had no idea. It was the question that plagued me for years. He was always so durn stealthy... making me think one minute he was... the next he wasn't. Years. And to this day.. 15 years later. I still do not know. I think he knew what game he was playing.

CJ's real name was CLAIRE. No joke. He admitted this to me in a moment of ... well.. I'm not sure why he told me that fact.. because I seriously.. LAUGHED OUT LOUD and asked him if he were joshin. With some swear words mixed in.

He wasn't.
I quickly shut IT UP for fear of hair retaliation. * in my head though.. i was sayin

" claires' a fat girls name."


All you youngins and non Brat Packers won't get that.

So we had this GREAT relationship. He cut my hair awesome.
Until I became a mom. Then .. I think he was under the impression that because I had birthed children.. I was no longer COOL!

SAY WHUT????

He kept giving me BOBS. ..I coulda put dangly snowflake earrings on and worn a kitty kat sweatshirt to match the styles he was edward scissorhandin'.

I endured for a bit.
Then I experienced the " last straw."

THIS IS HOW IT WENT DOWN.


Let's take a trip back to 2004 when CJ Betrayed me.



So ladies and gentleman, here it is. I have OFFICIALLY with a capital "O" ( and not even the good kind) been BEE –TRAY- YED by my hairdresser, hair stylist, hair cutter- rer- er person, hair designer: WHATEVER , YOU PICK. Yes, my (insert selected word) whom:
· I love dearly
· WHO I have remained ever:

1. loyal,
2. faithful
3. devoted,
4. steadfast
5. dedicated to for almost a decade.

YES, A DECADE. (what can be accomplished in a decade you might ask; WELL THE FOLLOWING
1. it took us 10 years to send a man to the moon
2. it took us 10 years to move from typewriters to palm pilots

CJ -
· Who I secretly planned visits to Pittsburgh around when I was ABROAD.
· Whom my lovely locks ( that I adore, one of my best attributes I feel, one of the only things on my body that aren't fat) have followed through 5 salon moves.

· As well as a rate increase of 15$

Yes, my Hair- doo dresser

HAS CROSSED THE LINE.

Now I feel I OWE you a bit of quick history, you might feel the need to be brought up to speed on the situation. Perhaps you are thinking, WHY SUPAH? Who IS this person who has EVIL- ed YOU? Then again, if you are like most people, you might not.

My lovely locks and I have not always been this chummy. We, at several points in my life just… DID NOT GET ALONG. I have picture evidence to prove it.

Not until I was about 23 did I actually begin to listen to the whispers of my lovely locks demands: Get a good hairdresser.

I agreed and we have since been cooperative. I immensely enjoy my hair, I get many compliments and as mentioned above, it is still one of my best attributes. Still full and thick, nice color and still THE ONLY NON FAT PART OF MY BODY –

So I stumbled up on CJ, a hairdresser from literally another world. He is freakin hilarious. Tells stories that sideline the ongoing cut for minutes at a time while we all double over, keeps up with the latest hair trends, has worked his way up to his own dream salon ( paid for with my loyalty) and is quite possibly gay. He has afforded me wonderfully cool cuts, great chocolaty color, perfect wedding day updos and great conversation for many a year. Alas…

Things had begun to change I noticed the last few appointments (which require friggin years in advance bookings). He jokingly called me a "soccer mom"

*GASPS. And then gave me a really cute haircut, that he deemed
SUBURBAN HOUSWIFE.

*DOUBLE GASP. I laughed and forgave his shortcomings.

And this time as I arrived for my appointment, late in the evening, I find CJ and I BOTH in the parking lot. Oddly he and I vied for the same parking spot ???( him in his 06 cool a$ jeep, me in my tan Volvo cross country station wagon which I ADOREd)

Why he is out and about you may ask when it is indeed, haircuttery time?

Well, he needed a smoke and decided to move his jeep up to the front whilst his client sat under the big blow dry thingy machine thingy.

So we both get out and give big hugs and then he says


, "LOOK AT YOU IN YOUR…."


"GROCERY GETTER!"


Okay are you noticing a theme yet. Some subtle, possible disgruntled feelings towards us little harmless suburbanite, station wagon driving stay at home moms who might attend a soccer game or two. Here and there, every night of the week.? Yeah maybe.

So anyways long story short we have great conversations, lots of laughs, CJ offers a glass of wine ( I decline, due to diet) and then we begin the haircuttery process.

"What r we doing today, he casually asks?"
"Oh, I don't know, I stupidly say, I love the length but it's kind of weighed down. Maybe some bangs to cover up the dent in my forehead! "

Ha ha, we have a good laugh at that, determining all the terribly explicit ways that could've happened.


Anyways good laughs. We're primed for haircut time.
Completely trusting his judgment we move forward.

