Boys Only

I wanted every one of my children to be a girl. I hoped, I prayed, and I obsessed about having a girl child. Obviously, the most important thing to me was giving birth to a healthy child, but a close second was most definitely to make sure that there was someone who was willing and able to sport the tutu's, fairy wings, and sun dresses I was desperate to invest in. However, it was not to be and now that I have burned down the factory there is a less than 2% chance that I'll ever birth another child, let alone a girl.

While I am still semi-lamenting my decision to disable my womb, I have come to terms with the fact that I am a mother to a murder of boys. As a matter of fact I have a number of reasons (10 actually) to be happy that I am the queen bee around here at the all dudes club.

1. I talk, they listen. Or they, like their father, at least pretend to. I am obviously quite loquacious, and I generally like to be the only one doing the talking around here. I must admit, though, that #2 gives me a pretty good run for my money, however I don't anticipate that he will be able to surpass me any time soon. I'm pretty sure I've got the trophy for most talkative in the bag.

2. No sassy, bi***y, divas. I don't have to ever worry about someone describing my child this way (hope not anyway). Sassy just means smart a**, diva is another word for brat, and bi***y, well I guess that one is self explanatory. Unfortunately, obnoxious, remiss, and petulant are fair game.

3. I'm the Fashionista. I remain the resident authority on what not to wear (as well as what to wear). I choose their clothes on a daily basis and they rarely have anything to say on the matter. #2's only gripe is that I require him to be fully clothed before exiting the house, what he's wearing is predominately inconsequential to him.

4. Tame the Mane. Luckily the whole tousled, fresh from the bed look is considered a style, especially for little dudes. If I had a daughter she'd consistently be at a disadvantage in the personal grooming category b/c I have two hairstyles that I have effectively perfected: up or down. Neither style requires great skill, equipment, or accessories. I have no desire or motivation to expand on these at this point in my life, and a daughter would just complicate these things.

5. Go ask your father. While I do consider myself a master of the spoken word, one department I tend to struggle in is with regards to sex. I make it a point to keep the lines of communication open so that my dudes can feel comfortable talking about anything, but I must admit that my own level of discomfort with this topic is probably, at least slightly, apparent. And, since I realize that they will foolishly be more interested in the male perspective on all things to do with girls (not sure why), when the going gets tough I can comfortably send them to ask their father (who will be thoroughly counseled beforehand).

6. Safety. As my boys grow older and larger, I envision that I will have quite the security team accompanying me at all times.

7. Privacy. No one will be interested in joining me in the bathroom or the dressing room for much longer. It will be just me, my jelly belly, and my thunder thighs.

8. Personal items. Doubt anyone will want to steal my clothes, my shoes, or my make-up. This is probably actually a gender neutral issue b/c even if I had a daughter I believe these items would be relatively safe. I imagine that my clothes would be too big, my shoes would be too comfy, and my make-up... oh I don't have any make-up so it's a moot point.

9. Rival Moms. Although the "soccer mom" is a special breed of individual, I can only imagine the aberration that is the "cheer mom", the "dance mom", and the "gymnastics mom". My biggest hurdle currently is the "preschool mom", and that is a big enough challenge. I can't imagine having to add designing recital costumes and coordinating face painting to the monthly tasks of planning a holiday party and signing up for weekly snack.

10. They rock! I know I'm biased, prejudice, and partial, but I love having dudes and I don't know who or what or where I'd be with out 'em.