2 days ago
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I love going to soccer practice.
Not only because I get to watch the dudes play. I consider that an added bonus.
What I love about spending time on the soccer field is that it distinctly reminds me of high school.
When I was actually a member of the student body, I found high school to be a major waste of time that was only mitigated by the fact that there were boys there. But, as of late, I have been inexplicably drawn to all things high school: 90210, doing the Stanky Legg, going outside in pajamas, chasing after boys (kinda different since one of these is in diapers).
Soccer practice is like high school for grown ups, which proves a point that I have been trying to make for years now. I don't think we ever fully outgrow the enjoyment of the social idiosyncrasies about high school that make it so sucky and so awesome at the same time. Everyone enjoys a little bit of drama (maybe not as much as high school), no one ever learns to enjoy deadlines imposed by "the man" or boring, mandated assignments, and there are always cooler (or less cool) people that we either want to hang out with, or spend a ridiculous amount of time talking crap about (at least now we can do it over wine in a public place).
As I scan the soccer pitch from my largely uninhabited section of grass where I repeatedly chase #3 back and forth across the field, I see many of the same groupings that are quite possibly alive and well at many high schools across the country. I am reminded why it is that I spend most practices with only my drooly one year old to keep me company.
I could spend weeks adding to this list, but the most evident are:
1. The Athletic Moms. These moms are the ones that are dressed in athletic attire because they are actually athletes. They are fit, trim, and firm. They know the rules of the game b/c they actually used to play the game, and some of them still do. This is definitely not the group for me. I spent the majority of my childhood trying to not play soccer (or any other organized sport). I was good with like, hide and seek, or freeze tag. I occasionally dabbled in a little four square, or got some tether ball action. I rarely ventured onto any teams unless it was for cheer leading (which at the time was not considered to be anything like a sport), or to save my GPA. My lack of coordination and virtually nonexistent competitive spirit made me more of a albatross than an asset.
2. The Hot Moms. You know, these are the ones that show up with their nails manicured, their Chloe sunglasses, and their trendy diaper bags. They have clean shirts, stylish shoes, and various accessories. As do their kids. Pink shin guards, David Beckham jerseys, and SIGG water bottles. Again, a group that my ketchup stained shirt and Old Navy cargo pants are just unfit for. It's not that I'm a complete slob, I'm just a little on the could-do-better-if-I-cared side.
3. The Foreign Moms. Members speak another language, drive Audi's, and dress their kids in soccer jerseys featuring countries in which you are born playing soccer. Obviously, not for me.
4. The Super Moms. Everyone knows one, is one, or wants to be one. Everyone except for me. I just can't see myself with eight clean, well behaved children who stand politely by while I manage registration, pass out shirts, update the email list, and provide each child with a healthy, organic, homemade post game snack. Way too much effort for someone who feels a distinct sense of accomplishment if I manage to chase #1 to the bus just before it pulls away. And, honestly, even if I could, I'm not sure I even would.
5. The Wannabes. This group wants to be super, or sexy, or foreign, or awesome. And they are so obvious about it as they stand around the groups they want to be a part of and try to look, act, or talk the same. It's funny b/c they are easy to spot since they are a little bit off in some way. Too fat to be athletic, too fat to be hot, too fat to be foreign, and too fat to be super. Uh oh, ladies, I think I just found my group! I spend a great deal of my time wearing workout clothes, buying cute clothes I don't wear, trying to teach my kids Spanish (their dad is Mexican, after all and I used to be fluent), and volunteering for committees I'd like to care about. But, some how I'm just off. I can't get myself or my kids together enough to actually be athletic, hot, bilingual, or super. And, like I said before even if I could, I'm not sure I would.
My dudes are awesome at soccer. Their skills more than make up for the fact that I am, contentedly, a social outcast. Now that I think about it, their skills are quite possibly partly to blame.
As I used to say in high school, what-ever.
I may be alone, but I am not lonely:)
Posted by Dumb Mom at 7:14 PM
Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.