IN hindsight I notice the following tidbits:

I notice CJ looks tired. A bit PEAK-ED. Perhaps a long day filled with lots of others locks. Perhaps stifling his creativity, ability to do good hair, ability to mulTi-task, perhaps egging on his aggressions towards the white collar folk. ? Don't Know.

I also in 20/20 hindsight, wonder if CJ himself has indulged in a glass or two of the ol' vino.? No breathalyzer available at that moment to test him for drinking whilst hair-doo-ing.


So he begins the cut and I of course have no idea what he's doing, cause I simply rarely look in the mirror. (feelings of inadequacy while hair is dripping wet, slicked like a seal on my head and pores are spotlighted due to fluorescents) Not a pretty picture.

So he's CHOPPING AWAY. He says, "I'm just goinna trim the ends so we keep the length." Cut cut snip snip. This is okay.

He cuts in my bangs. Which I immediately don't like, but am stuck with. At least it will hide my forehead dent.

Then he stops and begins on the top. BIG HUGE CUTS. BIG HUGE SNIPS. The sounds make me look up. As he catches my eye he digresses into a conversation about trying a "NEW CUT" he recently learned on me- the next time I come in.

He's not COMFORTABLE ENOUGH to TRY IT RIGHT NOW ... SEEING as he just learned it this morning.

" And then proceeds to say

" THIS NEW CUT, that I"ll do NEXT TIME... WELL IT'S THE UPDATED VERSION OF THE CUT IM DOING NOW" laugh laugh


Pardon- a – moi CJ?

Am I getting an NON current haircut at this given moment? A DOLLAR STORE VERSION?? PANIC SETTING IN.

"I'm goinna give you some LAYERS on top, to give you some lift." He states.

PPPPP-ANIC. LAYERS???? LIFT??? ON TOP????




Shoot to punchline. All said and done……


I am OFFICIALLY, with a capital "o" a walking image of none other than Miss JOAN JETT! circa 1982







It is inevitable. I will walk down the street and someone over the age of 30 will whisper,

"Oh my god, LOOK BECKY!!! It's JOAN JETT!

THEN they'll let loose.. unable to contain their excitement for seeing Joan Jett;


""AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" (CONCERT SCREAM)
..
.
.
.
.
.dead stop- once they see me.









"She got really fat."


* bo domp ching


It was RiFrickULOUS. And I had to break up with him. HAVE YOU ever had to break up with your hairdresser?


xoxox©
supah

25 comments:

singedwingangel said...

OH I woulda killed him.. and yep I have broken up with hairdressers.. My bff did my hair so good for several years then suddenly she couldn't cut it right. Granted I had always kept short hair and decided to let it grow but dang all I did was leave length how hard is it to cut that?? Apparently pretty flipping hard... I have a new stylist now.. shhh don't tell my bff lol.

SupahMommy said...

thanks for the guest spot PBD!! I loved the rap!! It makes me feel so special that you stood in the mirror and practiced the rap to ensure it's authenticity.

who are my doubters? i want names now

who betrays me?
who talks the trash
who wants a beat down?

xoxoox
supah

parentingBYdummies said...

Since my 1st professional adult haircut happened a mere 2 months ago, I've not had the occasion to dump a hair dresser yet. I'm doubtful the day will ever come b/c should my current hair dresser lose her mind, get hit by a bus, or refuse to see me I will simply go back to my heathen ways of doing my hair myself. I'm kinda looking forward to being the old lady with the wild hair down to her ankles. Think I could really rock the spooky old witch look!

SupahMommy said...

I just can't help myself
im actin like an animal
now hears mah scandal..


* I can't stop myself. I love that song. And also I forgot to email follow up comments.

xoxo

Heather @ Two Little Monkeys said...

I would've killed that dude. I have not broken up with my fav hairdresser. She does a awesome job.

And I love the rap about Supah.

MOMSWEB said...

LOL! I continue to thank God that my mother was a hairdresser. No one else could ever satisfy me. Now that I'm bald, I don't have that concern anymore (smile).

Glad I dropped by today; it's been a while!

Evonne said...

Been there, done that! I switched to a hair-cutting place that was closer to my house and cheaper. Not good! I did not ask for a short, short hair cut. I wanted a trim. My hair's curly and the shorter is gets, the more I look like a poodle. And going back in a few weeks to have it fixed made it worse!

Btw, I'll be singing that song all day now. Thanks =)

CountessLaurie said...

I don't get my hair professionally cut often enough to break up with a hairdresser, but I say you made the right move!

You both had me cracking up. Thx for the Monday morning laugh!

Mae Rae said...

oh, that is the worse. I had to break up with the dresserlove of my life. After he stood me up and my friend on the day of her wedding. What hair dresser calls out knowing they have a bridal party coming in?

angie said...

Hilarious post.....by both of you. Who would have guessed it was rap Monday?

I just want you know that I read it all in rap.

Good times.

