Saturday (Not as Dumb as I Look) Swag-urday

First, before I get carried away with today's post, let me just send a shout out to Deb Thaxton @ Web-Savy Mom. You won the Looney Tunes stuff!

Go Deb!

Okay, moving right along, so I've been accused once or twice of not actually being a dumb mom.

I'm not sure where these nay sayers hail from, but let me assure you I am as dumb (and moody, and unmotivated, and willing to tell a lie for a cookie) as I say.

I'm not perpetrating as an ignoramus just to get you to read this blog regularly (which, for the record, is not working anyway).

I really, truly am a dumb mom, as I define it.

How do I define it?

Easy.

Dumb Mom (n.): a female parent who consistently fails at being awesome due to lack of effort, lack of knowledge, and/or lack of intelligence.

How's that work for ya?

I'm most notably a failure at being awesome because of the first two. Basically, my lack of effort causes me to lack knowledge that, were I to have it, could lead to my awesomeness.

I've really just never been one of those research it type people, and becoming a mom hasn't made me one.

When I was busy stocking up on baby items for #1, people were always asking me what car seat (or stroller, or infant chair, or playpen) I was planning to buy. And, once informed of my choice, they would generally ask something along the lines of, "Oh, did that get good safety ratings?", or "Is that approved by (the agency whose name I'm unaware of that's in charge of approving crap for babies)?".

I would have to smile (my response to being uncomfortable/nervous/embarrassed) and lie distract them with some other information, because honestly, I picked every last item used by my child based on a) how it looked and b) how much bank it was gonna cost me.

I wanted the cute one that was part of the set that I saw on Friends. Somehow admitting this, or that I just didn't give a care, seemed inappropriate.

Shallow? Perhaps.

True? Definitely.

And, the trend continues today.

I really don't invest much time in researching what I should buy (unless you count scanning through celebrity mags to see what Gwen Stefani got) for the dudes.

It's just not my way.

I buy what I like, because I like it (and so do other people who are cool).

Not to mention, I don't have time to comb through countless ridiculously boring information based websites to figure it all out. I figure, if some kid blew up in it, I'd have heard about it on MSN, right?

But, being a Dumb Mom doesn't mean I'm uneducated (despite how it may sound at the moment).

As a matter of fact, I often refer to myself as "the highly educated dumb mom of 3".

I've spent a whole crap load of cash beefing up my education, and not to brag or anything (cough, graduated with a 4.0 from UMD), but I was an exceptionally good student.

For whatever reason, my academic excellence has not infiltrated my motherhood as I had originally hoped and I spend an embarrassing amount of time being outsmarted by my cunning, meticulous, evil masterminds children.

But, if there's one thing my Master's degree in education has taught me, it's the value of a good book.

In my former life, I was an English teacher whose mission in life was "to create a love of reading in every child".

Needless to say, my house is like the children's section of the public library.

My kids have countless books of all genres. They have subscriptions to numerous periodicals. They have books on tape. Books on CD. Picture books. Chapter books. Books. Books. Books!

And, they actually read them. Constantly.

So, no surprise that Santa shows up with a stack of books for each one of the dudes every single Christmas.

Here are some that will be shooting down our chimney this season:

For #1. He's an independent reader who enjoy graphic novels, mysteries, books that have been adapted into films, numerous series, and choose your own adventures. He's the easiest to shop for because he is willing to try just about anything with words. He's like the Anthony Bourdain of books.

-Some book in the Magic Pickle series. He kept the first one out from the library long enough that we coulda bought the entire series for the amount we paid in fines. I think a copy of his own would be a good investment.

-Star Wars Mad Libs. These are fun so I'll get them for him and force him to do them with me.

-The Tales of Beedle the Bard. It's the convoluted fables of the wizarding world complete with commentary provided by Dumbledore which could only be loved by true Harry Potter geeks. This title has already enjoyed an expensive getaway from it's library home tucked under his pillow at my expense. Just cheaper if I buy it.

For #2. Who tries his little heart out to be enthusiastic about books solely because it is a pastime he longs to share with #1, but honestly "reading" books (in quotes since he can't actually read as he constantly reminds me in his loudest-screamy-how-many-times-do-I-have-to-say-this-woman voice: "Remember, Mom. I CAN'T READ!"), is really just not his bag. But, as it's my mission to uncover each child's inner book lover, here is his list.

-How Do Dinosaurs Say I Love You. He likes comedy, and he likes dinosaurs so seeing dinosaurs doing unlikely things is the best of both worlds. Plus, he really enjoyed other titles in this series, and since repetition is the key to a preschooler's heart, I'm think this will work.

-I Really Absolutely Must Have Glasses. This is perfect for him because he has recently become obsessed with knowing the exact time and date that he will be getting glasses (and braces). Here I am trying to save my lunch money to get Lasix and he's convinced glasses are where it's at.

For #3. He's my most discriminating "reader" since he'll only look at one type of books. The rest are more likely to be used as step stools, chairs, or weapons of mass destruction.

That's Not My (Monkey, Tractor, Pirate, etc). He obviously can't read, but he knows that I can so he brings me his That's Not My Lion (dog, or dragon) every single night to be read aloud to him while he feels each little part of it like it's the very first time. Other books just don't seem to do it for him, but he really likes these, so why not expand our repertoire a bit, just so I don't go insane looking for the dragon!

See, I'm not quite as dumb as I look, at least not when it comes to books.

But, I am still looking for suggestions, so if you have a children's book to recommend I'd love to hear it. Or, if you'd like a good recommendation for a middle schooler (since that's really my area of expertise) feel free to leave it in the comments and I'll do some research (a little, not a lot) for you!


