What Not to Wear

I am quite possibly the most eligible candidate for What Not To Wear (you know, that TLC show with those two mildly insulting, fashion guru's that tell dumpy looking moms and hairy old dudes how to revamp their style).



I am the owner of a large amount of "mom clothes".

Sports bras (although the only sport I actively participate in is channel surfing).

Yoga pants (I'm about as Namaste as a Rattlesnake at a church in Southern Appalachia).

Running shoes (visibly worn, not from time hitting the pavement, but from time hitting the playground with a latte and those little donut hole Munchkin thingys from Dunkin' Donuts).

Even my dress up clothes are mommed down.

If it has buttons, is shiny, or shows skin (technically, that would include capri pants) I consider myself dressed up.

Sad? Maybe.

True? Definitely.

As many of you know, this October I will be attending SITScation in Las Vegas, Nevada.

My itenerary is packed (this celebrity life is taxing, let me tell you).

I will be rubbing elbows with some of the most influential (and attractive, I might add) bloggers on the planet.

I will be getting up close and personal with JT, aka Justin Timberlake (our seats may be in the upper levels, but that won't stop me from crashing the after party or bum rushing the stage; so what if I get tackled by bodyguards, that's why I have health insurance).

I'll be meeting up with friends from college who are all driving out from LA to see me.

And, enterprising individual that I am, I will be attempting to earn back some of the cash this whole adventure is costing me by partaking in some of Vegas's money making opportunities.

All these "ventures" require me to shed my momiform (mom-uniform) in favor of more attractive attire.

If I'm meeting serious hotties...



I wanna be more Mel B.



and less ug-ly.

So, I'm participating in a little contest, with the peeps presenting the Shop Smart Look Fab mall event, TLC's What Not to Wear, and Twitter Moms.

A contest that requires me to identify my top 5 must haves in fall fashion.

Should be easy enough.

It's not that I don't know about fashion and trends.

I mean, the dudes are the pinnacle of kid couture.

And, BFF ordered me Glamour (subtle hint, right?!) to keep me abreast of the current lady looks.

So, it's not that I don't know, it's just that generally, I'm too lazy to care.

Not anymore.

Gotta get G'd up for my Vegas debut.

Here are the fall trends I'd like to pack for my big trip.

1. An over the knee pair of boots. Goodbye square toes. Hello, haute-y! These should definitely come in handy in Vegas. They say Pretty Woman don't they?



2. Something hot. And pink. In a house full of dudes I've been despeerately awaiting the return of hot pink.

This would be perfect (for someone young and cute and thin and rich; someone who is NOT me)...



But, what about this from Old Navy? Bold, inexpensive, fun, possibly okay even if you're a lumpy tummy?



3. Accordion tops. The detail tends to attract the eye away from the scary bits. Here's one that's a little on the sexy side, which is exactly the look I'm going for on my date with JT.



4. Skinny jeans. Personally, for a girl my size, I find the term skinny jeans to be a comical oxymoron. Doesn't the fact that they are sized in the double digits prevent them from being termed skinny? Apparently not, cause they are making these things for all shapes and sizes and I've located the perfect pair to go with my fancy top and my over the knee boots (if all else fails, though I can just go for leggings, they're still okay this fall, too). Ooooh, and the zipper is an added bonus!



5. A hot handbag. You all know I'm obsessed with handbags. And, of course I'll need somewhere to stash all the cash I'm going to win in Vegas. I'm a huge Kenneth Cole fan and they have plenty to fit the bill, like this one, and it's on sale!



And, this week's Thursday Thank You goes to an extremely deserving party, Hubby!

However, since he lacks an appreciation for sophisticated handmade, personalized, or high fashion stationary he received his thank you just moments ago via text. The most effective method, certainly, as it is the only mode of communication he responds to consistently.

Thank you and you're welcome.

Text Reads: Dear Hubby, Thank you so much for making me a mommy, it may not always seem like it, but I really, truly, am grateful for being able to call myself your wife and their mommy. Unfortunately, as a side effect of this glorious role, I have realized that I've not a trendy bone left in my body. I rely entirely on others (Glamour Magazine, BFF, celebrities I pretend to be) to guide my style. And although it rarely shows, I do aspire to be a MILCAD (mom I'd like to chaperone a dance) and I can't do it alone. Since you have repeatedly reminded me when I'm wearing a "mom shirt" (even when it is brand new from H&M), I am designating you as my personal mom-be-gone makeover account. You put money in, I take it out when I need to buy an unmommy shirt, or pants, or boots, or handbag. Ooohh, handbags! No questions asked. Thanks, XOXO Dumb Mom

Disclaimer: All photos were used w/o the expres written permission of the blogger's (Angie, from 7 Clown Circus, Kathy, from Mama's s Losin' It, and Heather & Tiffany from SITS) permission. Please visit their blogs and urge them not to open up a can of whoop a** on me when we meet in Vegas. Wouldn't want to spoil my purdy new gear!

And, this post was also partly inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, feel free to join it 'cause it's fun!