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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Each one Teach one

At the ripe old age of 30 I am questioning why I sound more and more like my parents on a daily basis? Not that they were not awesome parents, because they definitely were. They are the role models I do a pretty sucky job of following. Except when it comes to certain "questionable" elements of their parenting technique. I seem to have adapted a few of their old skool methods that may not be looked upon too favorably by the non-coercive or permissive parenting sets of today. Please don't hate me for the my-way-or-the-highway approach I have adopted. I'm working on very little sleep and a constant girl scout cookie induced sugar high. And, rest assured that my delivery is positive and upbeat so they actually tend to agree with me at least 29% of the time.

My most commonly resorted to parental influenced responses when I don't know what else to say:

1. Because I said so. I try to give a meaningful, informative explanation for why I am saying so even though I don't recall ever getting one as a child. And now, I've generally figured out why they said so, so I'm kinda feeling like an explanation wastes precious amounts of time. You find out eventually, don't you?

2. Turn the lights off! Yes, you can call me the electricity Nazi if you want, but I seriously can not understand why they have all seven of the basement lights on (or why we even have seven basement lights) when they are up in their room.

3. When you get your own house... I try not to use this one too frequently b/c I recall when I used to be a victim of this statement, my first thought would inevitably be "you will so not be invited." But, on occasion, when nothing better comes to mind, I throw it out there, watch the eyes roll in response, and laugh a little on the inside.

4. I'm an adult so I can say/do/think what I want. I may not say this one often, but I think it pretty much everyday. For example, when they catch me having (okay sneaking) cookies from the pantry while they are "enjoying" carrots sticks with ranch I immediately think: I can do what I want. I don't actually say this in a scenario such as this one (maybe I did once, or twice, okay I say it sometimes). I instead admit my failing (as a relapsing food addict) and move reluctantly toward the plate of carrots.

5. Kids in Africa are starving. I try to replace Africa with various other nations (including our own) to aptly demonstrate that starvation is a widespread epidemic and is in no way isolated to the continent of Africa. I have yet to find a country they care enough about to eat their Lima beans for. Pretty much the only thing that works is telling them that if they don't eat their dinner, then they don't play their Wii. This usually gets the Fear Factor* imitation going with a quickness.

6. You're the oldest. Honestly, I hate this one the most b/c it totally pissed me off when I was a youth. It was always attached to some lame, particularly undesirable task or requirement that made the random act of being born first a curse. It was never, you're the oldest so you get to sit on your butt while the younger one does your bidding. It was usually, you're the oldest so you're not allowed to set a bad example (aka have any freaking fun) for your younger brother. Or, you're the oldest so you have to suck it up and let the obnoxious little gremlin (different words, same meaning) have his way. Unfortunately, I have employed this evil little tactic on more than one occasion, and for that #1, I am sorry. But, if you wanna know the truth, it is actually #2's fault for being relentless, obstinate, and overbearing. The little despot makes it pretty tough to think on the fly so I'm forced to pull this one out of my shallow bag of tricks on a regular basis.

*watch all of it to get the full affect of what dinner at Casa de Dummies is actually like

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

And let's not forget, "I can only do one thing at a time!" (Most of the time I'm pretty sure I can do more, but I'll never admit it.)

I realized that I was turning into my mom even before I had kids. My husband and father have the same name, so one night when I called my husband into the room for dinner I scared the crap out of myself because it was my mom's voice, my mom's words and my dad's name.

Which is why I text my husband to dinner now...

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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