Supah D is great!

Jenn said...

Why is it that women are always SO faithful to their hairs-people? I have had to switch a few times over the last few years and each time I panic before going to the new person, like "THEY don't know my hair...THEY might not listen to my hair needs..."

I've finally found a new 100%gayhairsperson and I love him. (holla, Aaron!)

CJ is wrong, all wrong.

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

I love me some gay mens to run their fingers and scissors through my hair. I had an Iranian woman in college (not like that) and I almost followed her to Baltimore (several states away). She broke my heart when she left me! I had to leave my hair stylist a couple of years ago. That was hard cuz her son had just been killed in an accident a year earlier and her husband left her. She was an emotional wreck. She was also keeping me in her chair for an hour or more for a FREAKIN' HAIRCUT! I had young children. I didn't have time to sit and chat....about her....and her problems....the curse of being a psychotherapist.... I finally got up the nerve to break up with her. I still feel guilty.

Great post Supah! And I like the rappin' too!!

Kmama said...

Pictures...where are the pictures?? I need pictures. LOL

I'm sorry he effed up your hair. Been there, done that, though it is extremely hard to mess up curly hair...but it CAN be done.

Very funny...good job Supah!

Mama Kat said...

That rap was fan tiddly asstic.

Justin who??

I've never had a bad experience with a hairdresser...maybe because I've had the same hairstyle since I was ten.

"Could you just trim my ponytail a bit?? Mkay thanks."

Shell said...

That is too freaking hilarious. I stayed loyal to my hairdresser down here for 5 years- through something crazy like 6 moves to different salons.

When I was in PA, I was scared to start going to my sil to get my hair done- because what if I didn't like what she did to my hair? How do you explain that one? Not possible to break up with sil. Thankfully, she is freaking awesome...I keep begging her to bring her magic scissors down here to chop at my mop.

Jennifer said...

Don't mess with my hair. Notice the period. Period! The worst thing that ever happened to me was when I tried to have highlights added to my pixie. I came out with stripes. Stripes! Like a tiger. And I had ASKED for it. AND my brother's wedding was a month away. Holy hell. It was horrible. Luckily she was able to fix it before the wedding, but unluckily not before I had to go to work the following Monday.

Corrie Howe said...

This reminded me of my hairdresser. He was great. Followed him around too. Then he got so I had to make an appointment before I paid him to cut my hair. Being a single mom at the time, I couldn't say what I'd be doing later that night, let alone six weeks later.

Chief said...

Ah Supah... if only we lived in the same hemisphere... i would make your hair so rockstah you would walk down the street and your skinny ass would sparkle brighter than Bellatasticness!

I've been dumped. It's probably something I've said rather than done. My filter is broken.

Great rap PBD.. BUT BACK OFF MY SUPAH! or I will cutabiotch!

Amber said...

Awesome Rap! I've never had to break-up with a hairdresser. although I did have to switch because the lady who originally cut my hair moved. :( So now I still go to the same salon but I have a new hairdresser, and she is awesome! Although when she's not available I have a backup at the same salon. Although that could be because I've been going there since I was little.

faemom said...

Great rap.

My hairdressers keep moving, and then I moved. I tried someone here almost 6 months ago who CUT OFF MY LAYERS. Like I needed to have a teen haircut. I need to find someone else, but I'm so scared too.

Melissa said...

I fired my hairdresser a few years ago, though not for the bad job done on my head but for ripping off part of my eye lid while waxing the brows. Haven't a clue as to what she was thinking but got the wax to far down on my eyelid and now I sit here 2 years later w/ a scar there to remember her by for forever.

Naomi de la Torre said...

I'm dying to find out who won the contest. I voted for the little boy with plumbers crack. That one was CLASSIC. Anyway, I have an award for you. I'm sure you get like 8 gazillion of these every day, but I HEART YOU. So here it is! LYLAS.
http://organicmotherhoodwithcoolwhip.com/subBlog.asp?bID=90

A Psych Mommy said...

Oh that was awesome! Now I have Baby got Back in my head, although your lyrics are much much better!

Epiphius said...

I decided sometime in college that I'd rather show the dent smack in the middle of my damn high forehead than have to deal with bangs and curly hair in Seattle's rain.

I've never had a hairdresser worth breaking up with. I'd love one though! Maybe I'd have some style and fit in with the cool kids.

MormonSurrogate said...

Ok, so late reply since I am just now reading this... where's the real picture to go along with such a dreadful hairdresser story? I once had a guy like that, when I was younger my mom took me to him and we were pretty sure he was gay with his big fluffy hair. We started noticing his alcoholic breath and the last time he cute my hair he was most certainly drunk. He was kind of fun for awhile and would cut/style my hair while having me hang upside down. I was 12-14 not sure. But once he was cleary drunk and screwed up (sorry don't remember details) we were done.

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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