2 days ago
Friday, March 27, 2009
Do you enjoy spending your day in a urine soaked diaper?
Is sitting in a rancid pile of hot garbage smelling excrement your idea of good times?
'Cause if that's what you're into, just let me know.
I will relinquish my post as chief butt wiper posthaste.
Do you not enjoy the silky softness of a clean, dry diaper?
Isn't this $34 prescription diaper cream soothing to your tender, raw hind quarters?
Then what is with the kicking?
And, why are you screaming like that?
Really. The kicking has got to stop because that freakin' hurts!
It's really hard to wipe the crap offa your butt when you are arching your back and doing that crocodile spin thingy.
Look! Now it's on the CARPET!
We don't have to change your diaper so much, but if you insist on going around smelling like the dead, then you are going to spend the day on the porch, Mister.
Please, sweetie. Just let Mommy change your diaper.
I really don't want your diaper rash to get worse. It's so bad already.
I'm sorry if it hurts. I'm so, so sorry.
But. You. Have. To. Hold. Still!
I'll make you a deal. You don't drop a deuce every hour, and I won't run around behind you with my wash cloth and tub (wipes irritate it more so, soap and water it is).
Or, even better. Why don't you just say potty and that'll solve both of our problems.
Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.