Don't forget to enter your little munchkin in the Happily (un)Haunted Halloween Costume Contest by clicking here.

Moms Like Books Too

From time to time I get books in the mail.

Recently, I received a couple of books that have to do with effective parenting strategies.

Not sure if I should be insulted, but you know, I'm not.

I realize(and so do others, apparently) that I could stand to make some, um adjustments, let's say, in the way I parent.

Everyone has a skill, mine may not be parenting per se; it may be discussing parenting, for example.

So in an effort to improve in the area of child rearing (as it's my main job, I might as well be good at it), I actually read the books (or at least large portions of them).

I will share with you what I have learned.

The Momnificent Life: Healthy and Balanced Living for Busy Moms, by Lori Radun.

When I saw this one, I have to admit, I was not enthused.



The title was one of those play on words thingys that put me off sometimes, and overall I was a bit leery.

I flipped through it briefly.

I complained about having to read it (because do I look like I have time to read?).

I ignored it, I avoided it, I hid it from myself and others.

But...my someone-took-the-time-to-send-you-this-you-have-to-give-it-a-chance guilt ultimately kicked in(like it always does, damnation), and I read it.

And, honestly, the book didn't suck.

Go figure.

I would categorize this as an all encompassing guide to doing everything a little bit better.

The book has a wide breadth; it covers every womanly thing from spirituality to career issues. It discusses your concerns about your health, your finances, and of course, your family.

The chapter I found the most useful was the one that discussed how to "Zap the Mommy Guilt", because (as you can maybe tell from above) I'm riddled with it. I enjoyed the useful tips that I could realistically incorporate into my life that would help me better myself, and thereby have less to feel guilty about. Most importantly, Radun discusses how to apologize when you make a mistake, which is an invaluable tool for someone who spends a disproportionate amount of time making them.

Overall, I'd say the Momnificent Life is a positive, inspirational read that works to get you started on a path to greatness, or at least to general mental/emotional/physical satisfaction.

If you're looking for an easy to follow guide to awesomeness, check it out, it will get you started.

The second book I recently received is, The Triumphant Child: A practical guide to raising two, three, and four year olds.

I knew this book would be so for me because when it arrived #3 pointed to the cover child clad in his super hero garb and started saying #2's name over and over and over again. He thought it was a photo of his brother!

I was slightly put off by the title, because I thought, "#2 is already Triumphant. Why would I want him to triumph any more? He always wins. I want to win. I need a book called the Triumphant Mother: A Practical Guide to Beating Two, Three, and Four Year Olds into Submission."

Kidding! I would never beat a two year old.

I realized that having a triumphant child is akin to being a triumphant parent (go figure). Basically, when your child is able to experience success in challenging situations and overcome various difficulties, you (and your kid) will be able to live a more fulfilling, joyful, and triumphant life.

I'm down for that! I could definitely stand to up my triumph.

Any book that can help me deal with picky eating (a documented problem), lying (a newly developed issue), sibling rivalry (the reason I avoid long stretches of "family time"), and anger (have you not noticed #2's temper) is a hit in my house.

The book even discusses more touchy subjects (you know, the ones I avoid at all costs) like death, fear, and anxiety.

It's a good read for anyone entering the terrible twos, particularly if you are scarred out of your mind about your ability to cope with them (and when I say cope, I really mean survive).

So, there you have it: proof that while I may be dumb, at least I'm literate:).

Want to read a copy yourself?

First to email me your mailing address(parentingbydummies[at]gmail[dot]com), will get a free one in the mail; shipping's on me:)

Books for Boys Club

It's been a while since I posted a book for boys. That's b/c I haven't been reading to them!

Just kidding.

We read, we really do.

But, what we don't do is return books to the library in a timely fashion so our fines are currently well into the double digits. I'm sure if we tried to check something out at this point the flashing red lights and sirens would start, and the security doors would lock the whole place down. So, we have been reading books at the library and leaving them there where they are safe from falling into the black hole known as Casa de Dummies.

In my defense, I tried to pay the fine, but that freakin' place won't accept ATM cards. I never carry cash b/c it keeps me from buying things I don't need (snacks, crap from the $1 section at Target). Unfortunately, my cash free policy also prevents me from paying my library fines.

Anyway. I decided to suggest an old standby this week. One we used to read regularly, and I use that word loosely, because regularly around here generally means constantly, numerous times per day, and/or to the point of disgust.

So, here it is: Clap Your Hands by Lorinda Bryan Cauley.

This book is a quick, fun read that instantly becomes addictive to the seven and under set. My boys like to act out all of the commands as loudly, and silly-ly (I know not a word) as humanly possible.

And, I actually think it's quite fun myself.

You may not want to do it when you're pressed for time, or right before bed b/c I've done it in both of these situations and it usually ends badly. They are too hype for sleep, or they are way passed their bedtime b/c we have to do it again, and again, and again (3 times is my absolute limit).

So, what does Amazon's professionally written blurb have to say about it? That Cauley "offers an ethnic mix of children tingling with energy and fun." Really? Got the energy and fun part, but totally missed the "ethnic mix." Are they including bears and hippos in that, because that's really all I noticed.

They also mention that "readers will start searching for details" as the book becomes monotonous. Huh? Is monotony not the bed mate of toddlerhood? Or is that only the case for my unsophisticated band of brothers? Either way they like to repeat the repetitive repetitions that show up throughout this book. So I say details, shmetails.

Therefore, this one has made its way back into our book boxes for this week where it will stay until I've convinced the public library to lift its moratorium against us and grant us book checking out privileges once again.