Husband training

Momming boys entitles you to a number of rights and responsibilities, although I'm convinced that the responsibilities far outweigh the rights at the moment.

One of the most important responsibilities is training them to be good husbands when they grow up.

I've fully embraced this role and have made sure to begin teaching them various things about how you treat a lady.

For example, they know that telling mommy she "wooks weally skinny in dose workout pants" is the way to earn a piece of her post workout cookie extra hugs and kisses.

They know that the best way to get an extra piece of dessert after dinner is to compliment my cuisine nicely, but not puking all over the table helps, too.

And, they also know that prefacing every statement with an 'I wub you, Mommy" generally makes my response less pointed, even if they are asking for extra Wii time following an explosive brawl over a controller.

But, in spite of all of my efforts, they are who they are in some ways, and I've not learned how to reform their personalities enough to create super human super husbands (and I don't wanna make 'em too good so the girls start sniffing them out too early).

I am trying though, and I can already see who is emerging as a front-runner in the Great Husband Creation Race.

At the moment, #3 seems like he'll be perfect. The fact that he's still a toddler may have something to do with that, but still, he's a happy little dude, always laughing (except when he's crying), always energetic (except when he's conked out on the floor), and always ready to cuddle (except when he's batting at my face to get away from him).

#1 will be perfect for someone too, but I imagine she'll be more like the cheerleading coach on Glee since he sorta has a thing for being, um, let's say directed.

This one scares me a bit because if he marries some barbarianesq, tyrant of a woman she may try to keep him all to herself, which will not be cool. I'll have to get all psycho mom in-law on her and then I'll wind up on Dr. Phil, or worse, Maury Povich. She say ridiculous thingas about how I'm overbearing, nosy, and pushy. I punch her in her throat and have to be carted off stage by studio security. I guess I'll just have to pick his mate myself, you know, just to eliminate any butt kicking confusion in the future.

#2, on the other hand, may struggle to secure a bride at all. Not because he's not awesome, because he totally is, but because I'm not sure I'll be able to curb his zest for women (my baby LOVES boobies), his desire for perfection (he likes his bed made a certain way, his meals served a certain temp, and his kisses placed exactly right), or his lack of tolerance (temper, temper) enough to make him a very good candidate for most of the princesses at the ball.

The thing about him is that if you're on his good list, he's the sweetest thing. He recently informed me that he has a girlfriend at school. A girlfriend that holds his hand, plays with him in the sandbox, and says she loves him numerous times per day. A girlfriend who he blesses with compliments and stickers and half of his snack crackers.

You know, it freaked me out a bit at first, just because #1 has never expressed interest in lady friends, but then I realized that not only is their "relationship" harmless, but it's made him feel way more excited about going to school, which is something that even a year and a half of classes hasn't been able to do.

I'm glad he's found a friend, but I don't expect it to last.

My baby has a history.

Up until recently he was all betrothed to his first princess, our neighbor. But, he dropped her for her younger sister who he informed me is, "just so cute wit her wittle bit of hair dat's so white an pitty." Apparently, he's into blonds.

In all fairness to my boy, he did offer to, "marry bof of dem, so none of da pwincesses gets mad." Thoughtful, right?

Although, he's not given much thought to either of them since Preschool Girlfriend has hit the scene.

I'm sure he's destined to get some fast little floozy knocked up marry a no nonsense, gum popping, trash talking, firecracker who will put him in his place and have little if anything to do with my Christmas craft ideas. But, at least I can hope for a whole crap load of grandkids that I'll probably have the pleasure of raising, I mean helping to raise.

Mostly, I just want them to do exactly as I say find partners that make them happy.

Or, they could go ahead and find super awesome, giving, thoughtful, selfless-because-I-so-wanted-to-see-The-Nutcracker-instead wives, who become official Event Chasers and get NBA Tickets. A wonderful wife like this would let her husband talk her intoWashington Wizards Tickets or Cleveland Cavaliers Tickets so that instead of enjoying classical music and talented dancers she'll be stuffing her face with stadium dogs and nachos.

Hmmmm... maybe the basketball game's not such a bad idea after all!