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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

All my Single Ladies

Well, there is actually just one in my life.

The BFF.

Who has been fully warned that a blog devoted completely to her will be forthcoming.

So, here it is.

Auntie Pasta/Fisheye. I know I can not go any further w/o at least a brief explanation. My dudes call her one of these two names at all times. When they hear her real name they are often not sure who you are talking about b/c they hear it so infrequently (my husband and I use her last name only). The names reflect her attempt to help my son w/his homework, bless her heart, when she first moved into our area and started spending a lot of time with my family. He was desperately searching for a word that rhymed with pasta (not sure there is one?). She was not in her normal state of mind as she had consumed a few glasses of her favorite spirit, a white wine named Fisheye. At her wits end she told him that masta rhymed with pasta. Even he was confused. My husband overheard all of this and coined the term Auntie Pasta while telling my children that this is what happens when you drink Fisheye, you can't rhyme. My older son was most affected by the fact that wine was involved and religiously calls her Fisheye as a tribute. #2 goes with Auntie Pasta, we call her by her surname, and so she has a number of aliases when she is in Casa de Dummies.

And, she spends quite a bit of time with us, although I have yet to determine why. On her most recent visit, #3 (who is teething) spent a disproportionate amount of time whining, crying, or throwing all out tantrums (his new fave pastime). When he wasn't doing one of those things, he was making a mess, wiping snot on her, and dropping pennies down the back of her pants. #2 was also very interested in her lower extremities and upon noticing that her "booty's showing" (not entirely, just the crack) he got very (VERY) excited and offered her a place to sit on his lap. Yes, I think my 3 year old requested a lap dance from my best friend and for the record she is so not into that. #1 essentially ignored her (and me) for the majority of the visit as is usually the case.

I appreciate her endless devotion to my family, but this does not sound like a single girl's idea of a fun afternoon. She is immensely tolerant of my perpetually snotty nosed one year old and my sexually frustrated three year old (this is not the first time he's expressed an "interest" in her). She is religiously my wingman (or wingwoman) on forays to the fabric store, ventures to various kidtivities (i.e. karate, soccer, and the like) and other mundane mommy centered excursions. I have also been known to recruit her for trips to the park, the zoo, the aquarium, and the pool.

She always accompanies us with a smile and she never complains (not outwardly anyway) when my dudes are screaming, crying, whining, and/or fighting. She laughs at their jokes, she plays their games, she does puzzles, she hands out snacks and she pretends to care about the movies they watch, the books the read, and the video game villains they defeat.

She is really the more patient, well rested, unfrazzeled version of me. She is the smiling, happy, always joyful mom that every kid wants, but no kid has. I guess that is the benefit of being kidless. She can come over and cheerfully interact with the dudes and then retreat to her quiet, kid free sanctuary.

I must admit, I am a bit envious of her situation. She has the pleasure of being a part of the dudes' life without all of the sucky parts. I'd guess the worst part for her is having to listen to me complain about the dudes and the husband and the other mommies. And for this I am grateful. She is a willing ear and a helpful hand and without her things would just not be the same.

So BFF. This post's for you. Hope you know that we all love/appreciate you for laughing with us and not at us (at least not in a mean way).


vanessa13 said...

I love y'all too! And thanks to you and your dudes for showing me that there is another side to all the whining, crying and tantrums...a non sucky side to kids. Hopefully I'll get to try my hand at this mommy business someday but for right now you're always welcome to escape to my nice quiet sanctuary.

Your BFF, Auntie Pasta, Fisheye, Future Dumb Mom

P.S. The bottle of wine is chilled and waiting.

Gibby said...

"Yes, I think my 3 year old requested a lap dance from my best friend and for the record she is so not into that."

I laughed out loud at that one! Awesome!

Karin said...

Just loved this one. Had to laugh out loud. Keep up the good work. Looking for a book of short stories from you one day.

Housewife Savant said...

Your BFF is awesome.

Giving away two copies of the movie Extract starring Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck. Contest ends 4/2/10.
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